by Wiley, John
Jared chuckles, “I get that a lot.”
“Right, well I’d better go punch in,” says Rhys as he walks to the doorway.
“Hey, before you do, I wanted to ask…well you’re new in town, so if you want to go out sometime and let me show you around I’d be willing to do it.”
“Oh, cool. Thanks.”
“So?”
“What?” asks Rhys.
“Do you want to go out?”
“What?”
“I’m asking you out on a date.”
“I thought you were just offering to show me around town.”
“Well, yes, on a date.”
“Oh.” Rhys smiles at him. “Yeah, let’s do it.”
“Tonight after work?”
“Sure…see you then!” Rhys stumbles out of the door, taken aback by what just happened, and bumps into Brad. “Sorry.”
“Did I hear Jared ask you out?” he asks.
“Yeah. Why?”
“I know I don’t know you, but you seem cool, so be careful around him.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s basically the Coffee Cafe bike.”
“Meaning everyone’s had a turn on him?”
“Yep. New employees are his favorite to go after.”
“Did he go after you?” asks Rhys, smirking.
“Gross, dude, I’m straight.” He turns to go back to work. “Just watch yourself.”
***
After work, Rhys runs across the street and hops in the shower to get ready for Jared. After he gets dressed, he grabs his phone and calls Erick.
“Hello?” answers Erick.
“Hey, I know we were supposed to go to Chloe and Angry Lesbian’s tonight for dinner, but this guy at work asked me out.”
“Oh cool. That’s fine, I can go by myself. Or bring Homeless Man.”
“And you get mad at me for pretending he’s a dog!”
“How is feeding him treating him like a dog?”
“You feed dogs, don’t you?”
“Yes. You also feed people. I fed you the whole drive out here.”
“Fair enough. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know since Jared will probably be here in about a half hour.”
“OK. Well, have fun. And don’t do anything you’ll regret!”
“Bitch, please. You know I never put out on the first date.”
“Mhmm, if you say so.” Erick hangs up his phone.
***
“So what do you want to do?” asks Jared as he follows Rhys down the stairs.
“Well I don’t know. I thought you were going to show me around town.”
“If that’s what you really want. Or, tell me your ideal date, and I’ll make that happen.”
“I doubt that.” Rhys smiles to himself as he thinks of his favorite romantic movies.
“C’mon…this is Hollywood, where magic happens every day.”
“OK,” he says with a shrug. “My ideal date is to be in a big field, filled with snow, and snow falling, with a guy as he confesses his undying love for me. And music plays, just like in the movies.”
Jared nods. “OK, cool.”
“Right…I don’t know why I’m going to tell you this, but I like to pretend I’m in a movie or on TV in everyday life; like if someone says something stupid to me, I’ll look over at the ‘audience’ and give them a look. Or when I’m driving, I pretend that the rearview mirror is a camera and I’m filming a music video for whatever song is on. So, just once, I’d like for life to actually be like a movie, for real…not just in my head.”
“I can do that.”
“Really?” asks Rhys. “Tonight?”
“Right now.” Jared grabs Rhys’ hand and pulls him down the street. They walk two blocks and then turn into the parking lot for a drug store chain. In the far corner is a snow cone stand. “Wait here,” Jared instructs.
Rhys does as told and watches Jared get in line for a snow cone. While waiting, Rhys grabs his phone and calls Joey. “Hey,” he says when Joey answers.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“I’m on a date, so I can’t talk long.”
“If you’re on a date then why are you calling me?”
“Because. Remember that night we accidently got really drunk while watching Cinderella?”
“You mean the night you were depressed because you saw Liam dancing with a guy at the club and you were sad it wasn’t you he was dancing with, as you just got done not telling him you’re in love with him? And so you dragged me home after only being out an hour and drowned your sorrows in liquor and Disney movies and you tricked me into watching Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and The Little Mermaid because you said that it was a new drinking game, and we both had three day hangovers?”
