by Unknown
“Wait.” Phil appeared at my side and took my wrist. “Are you leaving?”
“I can’t be in the same room as her right now,” I whispered, noticing she didn’t even care I was upset.
“She didn’t mean anything. Please. Don’t go.”
His rich buttery voice tasted dreamy to my ears. But I couldn’t stay. Her churning curiosity told me she had more crap to vent and my patience was growing thin.
“The movie is distracting me from studying. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Phil took ahold of my bag and led me into the kitchen instead of the front door. I only put up a partial fight, enamored by his tenacity to keep me there. He stopped and gave me his spine-tingling grin for extra measure.
“Parker,” he said, smoothing aside my bangs. “We’ll figure out something with Nick. Don’t let it consume you.”
“It’s not that.” Well, it is, actually, among everything else. I looked away, wishing I could say what I wanted to out loud.
His dark satiny eyes grabbed my attention and I almost accepted the invitation to enjoy his delectable kiss when Nicholas came to mind. If only I were single. I backed away quickly, realizing my emotional roller coaster made fighting him off a struggle today. I had to leave before I did something I’d regret later.
“I’m doing my best. See you tomorrow.” I placed a quick peck on his cheek and stole my bag from his shoulder.
My hair moved away from my neck and his lips grazed my ear lobe for a second. “Bye, Parker. Miss me.”
I cracked a smile.
When I opened the door, he was gone—far away from the sunlight.
The drive home left me worse off than I’d hoped. All the things I should have said to Katie came to mind, including the confrontation I’d wanted to deliver for years. What if Tyler knew the truth about all her pre-vampire failed manipulation attempts to gain his attention? It was only after her sexy vamp-makeover did he finally notice her.
But I couldn’t let Katie take the brunt of my anger. Alora was to blame for all of this. She’d acquired the venom serum and turned Katie in an attempt to lure me into her coven. When that failed, she captured and converted my half-vampire boyfriend—her long lost son—over to the dark side by force feeding him blood.
I clutched the talisman Nicholas gave to protect me. It was all she’d ever wanted. Well, that and her son. This whole time he’d thought she’d died after his birth. Preston had lied about the fact he’d changed her into a vampire and when she wouldn’t agree to remain bloodless, Preston kidnapped Nicholas as a baby and ran.
How could, after all that drama, they become one big happy vampire family? Something else had to be preventing him from coming home. But what was it? I feared the worst. Did he not care for me anymore?
Pulling in front of my house, I stomped unnecessarily hard on the brake and slammed the transmission into park. The uncertainty was driving me crazy. Luckily I didn’t have to wait long.
I picked up my phone and texted Sam.
- Totally can’t wait till Disneyland! Summer is HERE! Need to get out of this town!
I waited, hoping she’d call me back, instead of texting. The phone remained silent in my hand. After no reply, I pocketed it, grabbed my backpack, and hauled myself inside. She must have been with Todd, like always.
I’d learned my lesson the last time I’d called. Todd did everything in his power to distract her from talking to me. She’d promised to call back and forgot. If Nicholas were here, I wouldn’t have minded and would be distracted myself. Without him, I’d become a third wheel.
But our adventure to Disneyland was going to be the two of us. We’d drive down and stay at her aunt and uncle’s who lived in Anaheim. And sometime, during the four-day trip, I’d steal away to Beverly Hills and visit Nicholas. One more week. I couldn’t wait.
As I entered the house, my phone buzzed with a return text.
- Me neither!!! Whoot!
I closed my eyes and smiled as my heart fluttered in anticipation.
Inside, Luke watched TV, apparently over his bout of parental protection. The aroma of chili wafted from a pot on the stove—one he’d expect I’d wash later. But chili didn’t tempt my taste buds. After the painful afternoon with Katie, Ben and Jerry’s brownie batter ice cream was far more appetizing. I grabbed the half-eaten pint from the freezer and headed upstairs.
