A shuddering breath leaves my lips with obvious relief, but just as quickly a twinge of panic worms its way into my chest. I feared telling him outright at the meadow that I have no intentions of being with him romantically. And after seeing his temper today on the field with just a sport at risk, I have no idea what the prince may do if I continue to reject him.
However, I can’t allow him the slightest hope that I will ever willingly marry him.
I suck in a breath and latch onto that small fire burning in the pit of my stomach. It’s there, but faint. “Thank you.” I draw myself up straighter. “But I have something to confess.”
His brows hike up his forehead. “Am I going to like this confession?”
Biting my lip, I look up at him. “Probably not, my lord, but I’ve thought long on what you told me at the meadow. I want to be by your side, help you in your endeavors.” I nod, hoping he follows along as I don’t want to say anything incriminating on Court grounds. “Only, I can’t truly be with you. As your wife.” My chest prickles as I allow this to sink in a moment, and then add, “I’ll understand if you should choose another now that you know my position.”
“Let me escort you to your chamber.” He takes my arm and guides us toward the trellis opening. “It’s getting late, and I believe you’re to continue riding lessons on the morrow?”
I stop and turn on him. “Sebastian, did you hear—”
“As I said before.” His eyes snap to my face, his features wooden. “There is plenty of time before the wedding.” He smiles, but it’s forced, muted against the hard lines of his face. “I will win your affections by then.”
Drawing in the cool night air, I allow the chill to coat my stinging lungs. I hesitantly walk beside him toward the opening of the garden, pondering what else might convince him that I’ll never be with him in the way he desires. It took all my strength to admit those words. I hoped he’d somehow be relieved, use my reluctance as an excuse to choose Cecily.
However, I don’t want to press him further tonight. I trust that he—as Madity claimed—has a good heart, and maybe after thinking on what I said, will see that a marriage between us is impossible.
I change the subject. “I’ve asked Devlan to fill in teaching my riding lessons for the rest of this week while you’re preparing for the tournament.”
He nods once. His eyebrows knit together. “That’s excellent. Devlan is a fine rider.”
We near the lattice opening of the garden and Devlan is there, waiting with his hand cupped over the hilt of his arming sword, standing at perfect attention. His face is stoic as he stares past us.
As we pass through the arch, I glance at Devlan and our eyes meet. For a brief moment, his features harden. His face rigid and dark, his blue eyes cold. A shiver works its way down my spine. I can almost register what he may be feeling, but then his impenetrable mask slips back into place, shutting me out.
Before I force my gaze away, Devlan smiles. But it doesn’t match his cool, hard eyes.
FOURTEEN
The sky is clear, and sparse white clouds feather the pure blue with no threat of rain. The weather is agreeable. No mud puddles to splash around in if I’m thrown from a horse. I feel confident about the afternoon’s ride, even though Devlan’s avoidance of me is off-putting.
He’s the only thing ruining my otherwise perfect day. Luckily I spent most of it with Madity, going over her marital preparation to-do list. Picking out material for my wedding dress. Tasting icing for the cake. I think she was as shocked as me that I didn’t oppose. I did enjoy it, as I imagine I would’ve done these things with my mother were she alive. But at the same time, I was anxious to be done and get to my lesson.
Devlan readies Fireblood with a woman’s saddle, grunting as he pulls the leather straps tight. Jericho stands to his side. His shorn dark hair makes him look younger than I believe he is.
I lean against the wood fence, fingering my locket, and stare up at the sky. Too many thoughts cloud my mind to allow Devlan’s infectious behavior to bother me much longer. I’ve decided it’s best to fulfill my father’s wishes and escape this maddening place. Sebastian should be free to choose another, and rule his kingdom however he feels is best.
Before I leave, I’ll visit the chapel, and do something I’ve not done since coming here.
Pray.
