by Jordan Ford
Man, I’m so glad she’s chilled out big time when it comes to Jules. I think she likes having another girl around…after she got over the shock of me bringing a stranger up here—a pregnant stranger.
We told the guys our plans, after confessing our love on Pinecone Hill. Yeah, I named it. Figured it was pretty monumental. After the baby’s born, I’m taking my beauty up there to make love to her on that hill.
My insides burn with warm desire. It’s different to anything I’ve felt before. More intense yet not so heated. I can’t explain it. Being with Jules in that way is going to be something I’ve never experienced before. And that’s why it has to happen in our spot.
Jules catches my eye and I give her a wink. Her smile is instant but it soon fades as she looks to the floor. Brushing her hand over her belly, she turns back to the applesauce, but not before I see it.
It’s a fleeting sadness that takes her every now and again.
I’ve been trying to figure out what it means.
Does she not want to be with me?
Did I make her promise something she didn’t really want to do?
But Ana helped me realize the truth the other day. We were watching Jules from the living room. She was stirring a pot of soup and gently rubbing her belly. Ana nudged my knee and pointed into the kitchen. I studied Jules while she absentmindedly hummed and stroked her belly.
“Look at her face,” Ana whispered. “Giving up the baby’s going to hurt so bad.”
“It’s the right thing to do,” I whispered back.
“I know.” Ana patted my knee. “But just because it’s right doesn’t mean it won’t hurt. You need to be prepared for that.”
When Jules cries, it unravels me. I’m going to have to be so damn strong to support her through this. I wish I could take her pain away, but all I can do is love her. I hope I’m enough. I have to be enough.
When she and Riley get back from giving the baby to the Trumans, I’m going to be waiting for her with open arms.
I’m gonna make it all better.
She’ll see.
I was so relieved when Riley agreed to our plan. It took a little talking, but he saw the logic and came around to it.
He’s been organizing us ever since.
The baby is due in four weeks.
Riley’s been researching, and there’s a small birthing center a day’s drive from here. It’s in a cozy little town in Montana, and our cover story is that we’re traveling home and the baby has surprised us by coming early. In reality, it’ll be right on time. I’ve booked us into a motel near the center. Jules and I are leaving in two weeks, which should give us a wide-enough window to get there on time. We’re cutting it a little fine, but we can’t go there too early as the motel bills will chew through our money, and the longer we stay in one place, the more questions we’ll get asked.
After the baby’s born, we’ll drive back up to the cabin, call the Trumans, and then Riley will take Jules and the baby to a meeting point in Utah.
All the traveling will happen under the cover of darkness so that no one in Legacy will see Riley driving through town with people in his car.
The only person who knows anything is this friend of Riley’s. We had to let her in because we need supplies.
Thanks to her, we’ve managed to stock up on everything we need for the baby. It’s a shit ton of stuff, but we can’t leave Keith and Cassidy hanging.
It’s all been very secretive. This girl, Caitlin, has been ordering the stuff online and having it delivered to a post office out of town. She then goes and collects it for us and meets Riley after dark to make the exchange. It makes me laugh that diapers and baby clothes are being treated like some kind of drug deal, but it works. Riley’s been paying her an extra commission, now that he’s willing to use his uncle’s money.
The way I see it, this Caitlin chick is only doing it because she has a thing for Riley, but he won’t believe me when I tell him. He just rolls his eyes and complains that I’m a romantic sap. He doesn’t see it, but his eyes light up every time he talks about her. He’s into it. There’s no doubt about it.
Makes me curious to meet her, but I know it won’t happen in a hurry.
Keeping things on the down low is the best course of action right now. The less this chick in town knows, the better.
Even though it’s been a few months since I ran into Rybeck, I still tense every time I hear a noise that doesn’t belong. I jerk awake in the night, breathing heavy as I strain to hear what woke me. Sometimes it’s just the creaking of the cabin, and other times it’s a bobcat screaming.
I check to make sure Jules is okay. I sleep beside her because I can’t outrun the fear that one day Antonio will find her and finish what he started.
It’s illogical. How can he possibly track her here? As far as we know, the guy could still be in a coma. Or maybe he’s recovering back in Carson City.
I don’t know.
But it eats at me.
Sometimes I can’t wait for the baby to be born. Jules is so vulnerable when she’s pregnant, and I feel an overwhelming urge to treat her like splintered glass—fragile and breakable.
But then I’m reminded that a baby is even more so, and getting the kid to the Trumans, and Jules safely back to me, is going to be a harrowing experience. I don’t care how smoothly it goes.
Repercussions always seem to catch up to us somehow.
All I want is for my family to be safe and happy.
I glance at Jules. She’s laughing at Ana again, but the sound has lost its bright sheen. Damn, I hope this isn’t going to be too hard.
I hope she can recover after giving her baby away.
The mountains are a good place to be. They’re good for the soul.
Yet they’re not enough to kill my unrest.
We’re surviving up here—growing our vegetables, tending our new chickens, and learning how to hunt—but I’m still plagued by the idea that it’s all going to end.
