by Marnie Cate
The letter and the cash would be sent to her. The choice she made was now all hers.
This was it. Time was up. I was free. One last letter and I would go. I wasn't going to pretend I had been kidnapped or missing. I was going to leave him a message.
I placed a vase of black roses on the counter with a note below it.
Jeremy,
My senior year of high school, I went to a dance and I came back broken. The details of the evening are not relevant… because of my self-loathing, I was willing to do anything to keep a man that didn't really love me.
In the beginning, you loved the idea of me. I was the perfect accessory to your perfect life. As I aged, I lost that new car shine. No matter how hard I tried to keep my twenty-year old body, I couldn't. You shamed me into believing I wasn't good enough.
A year ago, you sent me away, and when I came back, I thought I could forgive and forget. However, nothing changed, except me. I have been waiting for a year to say these words to you.
It has been a painful twelve months, knowing the man you really are. I will no longer call the womanizing, business cheat, and basically horrible person you've become my husband. The man I thought I knew never existed. The fact is that lied about who you really were the entire time we were together. The joke is that I can't be angry since I am a liar, too. I am not the perfect wife. I hid the parts of me that I knew you would never love away. I never truly believed would love me if you knew who I really was. Deep down, you knew this, right?
The misery you put me through was not worth any of the fine things we had in life. I hope you treat the next one you catch you treat with more respect and love.
The divorce papers are on their way. I didn't want anything from you, but my lawyer pointed out that I deserved something for my years with you. You didn't make it to the top alone. Pay me in a lump sum or monthly payments – your choice. This time, I am leaving on my terms.
~ Caitlyn Chase
I left my wedding band, checkbook, credit cards, and the keys on the counter next to the copies of the pictures Jack took for me. Of course, my lawyer had a set to help with the settlement, but I had no need for them anymore. Today, I was putting Step Four into action. I was going to find Caitlyn Chase.
Finding
Caitlyn
Twenty-five
Relief flooded my soul when the plane lifted off. Nestled in the clouds, a strong feeling of freedom overtook me. This was my chance to release my pain from the past. Forgive and, each day, forget, more and more.
Soon, you will be free, my inner voice cheered.
No, I countered. I am free.
The plane landed at the tiniest airport imagined. I stepped off the plane onto a tarmac, not to the comfort of a large terminal. The crisp air burned my nose.
I had not checked the weather. Curse of living in California. I learned to open the door and look out to see what to expect. How easily I had forgotten the cold of Colorado.
The walk from the gated landing area led me into a small building. Inside, a sign with the words ‘Caitlyn Chase’ scribbled on it greeted me. The leathered cowboy holding it eyed me. His wrinkled skin, slender frame, and silver mustache told me had to be over seventy years old.
Looking around, I felt overdressed in my designer clothes. I had not considered where I was going.
"Are you Caitlyn?" Just as I told Thomas, not a smidge of a southern accent came out of the man.
"I am." I shivered. The freezing temperature was impacting my manners.
"I’m Ben Carver. Miss Vivian said you would be staying with us for a while," he explained warmly. "Do you have any luggage?"
"I do have several bags," I answered. "And there were quite a few boxes sent through the mail."
"Yep, those arrived two days ago. I tucked them safe and sound in your room." He motioned to the small café. "Do you want a cup of coffee or anything while we wait? God only knows how long it will take these guys to get your luggage. Slower than molasses on a good day."
"No thanks. I think I'll just go powder my nose."
"Alright then. The bathroom is right over there," he directed. "I’ll get your bags and wait right here for you."
In the bathroom, I stared at myself in the mirror. I didn't look like a woman who just left her husband. Fixing my hair and touching up my makeup, I tried to put on a bright smile. Picking up my phone, I sent my first text message to Thomas.
Caitlyn: Where did you send me?