I’ve been too conceited in thinking I could influence the soon-to-be king. He’s his own man, and responsible for his actions. The court is not my world. Not my place. I want to be free of the burden weighing on me, and I want to respect my father’s memory and do as he requested. I have to learn to relinquish control, and trust that a higher power already has a plan.
Glancing at Devlan, I ask, “Where are we going today?”
He adjusts his stance, then strokes Fireblood’s mane. “Right here.” He finally looks at me. “You’re going to take instructions from Jericho today within the stable area.”
My brow scrunches. “But why? I’ve been doing well, have I not?”
“Yes, princess.” He steps away from his horse and motions with his hand, urging me over to her. “But there’s no reason to go out again until you can mount on your own and ride on your own.” He cocks his head. “Next time, you’ll have your own horse.”
Though I’m disappointed that I won’t get to feel the wind on my face, or the exhilaration of bounding over the plains, I accept this. The faster I learn to do it all on my own, the faster I’ll have my own horse. Then it’ll be time to go.
I unlace my arms from around my chest and step up to the horse.
“Wait,” Devlan says. He turns around to grab a thick, three-legged ladder, then positions it beside the horse. “A mounting block. So you can mount sidesaddle.” A slight grin tips the corner of his lips up.
Relieved, I climb to the third step and turn toward Fireblood. Gripping her mane and the saddle tightly—now that my hands no longer burn—I pull myself onto the saddle with a huff. This time, I land my bottom in the saddle correctly, both my legs to one side. I smile and look down at Devlan.
Expecting him to offer some kind of praise at my having accomplished this feat on the first try, I waggle my eyebrows. But he merely picks up the mounting block and stalks away. I don’t have the chance to ponder his behavior as Jericho begins his lesson. I’m forced to look ahead and focus on learning to steer Fireblood.
With Jericho leading, I round the fenced-in area twice before I glance over at Devlan. He’s leaning against the fence, and only looks up to check on me before going back to staring at the ground. He blows so hot and cold from day to day. I never know what to expect from him. But today, there’s obviously something wrong.
The next half-hour is exhausting, for Fireblood as well as for me. Jericho’s repetitive lessons on safety and balance have worn us both out, and I’m starting to wonder about Devlan’s remark on Fireblood’s nature. She’s given me little trouble. An amazing creature, she’s more patient with my lack of skill than she is stubborn.
I’m released to trot her slowly around the stable. As I near Devlan, I pull back on the reins and come to a stop. “I believe I have it down now.”
He looks up at me. “Oh, a few laps and suddenly you know all there is to riding.” He nods once, then waves his hand through the air. “By all means, take her out.” He points toward the gate.
Throwing the reins aside, I adjust my legs from around the lower pommel, turn sideways, and jump off the horse. It’s not the prettiest or cleanest dismount, and my frayed nerves don’t help, but I at least land steady on my feet. I march over, get right under his nose, and stare up at him.
“What is your problem, Devlan?” I’m annoyed at the tremor in my voice. “From one second to the next, I always do something to infuriate you. So, what is it this time?” I plant my hands on my hips. Glancing around to make sure Jericho isn’t nearby, I move closer to him, then say under my breath, “I’ve resigned myself to being addressed as ‘Princess.’ I’m doing as you instructed and acc
epted that my life is here, even having suppers with Sebastian.” I drop my voice into a whisper. “And I no longer carry my dagger.”
Through my whole rant, his face remains impassive, his eyes on me, unblinking—until I mention the dagger. At this his brows shoot up, and his eyes flick over my face. He presses his lips together into a stern line.
“So, you’ve decided to stay.” He looks away for a moment, then his eyes are back on me. “Does this mean you’ve come to your senses and realize it would be impossible, or”—he lowers his head and stares into my eyes—“have you fallen for the prince?”
My mouth drops open. “That is hardly your concern.” I bite the inside of my cheek before continuing. “My feelings for Sebastian are of no importance. The point is I’m doing what everybody, even you, demands of me.”
