‘He belongs to old Mel Griffiths,’ he said. ‘Laid up he is with a touch of lumbago, so I ofiered to walk Ben for him.’
Rhys came back for a second load of shopping, gave an exclamation of impatience and walked back into the house. To compensate for his rudeness, Amanda stopped and talked to Philip for a while. ‘That’s very kind of you,’ she said.
‘Not really. I like a walk and Ben’s good company. I hear you’re staying with Rhys for Christmas?’
‘Yes. Catrin and me. What are your plans?’
‘I’ll stay home. I’ll probably eat at the hotel on Christmas Day, just to make a bit of difference.’
‘But that’s a pity. I’d have thought you’d have plenty of invitations. You’re always doing favours for people.’
‘Last year I spent a lot of time with Catrin. Rhys was in America and we were both on our own.’
Amanda went into the bungalow feeling disappointed with both Catrin and Rhys that they could leave Philip out of their arrangements.
‘Philip is alone for Christmas,’ she told Catrin. ‘It seems a pity when you and he are such good friends.’
‘He wouldn’t have come if he’d been invited,’ Catrin explained. ‘He and Rhys aren’t exactly friendly.’
‘If Philip is alone at Christmas or at any other time it’s because he chooses to be,’ Rhys said from the doorway.
Amanda saw at once from his stony expression that now was not the time for further questions, so she changed the subject.
‘We met Heather and Haydn James in town,’ she said. ‘They’re coming to see us tomorrow, if they can tear the children away from their new toys!’
‘That will be lovely, they’re delightful girls. Jane will be in your class, won’t she?’ Catrin smiled.
‘We also met a friend of mine, Gillian Harris. She told everyone loudly and clearly about my brother Roy being in police custody.’ Catrin looked at her quizzically, waiting for her to say something more. ‘He’s a habitual criminal, a thief, breaking into houses and stealing money and anything he can sell.’ She took a deep breath and went on, ‘Oh, it’s all right. Rhys reassured Heather that her children would be safe, that Roy’s was merely a traffic offence, that I don’t come from a family of criminals, although that might not be such a surprise!’ Tears threatened and she waited for Catrin to ask her to leave.
‘Put it aside, dear, let’s not think about it until after Christmas. We’ll enjoy these few days, then we can discuss what’s best to do later, that is if you want to discuss it. It really isn’t our business what your brother gets up to, you aren’t his keeper or his conscience, you know.’
‘I wonder how she knew where to find me?’
‘If this Gillian is a plump young lady with short fair hair about your age, then I think I might have seen her knocking on Philip’s door. He would have guessed you’d be stopping for tea at some time during the afternoon, and working out which café wouldn’t have been difficult.’
‘Time to pull the curtains and raise the drawbridge,’ Rhys said, sliding the heavy velvet curtains across the windows. ‘Amanda, what are you cooking for dinner?’
‘Me?’ Amanda said with a startled look. ‘I thought my duties didn’t start until tomorrow!’ She winked at Catrin.
‘Oh, well, if you’re going to quibble about a few hours—’ he said, pretending offence.
Amanda went into the kitchen where she had already found a tin of prawns, an extravagance that had cost Rhys a large number of food points out of the monthly allowance. She began preparing for a vegetable, prawn and rice meal she had once had on holiday. She piled the plates and they ate off trays near the roaring log fire, and sat talking until long after eleven o’clock.
They spoke of past times and Amanda asked Rhys about his American Christmas of the previous year.
‘I was helping to make a documentary on unusual pets and, as it wasn’t quite completed, I decided to stay on rather than come home and have to go back.’
‘Did you enjoy the American-style Christmas?’ she wanted to know. ‘How does it differ from ours?’ Usually, when she asked Rhys a question he enlarged on it and spun stories around his experiences, but this time he seemed reluctant.
‘I prefer this,’ he said briefly. ‘America isn’t a place where I’ve been happy.’
Amanda’s room was next to Catrin’s and they agreed to call each other when they woke.
