by Lola StVil
“Because I need to know why my brother is being kicked off operations and getting suspended.”
“Who the hell told you about that?” I ask.
“I think the more important question is why didn’t you tell me? In fact, why didn’t you tell any of us?” he pushes as he leans in closer.
“I hit a guy; he had it coming.”
“Alright, is that why you were taken off the latest op?”
“No,” I reply, and I swallow a mouthful of strong black coffee.
“I’m gonna need more,” Wyatt says, getting impatient.
“Fine, Tyler put some stuff online and…”
“C’mon, Cash, this is enough already! I know you don’t want to wreck this kid’s life but putting your info out there, it’s hostile as fuck. You know that.”
“Yeah, I know. I talked to his mother.”
“And?”
“And…they are still grieving. Okay? You know what that’s like,” I remind him.
“Yeah, but when Rosy died, I didn’t try to get another cop killed by putting his info online. There is no excuse for this.”
“Yeah, I know that.”
“Do you, because you are acting like it’s not a big deal.”
“It’s fine. I’m gonna take care of it,” I assure him.
He looks closer at me and softens his tone. “Cash, you are not to blame for what happened. And you need to stop looking at this Tyler situation as some kind of punishment. You did nothing wrong.”
“Bullshit, Wyatt. He was my partner. He’s dead. I get to come home and he doesn’t. That kid has no father now, how is it that I did nothing wrong?” I snap. He signals for me to lower my voice. I grip the cup and gulp down more of the black liquid.
“Cash, you’ve let this situation play out way too long. That’s not like you—fix this,” he warns.
“Yeah, I will. I’ll figure something out.”
He’s about to object, but when he sees the stern look on my face, he knows we’re done with the conversation. Wyatt decides to leave it alone.
“Oh, guess who I ran into yesterday?” he asks with a grin. “Monica.”
Monica.
“Really? She’s in town?”
“Yeah, she’s here for a conference. She came into the station to see her brother. She said to give you this,” he says, handing me a slip of paper with Monica’s phone number. I take the paper from Wyatt and drop it into my nearly empty coffee cup. The paper soaks up the coffee and the ink smears.
“You’re throwing away Monica’s number? I thought you two always hooked up when either of you came to town.”
“Not anymore,” I reply. I hope he’ll let it drop, but he looks back at me and folds his arms across his chest. Fuck me.
“Okay, okay. There’s someone…” I inform him.
“Someone serious?”
“Yeah, at least I hope so. She’s hard to read sometimes, but she’s…” I don’t finish the thought because right away in my mind’s eye I see her smile and her curves. I lose my train of thought. Wyatt laughs at me like a damn kid.
“Really?” I scold.
“I’m sorry, I just wish you could have seen your face just now. Man, you got it bad. I mean like, ‘write her poems’ bad.”
“I have a gun, why haven’t I shot you yet?” I ask.
“Alright, alright. Tell me about this woman.”
“You and I don’t do this kind of stuff,” I remind him.
“The reason we don’t is because you never have a woman you want to spend more than an hour with. So what are we talking here, a weekend? A long weekend? Or maybe even a week or maybe—”
“I love her.”
Wyatt looks at me as if I’m some nut job who thinks they see aliens. I get that; I’m not really the “fall in love” type. And my family knows it.
“Who is she?”
“Her name is Skylar. She’s a kindergarten teacher. She’s fucking gorgeous. She’s also way too kind, way too understanding, and she makes me laugh until I can’t fucking breathe.”
He asks how we met, and when I tell him, he listens closely. I don’t tell him everything, just the stuff he needs to know. When I’m done, he doesn’t say anything. The makes me uneasy.
“It’s crazy, right? I mean a woman like her and a guy like me…that shit doesn’t just happen, right? It doesn’t make sense,” I reason.
“It doesn’t have to make sense to me or anyone else out here. It only needs to make sense for you two.”
“She’s keeping something from me—something about her past. I’m guessing that’s why we haven’t…”
“You two have been together for over a month and…nothing?”
“Yeah.”
“And yet you throw Monica’s number out like it was nothing? Who is this magical woman?” he teases.
I ignore his taunts and focus on what I need to know. “You and Winter had issues when you first started out. How’d you get over it?”
“It wasn’t easy—she had some stuff she really needed to work out. In the end, she couldn’t do anything until she faced up to the things that happened before.”
“How do I help her face them? Is there a book to buy, an Oprah TV special, or something? What the fuck do I do?”
“Okay… first, this can’t be about you getting laid. If you want to help her deal with her past, do it because you want her to be well. Don’t be a dick and think only with your dick,” he says in a stern tone.
“This isn’t about sex,” I counter. Wyatt tilts his head in disbelief, damn him. “Okay, some part of this is about sex, but most of it is about her letting me in—I don’t mean in that way—”
“Yeah, yeah, I get it. You care about her enough to put your hormones in check. That’s good. You’re a god among men,” he jokes.
“Yeah, well don’t nominate me for sainthood just yet. I want her all the fucking time, and meanwhile, she’s probably not even thinking about sex.”
