"And he feels that too and wants to give you space," Bree adds.
"No." I shake my head. "I thought that might be it at first, but..." I'm not sure how to put any of this into words. "There's a wall between us now. The morning after, when I woke up, he reached for me and I flinched. I didn't mean to, but after Gears I just reacted. Now he won't even touch me."
"He's worried," Everly says.
"He's scared of me," I add and take a big sip of my beer, wishing I had ordered something stronger. "He's taken to sleeping in one of the empty rooms or even the chair."
I suck in a steadying breath. I needed to let this all out in the open, but doing so is bringing up all the pain again and my stomach is twisting into a knot.
Everly moves her drink to the side and slides her chair over until we're sitting close enough to touch. "Dawn. I've known Doc for most of my life. The time I didn't know him, I've heard about so many times it feels like I was there." She drops a hand to my knee. "He's Doc because he has always taken care of everyone else. Always seen to their needs. Tended their wounds, physical and mental. Always been their protector. That's who he is." Her eyes dim and she wraps an arm around my back. "But with you, it's different. He loves you, Dawn. That changes things for him. When he wasn’t there for you, it crushed his world.”
I hear what Everly is saying and it makes my heart ache in my chest. I can't imagine what finding me hiding in his office had to do to Doc. I can't fathom the anger he must have felt when I pulled away from him. I didn't mean any of it. It was a reaction to the situation, but to him it was something so much more.
"I don't know how to fix this. I can't lie and say I'm not scared to death. I thought I'd gotten away from Gears once and he came back. Who's to say it can't happen again? I mean, I do feel safe with Doc. I want him to know that. But it will take time for me too."
Everly squeezes my shoulder. "Then tell him that. Tell him everything you've said to us. He's one of the good guys, Dawn. He'll understand."
I'm not so sure he will. They haven't seen the way he looks at me when we are alone, like I’ll break if he touches me. I sip my drink and let Bree and Everly change the subject to something more positive.
Though I can't get Doc off my mind.
Now that the club is beginning to accept me, maybe he feels his job is over. Maybe I haven't made my feelings clear enough.
Bree and Everly keep chatting about work and clothes and ol'lady gossip, but I only hear bits and pieces of what they're saying. I'm too focused on how I can show Doc how over the last several weeks, he's the only reason I'm here. He's saved me. And in that short amount of time, he's become the only thing that matters to me.
Losing him would break me.
Doc
Bear adjourns another church meeting and it's already too late to hang out at the bar. In the last two weeks we've met daily to share intel on the Devils’ movements. We can't be sure Gears has any connections to the Devils, but all of our evidence still points to a turf war in the near future. Not knowing who the mole among us is has Bear on high alert.
It's an important club conversation, but I can't keep my mind focused on the facts. Bear goes on about how we're not to leave the club except in pairs and that we need to keep a steady guard up at the clubhouse and all of our businesses and partnerships in the community. But all I can think of is finding Meredith balled up under my desk and how she turned her back to me when I brought her home.
I don't blame her. If I'd been attacked by a man who'd spent the last year abusing me, I'd shut men out too. But fuck it all to hell, I'm not Gears and I'd do damn near anything to have Meredith look at me the way she used to.
Just once would be enough.
"Doc." Bear's voice cuts through the room and I snap to attention. "You still keeping a few prospects on the payroll at your place?"
I nod. "Three. One in the front and two in the back near the units."
"Good." Bear nods at me. "And Dawn? How's she holding up after the other night?"
I wait for some of the members to pass us on their way out of the chapel before I answer. "Hard to tell, but I think she'll be fine."
He hits me on the shoulder. "She's got you, Boss. She'll be more than fine."
Bear passes me along with the rest of the patched members. They're going to the bar to drink and shoot the shit after another intense meeting, but I have an early morning and with Meredith still working my front desk, I want to be as sharp as possible. She may be acting like she can't stand to be around me, but I'm still determined to keep her safe.
I reach the stairs before I glance back into the bar and find Everly behind the counter with her father and Bree wrapped under Bear's arm.
I can't believe either of them agreed to a girls’ night out at a bar off our turf, but when Meredith mentioned it to me and said they both were going, I knew she'd be safe.
And seeing them both at the bar means Meredith is upstairs already, probably in bed. I stop at the top of the steps and think about taking one of the extra rooms. With at least two members on guard duty each night, I have my pick. But I've slept away from Meredith for three of the last four nights and if she's comfortable enough going out for drinks with the ol'ladies, she should be comfortable enough with me.
She's already in bed when I open the door, but the bedside light is on. As soon as I close the door, she turns and smiles at me.
"Doc."
I don't want her to see how much that little show of familiarity affects me, so I begin cleaning out my pockets and dropping my stuff on the dresser. "Church ran late tonight. Did you have a good time with the girls?"
Meredith sits up and the sheets fall to her lap. She has on a cream-colored lace top instead of her usual tee shirt and the smell of fresh berries hits my nose. I’m not sure why she dressed up for bed, but I’m sure it isn’t for me.