‘Rhys will be up before either of us,’ Catrin told her. ‘He’s one of those people who can’t bear to stay in bed once he’s awake.’
Amanda thought she too would wake early, worrying about that goose she’d promised to cook!
She lay in the strange bed listening to the strange sounds, and knew she would be unable to sleep. It was useless trying to read, she wouldn’t concentrate on a word. Worries about Roy and, by this time, belief in Gillian’s accusations that she had let him down would certainly keep her awake. Slipping on a dressing gown she went quietly through the lounge to the kitchen. Taking a cookery book from the shelf she began trying to memorise the cooking times of the enormous bird. Tomorrow’s dinner was another reason she couldn’t expect to sleep. If only sausages were the traditional fare!
She looked at her watch. It was a little after one. She wouldn’t need to start cooking until nine, but she had to do something towards it now. Anything to ease the agony of waiting and wondering if she would be able to produce the festive meal that most people seemed to achieve without effort.
She was so engrossed in her calculations she didn’t hear Rhys come padding into the room in bare feet.
‘That goose is for lunch, not breakfast,’ he whispered. ‘What are you doing up at this time of night?’
‘I’m too restless to sleep,’ she said, trying in vain to hide the cookery book. ‘I was just looking something up. Cakes! I thought I might make some cakes for Helen and Jane. I brought some margarine and butter,’ she defended quickly. With rationing still in force there was no surplus for extra cooking.
‘I think a cup of milky cocoa is what you need.’ He opened the fridge door and handed her a bottle of milk. ‘Make one for me, will you?’
‘One day you’ll invite me for a meal without my having to make it,’ she growled.
‘I gave you lunch today, didn’t I?’
‘With a little help from your friends!’ The usual banter was stiff and forced.
He revived the fire and moved the couch closer to its glow.
‘I should have told you about Roy,’ she said as they sipped their soothing drinks.
‘I can understand why you didn’t. This place with its new address and the new job, it’s a fresh start for you, isn’t it?’
‘I didn’t intend abandoning him. But I hoped that by the time I introduced him here, he would be settled in a job and making his way in the world without having to steal. What an optimist! Everyone will know. Gillian might as well have used a tannoy system!’
‘You mean she didn’t?’ He succeeded in making her smile. ‘Heather won’t discuss it and neither will Aunt Catrin, so you can have your fresh start, so long as your one-time friend Gillian doesn’t blurt it out too often.’
‘Am I being unfair to refuse to help him one more time?’
‘No. And you should stop thinking you are.’
They sat for a while in companionable silence, then the special magic that is Christmas led them to reminisce.
‘There’s something mystical about this festival,’ Rhys said quietly. ‘It brings back memories more readily than any other time.’
‘My happiest childhood memories are of Christmas,’ Amanda said, ‘although this will be the first time I’ve spent a traditional Christmas in a family home, apart from my own. I’ve never been a part of it before. There’s been Roy once or twice, but he was usually out, sharing someone else’s day.’
‘That’s sad.’
‘I didn’t think so. It was what I was used to. Although I confess I did feel miserable sometimes, glancing through
windows at crowded rooms, at families having fun.’ She looked at him, his eyes shining in the flickering light from the fire. ‘Have you ever had a really sad Christmas?’
‘I’ve seen friends go through bad times and, as it was this time of year, the memories remain.’
‘I don’t think I’ve ever felt really sad, I expected so little, unaware of how wonderful it could be.’
‘There won’t ever be any more sad Christmases for you. From now on you’ll never be alone or without friends,’ he whispered.
She was drawn to him and leaning towards him their lips touched gently but with such tenderness she wondered if he had been misled by the intimacy of the fire-lit scene and imagined for an instant she was someone else. He whispered her name then, his lips touching her cheek and her heart lifted with joy knowing it was her, Amanda Clifford, who filled his mind. His arms held her and their second kiss lasted until the room filled with its magic.
