by Marnie Cate
I nodded and cautiously followed. Instead of taking the available love seat, he chose the long couch. He motioned for me to sit. "I'll not bite, Caitlyn."
Sighing, I sat down an arm's length from him. "The view is beautiful," I commented. The ocean waves were mesmerizing.
What are you doing here? my inner voice cried. You promised Marcus no more strangers.
I dug my finger nails into the palm of my hand.
We sat in silence, staring into the nothing, before Nick finally spoke. "You deserve better than the boy from the bathroom," he stated in a serious tone.
Now the truth comes out, I thought.
"I do, huh?" I glared.
"I don't mean to offend, but a real man would never have interrupted your work shift for his bestial desires. He clearly was focused on his own sexual needs with no care to your situation."
"He is young and dumb," I explained.
"You deserve to be treated like a queen, not a prostitute."
I set my drink down and stood. "I am not sure what you're playing at, but I am not interested."
He stepped in front of me, blocking my escape. "I am not playing anything, Caitlyn. I want nothing from you, but to show you your worth."
"What do you know about my worth?"
"I can tell you have been deeply hurt and you have never been loved by a man." He rested his hand on my shoulder. "There is a scared little girl inside you. Let her grow up."
Emotions flooded me. I tried to forget the evening with Christopher. I thought I was in control. All of the men that I had used, to forget what happened, were supposed to make me better. They didn't. He was right. I was just a scared little girl.
I collapsed on the loveseat and buried my face in my hands. It felt like I had been transported to five years earlier, and I was still trapped in the beach house. The degradation. The pain. The guilt. It all washed over me. The memories I buried were torn wide open.
I cringed as I felt his arm around me. "You owe no man, Caitlyn. Free yourself from the burden. You're not inferior. You're a treasure waiting to bloom."
My instincts kicked in, and I kissed Nick.
Gently, he pulled away. "Your body should not be payment for a kind gesture. The pleasure of the flesh will not heal what is broken."
I moved away feeling rejected.
"Do not feel hurt. Talk to me. Show me the real Caitlyn." He took my hand.
We sat in silence as the night sky grew darker. Finally, as the twilight sky began to lighten in preparation for the sunrise, I told him the story of how this broken girl before him was formed. I confessed all my sins, my guilt, and my fears as if I was in a church confessional.
He silently listened, only touching my hand to comfort me. When the sun began to rise, I had bared my soul. I was exposed and raw, but I felt released from the prison I had trapped myself in.
"Caitlyn, I would like to sleep with you," Nick said.
I cringed at his words. I told him my darkest secret. The things I had done. He was turned on by this?
"You misunderstand." He touched my cheek. "Fully clothed, nothing more than a warm body holding you as you heal from your cleansing. When you wake, the broken girl you have been holding so tightly to will be gone. She will be free."
Exhausted, I wanted nothing more than for his words to be true. I followed him to the master suite and climbed under the covers after removing only my shoes. I watched as Nick removed his shoes, suit jacket, and tie, but nothing more. He slipped under the covers and opened his arms. Without hesitation, I snuggled against him.
I trusted him. Naïve or not, I was in his arms, hoping it wasn't a lie. When I heard the soft breath of sleep from him, I relaxed and allowed myself to drift to sleep.
In the morning, I woke to an empty bed. My heart fell. Disappointed, I gathered my items and began to leave. I was met by Nick. He had showered and changed into a pair of khakis and a crisp white short-sleeved shirt.
"Good morning, sleepy head. Would you like breakfast? A shower?" He greeted me with a kiss on the cheek. A knock on the door sounded and Nick beamed. "Perfect timing."
The door opened, and a silver tray of food was wheeled in. "Would you like this placed on the dining room table, Mr. Fisher?"
"Yes, and has my order arrived yet?"
The bellhop reached up the dumbwaiter and pulled out two bags with Macy's written on them.
"Good." Nick smiled. He signed the check and sent the man on his way. Turning to me, he said, "This is for you."
"Me?" I asked, not hiding my surprise.
