by Briann Danae
During her shower, Neicey prayed. Before her grandmother passed, she would always tell her to pray and ask God for what you wanted to see in your life and, if you didn’t know right then, then to ask for clarity. Neicey wanted it all in life. Whatever she felt like she could have, she went after. Everything except for peace. Not the kind she wanted, anyway. That was one thing she hadn’t stumbled upon yet, but was praying for it every day.
“I know you didn’t fall asleep on me,” she said, climbing under the covers and snuggling next to Sen.
Rolling over, he released a fake snore and buried his face in the crook of her neck. With just a tank top and underwear on, he groped her ass while inhaling her Dove scented skin.
“Shit, almost. I can fall asleep now, though.”
For as long as she’d known him, Sen had always been the one out of them who liked to cuddle. He was damn near obsessed with touching and feeling on Neicey. He’d pick her nose when they laid in bed, dig her underwear from the crack of her behind, shower with her more than he wanted to shower alone, and stayed tugging on her weave.
“Thank you for today,” Neicey mumbled.
Sen pulled her closer and placed a kiss on her cheek. “Don’t thank me yet. I still got the rest of the weekend to show my ass.”
Neicey chuckled, but she knew he was only telling the truth. “Please don’t.”
An “mhm” was mumbled and, in less than five minutes, he was back snoring. Neicey stayed awake thinking about her life, before her eyelids finally lowered. The plan was to get a good night’s sleep because being around family she hadn’t saw in years tomorrow was going to drain her, but she was excited nonetheless. Dysfunctional family or not, she loved them.
***
“How’s your mama?” Erica asked on the other end of Neicey’s line. She had run in the house to use the restroom, and Erica had called to check in on her.
Neicey sighed. Nakita was as good as the act she and her daughter both put up. “Girl, she good. Around here somewhere playing hostess.”
“That’s good. I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself for once. Don’t be trying to come back a day early either. Me and the kids will see you Tuesday.”
Neicey pouted. “Boooo. That’s so far away.”
“It’s really not. Plus, you have to go to work when you get back, so we’ll see you Tuesday when you get off.”
Peeking her head around the corner to make sure Sen was nowhere in sight, Neicey shut the door. “Bitch. Speaking of work. I forgot to tell you what happened yesterday.”
Erica was all ears, as she shifted a sleeping Lil Meechi from her lap to his bassinet. She was not about to spoil him, no matter how much she wanted to. Daiya had ruined it for her little brother.
“What happened? Couldn’t have been too crazy and, trust me,” she chuckled, “we’ve witnessed crazy.”
Having already put her up on game about Dex working at her job, Erica was aware of the attraction Neicey had for him but wouldn’t pursue it. It was more so of a ‘what if’ type of attraction.
“So, I told you how we got this new software app or whatever, and he had to train everyone. I’m in his office before I leave work and we end up going to lunch.”
“Wait, wait! You missing some parts. How’d ya’ll go from the office to lunch? Don’t try and play me on the details,” Erica fussed, needing all the tea.
Neicey laughed and continued. “He got hungry, I guess. Anyway, he asked ever so nicely if we could do lunch, platonically of course. I ain’t passing up no meal; plus, it wasn’t a date, but you couldn’t tell Sen that. Why he pull up on us? When I tell you I about died, girl. For real. I felt my soul leave my body when he hopped out the driver’s seat.”
Erica was on the end cracking up. It was something about the men in their family and pop ups. Meechi was known for pulling up on Erica wherever she was at back in the day. He didn’t give a fuck whose crib it was.
“I would have ran.”
Neicey busted out laughing. “Ran where, hoe? Wasn’t no getting away from him. That man walked straight up to the table, no greeting, no nothing. And had the nerve to take a bite of the sandwich I left.”
“Savage, shit. Meechi would have snatched me up so quick.”
“Oh, I know. Remember when you almost busted your ass running to get to him when he knocked Vance out?”