Thomas: To the promised land, dear friend
Caitlyn: If I go missing, look for a cowboy
Thomas: Cowboy? How delicious ;) Let me know if he’s a good lover
Caitlyn: I am not looking for anything like that T. Besides, he has to be 100!!!
Thomas: Purrfect. =^.^= Old cowboys make excellent lovers but I hear they refuse to take off their boots >:)
Caitlyn: u r impossible
Thomas: Pity about the cowboy. There’s something so sexy about spurs. TTFN. Needy authors calling >:(
Shaking my head, I laughed. There was no one in the world who could replace Thomas. I hesitated, but sent the next text. It wasn't wise, but I couldn't help myself.
Caitlyn: I made it.
Jack: Did you get your honorary cowboy hat? Boots?
Caitlyn: Not yet. I think I’ll be riding in a truck with a real cowboy soon
Jack: I'm jealous.
Caitlyn: I just wanted to tell you I’m ok. Thanks again for everything.
Jack: Anytime, Caitlyn. I'm one text away, always.
Caitlyn: :)
Holding the phone to my heart, I sighed. No point in hanging onto the warm feeling he gave me. Jack was thousands of miles away and one semi make-out session didn't count as true love.
After I composed myself and left the restroom, I found Ben waiting.
"I thought you fell in. I was going to send help," he joked.
"I didn't rush. You said it would be a while."
"They were surprisingly efficient." Ben harrumphed. "I found your luggage."
"How did you know these were mine?"
"Not many people have such fancy luggage when they come to visit. Plus, it had your name on it." Ben grinned.
Unable to resist, I laughed.
"Well, come on. Miss Vivian will be waiting for you." Ben led me to a black pick-up truck.
"This is what we are riding in?" I eyed the mud-covered vehicle.
"We could walk, but I think Miss Vivian would be impatient if we took that long to get you there." He chuckled and held the door open.
Sighing, I pulled myself up into the high truck. Inside, it had the smell of gasoline and Fritos. When he started it up, the air blew cold on me. A chill ran through my body.
"Can we turn on the heat?" I asked.
"It'll be toasty in no time. Just needs time to get going." Ben looked at me with pity. "Didn't Miss Vivian warn you about where you were coming? I hope you've some warmer clothes."
"My warmer clothes are in the boxes." I blushed at my ignorance. "Where are we going, Ben?"
"Miss Vivian's property is about thirty minutes that way." He pointed towards a range of mountains in the distance. "Lucky for us, there hasn't been a big snowfall."
"What would snow mean?"
"That no one would be going out and you wouldn't be going in." He chuckled at his joke.
"So, I am going to be trapped up there?"
"I promise you won't feel trapped when you see Miss Vivian's home."
"What do you do for Miss Vivian?" I questioned, intrigued by his obvious affection for Vivian Wolf.
"I’ve been working for her about forty years now. I take care of the property and her horses. We’ve been through a lot together. I’m sure she’ll let you know all about that. Do me a favor and paint her in a good light."
"Of course. This is her story," I promised.
We rode in silence down the two-lane highway. We passed by small stores and modern convenience along the first ten miles. Then, the landscape turned to snow
covered trees, with only the occasional house.
I held my breath as we began a windy descent up the mountain. Ben must have sensed my tension as the two-lane highway turned into a one lane road with four-foot piles of snow on each side.
"I've been driving this for years. You are safe, Miss," he assured me.
"Well, what do you think?"
We pulled through iron gates and he drove down a cobbled stone path. The property was even more spectacular than the pictures showed. The dark wood and stone house looked more like a ski lodge than a home.
An indistinct figure stood in the doorway. The closer we got, the more the shape morphed into a small woman, who I guessed to be Vivian Wolf. I had been right about her height.
After Ben opened the door and helped me out of the truck, she called to us. "I worried you wouldn’t make it here before the storm hit."
"Bah," Ben grumbled. "There is not a cloud in the sky. You better stop watching that channel. You mark my words, no storm is comin' tonight."