Slowly he released her and looked down into her gentle eyes, darkened with love. He kissed her again, playfully, on the tip of her nose and said, ‘Bed for you, young lady, or you’ll never be up in time to cook my goose!’
She returned to her room but this time it was not the thought of the dinner that kept her awake.
At seven she again crept into the kitchen and made a few small cakes. At least sugar was no longer rationed and she could ice them to make them more edible. While they were cooking she began preparing the vegetables. The house was silent and there was that inexplicable air of expectancy that pervades the atmosphere when there are surprises to unfold.
She had just finished peeling the potatoes, counting them carefully to make sure there were sufficient, when a sound made her start. She watched as the door slowly opened, expecting to see Rhys. But it was Philip standing there, dressed against the cold of the early morning in corduroys and a thick, weatherproof jacket which made him look even larger than usual.
‘Philip? What are you doing out so early?’ She stood back for him to step inside.
‘I’d forgotten about Catrin being here instead of her cottage. I’ve brought her present,’ he explained. He handed her a paper carrier containing several brightly-wrapped gifts. ‘Put these under the tree for me, will you?’
‘Thank you. There are some gifts for you but we left them at the cottage. Will you go in and fetch them or wait till we get back?’
‘I’ll wait. Tell her I’ll light her fire ready for her return, will you? But I won’t look at the presents until then.’
‘Happy Christmas, Philip.’
‘A Happy Christmas to you, Amanda.’ He leaned forward, put a hand on her shoulder and kissed her cheek. ‘Enjoy your visit. I’ll see you before you go back, won’t I?’
Behind them the door opened and Rhys stood there.
‘If I might come in?’ he asked sarcastically.
‘Philip has brought presents for Catrin,’ she explained.
‘I see. Well, if that’s all – ?’ Rhys glanced pointedly at the door then at Philip. Philip left with a casual wave.
‘That was so embarrassing!’ Amanda said. ‘Why do you have to be so rude to him?’
‘I can’t stand the fellow, and you’d be wise to give him a wide berth!’
‘Why should I? I don’t know anything that justifies such treatment. I refuse to dislike someone because you say I should!’ Amanda said angrily. ‘I’m sure Catrin doesn’t share your views.’
‘If you’re going to be entertaining visitors, don’t you think you should get dressed?’ He glared at her and left the room.
‘Oh dear,’ she muttered. ‘Not the best start to the day.’
She needn’t have worried. When they next met he was cheerful and perfectly relaxed. Amanda had bathed, and had dressed in a turquoise dress, specially bought to wear on Christmas Day. She found Rhys and Catrin in the kitchen preparing a light breakfast.
‘When we were children we weren’t allowed to open a single present until we’d eaten. And that was the only morning of the year when I wasn’t hungry!’ Catrin said.
Unwrapping the presents was fun and Rhys watched Amanda, marvelling that it was the first time she had been a part of such a happy, family occasion. She had a scarf from Philip, a book on garden birds from Catrin and Rhys had given her a delicately carved family of harvest mice.
‘It’s beautiful!’ she gasped, stroking the polished wood as if the animals were real. ‘Where did you find such a treasure?’
‘Haydn James makes them,’ Rhys explained. ‘I thought you’d like an ornament to start your new home.’
‘Thank you.’ She kissed him lightly on the lips in the way she had thanked Catrin.
Catrin beamed at them. She was utterly content to be sharing the holiday with two of her favourite people, she told them.
‘Now for dinner.’ Amanda walked with some trepidation towards the kitchen.
In fact everything went well. With Catrin’s guiding hand the goose was perfectly cooked and the vegetables miraculously all ready at the same time.
At three, when they were still at the table, there was a knock at the door.
‘Good heavens! That will be Heather and Haydn and the girls!’ Rhys gasped. ‘I hadn’t realised the time!’
Dishes were stacked and the table cleared as the James family removed their coats. Kisses were exchanged and Amanda sat near little Jane and her mother.
