by Dee, L J
Chapter 17
I had mulled it over all weekend, the feel of his strong arms around me on Saturday night had made me feel complete, craving his touch, his attention and his affection more than I ever believed possible, and my heart ached desperately for him with a pain it had never experienced before. Jason King was as addictive as he was beautiful, but he was also a closed book and the reservations persisted. Every time he ran to her, it chipped at my trust, despite his reassurances and promises and I deserved more, an explanation at the very least, but I wasn’t getting one. It would be hard enough to walk away now, the overwhelming sorrow and the river of tears of the last few days were testament to that, but if I went back, I knew that with every passing day it would become harder still to ever break free.
He had already taken me to my limits. Physically I had signed up for that and loved every blissful, exquisite minute of it, pure ecstasy I was afraid I would never find with anyone else, but I had hit my limit emotionally. I had tried to explain and justify the constant tabloid photographs of Tamsin and Jason to Katie and Sasha and in truth, I could do neither. I just didn’t have the answers and King didn’t look like revealing them anytime soon. The ultimatum hadn’t worked, he had said himself I deserved better and left me anyway, but the harrowing sadness etched on his face at the end of the awards ceremony had revealed something else. For the first time I truly believed he was reeling almost as much as me. I could have left with him then, safe and secure in his arms and certain that by the end of the night I would be blissfully sated, but what then? If Tamsin had called again and he had gone to her, I would have been absolutely and utterly crushed, and I had to protect my fragile heart. My instinct for self preservation ran too deep to risk. It was all I had, all I’d ever had and it had got me where I wanted to be. It was my last line of defence and I knew that I couldn’t and wouldn’t give it up.
Monday morning coffee with Katie was exactly what I needed. “Come to the wine bar after work Lotty, you have to hold your head up high. The sexual tension and chemistry between you two on Saturday was outrageous and everyone’s guessed you’ve been fucking, it’s the talk of the office”. “Great” I sighed as she smiled sympathetically. “The thing is Charlotte, it looks like you’re just another notch on Kings bedpost and you can’t handle it. I heard Ian Anderson talking in the coffee room as I walked past and he’s telling anyone who’ll listen that you’re an emotional wreck who can’t keep her head on the job”. I rolled my eyes in exasperation. “He’s just bitter Katie. He thought Exec of the Year was his for the taking and he thought he was getting Mercedes. He’s pissed off because he got neither, and I can’t believe anyone would listen to him”. Katie raised her eyebrows, eyeing me intently. “You’d be surprised who’ll listen Lotty. People always like to believe the worst. If you carry on hiding to avoid Jason they will start to believe it. You have to get out and set the record straight. I’m not saying you should go around telling everyone the ins and outs of your private life, but you have to show that you’re strong and getting on with it at the very least. Avoiding him, means avoiding everyone else and professionally, it’s definitely NOT the right thing to do Sweetheart” she smiled kindly.
I knew how this industry worked, everyone knew everyone and news and gossip spread like a wild bushfire. A brave face was exactly what was required, I just wasn’t sure I could pull one right now. “I’ll think about the wine bar” I smiled. “Good, make sure you do. I’ll do you a treasure trove-over before we hit the Wright lunch if you like and then we can go straight from there” and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Anyway, we’ve been working on some ideas for Mercedes with some potential costings from the briefing Alison sent, they are brilliant Lotty, even if I do say so myself” she grinned. “I’ve emailed them, have a look through and let me know your thoughts on the initial campaign ideas. It’s early stages so they’re a bit sketchy but you’ll get the gist”. “I’ll get on it now” I smiled as she left the office, sighing as the door shut behind her. A high profile campaign was exactly what I needed, Ian Anderson out to get me was certainly not. Public knowledge of my relationship with King could give him the ammunition he needed to make people doubt me, and I’d have to think long and hard about Katie’s advice.
