“Sea. Get over it already.”
I blinked. Yep, he was mad at me.
“Why are you acting so weird?” he asked, pushing away from the wall.
Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you asked me to move in with you and totally put me on the spot? I felt my cheeks flush rose like they did when I was anxious. “I’m not.”
“Yeah you are. You’ve been acting weird since you woke up. Scratch that. Since I woke you up from that…dream.”
Again, that look. I tensed up. Dodging his eyes, I made myself ask, “What dream?”
“The one I woke you up from.”
Oh God. Did he know I was dreaming about another boy? Was I talking? Had I said Deni’s name? Oh my God, was I making kissing faces?
No. Please no.
“Sorry,” I said lamely.
“Hey. It’s okay,” he said, touching my elbow. There was no anger in his eyes.
He didn’t know.
“I understand you’re stressed out,” he continued, “but you’ll think about it, right? Moving in?” He looked at me so intensely I felt the weight of it. “I want more, Sea. I think we’re ready.”
“More than…?”
His eyes flickered to my lips, back to my eyes. He shifted his weight and gave me that look. The look that melted girls’ hearts.
“I think you know,” he said.
My phone rang.
“I—I better get this. It’s my dad. It might be an emergency.”
He frowned. “He just sent you a text. What could have happened in—”
“Hello?” I said into the phone, ignoring him. Bad things happened in an instant. I, more than anyone, knew that. “What’s wrong? Is it Max?” The kid looked perfectly fine in the picture not two minutes ago.
“Nothing’s wrong, but I have some news. Some possibly big news. Are you sitting down?”
“Uh. I’m standing. Actually. I’m in my dorm room with Spider.”
“Brace yourself.”
“Dad, seriously. You’re freaking me out.”
He sucked in an audible breath. “I found Deni. Or rather, he found us.”
Chapter Two
I sat down.
Or maybe I fell down.
“Wait. What?”
I glanced up at Spider who was staring at me wide-eyed.
“Deni. Deni from Indonesia,” my dad said.
I’d gathered that much. “Is he okay?”
Please be okay.
Time felt as though it lapsed a year before he finally answered my question. My hand shook so badly I could barely hold my phone to my ear.
“He’s better than okay,” Dad said. “He made a documentary about his time at the orphanage, the aftermath of the tsunami, and rebuilding of Banda Aceh, and it won a student award at his university! He’s presenting it at Stanford as part of the Indonesian Film Festival.”
“His university?” I looked at Spider again. He raised his eyebrows and gestured for me to tell him what was going on, but I could only shake my head. Deni was in school?
And then the rest of what he’d said sank in.
“Wait,” I nearly shouted. “He’s coming here? When?”
“Tomorrow. He just called me from God knows where on a layover. The kid’s got a cell phone. Can you believe that?”
I probably needed CPR because my heart stopped. And somehow restarted again because I managed to gasp.
Deni had a cell phone.
A cell phone that I could’ve called, texted, communicated with all this time. If I had known that, would anything be different? Would everything?
Instead of sauntering to class, instead of hanging out with friends, instead of lying on the beach, I could’ve been calling Deni.
In Indonesia.
On his cell phone.
“That’s…crazy.”
“It’s a big surprise, that’s for sure. Great news, huh?” Muffled voices echoed from somewhere in the background. “Hey, I’ve gotta go, kiddo. We’ll talk about it more when you get here, okay? Vera needs help with Max.”
He hung up, leaving me staring at the phone.
Deni was on his way to California. Deni, who I had just dreamed about kissing while the boy in front of me—a boy who loved me—touched my cheek and whispered me awake.
My brain and emotions flip-flopped and cartwheeled and heaved, oh my God, I was going to be sick. Or scream. Or shake things until they spilled over. “I have to go to San Miguel right now,” I shakily told Spider. “Can you drive me back, please?”
“Is everything okay?”
No, everything was definitely not okay.
Deni had a phone, and he was coming to California. To my school.