"Caitlyn, I want you to stay with me for the week I am here. I want you to heal. I want to meet the woman you will one day be."
"If you want to have sex with me, you don’t need to put on the show. You know my secrets. You know I wouldn't have turned you down." My voice was void of emotion.
"I am not looking for a cheap thrill. The broken teenager you're hiding behind is not who I am interested in. This suite has two rooms, and I want you to share it, but in your own room." Nick set the bag down. "I want to meet the real Caitlyn Chase. Tell me she is here and ready to find out what it means to be loved. Is she here, Caitlyn?"
For the first time in my life, I felt in control of what I wanted. I wasn’t doing what was expected to please someone else, or to hide my pain. I turned myself over to Nick, knowing this would be one week in our life.
It wasn't a fairytale. It was real. I had to find who I was. I had to find the real Caitlyn.
Nick was true to his word. Other than holding my hand or kissing my cheek, our intimacy was only emotional. He showed me the city I had forgotten. We went sailing, ate at local restaurants, and toured the local museums. He reminded me of my passion for the written word. I would return to my dream of being an author or professor.
We read Shakespeare, watched old black and white movies, and strolled along the pier. One afternoon, I taught him how to play Crazy Eights.
When I handed him the deck of cards to shuffle, he set them down, and said, "You have a final year of school, Caitlyn. Promise me you will live in the moment from now on."
My breath caught. How could I tell him that I wanted nothing more than to live in this moment, with him, forever? I couldn't. He would think I was a silly school girl. Instead, I chose the complacent smile and nod. There was time left, I could only hope I would build up enough courage to tell him how I was feeling.
On the last night, I asked if we could dine in the hotel room, instead of eating out. I wanted nothing to distract him from us. I was overjoyed when he easily agreed, and we ordered room service. Afterwards, we adjourned to the patio to watch the sunset.
Nervously, I took his hand as we stood by the balcony. "Nick, this week was dreamlike. The wounds I had been hiding behind are healed. You taught me I needed to be who I wanted and never let anyone treat me like their property. Are my strong feelings of gratitude and desire wrong?" I rested my hand on his thigh, hoping to convey my intentions.
"Do you want to be with me to pay me back for our week?" he asked seriously.
"No," I cried, "I want to know what it feels like to be touched and explored by someone who loves me."
He led me to the couch. "Caitlyn, you're a beautiful woman, and I am flattered by your generous offer."
"But," I whispered.
"I need to be honest. I was not with the convention. I know your mother."
"What? I don't understand." I recoiled, moving farther away from him.
"My intention was never to bed you. By chance, your mother reached out to me and begged me to help her sweet girl who had changed overnight."
"Overnight? What? Does she know I am with you?" I wasn't sure if I was trembling from anger or fear.
"This is highly unorthodox, but I am a retired psychologist. Your mother wanted me to talk with you, to help you work through whatever pain you were going through. I planned on meeting you the old-fashioned way – by introduction – until the bathroom incident. Caitlyn, I knew I had to reach you. I
took a risk, and, sweet girl, it worked."
"You knew I would be the whore, who quickly followed the rich older man off to his hotel room?" I choked out the words.
"No, Caitlyn, I knew you would be the scared little girl seeking a way out of the life you found yourself in. Do not let you anger ruin the week we shared. I know you found yourself again."
We talked for hours about what I had learned about myself. I understood why he chose such a dramatic way to reach me. The desire I felt for him washed away to admiration. When the sun rose, I gathered my things and we said our goodbyes.
"Here's my number if you ever need to talk, Cailtyn." Nick handed me a slip of paper.
I took it, but we both knew I would never use it. He had been right. I was broken, but I found myself again.
With that new found strength, I promised to forget the pain from my past and to build the life I was meant to have.
When I finally turned my phone back on, it blew up with messages from Peter. Not one of them indicated concern for my safety. Each were reminders of what I really meant to him.
Peter: Where r u? Bring dinner
Peter: ???
Peter: Seriously!