Neicey was laughing a good laugh, and it felt good for once. Though the trip to California ended badly, she’d never forget it. It was definitely one for the books. Erica sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes.
“Girl, don’t remind me. He had me so mad and he didn’t care one bit about me crying,” she chuckled. “So, what’d Sen say? Don’t get all sidetracked.”
“I think he’s losing his mind. Do you know he didn’t even go off like he normally would? I was waiting for him to spazz on me, but he didn’t. He just threatened to leave me stranded on the side of the road.”
Erica cackled. “He would too, and bust a U-turn to come pick your ass back up. Seriously, though… maybe he’s just realizing that violence isn’t the answer to everything. You think?”
Neicey didn’t know what to think about yesterday’s altercation. She was still trying to process it. “I don’t know. I hope so. Him going to jail should have been a wakeup call. Nigga know he don’t want to do no jail time.”
“But he will if it came down to it,” Erica solidified, matter of fact. “He and Meechi both.”
“Yeah… but, it shouldn’t have to come to that. Not this deep in.”
Erica nodded her head, but she knew better. There were only two ways out of the streets, and those who were blessed enough with the third option had struck gold. All she knew was that she had no plans to ever visit a tombstone or a jail cell to talk to Meechi, and it was going to stay that way if she had a say so. And, she would always have a say so.
“That’s when it’s most crucial. Niggas getting in don’t have anything to lose are looking for a come up, and will come at anyone’s head. Whether that be by themselves or through someone else.”
“True. Let me get back out here girl, for they start looking for me. I can hear my uncle calling my name now,” she said and opened the door.
Erica knew exactly what uncle she was talking about and laughed. “Shawn is still a mess. But, okay boo. Enjoy yourself and call me before ya’ll head out.”
“Okay. Kiss my babies for me,” she cooed, before disconnecting the call.
Before she could walk fully down the hall, Uncle Shawn was on her heels about going to the store. “Bye, Shawn. I’m not leaving this house.”
“Come on Neicey Pooh. Just run to the store for me right quick. It won’t take long.”
“If it won’t take long, why I gotta go? I’m the guest; you should be running errands for me,” Neicey replied to her drunk uncle.
He was fresh out of Budlight, the six pack he had brought with him, and it was only five in the afternoon. She could only imagine what he’d be like by ten. That’s if he made it until then. That morning, Nakita woke her and Sen up for breakfast, and they had been helping her prep for Nolan’s party all day. Sen had disappeared more than a few times to get high and was away from her now, smoking with her younger male and female cousins. He talked shit about some of them, but they were cool as a fan.
“Shawn, don’t be having my child doing your dirty work. Where’s your wife?” Nakita asked, walking into the kitchen.
“Gon’ head on ni, Kita. I’m talking to my favorite niece.”
“I’m your favorite niece, huh?” Neicey laughed, as Shawn threw his arm over her shoulder.
“Fasho, girl. Just another six-pack, and grab yourself something too,” he said, slipping her a fifty-dollar bill and a wink. “Preciate’ ya!”
“Mhm. You’re welcome. Ma, you need something while I’m out?” she asked Nakita, who was searching the cabinet for the jar of mayonnaise to put in the tuna her family just had to have at every function. They had already gone through a huge bowl of it.
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“Can you grab Nolan a card for me? It’s been slipping my mind all week, and I just remembered.”
Neicey smirked. “I don’t want to say it, but you think you-”
“Child, please. Ain’t nothing over here old. You better gone head ni’.”
Laughing, Neicey grabbed her mama’s keys from the counter. “I wasn’t even going to say that. That Kroger is still up the street, right?”
“Yeah. You want somebody to ride with you?”
“Ride with you where?” Mena, Neicey’s eighteen-year-old cousin, asked. Looking in her direction, Neicey shook her head. She was high as a kite.
“To the store, with your high ass.”
Mena’s eye grew as wide as they would allow her, and she giggled. “Shhh. Don’t say that. It’s Sen’s fault. I need to cop my weed from him.”