Throughout the afternoon Amanda tried to coax the little girl to talk to her, but each time she asked a question, her mother answered for her and she saw Heather’s arm tighten around the child as if reassuring her she wasn’t expected to reply.
‘I don’t know how she’ll manage when school restarts,’ Heather said anxiously. ‘She was most unhappy there. She hates leaving me even for a few seconds.’
Amanda shook her head, silently asking Heather not to put negative ideas in Jane’s head.
‘I’m a new girl too, remember,’ she said. ‘I’m depending on Jane to help me on my first day.’
When the visitors had gone, Amanda asked Rhys to give her some background. ‘Heather seems particularly close to Jane,’ she said hesitantly. She knew how fond Rhys was of the family and was afraid of offending by appearing to pry.
‘Helen has always been confident and strong. Jane needs extra care,’ was all he said.
‘Has she been ill? Or away from her mother at any time?’
‘Only briefly, when she was a baby.’
He was answering her questions but Amanda felt a reticence. It was as if the spoken words were used to hide something. She remembered a drama teacher once saying that dialogue disguised thoughts as well as revealing them. She guessed this was what she had meant.
5
Boxing Day was free from cooking worries as they ate well but simply on cold meat and salads. After lunch Rhys suggested a walk.
‘I think we need to freshen ourselves after all this food, don’t you?’
Catrin shook her head.
‘You speak for yourself, I’m content to sit here,’ she replied.
‘Are you feeling all right?’ Amanda asked anxiously.
‘Of course, dear, but I don’t feel the need to go galloping about like you young things.’
Amanda was not fully convinced.
Rhys collected their coats and took Amanda up on the hill behind the bungalow which overlooked both the village nestling in the valley which hid the stream and, in the distance, the sea. Both were invisible that day, lost in the haze of the winter day. She looked down at the few visible roofs and chimney pots in the sparsely populated area and said, ‘Somewhere down there is someone who knew my family. Someone I have to find.’
‘We will, I’m sure of it.’ He put an arm around her and she was comforted by his assurances and flattered by his concern.
The mist was thickening, the best of the day already gone.
‘Not the best time of year to see the view,’ Rhys smiled. ‘We’ll have to come again later when the weather is better.’
<
br /> ‘It’s in the summer I’ll really get to know the place,’ she agreed.
‘You think you’ll be happy living in Tri-nant? You won’t miss your present home and friends?’
‘Having a place of my own is worth uprooting myself for.’
‘You’ll be uprooting Aunt Catrin too, unfortunately. She doesn’t seem to be making any plans. She refuses even to discuss it, insisting that something will sort itself when the time comes.’
‘Does she think I won’t live in the cottage d’you think?’
‘Perhaps she thinks you’ll change your mind about living in Tri-nant.’
‘I won’t change my mind.’
She wanted to make her home in Firethorn Cottage and be able to walk from room to room and wander out into a garden that was her own. But most of all, she admitted silently, it was the thought of living where she would see Rhys and perhaps become a part of his life.
‘When does Roy come out of prison?’ he asked as they made their way back down the hill.
‘He hasn’t even been sentenced yet, but I suppose it will be a few months. He might not bother to let me know. Gillian seems to have taken full responsibility for his welfare. His recent letters have been full of lightly-veiled reproaches and I hear Gillian’s voice in them. Perhaps blaming me makes Gillian feel even more noble. I hope she won’t be badly hurt.’
Rhys said very little when they parted at the end of her brief visit. Their time together ended so casually it was hard to believe the middle-of-the-night kiss had ever happened. The Christmas holiday had begun badly, with the interruption of Gillian’s appearance and her outburst, and it had ended unsatisfactorily, like a book with the last page missing, she thought sadly. And with no hope of a sequel.
* * *
The bedsit seemed cold and impersonal when she stepped inside. The cards had sagged or fallen and there were a few pieces of wrapping paper and glittering string left from her present wrapping. It made the place look very sad, the morning after a party that had never happened. The thought of living there for ten more months was hard to take.
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