He shakes his head. “I have placed no demands on you, princess. I only asked you to make a decision, and hoped that your choice would be one where you remain here.”
“That is so vague, Devlan.” I study his brooding face. “Wishing me to stay surely implies that I am with Sebastian. I’m to marry him in less than two months.”
He shifts his stance. “Yes, but that does not require love.” His eyes bore into mine. “Do you love him?”
I hold his glare, his judgmental eyes hard on me. Anger pools in my stomach. “What difference does it make?”
He says nothing but continues to stare. Finally, he pulls his head back and brushes the hair from his forehead, breaking our eye contact. “None. You’re correct.” He turns away from me.
I latch onto his arm, halting him. He spins toward me, and my words are right on the tip of my tongue. I want to demand an explanation as to why he’s prying. But I’m too baffled by his behavior—too vexed to force them out. Instead, I release his arm and turn my back to him.
“I think I’ve had enough for today,” I say. “I’ll see myself back to the castle.”
“No.” He strides over to his horse and takes the reins. “You will not. I’m sorry, princess, but I’m still your guard.” He walks Fireblood toward the stable, and says over his shoulder, “Be here when I return.”
I watch him open the stable door and take his horse inside. I have half a mind to leave right now. Just storm off. How angry would he be finding me gone when he returns? But I don’t want to be the immature one. He is right, as he’s still responsible for me. My insides quiver, and I want to scream.
Why does it matter to him whether I care for Sebastian or not? Or have fallen in love with him, as he put it. How can you even fall for someone in a few days? And again, why is it any of his concern? I don’t think a first knight’s duty is meddling in his prince’s love life.
He has yet to tell me his side of the story between them. I wonder if, deep down, he still views Sebastian as his friend and is worried I’m all wrong for the prince. Still, if that were the case, wouldn’t he be making his complaint to Sebastian instead of harassing me?
After a long while where I’ve lost track of the minutes, he finally returns. The sun is nearly gone, evening is darkening the sky, and I’ve woven so many possibilities into my head I can barely think straight.
We walk in silence back toward the castle, passing knights as they leave the training grounds. I had plans to watch Sebastian’s last jousting practice, as today ends the training period before the tournament. But I didn’t want to deal with Cecily and the other ladies, nor did I wish to watch Sebastian bloody another knight with his version of sport.
“Do you require a change of clothes before supper?” Devlan asks from behind me.
I shake my head, taking my time responding. “Nay. I’ll have my supper sent up with Madity.” The idea of sitting and smiling with the court nobles tonight is exhausting. I’d rather have her company alone.
Devlan clears his throat. “Then I’ll inform the prince you’re tired from your lesson.”
I march through the long corridor toward my room, not caring if Devlan is still behind me or not. When I reach my door, I go to pull down the handle, but Devlan places his hand over mine.
“Wait,” he says.
I turn to him, doing as he asked. Waiting.
He runs his hand through his hair and exhales audibly. “I didn’t mean to upset you, princess.” He shifts his weight from foot to foot. “You’re right. Your relationship with Prince Sebastian is none of my concern. I only wished to gain the truth.”
“But why?” I ask. “And why have you been so evasive today? And last night…” My words trail off as I recall the cool look he gave me in the garden, and something occurs to me. Could Devlan be jealous? I nearly laugh out loud, and immediately dismiss the notion. Someone who is continually put off by a person would not have the slightest romantic inclination for them.
His eyes are hard on me as he looks me over. I feel the weight of his heavy thoughts bearing down on me, as if his eyes could reveal too many secrets all at once.
Finally, he says, “Trust your instincts, princess.” He cups my shoulders, and the heat of his body presses in on me, tempting me to step closer to that warmth. “Again, I apologize for my intrusiveness. Whatever you decide, I will always support you. And I will always protect you.” He releases me and backs away. Then he bows.
