by Renee Ryan
“Absolutely.”
Lured by the promise of cake, Anna and Sarah deserted their uncle. Cookie hustled them along with a gentle hand at their backs.
“You know where to find us,” he said over his shoulder.
And then...
There were two.
CJ, eyes on Molly, only her, opened his arms in silent appeal.
Refusing to argue with herself any longer, Molly drew in a shuddering breath and went to him. He buried his face in her hair and breathed in slowly.
Cocooned in his embrace, she spoke her greatest fears aloud. “You could have been killed.”
His arms tightened ever so slightly, a sure sign he wasn’t as steady as he pretended. “I’m safe now.”
“Yes.” She forced herself to step back. Away from the man she loved.
Away from the future she wanted. It was time to let him go.
“CJ—”
“Molly—”
They shared an awkward laugh.
Eyes tender, he brushed a hand down her arm, the move casual yet powerful in its simplicity.
“Molly,” he began again. “After the blow came to my head, right before the world went black, I realized just how fragile life really is and how quickly it can be snuffed out.”
She closed her eyes against the image of him lying flat on the stall floor. “If you’re trying to scare me you’re doing a remarkably fine job.”
“I’m not trying to scare you. I’m trying to reveal the contents of my heart.”
No, she wanted to scream. He couldn’t love her. Please, Lord, don’t let him love me. Anything but that. It would be so much harder to walk away.
Smiling sadly, he took her hand, cupped it protectively in his. “I’m no longer sorry Ned left. I should be, but I’m not. He gave me the greatest gift. Two beautiful daughters and you, Molly.”
“Me?”
“Had my brother stayed home I might have missed the blessing right under my nose. You and me...” He wagged a finger between them. “There’s always been something between us. I felt it five years ago. I still feel it today.”
He was declaring himself. And breaking her heart at the same time. She tried to pull free of his grip. He refused to let her go.
“I love you, Molly. When you’re near me everything makes sense. I want to marry you as soon as possible.” He lowered himself to one knee. “Will you marry me?”
A hot, blistering wave of regret threatened to push her to the ground. CJ loved her. He wanted to marry her. She couldn’t think of anything more remarkable and yet simultaneously awful. “Oh, CJ.”
Remaining on one knee, he pressed his lips to her knuckles. “You’re a good woman, the best I’ve ever known. When I’m with you I’m a better man.” He rose to his feet. “Say yes. Say you’ll be my wife.”
“I’m sorry, CJ.” There was only one way out of this mess, only one way to ensure he didn’t continue pursuing her once she gave her answer. “I could never marry a man like you.”
“A man like me.” He repeated the words in a fast, rough cadence. Behind his eyes, she saw the confusion, the disbelief and the pain. Pain she’d caused by letting him think he was unworthy.
She’d made a tactical error. In her attempt to protect CJ from the resentment that would eventually fill their home if she married him, she’d hurt him.
She was a horrible, awful person.
“What kind of man am I, Molly?”
Kind, loving, born to be a father. “We would never suit,” she said, evading a direct answer. “We want different things in life.”
Turning away from her, he paced the perimeter of the stall. “Are you honestly telling me you don’t want a home of your own?”
“That’s not what I said.”
He returned to her side. His eyes, a deep troubled brown, searched her face. “Do you not want children?”
She wanted to tell him the truth, needed to tell him the truth, tried to tell him the truth. “No, I don’t.”
“You’re lying.” His eyes narrowed on hers, his gaze so intense she was sure he could see all the way into her soul. “You want children. You just don’t want them with me.” His mouth was set and firm, matched only by the severity of his pained expression.
“I would give you a dozen babies, if I could. But I can’t.” Her heart ached for him. For her. For them both. “One day, you’ll thank me for turning down your proposal.”
“I’m supposed to believe you’re somehow doing me a favor by rejecting me?”
“It has to be this way.” Her voice broke over the words and she pressed a hand to her mouth.
Instead of judgment, or condemnation, or even anger, she saw compassion in his eyes. “Tell me what has you so afraid to take a chance on me, on us?”
Unable to stand the spiral of anguish descending upon her, and too ashamed to tell CJ the truth, Molly took the coward’s way out. “Goodbye.”
She muttered one last request for forgiveness, then spun on her heel and ran out of the stall. Blinded with unshed tears, she clambered onto Sadie’s back and rode hard toward the Rolling Hills ranch.
Her time with the Thorn family was over. The dream of a life with CJ and the twins was no longer within her grasp. She would find a way to say goodbye to the twins properly. Not yet. Not until she could do so without breaking down.
Her heart was shattering. All that was left was the crying.
She gave in to her sorrow with big, choking sobs.
* * *
Be patient and give Molly the chance to come to you.
Against every instinct, CJ followed John Carson’s advice. Instead of going after Molly, he let her leave the ranch. He was questioning his decision when Jeb Fuller arrived at the Triple-T. CJ gave the sheriff his statement, including his suspicions concerning the man’s identity.