Sasha called into the office as I was looking through the brilliant creative Katie had sent for the Mercedes campaign. “I found out Kings not going to be at the Wright lunch today” she smiled as I nodded. I wasn’t sure who her contact was, but she seemed to have instant access to Jason King’s diary commitments and I felt sure it wasn’t his secretary Margaret. Getting through that woman was like running at a brick wall. Jason had told me numerous times how lovely and kind she was, but I’d seen little evidence of it. Her reputation was verging on fearsome and without doubt, she was a fiercely effective gatekeeper. He had told me last week he couldn’t make the lunch, which was the only reason I hadn’t cancelled. “He’s pitching against Anderson for a cinema campaign” she grinned. This was something I didn’t know. “Really? Well right now Sash I hope neither of them get it” I laughed as she joined me conspiratorially. “He’s gunning for King. He was absolutely furious when he lost the Wright campaign and the fact that you’ve been asked to go to the gala fashion lunch today would suggest he’s not going to get the opportunity to pitch for it next time either.” I hadn’t even thought about that, I’d assumed I was going because he wasn’t available.
“It’s fantastic news about the award Charlotte and I wouldn’t worry, I don’t think people will pay much attention to his sniping, but he’s been snooping around us juniors this morning, laying it on thick about you shagging the competition, and how it was a fix. He reckons Jason let you win best buddy on purpose. He still doesn’t realise that it was all our smaller campaigns that did it, the man’s a moron and we are definitely all Team Charlotte down there” she laughed. That sealed it and my decision was made. I might have Sasha and my invaluable junior helpers on side, but there were a lot of people in this building who might well believe him. I would visit the wine bar which meant fronting it out with my colleagues and facing Jason. As fate would have it on the latter part, I didn’t have to wait that long.
I was in the kitchen, making a cup of tea when I heard the smooth voice in the corridor outside, laughing with Grayson. I caught his gaze as he strode past the open door, backing up quickly and smiling broadly at me. “Have you got a spare brew going then?” he smirked, bending to kiss my cheek, firing up the familiar feelings of excitement all over my body and I couldn’t help but smile back. A slight flicker of sadness crossed his faced as he saw me deposit four sugars into the deep brown liquid. I had won Executive of the Year and I should have been floating on air, but for reasons which currently stood a foot away, my mood was still black. Despite the reservations, the confusion and the resentment over Tamsin Lloyd, the desire was as undeniable as ever as I poured him a tea and beckoned him into my office. “Take a seat” I gestured him to the chair in front of my desk, his low chuckle reverberating through me deliciously. “Well this is novel Smith” he winked, “We’re not normally this civilised when in a confined space together” he said, laughing gently as I flushed, recalling the hot, fast fuck we’d had up against his office door. “Well it’s going to have to be that way now Jason, you left me for her again and even if you hadn’t, I don’t have the luxury of owning the company and I’m pretty sure Grayson would fire me for fucking you against the furniture”.
He gazed at me as I watched the slow trail of his tongue across his bottom lip, there was no mistaking the desire in his eyes, but there was no forthcoming justification for ignoring my ultimatum. “Listen Charlotte, I know what you think, but you’re wrong. I couldn’t stay and I can’t tell you why, but I can tell you I miss you” and my heart leapt at the admission, emotions and overwhelming feelings flooding over me in a rush of confusion and I swallowed hard as the door burst open. “Holy shit, sorry Charlotte” Katie squealed aghast at the sight of a glorious looking King sat in his
beautiful tailor made suit, relaxed in my office. “I won’t be long” I said quickly to Jason, moving towards Katie and stepping out into the corridor as she giggled beside me. “What’s he doing here?” she squealed, eyes wide and staring as I closed the door behind me. “I don’t know, he’s been with Grayson, he spotted me in the kitchen and asked for a brew” I whispered, trying to keep the noise down and avert the suspicions of Alison or anyone else. “What’s he said?” she grinned as I rolled my eyes, smiling. “Nothing yet, you just burst in and disturbed us” I laughed quietly. “Shit, sorry. Do you think he’s come to apologise Charlotte?” “I don’t know” I said simply, shrugging my shoulders. “I think he’s just trying to be friendly” but she wasn’t buying it. “You are definitely going to the wine bar now” she grinned as the office door opened, Jason leaning against the frame as if he owned the place and I couldn’t help but smile. The man had confidence in abundance and it was difficult to ignore and even harder to resist. “I’ve got to go Charlotte, I’ve got a pitch to do. Thanks for the tea” he smiled, striding purposely down the corridor, as we both stared after him, open mouthed.