Peter: There are hotter bitches waiting to get on this train.
Peter: So this is how it is?
Peter: Come on!
Caitlyn: I'm done with you. Have a nice life, Peter. Find someone else to support you. I deserve better. Don't contact me anymore.
Before he could respond and derail my progress, I deleted the messages and blocked his number. For the first time in a long time, I knew I was in control of my life. I was too good for Peter. I deserved better.
Scrolling through my messages, I was surprised there was not one picture or text from Thomas. Fear filled me. Did I chase away my only true friend?
Caitlyn: Hey, I’m home. Come over?
Thomas: On my way!
As if he had been waiting for me to reach out to him, Thomas showed up twenty minutes later, bearing an iced caramel mocha. Setting the drink down, he hugged me tightly. After our greeting, we settled on the patio and I explained where I had been all week.
Thomas listened quietly. Too quiet for my chatty friend. Realization slowly sunk in.
"You knew about Nick?" I accused.
Thomas sucked in a deep breath and nodded. "Your mom came to me a month ago to find out what was going on with you."
I felt the blood drain from my body. "You didn't –"
"Never," he rushed to answer. "I just said you were going through some things, and I was worried about you, too."
"Why didn’t you talk to me?"
"I tried, but you didn’t want to hear it."
"I'd of –"
"You'd what? Tell me to mind my own damn business and worry about who I was fucking?" Thomas used the words I had thrown at him when I first met Peter.
"Oh, Thomas, I've been such a bitch." Throwing my arms around him, I hugged him tight. "I don't deserve you."
"You're wrong. You deserve the world, Cat, but enough about you." Thomas pulled back and clapped his hands together. "I have FAN…TAS…TIC news."
I couldn't help but get sucked into his excitement. "Well, don't keep me in suspense." I took a long draw off the yummy mocha he brought, coaxing the caffeine to start working immediately.
"Well, you know how I have been working as an intern at Nitro," he crowed.
I rolled my eyes. "Yes, the front page of the New York Times alerted everyone," I answered snarkily.
"Shush, you." Talking a deep, dramatic breath, he blurted out. "They have offered me a paying job."
"But, you have to finish school," I cried.
"That is the best part. They are paying me to finish and, if I decide to go for my master's, that will be paid for!"
"What will you be doing?"
"A little of everything. My attention to detail makes me a brilliant copy editor, but Julian promised I could get a crack at book editing. He liked my input on J.M. Northup's next best seller." Thomas puffed up with pride.
"Everything is coming together, T. I am so proud of you," I gushed.
Thomas' hard work had paid off and he had the job he dreamed of already. Now, I had to prove it to myself. I was out of the rabbit hole and ready to begin my new life.
Breaking
Caitlyn
Eleven
To begin my new life, I enrolled in summer school. Summer passed quickly with the invigorating courses on Shakespeare and Women's Literature. By the time the summer was over, I had forgotten my previous pain. I felt physically and mentally strong.
My social life focused on Thomas and his latest crush, Jacob Anderson. We spent weekends driving up the coast highway and shopping at local markets we found along the way. I would not allow myself to date anyone. I was afraid I would fall back into my old habit of taking any scrap thrown at me.
With my head on straight, I proved myself worthy of an internship at Nitro. Under Thomas' tutelage, I was able to move from assistant copy editor to copy editor. I was overjoyed to know my dream job was lined up for when I graduated in the next few months. My life was mapped out, and I was the driver of my destiny. Or I thought I was.
For Thomas’ twenty-second birthday, Jacob planned a surprise beach party and "hired" my mother to plan the event. With my mother's help, and their endless secret meetings at our house to work out the details, they organized the perfect party. The only task I was given was to keep Thomas busy the day of the event, and then bring him to the party.
I convinced Thomas I needed to go shopping, and while we were there, I talked him into a new outfit of his own. With our new cloths, it felt only right we should be completely pampered with new hairstyles and facials. Thomas was so excited about his new look that I had to talk him out of an evening in downtown San Diego.
