by Lola StVil
“I get it, but I don’t know if he can move on from that. I don’t think that feeling of being abandoned will ever go away.”
“Tyler might not even believe you.”
“We obtained documents with their travel plans and fake IDs. He won’t really have a choice.”
“Poor kid,” she mutters as she looks out the window. It’s bad enough that the Tyler issue haunts me; there is no reason it should darken my girl’s day too. So, I change the subject.
“My dad texted me this morning; my parents are back from Italy. They were there on vacation for a few weeks.”
“Italy, nice! Did they have a good time?”
“Yeah, they have a villa there. They go once a year. My mom gets caught up in her philanthropy work and sometimes it’s hard to get her to take time for herself. So, my dad decided that every year, after the annual gala they throw for the Children’s Hospital, they go away. She fights it every time, and every time she comes back happy she went.”
“Okay, so for the record, no one will have to force me to go to Italy. Ever. I will drop every single thing I own and run to Italy.” She laughs.
“I’ll add that to our list,” I reply.
“So…did you tell your parents you asked me to move in? Do they even know about me?”
I look over at her. I can see that behind those “Brazilian sunset” eyes, she’s overthinking. “My dad gets all his info from my mom. And believe me, my mom knows all about you.”
“Oh, so…you talked to her about me?” she says, trying to sound casual.
“Shelby filled her in before I could get a word in. Also, I’m pretty sure she already had you investigated.” Sky laughs, but when I don’t join her, or even smile, it begins to sink in—I’m not joking.
“Wait, your mom had me investigated? You mean she actually did a background check on me?”
“Yeah, most likely.”
Her jaw drops and she furrows her brows in disapproval. If she were a cartoon character, she’d most likely have steam coming out of her ears.
“That’s a complete invasion of my privacy—how could she do that? She doesn’t even—”
“Babe, you don’t have to yell.”
“I’M NOT YELLING!”
I don’t reply. Instead, I focus on the traffic ahead and suppress my smile. She’s fucking cute when she’s beside herself. She takes a deep breath and tries to compose herself. When she speaks again, she sounds slightly hurt, and that gets me.
“How could you let her look into me?” she asks.
“She looks into all the women my brothers are in love with.”
“So your mom spends her days spying on a bunch of women?” she asks.
“What you have to understand about my brothers is that they don’t date. They fuck, have fun, and get back to work. So when we are into a woman so much that we tell my mom about it, it means it’s serious. And for the record, there have been only two women that my mom has looked into and both of them ended up marrying my brothers.”
“Your mom looked into Shay and Winter?”
“Yeah, she knew that Logan and Wyatt would never bring someone into the house unless it was very serious. So she looked into their background.”
“And you’re okay with this?” she counters with an attitude.
“At first, all five of us were pissed when we learned that she had a company look into the women in our lives. We confronted her. She looked at all five of us and said, ‘I’m going to ask you boys a question. If the answer is no then I will never run background checks again.’”
“What was the question?”
I smile despite myself as I recall that day in my mother’s dining room. “She said, ‘If your father passed away, and I became seriously involved with another man, would you run a background check on him?’”
“Wow, she’s good,” Sky says under her breath.
“Yeah, she’s a crafty old woman,” I reply. “I understand her concern. The fact is, combined, our family is worth nearly half a billion dollars. She has five boys who are all in dangerous jobs involving criminals. Looking into the lives of the people who her sons are in love with is understandable. And you better believe we would look into whoever she was dating. Hell, we’d have that guy under twenty-four-hour surveillance.”
“Yeah, I guess that makes—wait—did you say half a billion?”
“Yeah,” I mumble. I never like talking about family money because it always makes things awkward.
“Hmmm….” she says thoughtfully.
“Uh-oh, did I just bring out the inner gold-digger in you?” I joke.
“No, but now I’m thinking I should have gone ahead and ordered the large fries at that burger place we went to last week.”
I laugh at her. “Yeah babe. Next time, live it up! Maybe even get dessert. Seriously though, don’t let the background check stuff get to you. She’s our mom, and if anyone came into her life in a serious, real way, we’d have them checked out. So, we’ve come to expect the same from her.”
“So, if your mom doesn’t like what she learns about me, then we’re done? Is that how that works?”
“Fuck no! She didn’t raise us like that. She can give us her opinion, but at the end of the day, we are grown fucking men. We make our own decisions, and we stand by them. Anyway, she’s already in love with you. She heard all about you from Shelby. As I said, I would have told her myself, but my sister-in-law is an impossible force to stop. She got to my mom first.”