Vivian had the brightest green eyes. She waved Ben off and turned her attention towards me. "My, aren't you a beauty." Vivian clasped my face in her hands and continued greeting me. "I’ve heard nothing, but wonderful things about you, Caitlyn. I’m so excited for you to tell my story, but of course, I insist my name is on it."
"Of course. I couldn't imagine it any other way."
She chuckled and released me. There was something so welcoming about her. She was so alive that you got swept up in her presence.
"Well, I gave Sofia the day off, so I’ve just made us lunch. Let’s see if Ben can bring your bags up before we eat. He moved the rest up to your suite when they arrived. I would have unpacked for you, but I thought that would be a bit brazen."
"It took everything in you to not go through her bags, didn't it, Viv?" Ben’s eyes gleamed with mischief.
She swatted at him. "Go on. You know I would never go through someone's bags. A lady needs her secrets."
She smiled at him, and he looked back at her adoringly. I watched their brief interaction. Now that's probably part of her story.
"Get her things up to her suite, love," Vivian ordered, and then gave Ben a big smile.
"Already on my way," he said.
"Well, hurry up then. I made lunch for us – my famous chicken salad."
He grinned and imitated preparing for a race. His arms, back, and body lunged forward, it looked like he was waiting for the starter gun to go off.
"You old fool. Go on." She chuckled. "All right, come on in. You must be freezing. You don't even have a jacket. I didn't prepare you for our type of weather, did I? I’ll order you some warmer clothes."
"Well, it’s not that cold in California yet," I said.
"You thought you were coming to the warm weather of California?"
I laughed. "Yes, it’s easy to live in the world of no seasons when you're there."
"Delicious, isn't it? However, I think you will grow to love seeing the four seasons here," Vivian said.
"Will I be here long enough to see them all?"
"That depends on how good my story is, I guess." Hooking her arm in mine, she said, "I have been waiting ages to meet the famous Caitlyn Chase Whittaker."
"Just Chase, I corrected. "Whittaker was my married name."
"Oh, I know all about married names. As long as they ended with a healthy number of dollar signs after them, I'll smile at the sound of any of their names. Did you see dollar bills at the end of your marriage?"
"Papers have just been sent, but I have taken care of myself," I answered.
"That sounds like a story. A lunch conversation or best saved for a nightcap?"
"Definitely a nightcap." I laughed.
Twenty-six
Taking this chance was exactly what I needed. My new life was off to a perfect start. My room was cozy and well furnished. It felt like home.
I quickly changed into a sweater and jeans, and returned to the entry way, where I followed the voices. Viv and Ben were in the kitchen. I took my seat, which gave me the perfect view of the mountains.
"Every Tuesday, my boy, Grant, insisted I make my famous chicken salad," Vivian bragged.
I understood why her son said it was the best. It definitely was the best I ever ate.
"Is Grant your only child?" I asked.
Vivian's eyes grew sad. "Yes, I was blessed to carry him to full-term. The gods have been cruel to me in regards to bringing children into this world, but I am grateful for my baby boy. It took husband number four to give me this blessing. Of all my marriages, I can truly say that one broke my heart when it ended. Burying Jackson almost killed me until I found out I was pregnant.
“When my blue-eyed baby arrived, I vowed I wouldn't marry again. I had the money I needed to live a rich life, and I would never need another man to take care of me. Now, don't get me wrong, there have been men in my life to satisfy a need or two." Her eyes met Ben's and I, once again, saw something unspoken between them.
"Will I get to meet any of these men?" I asked coyly.
"Oh my, no. There will not be any strange men coming in and out of my sanctuary."
Will she confide in me later about her relationship with Ben? For now, I just wanted to enjoy her company and share the story she wanted to tell. My curiosity was pushed to the back burner.
After lunch, Vivian told Ben to bring me to my suite, since she had an appointment with her hairstylist, followed by her daily massage.