***
My vibrator broke. Kenzy thinks it’s the most hilarious thing she’s ever heard, and every time I see her in the school hallway, she’s smirking. I never should have told her, knowing she’d tease me so damn bad. I know she’s not done making fun of me, so I try to sneak out the back when the school day is over and the last kid has been picked up. But she is actually standing by the exit, and yes, she still has that smirk on her face.
“Damn you!” I scold as she blocks my path to freedom.
“I knew you’d try to get away,” she says, dragging me back to my classroom to get my jacket.
“I wasn’t trying to escape. I have stuff to do,” I reply as she forces me to put my jacket on.
“You and I are gonna go out,” she informs me.
“When?”
“Now. Remember the guy I met at my last school, Chris? He’s having a party, and I need to get a little drunk and relax before my parents come tomorrow. And besides, I haven’t seen you at all since you and Mr. Yummy hooked up. Or should I say ‘haven’t’ hooked up.”
“We have been spending a lot of time together. Am I being a bad friend?” I ask.
“Yes, but not because you spend time with him.”
“Then how am I being a bad friend?”
“By not sleeping with him so I can get the juicy details. I, on the other hand, have most of my sexual escapades just so that I can tell you. Why is that?” she asks.
“Because you’re a good friend,” I mock.
“Exactly. Now, let’s go. The Lyft is here,” she says, practically dragging me out of the school and into the street. We get in the backseat of the black Honda, and Kenzy is grinning from ear to ear.
“What’s so funny?” I ask.
“I’m just thinking about how pissed I would be if I were Cash and you were giving all the goodies to a battery and not to me.”
“It’s not like that.”
“Sky, Cash is everything. Seriously. And you’re wasting him. Speaking of which, where is he right now?”
; “Work. He said he wouldn’t be back until late.”
“You know you could surprise him, just you and a box of condoms,” she suggests.
“Very classy,” I quip.
“Don’t act like you don’t want him; we’ve been friends for way too long for that crap.”
She’s right. I want Cash more now than when we first met. I think about him all the time. When he calls, my heart flutters like a teenager’s. It’s insane. I wonder what it would be like for us to be naked in each other’s arms, exploring each other all night long—and that’s how my damn vibrator broke.
“Earth to Sky,” she calls out.
“I’m here,” I reply with a sad smile.
“You’ve gotten to know him more. That should make you feel comfortable being with him.”
“That’s just it; I do feel comfortable. In fact, when he holds me, I feel like I’m home.”
“And that freaks you out,” she concludes.
“Cash can face bullets and risk his life for me, and I can’t even get over my last relationship long enough to let him in. What does that say about me? When did I become this person?”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Sky. I was there after Josh. It wasn’t just a breakup. And you lost more than a relationship. But Josh was a little boy who liked to play games. Cash isn’t like that. He’s the real deal. A grown man who wants to be with you—don’t cheat yourself out of that.”
“I know what you’re saying, Kenz; I do. My heart wants to jump into this and be with him in every way.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“The last time I let my heart guide me, I lost everything. I don’t know if I can go through that again. I won’t survive it this time.”
***
When Kenzy said it was a party, I figured it would be a handful of people in a small apartment, just hanging out. It’s not. It’s two floors of partygoers. The music is loud, the house is dimly lit, and everyone is dancing. Kenzy begs me not to stand there and overthink like I normally do. She orders me to relax, dance, and let loose.
In the beginning, I was shy, but an hour later, I’m getting into the vibe. I’m dancing with Kenzy and some people she knows from her last gig. I didn’t get to have lunch today, so when I spot the table full of food and snacks, my stomach growls.
“I’m gonna get something to eat. Be right back, Kenz.”
She points to a tray of brownies and shouts above the music, “It’s made with weed, stay away from that.” I laugh and agree to stay away from the brownies. Thankfully, when I get over to the dessert table, there are more than a few yummy things to choose from. I try out a few things, but my favorite is the peanut butter chocolate chip cookies.
All in all the party’s fun, and it gives Kenz and me a chance to catch up. I think Kenzy may have had a chunk of one of the brownies. She’s not really into weed like that, but once in a while, she’ll have a little.
A little while later, as we get ready to go, Kenzy wonders if it might be better to get her parents a hotel. She knows that won’t work. They will insist on staying with her so they can inspect every inch of her apartment, like they always do.
“Last year, I walked in and found my mom smelling my milk and inspecting my underwear drawer. How am I going to survive their visit tomorrow?” she says as we say goodbye to the host and head outside to the Lyft car Kenz called.
“You’ll be just fine. You always survive your parents,” I remind her.
“You’re right, you’re right. I just have to remain calm and get through this,” she says to herself. We get into the car and I snuggle up with her.
“You had a good time tonight; I’m proud of you,” she says.
“Don’t be proud of me. I completely wrecked my ‘no junk food’ resolve.”
“What do you mean?”
“I had some cookies.”
She sits up. Her eyes are wide, and her mouth is open. “What is it?” I ask.
“You ate the cookies from the dessert table?”
“Yeah, I know, it’s a ton of sugar, but they were too good to pass up. I’ll do a little extra at the gym,” I promise.