"It was good. But that's not what I stayed up to talk to you about."
"I'm here. Shoot." She stayed up. She's got my interest. I sit on the edge of the bed, careful not to crowd her.
Meredith frowns before looking up to me with hooded eyes. "It's about Gears."
My chest tightens into a fist, but I hide it from her by keeping my expression flat. "What about him?"
She throws off the covers and pulls her knees up to her chest. Her legs are uncovered, and I fight the urge to rub my hands along them to warm her up.
"The other night. When I turned away from you."
I'm not sure this is a conversation I can handle. I grit my teeth to keep from reacting and let her finish.
"I thought Gears was out of my life for good. I thought I'd left him behind, and when he returned, it screwed with my head."
I nod. "I get that."
Meredith crawls across the bed and sits behind me. "It scared the hell out of me that he could come back. That anything from my past could follow me and ruin what I have here." She touches the back of my neck and lays her chin on my shoulder. "It scared the hell out of me that the things I left behind could come between me and you."
I repeat her words in my head over a few times before I believe they are real. Then I reach a hand behind me and pull her around into my lap. She's smiling, her eyes wide and soft, her lips parted as if she's asking me to kiss her.
"That's why you've been pushing me away? You thought after everything we’ve been through I’d not want you?"
I see her face fall. "I don't have the best track record for trusting the right people. And I trust you, Doc. I really do. So for a second there, I worried I'd made another mistake."
She glances away from me, like she's afraid I'll be mad. I admit hearing her say those things is like a sucker punch to my gut, but I understand her fear, and it's rational. She's been cheated on and lied to and abused most of her life. It’s up to me to prove I’m different.
I hook my finger under her chin and pull her back to look at me. "Every time you've trusted someone in your life, they've hurt you. Every time something went well, you found out l
ater it was a mistake." I smile at her. I smile so damn hard my mouth aches. Because I know for damn sure what I'm about to say next is going to change her world and mine forever. "Meredith. I'm not ever going to hurt you. We may not always agree and two hardheaded people like us will fight, but I will always have your best interests in mind, and I will always take care of you.
"As for making mistakes, not bringing you back to the clubhouse would have been the biggest mistake of my life. You saved me from making that one, and now your slate is clean. As long as you're here with me, I'll make damn sure you don't regret a second of choosing to stay."
Meredith stares up at me. She holds on to my neck and slowly her mouth turns up into a grin. I can see the warmth spread over her face. I feel the tension draining from her body as she relaxes into me. I sense the second she makes up her mind that I'm speaking the truth and that she can trust me without fear.
She puts one warm palm on my cheek and her eyes grow misty. "Doc," she whispers before her voice dies. She's overwhelmed and I'm the closest to tears I've been in all of my adult life.
I lean down closer until our lips almost touch before I stop and hover over her. There's one last thing I must do to bring down all the walls between us and erase the past from holding us back.
I stare into her eyes and rub one thumb along her cheek. "You trusted me with your name, Meredith, and that meant something to me. I've been Doc for so long I almost forgot I had another name until you reminded me. You've made me feel more like my old self than anything has in years. I want to hear my real name on your lips just once. I want to hear you call me Michael."
She flutters her eyes and grins even wider. "Stop stalling and kiss me already, Michael, before I forget how much I love you."
It's all I need to hear to know she's mine forever. I pull her close and our mouths mesh together like they were made to fit. She's the puzzle piece that has always been missing for me. And she's been right here under my nose the whole time. I was just too weak to reach out and take her for myself when I should have.
When we part and she sets those soft brown eyes on mine again, I know for sure I'll never let her go again. She's mine forever and always. Nothing will ever come between us again.
Epilogue
Meredith
My predictions are usually right, and I've never been more excited about one than today. It's been almost three months since Bree, Everly, and I sat in the bar outside of town and discussed Doc and my relationship. I knew then something was up with Everly, but I didn’t want to pry.
Even Bear has been acting funny lately. More protective than usual over the club members, which is saying a lot for the guy. I never see one without the other anymore unless Gunner is around and he’s hovering more than usual too.
Tonight, there was a church called and all the ol'ladies met up in the bar to discuss our version of a club meeting. With the threat of a turf war still very real, the members have been meeting several nights a week for months now. When they do, we share the little tidbits of news we're able to squeeze out of them.
That's how we know Gears was handed off to the Dark Angels to be dealt with and that if the worst happens, we ladies will be sent to their clubhouse until the smoke clears. I'm not looking forward to that day for several reasons, but mostly because I don't want to be away from Doc for that long.
Ever.
I've fully moved into his room in the clubhouse and we're looking for a place of our own right outside of town. Doc told me he's waited a long time to have children and he wants to make up for that by having several. At least five he says, to start a little MC of our own. I grin and laugh, knowing he'll change a diaper once before he changes his mind.
"Meredith," Bree calls my name and I focus back on the table of women who now call me by my real name and treat me like I belong. That took a little work as well, but with Everly's insistence, I'm just one of the regulars now.