In my room, I sprawled on the floor and pulled out a leather journal from between my mattress and box spring. I trailed my fingers over the embossed cross-shaped dagger on the cover—the same emblem Nicholas had tattooed on his bicep. I closed my eyes and inhaled the rich leather, transported to the comfort of his arms wrapped tightly around my body while I nuzzled his coat. I imagined my fingers tangling in his soft dark locks. The pages flipped open to the middle, my fingers dancing over the words he’d written last fall.
September 13
Today was a disaster. In my attempt to trail Lavin, I put Julia in harm’s way. She’d run out of gas and her phone must have died, so she walked home through the forest. Her courage astounds me sometimes. Anyway, somehow she knew to run when Lavin found her. But she fell off the cliff. If she had died today, I would have snapped. I was just in time to catch her.
But to see her and hold her. God, it took everything in my power to keep from kissing her. She’s just so beautiful. It’s so wrong. But it feels so right when I’m with her. Of course she asked a million questions. I don’t know if telling her I killed a mountain lion was such a good idea.
But luckily she’s okay. I agreed to see her again, but now I know I can’t.
This is going to kill me.
September 14
She‘s waiting for me right now and I can’t go to her. It’s driving me crazy. I know it’s the right thing to do, but I can’t stand it. I can’t help thinking she probably hates me and never wants to see me again. I can’t stand hurting her, but it’s for the best. If any vamp were to know I care for her like I do, they’ll torture her to torture me for all the slayings I’ve done. I could never live with myself if anything ever happened. AnneMarie’s death nearly killed me. Julia will move on. She’ll find another guy. And when she does, I’ll make sure he’s worthy of her, and if he isn’t, I’ll rip his arms off.
It’s better this way. It has to be. It needs to be. It will be. I just need to stay focused so I don’t do something stupid.
DAMN IT! I need to hunt something. Now!
September 16
Kill all vamps, Nicholas. That’s your rule. And because you’ve broken it and decided to keep Lavin alive so he’d lead you to the coven, Julia knows you exist. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You had to be short with her, not only because you were worried the bloodsuckers would get away, but because you can’t have her harboring feelings for you. She’ll recover and so will you. When you allow yourself to get attached, you get sloppy. You hesitated to spare her feelings and then you lost their scent—AGAIN.
That’s why you have rules. Stop messing around, otherwise you’re going to have bigger problems on your hands.
I held the journal to my chest, remembering back to those first days together. If only I’d known the truth. He’d felt just as horribly as I had. Our connection was so much deeper than just one mission of mercy, no wonder I couldn’t let him go. But it was all right there. Every encounter, every heroic deed the last eleven years of my life since he’d vowed to be my guardian when Mom died. He was trying to do the right thing every time.
I tucked the journal away and pulled out my school notes instead. Though his words made me feel better, the longing never stopped. I snuggled up on my bed and rested my head on my arm. So much to do, so little time before finals next week.
Hours later, the rap on the window broke the narcolepsy my homework had induced. I opened my eyes with a start.
“Parker,” Phil quietly called. “Invite me in.”
I blinked, groggy and unsure of the time. In the window, the moon tinged Phil’s wayward blonde hair with go
lden strings of light. “You’re invited in.”
He slid the glass the rest of the way open and stepped inside quicker than my eyes could register. “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Un-invite me?”
I yawned and moved all the stuff scattered across my bed into a pile on the floor. “I don’t.”
“Really?” Phil moved towards me and sat down. “That’s weird. Maybe the invite has an expiration date.”
“Maybe.” I chuckled and crawled under my covers, aware that only a thin sheet separated his body from mine.
If Nicholas saw us at this moment, he’d rip Phil’s head off. They already had quite the jealous relationship going on, and Nicholas had killed him once. But his visiting and occasionally staying the night was harmless. And after reading Nicholas’ journal again, I knew who my heart belonged to. I’d never let myself kiss Phil no matter how good I knew it would feel.