"T, I promised my mother I'd stop by the beach party to help out," I lied.
"Ok, drop me off at home. I want to surprise Jacob with my new look." He waggled his eyebrows at me.
"I'll bring you home after. A quick stop, and then we go."
Parking was a nightmare. I didn’t realize the number of guests that had been invited. Finally, I found a spot. As we walked the half mile back towards the beach, I was relieved we didn't run into anyone Thomas knew.
"I'm going to be all sweaty and my hair is going to be flat," Thomas grumbled.
"You look great. Now, hurry up so we can check in and go," I commanded.
As we approached the event, Thomas stopped. "Isn't that Jacob?"
"Is it?" I smirked and grabbed his hand. "Let's go find out."
My mother saw Thomas and motioned to someone. The next thing we knew, we were surrounded by a mariachi band. Jacob stepped through the costumed men, carrying a small cake with a long candle.
"Happy Birthday, Baby," Jacob called out.
"You did all this for me?" Thomas beamed.
Soon the crowd rushed in with birthday wishes. I stepped back, watching as the birthday boy dove into his celebration. Settled in a beach chair, I watched the waves crashing and mellowed to the sound of the party.
"The thing that stinks about beach parties is the sand." A man stepped in front of me and began to frantically brush off the offending rock particles. "Would you mind getting it off my back?"
"Um, sure," I hesitated.
"I promise this is not a pickup line," the blonde haired man beamed at me. My breath caught as I got a good look at him. Blond hair, blue eyes, athletic, and charming.
"Ok, turn around," I said. Gently, I began to brush my hand over his muscled body. A weird sensation ran through me. I wanted to run my hands through his silky hair.
Slow down, Caitlyn. You're not that girl anymore, I scolded myself.
"Thanks for the help. Forgive my bad manners. I’m Jeremy Whittaker and you are?" he asked.
"Caitlyn. Caitlyn Chase." I stammered like a fool.
"My date drug me to this event, and I don't know anyone here." He motioned to a blonde g
irl behind us who was dancing in the center of a group of men.
"Oh, she seems —"
"Yeah, Lisa is… well, she's a party girl. A bit fast for my taste," he admitted. "Mind keeping me company until I get to escort her home?"
In the next few hours, I learned everything there was to know about Jeremy Whittaker. Twenty-five. Bachelor of Science in Kinesiology and Health and Master's in Finance. He told me how he planned on being a personal trainer until he fell in love with the stock market.
His enthusiasm was contagious. Jeremy had plans for his future, not just living off his inheritance. Our conversation was easy, and I was disappointed when it ended.
"Looks like my date should be taken home before she gets herself in trouble." Jeremy sighed.
"Sand," I exclaimed and we both laughed as we dusted the sand off each other.
Mid swipe, Jeremy caught my hand. "I really enjoyed talking to you, Caitlyn. I would like to see you again."
A lump formed in my throat. He seems nice, but wasn't Christopher at first? You suck at picking men.
Sensing my hesitation, he handed me a card. "We can just have coffee, tea… anything, as long as there is no sand involved.
I smiled and accepted his card. "I'll text you."
"Don't be coy and wait a few days to message me." He laughed.
I pulled out my phone and entered his contact information.
Cailtyn: Coffee sounds great
Jeremy: Tomorrow at 11 AM
I looked up from my phone and our eyes met. "Eleven is perfect." I smiled.
Twelve
I didn't expect our coffee date to be as comfortable as the beach, but it was like we knew each other all of our lives. Coffee dates turned to lunch. Lunch turned into dinner.
When he finally kissed me, it was tender and sweet. I kept waiting for him to sleep with me, but he never tried. Instead, we held hands, hugged, and snuggled on the couch. Innocent romance only. Jeremy was respectful of my commitments to finishing school, my job, and even the odd shift helping out my mother.
I finally met a nice man. With that, our whirlwind romance was cemented. I thought of myself as Jeremy's girlfriend, even thought it was never officially said. It didn't matter. I had never been happier.