"We were just saying that we need to make sure we're doing our part for the men. Staying in groups of two when we're in town and calling on prospects when we need help."
I nod. "I've moved to the back office at the warehouse now so that frees up Doc to focus more on the business and not watching after me."
"Good," Everly says with a smile. "I know it's hard, but the more they don't have to worry about us, the more likely they can show a united front and keep this war from ever happening. Which brings me to some news."
I grin. This is what I've been waiting all day for. Ever since Everly called the meeting saying she had an announcement.
"I'm bringing in a co-partner to help me with the physical therapy here on the men and in my office. That way, there will always be two of us, and Bear won't worry so much."
I glance at Bree and we simultaneously frown.
"And having help around will make it easier for the men when I can't work for a while."
My ears perk up and Bree winks at me. I know what's coming, but I'm still sitting on the edge of my seat with excitement.
"We wanted to be sure before we said anything, and it's been impossible to keep quiet but—"
Everly is cut off by a loud roar of applause from the meeting room. I'm guessing Kyle just broke the news to the patched members.
Everly grins hard. "Well, now that they know the cat’s out of the bag. Kyle and I are expecting. Twelve weeks to the day."
Bree is the first to run up to congratulate her followed by me. We're in a three-way hug when Everly pulls us even closer. "I've wanted to tell you two for so long, but with my history we decided to wait."
"I'm so happy for you," I say.
As I pull away, I catch the meeting room doors open and Doc crossing the back of the bar. He stops at the stairs and gives me a look that is all evil intent. Once I excuse myself and meet up with him, he drops one arm over my shoulders and leads me up to our room.
"It's exciting news for Kyle and Everly, isn't it?" I say.
Doc turns me around and presses me to the back of our bedroom door. He has me pinned and I'm instantly wet knowing what comes next.
And I can't wait for it. I'm so in love with this man, I'll have all the babies he wants. As long as he never lets me go again.
Doc
For the last several weeks my days have been filled with work and meetings to strategize against the Devils, but my nights…
I never knew life could be this good.
While the other members are groaning about every detail of our lives on constant watch, I'm thriving in a world where Meredith is attached to me night and day.
She didn't give up her place and the front office easily, but when I promised I'd visit her as often as possible, she moved to the back office without much fight. Plus it's private back there and the door locks.
Afternoons spent eating at the club or riding my bike around looking at starter homes makes everything with Meredith feel that much more real.
But it's the nights that kill me in the best way possible. The sex is great. Don't get me wrong. I could take that woman six ways from Sunday and still want more.
But it's the quieter moments that really speak to my heart. The way she yawns after I've taken her to near exhaustion before she curls up into my side and drapes one lazy arm over my bare chest.
I could spend the rest of my life with her sleeping beside me that way and never want for anything more.
When I first saw Meredith walk into my shop, I wanted her gone. For a year I’d hated myself for letting her walk away with Gears. And then boom. There she was, a constant reminder of how badly I’d screwed up.
I didn’t think I’d survive looking into her eyes every day, knowing she was the one thing I wanted that I could never have.
But saying yes to Meredith has been the best decision of my life.
“How was the meeting?” she says, looking up at me with those sparkling eyes and that evil grin that gets me hard every damn time.
“I don’t want to talk about the meeting.” I take her by the shoulde
rs and lead her to our bed.
Meredith giggles and rolls on the covers until I’m lying next to her and we’re staring into each other's eyes. “Good. Then let's talk about something else. It’s been a while now since the whole Gears thing and, for me, things are going well with the club.”
I push a strand of her hair behind one ear and lean in to kiss her cheek. “And?”
“And.” She’s so thrilled with herself about something she makes the bed bounce when she moves. “You’ve told me how much you want to have kids one day and let's face it, you’re not getting any younger.”
She play-punches my shoulder and I act like it really hurts. I love seeing Meredith like this, carefree and playful. That’s how I know she’s being honest when she says the past is behind her.
“Are you telling me you want to make a baby?” My mouth aches from holding back a smile.
Meredith doesn’t answer. She gives me her evil grin that makes me hard instantly and she crawls up to the top of the bed before waving me closer.
I don’t have to guess where this is leading or how long it will be before we have news of our own to share.
Meredith trusts me and I’ll never let her out of my sight again.
I slide into the covers beside her and I hold her face in my hands. “Baby Girl. You know I’ll give you anything you want.”
She smiles up at me and my heart melts. “I know, Michael.” She has me wrapped around her little finger and there's no other place I’d rather be.
Bear
Bree
There are over three hundred Jordan Jacobs listed as living in and around New York City. I know this because I've spent the last six days hunting down the dozen or so who loosely fit the description in my head of what an army hero should look like.
By the time I whittled the list down and removed those too old and too young, and contacted several by phone or email, my list shrank to two.
The Jordan Jacobs I met living in Queens wished he was the man I was looking for. I realized the second he eye fucked me while I walked in the bar he asked to meet at, he couldn't be the guy my brother described as a mountain with perfect aim and a stare that crushed stones.
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