Oh. My. God.
I needed…to do everything: clean my room, shower, hide all my photos, clear my schedule. Call Bev and hope she could help me sort out the mess of emotions and thoughts punching their way through my brain.
Then I remembered the boy standing in front of me and conflict tugged at my gut, puncturing the whole unreal situation with reality. I steadied myself.
Spider frowned. “Sea. Who’s coming?”
My mouth opened to tell him, but nothing came out.
He just asked me to move in with him. After waking me up from a dream about another guy. A guy who might show up at my door tomorrow. I couldn’t say Deni’s name.
“A foreign exchange student.” Deni. “And I need to be home.” To regain my composure before he arrives. “I’ll explain in the car.” Please don’t ask me any more questions.
I avoided his eyes as I tossed my last-minute items into my bag.
Spider didn’t look happy, but he didn’t look as mad as he’d be once he knew who it was. I felt bad, but I couldn’t deal with Spider’s feelings and the barrage of questions that would certainly follow. Not yet. I could barely handle my own feelings, and I didn’t have answers for either of us.
All I knew was that this changed everything. Just not how.
“Okay, fine, let’s go,” he said.
“Thanks.”
I slipped on my maroon Converse and swallowed. It was fine. I was fine. Spider would be, too. It would all be fine, I tried to convince myself, heart racing. This was terrible timing, that’s all.
But…Deni.
After two years of no contact.
When I was finally maybe almost ready to move on with Spider.
The universe had just tossed a rogue wave into my set.
Ever the nice guy, Spider grabbed my packed suitcases and headed into the hall. “I’m not going to pretend to understand the urgency,” he said, a hint of sadness in his smile, “but when Vera and Dr. Jones call, I know to hustle.”
“Yep,” I said, wishing I could tell him more.
After chucking the suitcases into the back of his pickup, we drove the short distance to my house. On the way, I texted Bev with shaky fingers.
Sienna: He’s coming.
Bev: Who? My brother?
Guilt. Terrible guilt. But I had to tell someone, and Bev was the only one who knew everything.
Sienna: No. Someone else.
Bev: Who?
Sienna: Deni.
I closed my eyes awaiting her response.
Finally, it popped up on my screen.
Bev: Deni? Your Deni?
Bev knew. She knew-knew. She’d sat with me while I cried. She’d listened to my stories over and over again. She patiently watched Titanic with me for the tenth time and brought me mango ice cream. It was a rough summer, and she’d been there every second. Then, when I began coming back to life, Spider was there, too. Spider liked people when they were up. And I was finally up again.
He didn’t know I had only been living a half-life. An I’m-grateful-for-what-I-have-but-I’m-not-100-percent-happy-and-probably-never-will-be life.
I’d come so far since then. But in the span of one phone call with my father, all of my progress felt like it was crashing down at my feet.
Me: Yes. He made a film and is comin
g to my school. I’m dying. Also, I’m with your brother.
Bev: Oh no
Me: Yeah. He just asked me to move in with him.
Bev: Into the house with no TP??
Me: Exactly
Bev: Wow
Me: I know
Bev: Perfect storm, girl.
Me: I know. I’m freaking out.
Bev: What did Spider say?
Me: I haven’t told him yet
Bev: Girl! You better tell him!
Me: I know. It was so sudden. I don’t want him to freak out
Bev: don’t wait too long
Me: I know
Bev: good luck
Me: thanks xx, I’m going to need it
“Hey,” Spider said, rounding a sharp corner and shooting me a side-eye. “Can you stop texting my sister for two seconds and talk to me?”
“Sorry,” I offered, distracted.
“What is she up to? Adopting more animals?”
“Hope not. She already has a petting zoo over there.”
“And you think my house smells bad,” he grumbled.
As we twisted and turned, wind buzzed through our hair. The closer we got to the sea, the more it smelled of salt and minty flowers. I inhaled. Goodbye college life, hello to this revelation—all in a single heart-stopping moment: Deni was on his way.