I dread the day my perfect picture falls off the wall and smashes into a thousand pieces.
Never in my life has the good stuff lasted.
Jules pours the steaming applesauce into a clean jar and glances at me. Her smile is sad but sweet. I grin back and wink again, loving the way her eyes sparkle when I do.
She can’t know what I’m truly thinking. She can’t hear my words of doubt.
She needs me to be strong.
And keeping her safe and happy is all that matters.
#33:
An Unexpected Pop
Julienne
I waddle around the side of the house.
Yes, waddle.
I’m the size of a barn right now. My round belly sticks out uncomfortably and everything about me is puffy. My once toned curves have become soft and squishy.
Kade tells me I’m pretty but he’s got to be lying. I look like a beached whale struggling out of bed in the morning. I have to laugh or I might just burst into tears.
I remember Mom’s waddling stage and suddenly wish she were here to tell me everything’s okay, to listen to my complaints and actually understand them.
Ana has no clue with her perfect body, tiny breasts and slim curves. I crave my old figure. I can’t wait to be myself again.
“I can’t wait to see what you look like,” I murmur, rubbing my belly and trying to ward off that ripple of fear that passes through me whenever I think about giving birth, then handing my child over to someone else.
The stormy cloud in my chest is thick and suffocating. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, actually hand my baby over and watch Keith and Cassidy drive off with it.
Tears sting my eyes. I blink rapidly as my throat swells and I fight the trembling in my jaw.
“Don’t think about it,” I whisper. “Just don’t think about it.”
There are golden currants to pick, and the walk will do me good. My back’s been sore today. Maybe I can waddle the ache away.
Grabbing a basket, I walk thr
ough the barn and out the back door. The chickens squawk and scurry away from me. I smile down at them, enjoying the farm smell. I don’t know why I like it so much, but there’s something very raw and earthy about them. Opening the gate, I make sure the chickens are secure by latching it back up before heading down the narrow path.
The sun is high and burning as I tramp along. It’s a relief to hit the patch of trees and be bathed in the cool shadows for a while.
“You’re like an internal heater, Bean.” That’s what I’m calling my bump. I don’t know when it started but whenever we’re alone, I chat away to my little bean, hoping it can hear every word.
It’s dangerous, which is why I’ve kept it a secret.
Never name something you’re going to give away.
But I couldn’t help myself.
Popping out of the shade, I hit a patch of sunshine and am about to walk straight through it when I notice a large shrub on the ridge. Birds flutter around it, telling me the fruit is ripe and ready for picking.
“Hello,” I smile. “Just what I’ve been looking for.”
Moving off the track, I hike through the trees, stepping over fallen logs with a grunt. My back complains as I thump down off a large trunk. The cotton maternity dress Caitlin found for me snags on a branch. I gently detach the hem, then give my back a rub and keep walking.
I’m out of breath by the time I reach the shrub, but it was worth the effort. It’s plump with currants.
I pick one and pop it in my mouth. The tangy, sweet flavor explodes on my tongue.
“Yum.” I lick my lips and get picking.
It’ll take me a while but it’ll be worth it. I clear the front part of the shrub and then move around the side. May as well fill the basket to the brim.
Stepping over a dead branch, I’m about to crouch down when my foot slips out from under me.
I gasp and try to balance myself, but the side of my boot catches on a thick root. I tumble forward and gravity gets the better of me, pulling me down the slope.
A scream tears from my throat as I slide, finally managing to catch myself on a tree.
“Ow!” I rub my bruised back and lie there panting for a minute.
I’m scared to move in case I do something to harm the baby. Panic is trying to get the better of me, punching out of my chest in erratic breaths.
Forcing my brain to slow down, I do a quick assessment—rubbing my belly, then checking the parts of my body I can see.
My legs are scratched up but not streaming blood. Just little nicks and bruises. A graze on my right knee that stings. I’m more worried about my stomach than anything. Baby’s gone really still.
I push my bump around, hoping for some movement. “You okay in there?”
Hopefully Bean’s just sleeping.
Gazing up the hill, I spot the scattering of currants. The basket is on its side halfway up.
“It’s not that far,” I murmur, grateful my fall was a short one.
As I struggle to stand, I’m feeling kind of beat-up and sorry for myself. My ankle has gained its own pulse and I can feel it throbbing up my leg. I put pressure on it and it’s not too bad, but I’ll no doubt limp back to the cabin.
I lean against the tree that stopped my fall, patting the trunk and silently thanking it. Glancing over my shoulder, I gaze down the steep embankment and shudder.
I’ve got to get home. Screw the fruit. Screw the basket. I just want Kade.
Pulling in a breath, I’m telling my erratic heart to slow down when a sharp pain rips through my abdomen.
I jerk and bend forward, clutching my belly and letting out a strangled cry. The pain spreads like poison through my stomach and around my back before easing to a dull ache.
“What the hell was that?”
Another groan rises up my throat as the ache in my back intensifies, then eases off. My breaths quicken while my mind scrambles for some kind of explanation.
I’m avoiding the obvious one. It can’t be true. I’m not… We have a plan and it’s not…
Four weeks! I’ve got four more weeks!
