“Hey, Talley,” she said, bending down to the dog, who was wagging her tail at Amelia. “You going to run with us today?” she asked, petting soft fur. Scratching Talley’s neck. And laughing when the dog’s tongue gave one short lick on her cheek.
She really should think more seriously about getting another dog. Tiki had added so much to their lives growing up. And she was settled now, had a place.
The first part of the ride was mostly silent. A few comments on Talley’s ability to keep up, was all. She wanted to ride slower, for the dog’s sake, but Craig kept up their usual pace until Talley showed signs of tiring.
“You did great, girl,” he said, stopping his bike to give the dog a drink from a folding bowl he pulled out of a small pack on the back of his bike. Rubbing her head, her ears, he praised her as she drank.
It was the first time Amelia knew a human being could be jealous of a dog. And of a pat on the head. He was so tender, his hands so gentle, and...
“Do you mind if we stop by my place, drop her off?” he asked as he shook the bowl and put it back into the pack.
“Of course not.” Truth was, she had to pee. She was drinking more as the weather warmed, and having to urinate with more urgency. But going into his home...
Shouldn’t be an issue. They were friendly acquaintances. She trusted him implicitly. So why would it be a problem? He’d been in her home.
She fought with herself for the next block. They were traveling more slowly, for Talley’s sake, and she figured if she could just keep riding she’d be fine. And then asked herself why she didn’t just let herself go so she’d be more comfortable, why she was making herself suffer. She changed the subject back to being fine as long as she kept moving before she could answer herself.
In the end, her needs won out. As he stopped his bike at a three-car garage, next to a gate that led to the back of the property, and bent to unleash Talley, she asked him if she could use the restroom.
Of course he was immediately hospitable, letting the dog into the backyard, and taking Amelia into a laundry room not far from the back gate. Washer and dryer matched. And were clean. There were no clothes hanging on the bar in between the machines. Cupboards hung above them, holding the bar on either side.
“There’s a bathroom right here,” he said, showing her a door right outside the laundry room.
It was stupid to feel embarrassed for having to relieve a bodily function. Everyone did it. Even Craig. And he was a doctor. Bodily functions were all in a day’s work to him. He could probably tell her what parts went together, worked together to...
She was out of there as quickly as she could make it happen.
Craig wasn’t standing nearby, thank God, and she went back outside, thinking she could play with Talley until he returned. She’d been right to refuse herself a bathroom visit. Being inside Craig’s home was messing with her. Getting her all emotional and worried and het up and uncomfortable and...wanting more from him than she knew she needed.
No. She shook her head. Not wanting. Not really. She’d never been like this before, so easily aroused, sexually and otherwise, around anyone. Not even Mike. Not even in the beginning.
Talley was nowhere to be seen, but with more than an acre of trees in front of her, she wasn’t all that surprised. Still, Talley had been tired, not likely to go play in the trees. It only took her a couple of seconds of looking to see the doggy door that led into the house farther down. Into a room she hadn’t seen. One Talley was welcome to enter.
“There you are...”
She spun as Craig came out the same door they’d entered through. “I was going to ask you if you’d like something to drink. Since we’re here. I’ve got a fresh stash of juice.”
She was going to say no, of course. She couldn’t accept his hospitality. Seemed too personal.
While she fought with herself, her hormones answered for her. “I’d like that, thank you.” It was rude to just leave the man standing there.
“You want to come inside?” He held the door.
She shook her head instantly. Brusquely. “I’ll wait out here. It’s lovely...all those trees.”
He stood there for a second, studying her, and then went back inside.
He must think her an idiot. Or know that she was struggling. He had that peculiar ability to get into her head; he seemed to know her intimately.
No. She was making a mountain out of a molehill. And thinking in clichés now.
She had to stop this, all the internal fighting. She was a woman who took charge and maintained control. She knew better than to let her emotions play with her.
They’d lose. And she’d have to live with the mess they created. Clean it up. Take on more regret.
“You want to have a seat?” Craig was back, handing her a glass, and indicating the lovely patio, the wrought iron furniture boasting comfy-looking cushions.
She shook her head. Took a couple of steps farther into the yard. Talley came out and then went back inside.
“What’s wrong?” Craig stood in front of her, his bottle of juice mostly empty. She’d barely sipped from hers, afraid it would choke her.
“Hormones,” she told him. “It’s all just hormones. I’m sorry. I’m not myself. We should probably go.”
Instead of sending him heading for the gate, he stood unmoving, his brow furrowing with concern. Those eyes...how did fixtures in his face manage to convey such depth? And his hair—that wayward curl that hung just below his ear on the left side of his head. It was always there, just hanging out. Tempting her to touch it...
“What’s wrong?” he asked again.
The truth? Isabella had moved and she’d wanted to call and tell him. Or text at least. And wanting that was bad. Wanting everything else—a man, a family together—was even worse.
He was a doctor. He’d know about these things.