“Well, I think I remember the night slightly different, where I don’t come out looking quite as pathetic, but yes, that’s the night. Remember what I told you?” he asks tentatively.
“You mean how you wish you were a Disney princess and when you were little you had a big poster of Belle from Beauty and the Beast on your wall and you’d make out with it because you were in love with her and so badly wanted to live in a Disney movie?”
Rhys sighs embarrassedly. “And?” he prompts.
“And then years later you realized you didn’t want to marry the princess, but be the princess – “
“In a non-sex change way,” they say in unison.
“And,” continues Joey, “your ideal big gesture would take place right after the villain has been defeated, and you, still a boy, would be sitting in a snowy field as big flakes fall from the sky. As you ponder everything that just happened in the movie, the pop music swells and the prince comes running down the hill and embraces you and you kiss and you live happily ever after?”
“And the song was?”
“Why are you quizzing me in the middle of your date?”
Rhys glances at the line and sees that Jared is next. “Just come on, I do have a point.”
“The song was “Take My Lips” by Ferras. I know this because you took my phone and made it be your ringtone for when you call me and I still haven’t figured out how to change it, even all these years later; which is kind of pathetic of me and makes me feel like an old man. Hell, I could probably take my phone to a preschool and half the kids there would be able to change the ringtone straight away. Of course they’d probably change it to dubstep or electro-house, or whatever it is kids today are listening to.”
“I don’t think preschoolers are listening to dubstep, or are that tech savvy. Kindergarteners maybe, but not preschool.”
“Oh, that’s a good point.”
“So anyway, you know how I’ve built this up in my head, right?”
“Yes.”
Rhys sees Jared walking toward him with a snow cone in each hand. “Shit! He’s coming, we’ll finish this later.”
“Seriousl – ”
“Hey,” says Rhys, as he pockets his phone.
“Is this what you had in mind?” Jared smiles seductively at Rhys as he hands him the snow cone.
“Umm…” Rhys fakes a smile. “It’s OK…”
“What about this?” Jared smiles as he pulls Rhys into the middle of the parking lot. As they near the center of the lot music from the store intercom starts to play louder.
“Is that…” Rhys struggles to listen to the muffled music. “Is that “MmmBop”?”
“Now!” yells Jared. Without Rhys noticing, a group of people have surrounded the guys and are now throwing snow cones in the air around them. Some are breaking up into something that resembles actual snow, but mostly it’s just balls of ice hitting Rhys and Jared.
Rhys starts laughing as the crowd begins to disperse. “That was crazy!”
“So, I made your dreams come true?” asks Jared, pulling Rhys closer to him.
“Uh, yeah,” he lies. “Not how I pictured it, but it was…magic.”
“Now that we got that out of the way–”
“
Out of the way?” asks Rhys.
“Well, you know what I mean. Now we can get on to the real date.”
Rhys looks out to the ‘audience’ and give them the ‘I shouldn’t date my boss’ face. “So, where are we going, all covered in snow cone syrup?”
“There’s a bar just down the road that has the best mixed drinks.”
“Oh, I don’t know if I should go drinking; I haven’t really eaten much today.”
“Don’t worry, they have food.” He grabs Rhys’ hand again and pulls him down the street as the muffled music from the intercom turns back down.
***
Chloe opens her front door when Erick knocks on it promptly at 8. “Hey,” she greets him. “Come in.”
Erick enters, followed by Gene. He’s freshly showered and shaved and in a new pair of jeans and a t-shirt.
“Damn, Homeless Man! You don’t look so homeless anymore,” says Cindy from the kitchen. “We’re going to have to change your name.”
“Actually, it’s Gene,” he says, holding out his hand for Cindy to shake.
“Oh,” she blushes as she shakes his hand. “I knew it wasn’t actually Homeless Man. I thought you liked it – found it funny.”
Gene laughs at how uncomfortable she is. “I’m just teasing. Kind of. I mean, it was funny at first, but Erick here got me a job at his office, so I figured it’s time to let go of my former moniker.”