After a small treasure trove-over, we were on our way to the fashion gala lunch being hosted by Tristan Wright. As an up and coming designer he was growing his network, and I was really looking forward to it. It was something we’d rarely be invited to by the major established fashion houses, although for some reason King always was, and my heart sunk as I thought about him. Seeing him in my office, incomparably handsome, supremely confident and admitting that he missed me had thrown me, reducing my resolve. Visions of the amazing times we’d shared last week burst across my brain, reflected in every feature of my face and it didn’t go unnoticed. “You OK?” Katie smiled as I nodded, forcing myself to look infinitely happier and less confused than I felt inside. “He really got to you didn’t he Charlotte?” she smiled and I nodded again. Everything with Jason had been heightened by the dizzying new experiences he had introduced me to. I had trusted him implicitly and the intimacy had been propelled to a deeper level much more quickly than it ought to have been. “Come on” she grinned, hopping out of the cab as I paid the driver. “Let’s see what treats are in those goody bags”.
She was like a child on Christmas day, it was infectious and for a while I forgot about Jason. I had decided to go the wine bar after the lunch and see how things panned out. I wasn’t sure what would happen but hiding out was helping no one. I thought about Tamsin and Jason, wondering if I could cope with whatever was going on. Surely anything would be better than the feeling of hopelessness that consumed me now. Her face lit up as she saw Robbie, ignoring the surrounding crowds and pulling him in for a heart stopping kiss and he responded enthusiastically. I was forced to look away, the heat between them was a powerful force and I flushed just standing in the same vicinity. I went to mingle, congratulating Tristan on the turnout, recognising a number of faces I knew from the other agencies. Rebecca, a pretty petite redhead and one of Jason’s rising stars was representing King and I smiled as I met her gaze, a smile that faded instantly when I saw who was stood right behind her.
I should have known she’d be here and I couldn’t help but drink in the sight of her in the flesh. There were good looking people and there were the elite few that were in a league of their own and she was definitely one of them. So, I sighed, was Jason. Her inky black hair shone with vitality and she was tall, much taller than me. Her long limbs of perfect porcelain skin were a pure contrast to her deep blue eyes, fanned with dark lashes and heavy make-up and the way she moved was so graceful it was almost non human. She caught me gazing for far longer than I should and smirked in a way I could only describe as sour. It wasn’t the playful arrogant smirk that King had mastered to perfection, it looked bitter and ugly and I came to the conclusion right then, that in her case, beauty was definitely only skin deep. I looked away, taking my seat at the table and grateful that Tristan had seated us with Robbie and a few of his fellow models and far away from Tamsin Lloyd.
It was nouveau cuisine, which I was beginning to realise was the downside of fashion related events. A beautifully presented slice of chicken measuring about one square inch, on three pieces of artfully arranged rocket and a drizzle of sauce constituted the starter, which both Katie and I had finished in four seconds flat. Thankfully, they were infinitely more generous with the champagne. The main course was quality, not quantity, fish with a carrot, broccoli and another drizzle of sauce arranged in small pieces on a bed of rice which size wise, could be considered more of a pillow. Katie and I laughed as Robbie admitted the key to the events was always eating beforehand. I excused myself to the ladies when I finished the fish, having taken my time to cut it as small as I could, and chew it as slowly as was humanly possible, in an effort not to appear a total glutton.