Normal. She was normal. He’d understand.
“I’m just...” She took a sip from her bottle, relief flooding through her. “I’ve got the temporary hots for you,” she said with a chuckle. Inviting him to chuckle along with her. “I know it’s just hormones, but...how long does it last? Do you know?”
He wasn’t chuckling. Or even grinning. He was staring at her, gaze intent. What...was he operating on her from the inside out now?
She wanted to look away. To move away. To drop her bottle of juice and run. She stood there, toe-to-toe with him, letting him do whatever he was doing: holding her captive with a look in his eye. And when his face moved, she lifted hers, still holding on to his gaze, watching him come closer.
His lips on hers was a foregone conclusion. She’d watched them approach. Read the intent in his eyes. She allowed the touch. Not pulling away as she had the first time their lips had touched.
Opening her mouth to him, she suckled hungrily. His arms came around her, pulling her fully up against his body. Her hands reached up to his neck, one still holding her juice as she clutched him like that, bottle dangling there, tasting fruit on his tongue. It was so good. He was so good.
The kiss was better than she’d imagined. His lips were gentle and masterful at the same time. Just like the man she’d come to know. Every part of her body trembled with wanting him. Wanting more. Her pelvis ached, pressing into him—and found his rock solid...paws landed on her shoulder before sliding between Amelia’s upper arm and Craig’s.
Because there would always be barriers between them.
The truth dawned suddenly on her. Amelia backed away.
“Oh, my God, I’m so sorry,” she said, horrified with herself. How could she have...yeah, he’d been the first one to make a move, but she’d practically undressed right there in front of him, telling him what she needed. “I have to go...” She turned, hurrying toward the gate.
“Amelia.” Craig caught up with her, stayed beside her as she continued forward, bu
t didn’t attempt to stop her. Didn’t touch her. “It’s okay,” he said, but she knew it wasn’t.
“And it most definitely wasn’t your fault.”
But it was. She was being selfish and maybe even cruel, inviting him to start something that she knew had nowhere to go.
She shook her head. Couldn’t listen to him. Couldn’t stay there. She had to get to her bike. His ex-lover’s bike. The woman who’d originally owned and lived in this home with him. The home he intended to share with a wife and family. A home that made her feel trapped and afraid.
She had to get back to her car.
Because if she didn’t, she knew she’d give in to fickle emotions and beg to stay.
Chapter Sixteen
Climbing on a bike with a hard-on was not pleasant. Nor was the fact that the woman who’d caused it could see full well that he hadn’t controlled his desires around her.
His only comfort was that she wasn’t looking anywhere in his direction and so, perhaps, had missed his evidence. Had she also missed the way his heart had started to pound when she’d returned his kiss?
He’d noticed how hers had.
He had to ride back to her car with her, to get Tricia’s bike, but he’d have gone, anyway. They had issues between them to resolve.
And there was no way he’d have left her to ride alone—not as upset as she was.
Sliding down from the seat even before her bike had come to a complete halt, Amelia pulled her leg over the lower bar and had the kickstand in place before he’d dismounted. She yanked her keys from the pouch around her waist. “See you later,” she said, turning toward her car.
Craig’s bike tipped, almost fell over, as he hurried to follow her. He got to her just as she’d grabbed the driver’s side handle.
“Wait,” he said, just off to the side of her. “Please, Amelia. We need to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk.”
“I’m not sure I do, either, but I think we should.”
He knew as she stood there, hand on the door without opening it, that she was going to grant him his request. And knew instant regret.
He wasn’t ready to say goodbye to her—or Isabella.
Would he ever be?
Two cars passed each other, pulling in and out of the lot. A nearby door slammed. He felt exposed. Far too public for the conversation ahead. And the bikes...
“I need to get the bikes locked up,” he said. “We could talk in my vehicle. That way I’m not invading your space and you can get out and go at any time.”
She didn’t say anything, but followed him back to the bikes. Amelia rolled hers up alongside his SUV, waiting with it while he got his in the rack and then reached for hers. He’d already unlocked the doors and she climbed into the passenger side while he finished securing the bikes for the short drive home. He’d have taken longer if he thought she’d wait around.
He wasn’t eager to hear her tell him that she couldn’t see him again. That he couldn’t see her again. If anything, he wanted the exact opposite.
“I should never have said anything about my overactive libido,” she said before he’d even closed the driver’s door behind him. Just hearing her say the word libido sent a shot of electricity right back to his genitals and he saw the error in his suggestion that they sit together in the vehicle. His body’s instant reaction was right there up close and personal, for her to see. A hard-on and a steering wheel coexisting together.
There was just no good way to get out of the situation.
“I was just...you being a doctor and all...”
Yeah, adopting a bedside manner would have been good. Unfortunately, he wasn’t at work, she wasn’t a patient and the only visions he could see of her and a bed were of them in it together.
“I read that elevated sex drive was common.”