“So are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Spider asked as we went around a turn. The eucalyptus trees lining the narrow road stretched up to the sky. “I hate it when you freak out.”
Him and me both. “I’m not freaking out.”
“You’re quiet. You’re only quiet when you’re freaking out.”
“I’m…surprised to hear this news about the…visitor is all.” Bringing it up gently. That was a good idea.
“Why? You like having company.”
“Yes. But this person…well…I never thought I’d see him again.” Swallowing back emotions, I didn’t want to see, I watched the trees blur by.
He frowned and glanced at me. “You know him?”
“Um…” Spider didn’t know the whole story. He didn’t even know half of it.
“Yes.”
We hit the crest of the mountain and suddenly the whole ocean spread out before our eyes. “Damn,” Spider breathed, looking over the surf. “They said head-high waves today, but that’s even better than I expected. Is it okay if I drop you off and head out for a bit?”
“Sure,” I said, relieved he dropped the questions about the “foreign guest.” “Catch a few for me.”
He smiled, but my mind had already stumbled onto a dark, painful thought.
Deni.
He was…married.
My heart sank, remembering Rema. Dad hadn’t mentioned her. Was she coming, too?
Part of me was relieved. If Deni brought Rema, I wouldn’t have to worry about Spider. He couldn’t possibly see a married man as a threat, even if I was an emotional wreck. It would be one less problem.
Spider glanced at me, his tone perking up. “I like meeting your dad’s guests. I can take him out surfing if you’d like.”
I don’t want you to meet him, I thought, but then chastised myself.
That wasn’t friendly.
I had to set the tone, right? They could meet. It would be…fine.
“He doesn’t know how to surf,” I said. “I mean, probably not.”
Spider frowned. “Where is he from?”
I glanced at my text conversation with Bev.
Deni. Back from the dead.
I had to tell him.
We pulled into my driveway and at the sight of my house, I completely chickened out. “I gotta go,” I said. “Thanks, Spider.”
He gave me that devastating smile. “Anything for you.”
I hesitated, meeting his eyes. His blue-green eyes. So sweet. So normal. So pain free. Happy to surf and eat burritos and hang with friends. That was all he’d ever need. Why couldn’t I be happy with that? Why did I always want more?
Or…different?
He grinned. “You’re looking at me like you’ll never see me again.”
“I am?”
“Kinda.”
He reached for my hand and laced our fingers together. I sucked in a breath. We’d hugged plenty of times, but we’d never held hands.
“Don’t worry,” he said. “The probability of me getting eaten by a shark today is only twenty percent.”
I tried to smile.
“Hey.”
“Yeah?”
He lowered his voice and kissed the top of my hand. “Please think about moving in. It’ll be fun. A brand-new adventure, right? Who knows, we could start our own petting zoo. Of the marine variety, of course. Sharks, manta rays, sea turtles…”
Sea turtles.
“Sure,” I said, forcing a smile as I pulled my hand away. “I will.”
Trying not to feel guilty about all my mixed emotions, I grabbed my things and fled into the house.
“Seeeeaaa-na!” My little brother yelled when he saw me walk in through the door. He was busy with big, blocky Legos on the floor, building a tower of some sort, and I worried in his excitement he’d knock over the whole thing.
“Careful, buddy,” I said. “Where’s Daddy?”
He ran into my arms with a fury like we’d been apart for years.
I got that feeling.
I cuddled into him. He smelled like oatmeal and felt like home, and I never wanted to let him go. But I needed to talk to my dad ASAP. At this point, I’d even settle for Vera.
After the toddler-boy hug, which is more like a head bump, he took his sticky, chubby hand and shook it in my face.
“What?”
Max got upset if a tag was too scratchy, or his tower fell down. Sometimes he screamed and screamed if we didn’t understand what he was trying to tell us. Fortunately for me, I could usually figure it out.