“So you think it’s someone local?”
“There was something about him that felt familiar.”
After that, he had to focus on getting the twins calmed down and in bed. They were confused over why Molly wasn’t there to tuck them in. CJ made up an excuse for her, knowing she would never intentionally hurt the girls. She’d done so only because he’d pushed her too hard. He should have taken her father’s advice.
Unable to sleep, he paced through the house all night. Somewhere in the early morning hours, after dissecting every portion of his conversation with Molly, CJ realized where he’d went wrong. He shouldn’t have let her leave the ranch.
She’d been close to telling him the real reason behind her refusal to his proposal. I would give you a dozen babies if I could...
The answer had been right in front of him and he’d missed it. Thinking back over their first conversation about marriage, CJ remembered Molly’s vulnerable expression. He’d assumed the look meant she was still in love with her dead husband and mourning his loss.
Now he wondered.
He remembered the sorrow that came and went in her eyes whenever she looked at the twins, the wistful longing whenever CJ spoke of having children.
In the privacy of his mind, he reviewed his original marriage proposal. That had been when the subject of children had first come up. CJ had mentioned wanting a houseful of kids.
Her response hadn’t struck him as odd at the time. I always thought two was a nice number.
She’d looked so shocked when he’d said eight was even better. After he’d amended the number to six she’d turned down his marriage proposal.
Guilt pushed its way through him.
He’d been a selfish fool, thinking only of himself and what marriage to Molly would mean to him.
A horse whinny cut through his troubled thoughts. He looked out the window, noted that the sun was already peeking over the horizon. A new day beckoned. CJ’s ambition for the immed
iate future had one focus. Make things right with Molly.
He hustled to meet her, hesitated a fraction of a second when he saw the young woman atop the mare. “Good morning, Daisy.”
Molly’s sister yawned behind her hand. “Morning.”
“I see Molly sent you to take care of the twins.” It was a statement, not a question.
“Nothing gets past you.”
“She give you a reason?”
Daisy stifled another yawn. “Said she’s not feeling well.”
Molly was ill? Panic hammered down on him. Suddenly, the world felt too small, the air too stifling. “Have your parents sent for a doctor?”
“She’s not that kind of sick.” Perfectly calm, as if they were discussing the Texas heat, the young woman dismounted and swung her horse’s reins over the porch rail. “She was up all night crying.”
His heart slammed against his ribs. He needed to get to Molly. Daisy moved into his path, barring his way. “What did you do to my sister?”
“I asked her to marry me.”
“Oh.” She angled her head and studied his face. “You must be really terrible with words.”
“You have no idea,” he muttered.
“Maybe you should try asking her again, only this time try using pretty, complimentary words. Women like those.”
He felt his lips twitch. “I’ll take that under advisement.”
“Flowers couldn’t hurt, either.” She patted him on the shoulder, held his stare. “Don’t mess this up, CJ. I think I’d like you as a brother-in-law.”
He gave in to the laugh bubbling in his throat. “I know I’d like you as a sister-in-law.”
“Then go reconcile your differences with Molly.”
Coiled like a spring, he covered the ground between the Triple-T and the Carson ranch as fast as he dared push his horse. As if drawn by some unknown force, he bypassed the main house and hiked down to the stream that fed into Kettle Creek.
His feet halted at the sight of the lone figure sitting on a rock overlooking the water. With her knees drawn up and caged in the circle of her arms, Molly looked so alone, so lost.
He knew she was hurting. CJ hurt for her, because he knew the cause of her sorrow was something that pretty, complimentary words couldn’t fix.
That didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try. He vowed to do anything, say anything, sacrifice everything to ease her pain.
With no specific plan in mind, he navigated the rocky bank with as much speed as he dared.
“Molly.”
She looked over her shoulder and he saw the tears in her eyes. Her sadness was a living, breathing thing. He hated that he’d caused a portion of her pain. Lord, give me the words to convince her to take a leap of faith with me.
Wiping furiously at her cheeks, she slowly gained her feet. “You shouldn’t be here, CJ.”
She was perfectly polite, her voice steady, her gaze tracking everywhere, yet landing nowhere. The wild glancing about made her look small and vulnerable.
“I’m exactly where I want to be, Molly.” He stretched out his hand.
For a moment, the world seemed to slow down and wait. Would she answer his silent call?
She took a tentative step toward him. Then stopped.
CJ wanted to push past her composure, whatever it took to break through all that female resistance and uncover the frightened woman underneath. He needed to soothe her fears. But she had to admit to them first.
“I have one question,” he said, lowering his hand. “Do you love me?”
Her calm vanished. “Yes. I love you.” Her face showed nothing but misery. “With all my heart.”