"I’ll see you for dinner, honey. Make yourself at home and let me know if you need anything," she called as she whisked away.
When I walked into my room, I was so pleased. It was colorful and bright with pictures hung on the walls. No more bare white walls with no personality. It was warm and inviting, unlike the home I had come from.
Ben arrived with another box I mailed. I decided to cut to the chase. "Are you and Vivian a couple? Watching you, it seems like there’s something between you."
His eyes narrowed. "The stories Miss Vivian wants to share are hers and hers alone."
"Ben, this isn't for the book. I just saw love between you two. It is clear there’s something there," I said gently.
His face softened. "I love Viv and that is all you need to know."
"I understand. Maybe, one day, you will feel comfortable enough to confide in me?"
“Humph,” was the only thing he said before turning and leaving.
Caitlyn: I am in <3 with this place. All well in LA?
Thomas: So glad. That dick, Jeremy, showed up threatening to beat my queer ass if I didn't tell him where you went. Who talks like that nowadays!! Jacob was there to scare the shit out of him.
Caitlyn: OMFG. I am so so sorry!
Thomas: No worries, Cat. Has he contacted you?
Jeremy did send several text messages I had not read. Thankfully, I had been smart enough to transfer my phone number onto my own plan. He couldn't disconnect my service or use it to find me.
Caitlyn: There are messages but I am not reading or answering. TTYL K?
Thomas: xoxo
I sat down on one of the lounge chairs by the window and stared at the mountains. It was peaceful here. I understood why Vivian called it ‘her sanctuary’.
My mind felt clear. Clear enough to acknowledge I had left a mess I needed to fix. As much as Jeremy deserved to be hurt, I wasn't a better person for trying to ruin his life.
Caitlyn: Tad, I need you to stop slandering Jeremy's name. If he has to take you to court, I'll have to be honest about everything, including personal details like size and stamina. I am not sure you want court documents to be available with that kind of information. It was a mistake and you need to just leave it alone.
Tad: The whole thing was a mess. You’re right. I overreacted. I’ll fix it.
Caitlyn: I’m sorry I dragged you into my sick marriage but it’s over now.
Tad: I want to see you again, Caitlyn. I haven't felt so alive in a very long time. I don't want you to be just a
cheap fling. I need to see you again.
Caitlyn: Sorry, Tad. I’m out of the game now. I’m a new woman.
Setting the phone down, I stared again at the clouds floating in the blue sky over the mountain range. There wasn’t anything I could do to change what I had done. I didn't owe Jeremy anything else and revenge left a sour taste in my mouth. One I never wanted to sample again.
Twenty-seven
October flew by. My first fall was truly magical. Trees shed their leaves in California, but it felt different here. It was like the season slowly turned for me. I wanted to be here for my first true Christmas, too.
My days were filled. Vivian only allowed one hour a day to talk about her life and two hours for writing. During our talks, I confessed to Vivian what I had done too. She listened without judgement.
One day, while I finished typing up the chapter about her second husband, she came bouncing in the room. Yes, Vivian was so full of energy that, when she was excited, it was like talking to a teenager.
"Do I have a surprise for you." She swayed dramatically. "A Thanksgiving present."
"It is that time already?"
"Can you guess what your present is?"
"We will be eating turkey." I smirked.
Vivian threw back her head and laughed. "Yes, we’re having turkey and the rest of the spread. Your surprise is that Thomas and Jacob will be joining us."
My heart fell. That meant my mother would be alone on the holiday.
"You don't look pleased. Did you not want to see them?" She sat next to me and patted my hand.
"No, I want to see them. It is just my mother will be…"
"Oh, honey, did I forget to say your mom was coming with them? What a scatterbrain I am. Grant always said I was the worst at surprises. Who makes such an announcement and forgets to tell the details? I've been talking with Hillary. She is such a delight and has wonderful ideas on how to make the day go off with a bang."