I open my mouth, unsure of what to say. Before I can utter a word, he turns on his heel and marches down the hallway. As I watch him go, I shake my head, trying to clear my muddled thoughts. Before stepping into my chamber, I glance once more down the corridor.
Devlan is at the end of the hallway, his hand braced against the wall, talking into his communicator. I quickly dip inside my room and peek around the wall. He slams his hand into the stone and backs away, looks down each hallway, and says something into his device. Then he puts it into his vest and stalks off at a fast pace.
This time, I decide I’m not too tired to discover what’s going on. I know Devlan has many secrets and, as he said to me, I plan to discover them.
I silently close my chamber door and briskly walk down the corridor after him. Tonight, I will find out at least one.
FIFTEEN
I’m relieved my riding shoes have thick padded soles. I easily slink along the corridors, my footsteps light, making little sound as I search for Devlan.
I saw him turn left down the hallway toward the back of the castle. I know I did, but now I’ve lost him. I look between the two corridors once I reach the open hall. Each passage is long, leading to either wing of the castle, and I could roam for hours before discovering I took the wrong one.
Damn it.
Avoiding knights, maids, and the courtiers of the castle is taxing. Finally, I decide to take the right. If nothing else, I’ll explore and learn my way around here. Or get lost, and have to call Devlan on the communicator and look like an idiot.
The torches cast creepy shadows along the corridor, and I walk for what feels like forever before finally reaching the end of the hallway. There’s only one way to take: back the way I came. It’s a dead end. Rooms along this end of the wing are empty, I suppose used for guests, but there is no one here.
I’m two seconds from turning around, ready to end my search, when I hear muffled voices. I freeze, straining to hear which room they’re coming from. But they don’t drift from a room. They’re coming from behind the wall—the dead end.
I place my hands to the stone. It’s cold and solid. A cool draft blows across my ankles, and I follow the chill air to the corner of the corridor. I press my hands along the crevice, feeling stupid. Then, something clicks, and the corner swings in, revealing a dark passage.
My heart hammers in my ears, and apprehension coils tightly around my chest. Devlan might not be here at all. This might be some secret room of the servants, or the Force. I could stumble into something that will get me tossed into the Oubliette or worse.
I consider what I’m about to do—sneak into some hidden chamber where I may learn things I never wanted to know—long and hard.
Curiosity wins out.<
br />
Against my better judgment, I force my fear away and take a step inside, beginning my descent. Stairs lead down a dark tunnel and only one torch is lit to guide my path. The voices grow louder the deeper I go. I can hear them, strained, angry. Footsteps pace back and forth.
With each footstep I grow braver until I reach the bottom step. I stop and press my back to the side of the narrow tunnel. Shadows flicker against the wall before me, and from around the corner the voices come clearly now.
A loud bang echoes as something slams. “You don’t get to make that call, Larkin.”
My heart constricts. It’s Devlan’s voice, and he’s shouting at the Round Table knight who stormed my home. I should leave now before I’m found out spying on their meeting.
“Devlan,” Larkin says, his voice gravelly. “You said it yourself. You’re not sure where her loyalties lie now.” He pauses a moment. “Her affections for the prince could play out in our favor. We should stick to the original plan.”
I grab my chest and squeeze my bodice. They’re talking about me.
Another voice, one I don’t recognize, says, “The original plan is no longer in play, as Micah is no longer the leader.”
“Oh, shut up, Xander,” Larkin says. “We get it. Stop reminding us your precious Fallon is in charge.” He huffs. “Wish I had bedded her. Maybe then I’d get to call some shots around here.”
“You fucking bastard,” the guy growls. There’s a hard smack, and shouting among all three breaks out.
“You hit me!” Larkin accuses. “You asshole. You’ve been here all of what…two days? And you think you can come in and change everything? Devlan should’ve never demoted your ass to footman. He should’ve thrown you out. Actually, I should just finish out my orders.” He laughs hollowly. “You were a sorry excuse for a knight of the Force, anyway.”
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