“Dang,” says Cindy. “I don’t think I’ve ever even used the word moniker.”
“So where’s Rhys?” Chloe asks, sticking her head outside once Erick has entered the apartment.
“He has a date,” he says.
“Oh? With whom?” asks Chloe, resulting in a proper grammar eye roll from Cindy.
“His boss from work; I guess you know him, right?” he says, turning to Cindy.
“Shit, not Jared?”
“Uh, yeah, I think that was his name. Why?”
Cindy sits at the dining room table. “He’s bad news; he goes after pretty much every new employee we get; a majority of which quit soon after the date.”
“Why?” asks Erick, concern in his voice.
She shrugs. “I’ve never been told the reason. He just says they quit with no notice.”
“Do you think I should text Rhys?”
Chloe shrugs and looks to Cindy, who gives a half shrug with a sigh. “I really don’t know. I don’t think he would do anything to actually hurt Rhys.”
“Maybe we can eat now, and decide later?” suggests Gene. “I’m just getting over being homeless; I’m pretty hungry.”
Everyone takes a seat around the table and begins filling their plates with salad, lasagna, and garlic bread.
“Oh, I forgot the drinks!” says Chloe, getting up. “We have wine, water, soy milk, iced tea, and soda. I imagine everyone wants wine?”
Cindy and Erick both nod.
“I’d actually like tea please,” says Gene. “Did you need some help?” He begins to rise from his chair.
“Oh no, I’ve got it, thanks.” Chloe brings the drinks to the table and retakes her seat. Everyone eats in silence for about a minute; the only sound being chewing and silverware clinking against plates.
“So is drinking the reason you became homeless?” Cindy finally asks.
“Shit, Cindy!” says Chloe with her mouth full of salad. “You can’t ask people that!”
Cindy shrugs. “We were all thinking it, though.”
Gene gives a chuckle as he wipes the corner of his mouth with his napkin. “Actually, I just really hate wine. Never been a real big drinker ever, really, but wine was always at the bottom of my list.”
Dinner continues with more clinking and chewing. “So did you see who the new cast on Extreme Celebrity Jugglers is going to be?” Chloe asks in effort to fill the silence.
“How did you become homeless?” Cindy asks, bulldozing Chloe’s lame attempt at conversation.
“Seriously Cindy?” says Erick. “You don’t have to answer that,” he says to Gene.
Gene shakes his head. “It’s fine, really. It’s not that exciting of a story; just bad luck, really. I was married to my wife, Beth. We had just had our daughter, Marjorie, and she filed for divorce. I think it had to do with postpartum depression, but she insisted it didn’t and wouldn’t go to counseling or anything, so I finally agreed to it, to do what was best for our daughter. I moved into a small apartment not too far from them and still saw Marjorie at least four times a week.
“About two months after that, and when I thought we were beginning to get to a place where I might be able to move back in, I lost my job. That sent Beth over the edge and she didn’t want me seeing Marjorie until I had a new job. I tried for a job, but after two months my savings were empty and I couldn’t afford my apartment. I stayed with a few friends as long as I could, but I could tell I was being an imposition, so I left.
“I had several interviews, and got help with clothes and cleaning up for them from different shelters, but I’m a terrible interviewer; I get so nervous and give the worse possible answers. It really was an answer from God when these guys ran me over –”
“You ran him over?” yells Chloe.
“It was more of a tap,” Erick says with a sigh.
“Really, it was Rhys that kept me around. Don’t get me wrong,” Gene says to Erick. “You’re a great guy, but Rhys and I got to bond quite a bit while you were at work. I can now say I’ve seen the entire series of California Dreams. Honestly, I don’t get the appeal in that show.”
“You’ll have that with a lot of Rhys’ shows.”
“Plus you’re our parents generation,” adds Cindy. “So you probably like stuff like I Love Lucy and M.A.S.H., right?”
“Those are good shows, I’ll give you that, but I do watch modern shows, as I’m sure your parents do too.”