“You okay?” he asked, rubbing my shoulder and smoothing back my hair.
“Meh,” I groaned, curling into the pillow and closing my eyes. “If I talk about it, I’ll just get all riled up again.”
“And you’re far too adorable when your angry,” he said, a smile in his voice.
With all my energy focused on Nicholas, I’d forgotten how pissed I’d been at Katie.
“You’re crazy.” I leaned into his hands as his touch sucked all the tension out of my tired muscles. “It’s just not fair. Katie has never gotten what she deserves and acts as if the world revolves around her. She hasn’t even said thank you to me for letting her stay in Nicholas’s house. Then she rubs her romance in my face when she knows I’m missing him.”
Phil took his hand away and sighed. His longing radiated out, mingling with mine, and my words stabbed me in the gut. While I pined for Nicholas, Phil longed for me, a wish that would never come into fruition. The guilt tore into my illusion of our friendship. Once Nicholas did return, Phil most likely wouldn’t stick around. The thought of losing him killed me. How could I survive this? I scooted away from him, adding a little space between us.
“The Fab Five isn’t so fab,” I said, burying my face into my pillow.
“I can talk to her.”
“No, don’t. It’s over.”
Silence lingered, the tension building. He knew what I wanted and I knew what he wanted—a recipe for disaster. We needed to stop pretending everything would always be like this. That we’d be close. That he could come over anytime he wanted at any hour in the night and talk. That I’d eventually accept Nicholas wasn’t returning and become his.
Without a word, Phil popped off the bed and reappeared at the window. “Well, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I’m sure you’re tired, so . . . I can go.”
I bit my tongue to stop myself from asking him to stay. “Yeah. Big day tomorrow. Thank you for checking on me.”
He nodded and disappeared, disappointment fluttering out the window with him.
Chapter Three
“So, about next Friday. Is everything cool with your aunt?” I asked, trying to gain Sam’s attention and failing miserably.
Her gaze lingered exceptionally long on Todd as he walked away from us toward the cafeteria line with Tyler.
“Hmmm? Oh yeah. It’s cool,” she said, taking a seat at our table.
Beyond the few measly minutes before class started, I never got time alone with her anymore and I wanted to discuss the details before the guys returned. Not to mention, I didn’t want Tyler to overhear. My plan was privileged information, and the Fab Five was only on a “need to know” basis.
“It’s awesome she got us those park hopper passes. Helps when you know Tinkerbell personally, right?”
Sam laughed. “Yeah, and she got an extra one for Todd too.”
The blood drained from my cheeks. “Todd?”
“Oh.” Sam looked at me, guilt wafting out. I pulled my feelings radar in tighter. Whatever she had to say, I didn’t need to feel her excuses as well. “I was hoping that would be okay.”
I looked away, swallowing the bitter pill. How could she do this? We’d been planning our girls’ getaway for months now—just us.
“That’s okay, isn’t it? I was thinking we could ask Tyler to come, too.”
“Tyler?” I wrinkled up my nose. “Why Tyler?”
“I thought maybe since you’ve been spending so much time together. . .”
“Tyler’s just a friend. I’m back together with Nicholas.”
She looked down and chipped the black paint off her fingernail. “I thought you hadn’t heard from him in a while.”
“I … I have,” I said, suddenly feeling as though I needed to defend our relationship.
“Oh, really? When?” Sam straightened up and for once gave me her full attention.
“Last week …”
Her eyes widened. “And you didn’t tell me? This is huge.”
“He’s been super busy with work.” Maybe mentioning Nicholas wasn’t such a good idea after all. “It was a letter. He’s supposed to be back soon. But, since we were going to be close to his Dad’s when we go to Disneyland, I was hoping we’d stop by. He’s staying there right now.” I’d have the perfect excuse—I was in town and wanted to invite him along.
“Oh …” she leaned in and whispered, “Top secret under cover stuff?”
“Yeah.”
Sam bit her lip. “That sounds dangerous.”