“We’ll be back mama. If Sen looking for me, tell him I ran to the store real quick.”
Nakita nodded her head and opened another can of tuna. “Alright.”
Hitting the locks to her mama’s car, Mena slid in the passenger seat with a grin on her face. Neicey climbed in, looked her way, and started laughing.
“Don’t irritate me on this five-minute drive Mena.”
“Whaaat? I didn’t even say anything,” she laughed, clicking her seatbelt.
“You just sitting there smiling. You one of them people who get high and don’t know how to act. Can’t take you out in public or nothing.”
Mena cracked up laughing and shook her head. “Leave me alone. That wasn’t no regular weed, man. I’m smiling because I have the munchies and been waiting for someone to run to the store. I want some chips. Ooh, and some candy.”
Neicey chuckled and stopped at the light. Mena sounded just like Sen when he got high. She kept a gang of snacks in their pantry for him. It didn’t matter if she had cooked a full course meal, Sen would always eat that and his munchie food after he smoked.
“What you been up to cousin? You don’t fool with us.”
“Girl. I’m grown as hell, with grown woman bills. Who’s not going to make this drive all the time is me. When’s the last time ya’ll came to visit me, shit?” Neicey fired back. The comment didn’t offend her at all, but she was tired of hearing the same thing from her family members.
From the first person who walked in the door and saw her, damn near each person after had something to say about her not visiting, as if Arkansas was around the corner. It wasn’t, and Neicey wasn’t about to let Mena or anyone else stress her out about it. She had her reasons for not visiting as much as she knew her mama would have liked, and they had theirs.
“I’m just saying. We only see you on social media. But, whatever. You sure Sen doesn’t have a younger brother? His mama was mad selfish for only creating one boy. Or would it be his daddy, since he’s the one who-”
Neicey glared her way, before throwing the car in park in a spot close to the entrance of Kroger. “Mena, shut yo high ass up and come on. And, no. Sen only has twin sisters.”
Mena smirked and unclicked her seatbelt. “I’m not bias at all.”
And, she wasn’t. Her mama knew she was going through whatever faze it was where she thought she was attracted to girls, and was letting her have at it. That was the one thing, amongst others, that Neicey loved about her family sometimes. They weren’t nearly as judgmental on certain situations, but a few family members did voice their opinion about Mena’s love life. They even tried voicing their opinion about Neicey stripping, but she wasn’t for that. Stripping was the only thing putting money in her pocket at the time, not their opinions.
“Grab you some chips, while I go get Shawn these beers. Knowing he doesn’t need anymore,” Neicey griped, as they walked in the store.
“Let him tell it, he’s invincible off the malt liquor,” Mena chuckled, before heading in the opposite direction.
A few stares from men and women were sent Neicey’s way, but she was used to it. As hot as it was, there was no way she was covering up her legs but, even in the capri shorts, her ass was still poking. Plus, she was a brown skinned woman rocking the hell out of some blonde hair. Not many African-American woman could pull the look off, but it had been her signature look for years. In fact, she had only ever worn one other color for as long as she could remember. Her natural dark brown, that almost looked black, hair. Plus, she was a new face in town for the most part and would always receive stares, but Neicey embraced it.
“How you doing young lady?” an older gentleman asked, as she grabbed the pack of Budlight from the fridge.
“I’m fine.”
“Mhm. Yes, you are,” he said seductively, making Neicey cringe and gag.
It was one way of complimenting a woman on her looks, but to straight creep her the fuck out was not cool. She had been hit on her life, and the cat calls, sexual suggestions, and disgusting stares never sat well with her. Weird, but while she was stripping, she went into another world when they were voiced. Publicly, Neicey would shudder and damn near shut down. Some men could be such perverts and she hated it, especially the way they made her feel.
Rolling her eyes as she walked pass him, she headed toward the section that held cards. She, too, had forgotten to grab Nolan a card to go with the gift she packed, so she was glad her mama reminded her. Letting her eyes roam the ‘to son from mother’ section, Mena walked up. She had two bags of chips, a bag of Starbursts, and a raspberry pink Calypso in her hand.