Another pain starts to bloom at the bottom of my belly. The contracting muscles feel like fists inside of me, yanking, squeezing, hurting.
“No, no, no,” I whimper, my body trying to tell me something I don’t want to hear. “It’s too early. You’re not allowed to come yet.”
And then, just to mock me some more, something pops between my legs and water gushes everywhere. I’m not just talking a wet-my-pants kind of trickle, but a full-blown flood.
My lips part with a horrified squeak as I gape down at the moisture glistening off my legs. I’m saturated.
“Shit,” I whisper.
My water just broke.
In the middle of an isolated forest.
“This can’t be happening right now.” I whimper, cradling my belly and trying to work my way up the hill.
With my sore ankle and aching back, it’s slow going. I groan and pant my way up. It feels like the longest hill in the world.
I’m nearly at the top when another contraction takes me, bringing me to my knees with a warning that’s all too clear.
The baby’s not messing around. It wants out…now.
I’m not going to make it to a birthing center.
At this rate, I might not even make it back to the cabin.
#34:
No Sign of Jules
Kade
Trey and I weave through the trees, taking care not to slip down the steep embankment as we head back to the cabin. Trey has two rabbits slung over his shoulder. He’s looking pretty damn proud of himself.
He may be stronger than me, smarter than me…but he hasn’t been able to shoot worth a damn.
But Trey is one of the most determined people I know, and if he wants something, he’s going to fight to get it.
Finally, after hours of target practice, Trey bagged himself two bunnies.
I snicker and shake my head.
“What are you laughing about?”
“You.” I hitch the rifle higher onto my shoulder. “You never give up, do you?”
He grins. “I wasn’t going to let you be a better shot than me.”
“Dude, I will always be a better shot than you.”
“We’ll see.” He raises his chin, his eyes glinting.
“So damn determined to always win.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing.” I shake my head and use a branch to steady me down the last of the slope.
We hit the dirt track and head for the cabin. It’ll only take a few minutes to get there and we amble along like we own the place.
Gazing out across the valley, I take in the vibrant blue sky broken only by the majestic mountains. I’m starting to understand why Trey and Ana are in no hurry to leave. Now that the place is pretty much self-sufficient, I won’t be shocked if they choose to stay up here for good.
Seems weird. I always pegged Trey for a businessman, not a wild man.
Glancing at him, my lips twitch with a grin. So proud. So happy.
It’s easy to forget the outside world in this place.
It’s easy to pretend that this is real.
“So, I was thinking we should try for a deer before the winter kicks in.”
“Excuse me?” My eyebrows pop high.
Trey snickers, his face heating with a rare blush. “Don’t look at me like I’m an idiot. I’ve been thinking about this, man. We could get so much meat off a deer, use every part of its body for a whole bunch of stuff. We could dry some of the meat. It could see us through the winter.”
“Wow.” I tip my head at him. “You’re still expecting to be here through winter?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugs, obviously disappointed by my lack of enthusiasm.
“Don’t you…” I tuck my hair behind my ear. “Don’t you want to get back to life as normal?”
Trey looks past me, out at the mountain vista. “It’s safe up here, man. She’s s
afe.” Licking his lower lip, he looks down at the ground. “That’s all that matters to me…keeping her near. Keeping her safe. You understand that, right?”
“Yeah, for sure.” I nod. “I feel the same way about Jules, but…”
Trey glances at me, his gaze intense and demanding. “But what?”
“Do you honestly want to hide for the rest of your life? This has to come to an end at some point, doesn’t it?”
“I don’t see how.” Trey frowns. “Our brainstorming sessions have hardly come to much. Face it. We don’t know how to make this stop. It’s too big. Someone will always be looking for us.”
“Yeah, I guess.” I hitch my shoulder.
“It’s not how you pictured your future. I get it. I never in a million years thought I’d be up here, cut off from the world. But I’m happy. Ana’s happy.” His expression flickers with doubt. “Are you?”
“I’m not planning on taking off like I did last time…if that’s what you mean.” I sigh. “Look, I like it up here, okay? I’d just like it more if there wasn’t that impending threat, you know? I’d like to be up here because I want to be, not because I have to be.”
The cabin pops into view and we both quicken our pace without thinking about it. Trey’s no doubt desperate to show off his hunting prowess and I want to kiss Jules.
A smile lights my lips just thinking about it.
Clomping up the back steps, we wipe our boots and head inside.
Someone’s in the kitchen frying up something. Smells like butter and garlic.
“Smells good, babe,” I call down the short corridor.
“Why, thank you, honey.” I roll my eyes as I round the corner and find Ana at the stove.
I glance over my shoulder. “Why are you cooking? Where’s Jules?”
“She’s not back yet, I thought I’d help her out and get started on supper prep.”
Trey catches my arm as he swings into the kitchen and holds up the rabbits.
Ana pulls a face but then breaks into a laugh when Trey proudly announces, “Shot ’em myself. Now is your man hot, or what?”
He shows off his guns while the rabbits swing from his hand.