I took a deep breath and mashed my lips together. “You know, forget it. Maybe I shouldn’t come at all.” And just go on my own to L.A. without you.
“What? No. I want you there.”
“Want Julia where?” Tyler asked, as he approached the table.
Crap. I froze, watching him take a seat, his aura brimming with curiosity.
“Nothing,” I said and kicked Sam under the table.
“Ouch.” She looked at me and frowned. “We’re going to Disneyland. Didn’t Jules tell you?”
Tyler squinted and cocked his head to the side. “No, she didn’t.”
“I didn’t?” I shrugged and faked a laugh. “What did you get for lunch?”
Tyler’s tray hit the table hard as Todd slid in next to Sam. Their sudden interest in each other masked the tension building between Tyler and me.
“You should come with us,” Todd finally offered.
Tyler’s aura teemed with suspicion. “When are you going?”
I opened my sack lunch and pulled out a bag of cheese curls. “These are so yummy. Have you tried them?” I held out the bag to Tyler.
He shot me a glare.
“Next week, after finals on Friday,” Todd interrupted, as if he’d always been invited to go.
I glowered at Sam, my stomach clenching and unclenching. The more I thought about it, the more I didn’t want to go. I could already see how the trip would unfold, starting with me getting stuck in the back seat and having to watch them be all lovey the entire drive.
I stood up, unable to take the pressure any longer. “Sam, can I talk to you in private?”
She looked startled, but nodded. “Yeah, sure.”
I walked ahead of her out the double doors to the quad and turned to her once we got outside. Sam oozed dread. She knew exactly what was wrong.
“This was supposed to be our girl trip,” I finally said.
Sam’s eyes fell downward, her foot tracing a crack on the cement. “Yeah, but I didn’t want him to feel left out. . .”
“Left out? You didn’t even ask. I never get time alone with you anymore and I was counting on this. Now I’ll be the third wheel.”
“But what about Nicholas? You said he might come, too.”
I inhaled and closed my eyes. “I’d never ditch you for a guy, Sam.”
“Are you saying I’m ditching you?”
“No, but this just makes everything awkward now. I’m not even sure I want to go.”
“What? Why?” Sam’s mouth fell open. “You have to. I’m not going to stay at
my aunt’s alone. My mom thinks it’s just us.”
So that was it. I was the cover-up for her having a fun getaway with her boyfriend.
“So where’s Todd staying?”
“He’s got a friend down there …”
I crossed my arms. “You didn’t think I’d be upset?”
“I’d hoped you’d understand,” she said. “When Nicholas was around, I never complained when you two spent all your time together. I could have, easily. But to be honest, I never liked how he treated you and his convenient disappearances with his so-called job.” She paused for a moment, mustering up her courage before she annihilated me with a hard stare. “Don’t you see he’s dangerous? But I didn’t say anything and accepted your relationship out of respect, because you love him. And now that I’m in a serious relationship, I expect the same from you. It’s just common courtesy. I love Todd and I—” she gulped and puffed out her chest in pride, “hope to marry him someday.”
I couldn’t believe my best friend, who’s always been so sensible and sweet, was actually telling me this. What had Todd done to her? A million cruel things bounced around in my mind to say but I bit my tongue and blinked in disbelief. I quickly scanned her finger for a ring or something and found nothing.
I squeezed my arms tighter, partly due to the chill from the wind, but mostly because she’d chosen him over me.
“No, actually it’s common courtesy when you plan a trip with your best friend to not invite your boyfriend to come along, too. Behind my back.”
Her pain flared and I clamped down my gift. We looked at one another for a moment and I swallowed hard. All I wanted was for her to tell me she’d uninvite him. She’d made a mistake. She was sorry.
“You’re making this harder than it needs to be, Julia. Don’t make me choose,” she finally said and turned to rejoin Todd inside the cafeteria.
I stood outside, rejected and torn. How did this end so badly? And why, when I missed Nicholas so much, did I want comfort from Phil?