“It is,” he said. He had to say something. To make this right. “And you weren’t wrong to talk to me about it,” he added, not at all sure where to go from there. Except he said, “I’m the one who needs to apologize. I’m so sorry I took advantage of you. I wish I had a good explanation. I just don’t.”
“You didn’t take advantage of me.” She glanced over and their gazes met for the first time since Talley had interrupted them in the backyard.
He’d be giving the dog steak for dinner, or something comparable. She deserved all the thanks he could give her.
“I’ve been going crazy with wanting it to happen.” She sounded disgusted with herself. And his body still rose to the occasion. Every time he’d start to relax, then there he was again, standing at attention. Just no easy way to do this.
“It’s been on my mind, as well. And I’m not suffering from gestational hormonal fluctuations.”
“We’re diametrically opposed.”
“I know.”
“Your house...even being in the laundry room looking into the kitchen... I didn’t want to be there.”
“I kind of picked up on that.”
“It’s not just the house... It’s... I don’t want to get married, to be forever vulnerable to the actions of someone else.”
“I know.”
He hadn’t asked her to marry him. Or even to go out with him. But he prudently held his tongue.
“You do.”
“Yep.”
“I know why this is happening. It’s because I’m carrying your baby. Let’s just put it right out there. That’s the cause of the connection we’re feeling. Right?”
He wanted to believe that was all it was.
“I mean, in a perfect world, there’s supposed to be some kind of feeling associated with the whole your-seed-growing-inside-of-me process. That’s what holds couples and families together. Or so I’m told. Sometimes.”
“I can remember a time when I was kid,” he said, looking inward. “I was about ten or eleven. I’d just done something good, though I’ve got no recollection whatsoever as to what it was. What I remember was the way my dad looked at my mom, and she at him, and then they both looked back at me with this identical smile on their faces. I couldn’t explain it then, but I felt so great. I’ve never forgotten that feeling.”
He hadn’t thought of it often, either.
“There was a bond there, because they were your parents,” she said. “In your case, the bond probably solidified because they raised you together. In our case, we won’t be...so an intense attraction between us—at least I know I’m feeling it and based on your struggle over there I’m guessing you’re feeling it, too—will pass. Everything’s new and unknown and pretty emotional right now, with this pregnancy and all. But when life settles back to a new normal, to a new routine...”
He wanted to believe her.
He wasn’t sure he did.
But couldn’t prove her wrong, either.
“It’s possible,” he told her.
Except...he had to be honest.
“Ever since you told me your baby is a girl... I keep thinking about Tricia. She had issues because her mother’s married lover would never acknowledge her. And you and your sister...with your dad abandoning you and then Duane not filling that void. Both of you have been shaped so deeply by that. And now I’ve fathered a little girl who’s going to grow up without a father in her life.”
Her expression flattened and he knew he’d scared her back inside again, to the place she went when she had to guard her heart.
“What are you saying? You want to coparent her now? To be—”
“No,” he cut her off as her voice rose. “I’ve been honest with you from the beginning and I’m being honest now. In the first place, I have no grounds or rights to ask such a thing of you. And in the second, I told you I wouldn’t. You’ve been good to me, allowing me this chance to get things right within myself. You’ve even said I could stay on the peripheries of Isabella’s life as she grows, to be a
vailable if either of you ever need assistance that I can provide. I’m just telling you my thoughts. And...aside from Isabella, I’m just not sure that my attraction to you is going to dissipate as easily, or completely, as you think yours for me will.”
“I’m not sure it will,” she said, glancing down at her hands. “I’m just hoping it will. This increased sexual drive is all new territory for me.”
He nodded, lips pursed as he watched a couple leave a dog in the car as they held hands and walked around the corner. It wasn’t hot enough to be all that dangerous yet. But if they left the car long enough, with the way car interiors heated up in the direct sun, it could become dangerous.
He wasn’t going to leave until he was certain the dog was okay. Until he could try to make things okay between him and Amelia.
Not that he was trying to convince himself anymore that he cared for her the same as he’d care for any other living creature.
She definitely mattered more.
“You want to stop riding?” she asked.
Maybe they should. “Not really,” he told her. “Though we’re going to have to in another couple of weeks.”
He figured she’d known it was coming just as he had. It was the first either of them had spoken of their imminent separation.
“We’re diametrically opposed.” They were back where they’d started.
“I know.” He wished he could tell her he might be happy someday to pursue a relationship with a woman who just wanted to live together. But he knew better. His time with Tricia had taught him that. Taught him, too, that trying to fit into a relationship that didn’t fit ended up stealing happiness from everyone.
“But it seems that we’re going to be some kind of friends,” she added, frowning as she peered out the front windshield. Whether she didn’t like something she saw out there, or her expression was a result of inward sight, he wasn’t sure.
“I hope we’ll always be in touch,” he agreed. A lot of times people parting ways said that and then never spoke again. But Isabella bound them.
A Baby Affair (The Parent Portal Book 2) Page 13