“But you won’t marry me.” With slow, gentle movements he swept a lock of hair off her cheek. “Tell me why.”
“I...” She lowered her head. “I don’t know how.”
He took her trembling chin in his hand and gently urged her to look at him. “Trust me with your secret pain.”
“I can’t.” A tear slipped from the corner of her eye. “You will think less of me.”
“That will never happen.”
“I...” She lifted her chin and did as he suggested, blurting out the cause of her pain. “I’m barren.”
“There, that wasn’t so hard.”
Her eyes widened. “That’s all you have to say?”
“Oh, I have a lot to say, starting with I love you. I love you, Molly,” he said again. “I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you by my side.”
“But...” She shook her head. “Did you not hear what I said?”
“I heard. You can’t bear children.”
“And you want a houseful of them. That’s why marriage between us would never work.”
Patience, he reminded himself. “You once said that two was a nice number. Now that I’ve had time to think on it, I find I agree.”
“Oh, CJ, you’re just saying that to make me feel better.”
“I’m saying it because it’s true.”
The tempered hope in her eyes was nearly his undoing. “You want a large family.”
Though she continued to argue with him, he could hear the quiet desperation in her voice. She needed convincing. And he needed to convince her.
Patience.
“We have the twins and we have each other. That’s enough for me.”
“You should know the rest.”
“All right, I’m listening.”
In halting terms, she told him her failure to bear a child had created resentment in her home. By the end of her speech, her shoulders had slumped, making her appear beaten down and defeated. “So you see, there’s no reason to hope for something that will never happen.”
“Let me hope for us both.” He guided her into his arms. “No, Molly, don’t pull away. Let me hold you a moment.”
Slowly, in increments, she relaxed against him. Progress. “Just because you never had children with your first husband doesn’t mean you won’t have them with me.”
“Why won’t you accept that I can’t marry you?”
“Because you can marry me. All you have to do is say yes. The rest will fall into place.”
She shoved herself out of his arms. “I’m done talking. Go away now.” She was trying to look as chilly as her words sounded, but CJ saw past the facade.
“I’m not going anywhere until you accept that I want you, Molly. You, not your womb.”
Something precariously close to hope flashed in her eyes. “I want you to be happy, CJ.”
“I can never be happy without you in my life.”
“I think you really mean that.”
“With everything that I am. I love you. You love me. I need you. And, Molly—” he took her face in his hands “—you need me.”
“I do. Oh, CJ, I do love you. And I do need you. But—”
He pressed his lips to hers.
After a moment, he stepped back.
The next move was up to her.
“You really want to marry me? Still? Even knowing how little I have to bring to a marriage?”
“If you need me to demonstrate just how deep my affections run, I will give it another go.” Allowing her no chance to protest, he dragged her back into his arms and kissed her again.
After a considerable amount of persuasion on his part, he released his hold. “Well?”
“Yes, CJ.” This time, she reached up and cupped his face. “It would be my great honor and privilege to become your wife.”
Epilogue
CJ and Molly were married a week later, one day after a fortuitous letter from Ned arrived at the Triple T. There hadn’t been a single ounce of sentiment in the hastily scrawled words, only news that Ned was heading to the Alaskan territory to star
t his life anew.
CJ had been understandably angry for the girls’ sake, then disappointed, then resigned. “Their father may have abandoned them,” he’d said, unspeakable sorrow sounding in his tone, “but they will not go a day in this house without knowing they are loved.”
Molly had echoed his vow with equal conviction.
Their life as a family began today.
Brandon Stillwater officiated at the ceremony beneath the revival tent in Little Horn. Molly would remember her wedding day as a happy, blessed gathering of family, friends and neighbors.
A month ago, she’d been lost, alone, and didn’t know where she belonged.
Now, as she stood before the preacher, looking into the eyes of her handsome groom, she knew she was right where she was supposed to be.
She saw the future when she looked into CJ’s eyes. She also saw strength of character and, most of all, a man who would love her through the good times and the bad, whether she was able to bear him a child or not.
They would raise the twins as their own, and guide troubled boys to become men of sound integrity.
The Lord had blessed Molly with children, after all.
“Molly, wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love him? Comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him as long as you both shall live?”
“I will.”
CJ was presented with the same question. “I will.”
Oh, how she adored this man. He looked especially handsome in his black coat, black pants and crisp white shirt.
As he slid a simple gold ring on her finger, Molly cast a glance at the children standing on either side of him. Sarah and Anna were full of smiles and behaving beautifully.
Of course, the very moment she had the thought, Sarah began fidgeting. Molly couldn’t blame the little girl. The ceremony must seem impossibly long to a child her age.
At last, the wedding came to an end. The preacher smiled at Molly, then CJ, then said, “I now pronounce you husband and wife.”
CJ let out a whoop, pulled her into his arms and kissed her soundly on the mouth. “I love you, Mrs. Thorn.”