I was in the cubicle rearranging my dress when I heard the door open and I stood stock still. “Tamsin, you look amazing” the unfamiliar voice purred across the restroom. “Is that twinkle in your eye down to a certain gorgeous someone you’ve been photographed with lately?” the unknown woman quipped and I swallowed hard, my heart beating wildly. Tamsin said nothing, but the way the conversation continued, she had obviously made some positive gesture that would indicate the woman was right. “That’s fantastic news, that man is glorious. Envy, envy, envy Darling. I’d heard you were through and he was seeing someone else”. There was an undeniable bitchiness to the woman’s tone, laced with sycophancy and I wondered if any of these people were actually real. “Don’t believe everything you hear Clara. He came over Saturday night, to celebrate his award Sweetie” she quipped as my heart stopped dead. Thank fuck I hadn’t gone home with him. I suddenly felt sick and didn’t know who to believe. Jason had promised me we were exclusive and she was indicating they were an item. I contemplated leaving the cubicle and challenging her directly but decided against it. We were through, it was none of my business, and the last thing I wanted was it getting back to Jason that I’d gone crazy over him in a ladies room, the man’s ego was big enough.
I decided to hang tight until they left, when the shrill ring of my phone betrayed my position and I was forced to leave the sanctuary of the cubicle. Shit. She eyed me up and down, sneering “oh dear” as I washed my hands, ignoring the ringing which started again almost as soon as it stopped. She obviously knew who I was, it was clear from her comment, but the only person who could have told her would be Jason. Why would he tell her about me if they were an item? It didn’t make any sense. The thought crossed my mind briefly that she may have followed me here, orchestrating this little interaction on purpose, but that was probably wishful thinking. I had never felt so strongly about anyone before and my instinct to trust him ran deeply, even in the light of all evidence to the contrary. It was probably just my brains way of protecting my heart from the truth, I reasoned quietly to myself. Love was a mystery to me, and loss was a devastating new experience, what the hell did I know?
When I ignored her, she left, flicking her long hair over her shoulder and gazing back as I fumbled through my handbag to shut off my persistent phone, until I saw who was calling. “Alison” I managed, still stunned from the run in with Tamsin. “You need to get back to the office right now Charlotte” she said firmly down the line as my stomach lurched. She was never completely friendly but this tone was unrecognisable. “Why, what’s happened?” I asked stunned by the ferocity of her voice. “Now Charlotte” she repeated, offering no further explanation and the line went dead. I knew that whatever this was, it wasn’t going to be pleasant and my stomach sank. I prayed that this was nothing to do with me seeing Jason. To be chastised or worse, at work for it, especially now the whole thing was over, would be excruciating and more than I could take. I rushed back to Katie, relaying the run in with Tamsin and the strange phone call with Alison, looking across the room to find the bitch staring at me. She’d probably think I was leaving because of her, but right now I had much bigger concerns. “I’ll come with you Lo
tty” she offered supportively as I shook my head. “Stay here with Robbie, I’ll meet you in the wine bar in a bit, I need to go” I said quickly, running outside to hail a cab back to work, with my heart in my mouth.
Grayson had me summoned straight to his office on my return. He was glowering at me from the minute I walked in the door, his puffy face like stone, mouth set in a firm line, eyes regarding me suspiciously and Alison was only marginally better. “Sit down” he growled as I frowned at him. I hadn’t done anything wrong and the man was just being downright rude, betraying the fact that he’d never liked me. I might have won an award, but it would never be enough for Grayson. He was old school. I suspected he thought If I wasn’t playing golf with clients or entertaining them in lap dancing clubs, I should know my place and make the tea. He’d never verbalise it of course, but it was undoubtedly what he was thinking. Alison spoke first and I listened intently. “Do you know what this is about Charlotte?” she asked as I shook my head, suddenly infuriated by Grayson’s attitude, the way I was being treated and buoyed by more than a couple of champagnes at the lunch. “I have absolutely no idea, but I’m assuming it’s not to congratulate me for being named Executive of the Year” I said firmly back, with more than a hint of sarcasm. I swore I saw a small smile play on Alison’s lips, but Grayson wasn’t taking that kind of attitude lying down as he stood, towering over me, his face contorted and growing a deeper shade of purple by the second.