“You weren’t playing, huh?” Neicey laughed, reading through one of the cards. It didn’t sound a thing like Nakita’s warm personality, so she placed it back and grabbed another.
“Hell, nah. I was going to grab more, but I got distracted by this fine ass man who walked by,” she replied, licking her lips.
“I bet you did.”
“For real. This like my second time seeing him around town, and I’d get on him if he didn’t have two girls with him.”
Neicey ignored whatever Mena was talking about and grabbed the envelope to the second card she read through. Moving to the section for sisters, she stopped when Mena’s eyes got big.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“That’s him. He’s coming down this aisle,” she replied in a whisper.
Neicey went to turn around, and when she saw who the man was, the six-pack slipped from her hand and shattered over the tile floor. Her entire frame trembled when he stepped closer and let her name leave his mouth.
“Shanice, you good?”
“Damn, Neicey,” Mena said, jumping back.
Though his voice was calm, questioning, Neicey flinched. No one called her Shanice. Not a male anyway, unless it was for professional reasons or if their name was Sensay. This man in front of her was not him. A feeble answer would have left her lips if she had one. Was she good? Hell no, she wasn’t good. If her feet could move, she’d run back to the car and say to hell with her brother’s cards. A store clerk moseyed over after hearing the collapse of the beers and began cleaning the mess up, snapping Neicey back into reality.
“Neicey!” Mena called out, after she hadn’t said anything.
“Let’s go.”
“Yo, wait up!” the guy called out, as Neicey tried to walk away.
Fear and anxiety creeped through Neicey’s body as he got closer, and she came to an abrupt stop. She was praying he didn’t place a hand on her, or she would be no good. The smell of him invaded her nostrils immediately. He still looked the same, and she hated the way her vision became blurry from remembrance. What tore at her heartstrings the most were the two little girls by his side with candy in their hands. They looked exactly like him; same toffee-colored skin, big hazel eyes that captivated you, and the sweetest smiles with dimples that sunk deep into their cheeks… like his. Neicey swallowed hard. She used to love his dimples.
“How have you been?”
The question sent a stab directly to her heart. As if he was forbidden to ask such a thing, Neicey glared at him. She wanted to be angry. She s
ought to erect a wall of defense against him, like she told herself she would if she saw him again. Defense. The word suffocated her every thought, and her pointy nails dug deep into her palm as she clenched her hand.
“Great,” she choked out, making him frown.
“Daddy, she’s pretty,” the youngest of the two girls said with a wave, making Neicey’s eyes water even more.
“Thank you, sweetie.” She tried to keep her heart cold and still, but the little girl was just too precious to receive her attitude.
“Aye, aren’t you Nolan’s friend?” Mena asked, unaware of the weird altercation taking place. She was too caught up in how fine and well-dressed he was, now that he was closer in proximity.
A cold knot formed in Neicey’s stomach, waiting to hear his reply. She never questioned Nolan about his relationship with him, but this was one time she was about to find out. A subtle head nod was given, and Neicey felt like her being was under attack. There ain’t no fucking way they can still be friends, she wanted to scream, but her words had seemed to vanish.
“Used to be. We were best friends at a point in time.” The last sentence was uttered almost apologetically, and Neicey would have missed it, had her eyes not been glued to his. She felt like they were commanding an answer out of her, that a question wasn’t needed to assist. The pressure was causing her to only halfway listen to Mena’s reply, as she struggled with her conscious. Just move your feet. She figured if she coached herself, it would make the task easier.
“That’s what’s up. It’s his birthday today. You should come by the house.”
“No!” Neicey shouted, startling them all with her outbursts.
Mena looked back and forth between the two, trying to assess the issue, but her mind was playing tricks on her. Not caring about how loud she had shouted the word, Neicey shook her head and clarified what she meant by it.