“To-wah.”
“Tower?”
“Yeah. What I say. Tow-AH!”
“Hey, buddy,” I said, whispering into his ear. “Someone is coming to visit us.”
“Spi-dah?”
“Uh, no, he just dropped me off.”
“Thank goodness, the Max whisperer is back in the house,” Vera said, entering the room. She had something smeared across her face—guacamole?—and was rubbing her arm.
“Bad day?” I asked.
“Bad month,” she groaned, eying my brother who was gnawing on a big Lego wheel. “Don’t let him do that. He might choke.”
I wiggled the wheel from his hand and shoved it under a blue couch pillow.
“Where’s my dad?”
“He ran out to grab more of Max’s favorite cereal and get a few things for the house, but he’ll be home in a bit.”
“Good, because I heard the news. I mean, the Deni news. Is he really coming?”
“Yes. Can you believe it? I told your dad not to tell you until you got home, but he was too excited. Are you okay?”
“I’m…in shock maybe?”
“Understandable. Where we’ll put him, who knows.”
Wait. Deni was staying here? In my house?
She eyed the messy living room. “But your father said he could stay for the whole two weeks, so we’ll have to figure something out.”
“Two weeks?” I croaked. My first two weeks of summer and Deni would be at my house.
Deni. My Deni.
I blinked. Was I still dreaming? If I woke up back in that dorm, I’d be furious.
“Yes. Two weeks.” She frowned. “Honey, do you need a glass of water?”
“It’s so shocking,” I said honestly. “I got that call and just about lost it.”
She eyed me knowingly, with a sparkle in her eye. “I can imagine.”
She knew. Vera was there. Together with my dad in secret the same way I was with Deni. We shared that, I guess.
“You might want to clean up before you head to the airport.”
She eyed my dirty sweats and hair piled on my head.
“Me. Airport?”
“Didn’t he tell you?” She picked a piece of bean off her shoulder. “He arrives tonight.”
“Tonight?” I jumped up, knocking over Max’s tower. He screamed. Vera panicked, scrambling to the carpet to pick it up and piece it back together before a full meltdown ensued.
It was too late for me.
I had to shower. To change. To hide. To flail.
To explode.
“You okay, Sienna?”
“Tonight?” I asked again. “I mean, no one has heard from him in two years. How could I just see him tonight like it’s any other night?”
She grinned. “Your dad was surprised, too.” She looked around the room and frowned. “Okay, can you please shower and then keep an eye on Max so I can shower and get dinner ready?”
I ran toward the bathroom. I could shower. Showering always brought clarity. Showering was a solid plan.
As the hot water poured down my body I flashed to my first “shower” at the orphanage in Jakarta. The bucket of water. The frog. How I couldn’t let even a droplet touch my mouth if I didn’t want to face Montezuma’s Revenge for days on end. Did Deni still bathe like that? Had he managed to get over his fear of the ocean? Did he have…I swallowed a lump in my throat…children now? Things were different there. The way Rema had looked at him told me she wanted to have his babies as soon as she could.
To keep him with her.
To keep him away from me.
I closed my eyes.
Getting my hopes up now would only lead to heartbreak later.
I knew that.
But I couldn’t help but wonder, if he was with Rema, why was he flying here toward me?
Chapter Three
Deni’s plane didn’t arrive until midnight, so I had to wait through an unbearably long dinner served in the dining room, with all of Team Hope in attendance. When my dad got home, he pulled me aside to make sure I was okay. I told him I wasn’t, but I would be. I mean, it was a minor miracle, wasn’t it?
He hugged me. He’d been the first to find me in Banda Aceh after everything fell apart. There was a lot of crying in the middle of the airport, and a lot of first steps toward healing. Not only had I been mourning Deni, I’d been coming to terms with my mom’s death. My dad and I had needed that connection. Badly. He’d always been there, but for the first time, I didn’t feel alone.
Where the Sea Takes Me Page 2