“No, that’s not what I mean. Sky, those cookies were baked with weed butter.”
“What, no! You said stay away from the brownie platter,” I remind her.
“No! I said stay away from that table. Everything on the dessert table is an edible.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, there was a sign, didn’t you see it?”
“No, it must have fallen behind the table. Shit!” I reply as my heart races.
“Okay, let’s calm down. You probably had…what, two or three cookies?”
“More like ten or twelve.”
“Skylar!”
“I skipped lunch, I’m sexually frustrated, and my vibrator broke!” I snap. The Lyft driver looks at us in the rearview mirror.
“Eyes on the road, buddy!” Kenzy barks at him.
“What are we gonna do?” I ask her.
“Sky, that’s a lot of weed.”
“Look, it’s fine, I haven’t felt strange or anything. I’ve only tried weed once, back in college, you remember? It had an effect on me right away.”
“These are edibles—they take longer to hit you, but they will hit you. How long ago did you eat the cookies?” she asks.
“About an hour ago.”
“It’s about to hit.”
“Oh, no…”
“Okay, it’s okay. I will go home and spend the night with you—hang on,” Kenzy says as she looks at her phone. “My parents are here early to surprise me! They are at the front door waiting for me!”
“It’s okay. I can be home alone,” I reply.
“Are you sure?” she asks. I burst out laughing. “Sky, what’s so funny?”
“I have so many fingers.”
“Okay, I can’t leave you alone. Fuck. I’m sorry about this, but we don’t have a choice.” She gives the driver a new address. I wonder if the driver is the one making all these colors appear. They are so pretty.
Soon, Kenzy helps me out of the car and walks me up to the front door of a house; a house I know. Or at least, I think I know it. The pretty colors all around make it hard for me to be sure.
“I’m so sorry about this, Sky. But everything will be fine. When Cash opens the door, we’ll just say you don’t feel well and you need to rest. Okay? Do not let him know you’re high. Okay?”
“Okay,” I reply, smiling at the colors racing by me. I follow them with my eyes.
“Remember, you are not high,” Kenzy whispers as she knocks on the door.
Cash opens the door. I hold out my arms big and wide and greet him:
“HI, CASH. I’M NOT HIGH.”
Sky leaps into my arms, wrapping her arms and legs around me. I barely have time to catch her. She begins to laugh and tells me once again that she is not high. I put her back down on the floor and take her face in my hands. I study her closely. There are so many different drugs with different side effects, my mind whirls with awful thoughts. Depending on what she’s on, she may need to get to a hospital right away. Oh, and there’s also the fact that I may have to take my girl in for using.
“What the hell happened?” I ask.
“She’s high.”
“Yeah, Kenzy, I got that part. What is she high from?”
“Weed.”
“Weed and nothing else?”
“Um, no. I don’t think so.”
“You don’t think so? Or you don’t know?” I command.
“Um…”
“Hey!” I shout as I snap my fingers in front of Kenzy’s dazed face.
“Focus. What the hell did she take?”
“It’s just weed; it was in the cookies.”
“Did you two drive over here?”
“No.”
“Are you high too?” I ask, taking a closer look at her.
“I had a small piece of a pot brownie. It wasn’t enough to really do anything,�
�� she pleads. “It was an accident. And anyway, it’s a bad trip; she’ll be fine, right?”
I look over at Sky, who is looking around the house like she’s never been there before. She’s fascinated with the black TV screen on the wall and keeps waving at it. She’s surprised when the reflection waves back to her. It makes her laugh. Everything makes her laugh.
I believe Kenzy when she says they didn’t take anything stronger than weed-laced cookies; I know when I’m being lied to. So I can start to blink again. I’m really not fucking happy with Sky being high, but I can deal with weed high.
“How many cookies?” I ask.
“Maybe a dozen,” she says, biting her lower lip.
“Has she ever had weed before?”
“Um…are you speaking as her guy or a DEA agent?”
“Kenzy!” I snap.
“Okay, okay, just checking. She tried it once in college, but that’s it,” she swears.
“She has no tolerance for it,” I mutter.
“It’s gonna be a really bad trip, and I want to be with her, but my parents just flew in, and they’re waiting for me to let them in. I didn’t want to leave her alone; can you look after her for me?” she pleads. I look over at Sky; she jumps on the sofa and begins to scream about rabbits and snakes. She begs me not to let them get her.
God help me.
“Yeah, I got her,” I reply, shaking my head in disbelief.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Kenzy replies as she kisses me on the cheek. She tells Sky she’ll check on her later, but Sky is too worried about the “snakes” to notice that her friend is about to leave.
“Cash…” Kenzy says as she looks over her friend one last time. I watch worry creep into her eyes.
“I’ve spent days with heroin addicts and tweakers, waiting for them to come down from their high. I got this,” I promise. She nods and runs out the door.
I close the door and face Sky, who is now standing on the dining room table yelling at the dangerous creatures that exist only in her head.
“Sky, come down from the table.”
“No, they’re gonna get you. Get up here, hurry!”