“My parents vowed to never watch TV again after The Cosby Show was cancelled,” she says completely serious.
Gene studies her face, looking for a hint of sarcasm.
“I’m just teasing,” she finally says, laughing.
“If it wasn’t for Rhys forcing me to help Erick with the drinks the other day, I’d have never gotten the job.”
“How did you get him the job?” Chloe asks. “You’ve been there for a month.”
“I was bored one day during my break and was playing on the intranet and found job postings. There was a posting for an office assistant that had gone unfilled for like two years, so I talked to HR about it and they hired him on a trial basis.”
“Which is bound to become permanent, I’m doing a pretty bang up job at it,” says Gene with a grin.
“So are you going to try to see Beth and Marjorie then? Since you got a job, I mean,” Chloe asks.
Gene shrugs. Marjorie is 11 now and I have no idea where they live. I tried to keep tabs on them for a while, but they left Los Angeles…gee, it must have been six years ago now – maybe even seven. Anyway, I have no idea where they went.”
“That’s a really sad story,” says Chloe. “Thanks for bringing the evening down, Cindy.”
“What did I do?” she asks.
“You asked socially unacceptable questions!”
“It’s OK,” says Gene with a smile. “Once I get back on my feet, I’m going to find them. And I’m actually starting to get back on my feet now, thanks to you all.”
“Aw, you’re going to make me blush,” says Erick.
“Shut up, nerd,” says Chloe, giving him a playful slap on the shoulder.
“Save room for dessert,” says Cindy, “I made tiramisu.”
“Oh I love tiramisu!” says Gene. “I make a mean tiramisu.”
“Oh?” asks Cindy. “I bet it’s not as good as mine.”
“I bet you never had your own restaurant,” says Gene, delivering the sass.
“You had a restaurant?” asks Erick.
“Yeah, but it went under.”
“Couldn’t have been that good then,” Cindy mutters.
>
“Oh, girl, you’ll see. I’m going to make dinner for all of you next week!”
“It’s not going to kill us, is it? Is that why you got shut down? For killing people?”
“No, I didn’t kill anyone. Not with my food anyway,” he says, giving Cindy the evil eye.
“Oh my God! Did you see that?” yells Cindy, pointing to Gene. “He gave me the eye! I’m cursed now!”
“Shut up and eat,” says Chloe, laughing. “Do you guys see the crazy I have to live with?”
“I’m not crazy!” she says, taking a bite of her dessert. “If I die, though, you know who did it!”
“No, I’m really good at covering up my tracks. Just look how no one can find Beth or Marjorie.”
Awkward silence.
“So how about that new cast of Extreme Celebrity Juggling?” Chloe asks.
***
Rhys stumbles on the sidewalk and catches himself on Jared. “Sorry,” he laughs. “I think it’s definitely time I get home.”
“But the date isn’t over yet,” says Jared, more sober than he should be for the amount he drank.
“I have to work in the morning. You know that.”
“So do I. We can go in together.” Jared kisses Rhys’ mouth hard. Rhys pushes away for about half a second but then gives into the kiss. “Come on, my apartment is right here.” He motions to a building behind them.
“Fine. But I’m not doing anything other than kissing,” slurs Rhys as he stumbles into the apartment.
Once inside Jared leads him through the filthy living room to the bedroom, which is just as messy (if not more so) and tosses him on the bed. “Is this Tempur-Pedic?” asks Rhys, getting to his feet and jumping. After two jumps the frame cracks and the mattress falls to the floor, causing Rhys to lose his balance and fall to the floor.
“No.” Jared says, tensely. He helps Rhys up and, quickly forgetting his annoyance, pushes Rhys onto the slanted mattress and climbs on top of him, kissing him hard and taking off both of their shirts.
“I’m not losing anymore clothes,” says Rhys between kisses.
“OK, that’s fine,” says Jared as he kisses down Rhys’ chest and stomach to his pants, which he quickly unbuttons and pulls off.