“So, what does your mom think about me?”
“You can ask her yourself; she wants us to come to dinner this Saturday.”
“I don’t know—what if she doesn’t like me?”
“How is that possible?”
“I don’t know, but if she doesn’t?”
“Babe, she has a soft spot for teachers. And she knows that if I agree to bring you to the house, you are special to me.”
“Okay, we’ll go,” she says sounding less than excited. I place my hand on her thigh.
“Babe, she’s gonna love you.”
“I hope so. Wait, did she find anything strange about me?” she asks.
“No, but she did have a question,” I reply.
Sky sits up, bites her lower lips and gives me a tense look. “She has a question for me? What is it?”
“She was just wondering…how did you break your vibrator?”
Sky’s face turns beet red as she literally screams with embarrassment as she drops her head in her hands.
“I’m kidding, babe! I’m kidding!” I chuckle as we near the entrance of the school. I pull the car over, but she doesn’t get out.
“Babe, I swear, I was joking. I only learned about the broken vibrator because you mumbled something about it when you were high off the cookies,” I tease. She brings her head up and playfully attacks me. I can’t help but laugh at her again as I catch her hand mid-strike.
“Babe, how would my mom even know that about you? It’s obvious I was kidding.”
“Cash Hunter, that is not funny! Argh! You are so gonna pay for that!” she says, playfully poking me in the ribs.
“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. But really, babe, how did you break it?”
“ARGH! I hate you, and I’m going to work,” she says as her natural color returns. I laugh and pull her in for a kiss. When we pull apart, I get a text from work, and my lighthearted expression changes.
“Everything okay?” she asks.
“Yeah, there’s movement on a case we’ve been working. I gotta go, babe,” I reply.
She looks over at me; her expression isn’t playful anymore. “Cash…” she says, and her voice is solemn and filled with trepidation. Seeing the worry etched on her face makes my chest constrict.
“I’ll be careful,” I reply to her unspoken fear.
She smiles sadly and gets out of the car. As I drive off, it hits me—if she’s this worried over a local assignment, how the hell is she going to handle the possibility of me leaving the country?
Kenzy isn’t just happy that I didn’t talk to her about moving in with Cash, she is downright giggly. According to her my willingness to take a leap and agree to move in means that I am one step closer to not overthinking things on a permanent basis.
“This is just perfect!” Kenzy says as we make our way down the line at the frozen yogurt shop. We just got out of work and Kenzy had a craving for frozen yogurt, and so here we are. “Sky, I can see it now, this step will lead to bigger ones. And before you know it, not only will you stop overthinking, you will be downright spontaneous!” she teases me.
“Okay, slow down, Kenz,” I reply. We pick our flavor. Kenzy gets chocolate and vanilla swirl. And I get my usual vanilla tart. We head towards the toppings section; there are about fourteen bins filled to the brim with chopped fruits, nuts, and crushed candy.
“No, I’m serious,” Kenzy says as she pours a scoop of crushed brownie bites and mini marshmallows into her large cup. “Think about it, Sky, soon you’ll go food shopping without making a list first. You’ll leave the house without checking the weather channel and—oh my god, could it be—yes, that is Skylar Marshall going to a restaurant without checking out the Yelp review!” she says, pretending to be so choked up she has to wipe her eyes.
I playfully poke her in the ribs. And she laughs at me. I look over at the wide array of toppings. But as usual, I don’t take any chances on ruining my vanilla tart. It’s my favorite and I like it plain even if Kenzy makes fun of me. She eyes me closely, trying to pressure me to try a topping, without actually saying the words. Not gonna happen. I start to walk away, and she calls out after me.
“So, you can agree to live with a man, but you can’t pick a topping? Weirdo,” she jokes as she follows me to our brightly colored seats.
“Men come and go, but a good vanilla tart, that’s priceless,” I inform her. She laughs at me and we “toast” to me moving in. We dig in, and as always it tastes good—except it doesn’t this time. Kenzy reads the sour expression on my face and asks what’s wrong.
“I don’t know; it tastes…strange,” I reply. And before I know it, I’m running to the restroom to throw up. Kenzy orders me back to my apartment and then she goes down the street to the pharmacy to get me something for my stomach. When she comes back, I’ve had a quick shower and have gotten into my robe.
“Here you go,” she says as she hands me a pink bottle and a small box of pills for nausea. I thank her but then she says, “I also got you this.” And she hands me a pregnancy test.
“C’mon, Sky, I know you didn’t take the morning-after pill and your period is super late.”
“Yeah, I know. But my period is always irregular.”
“And what about throwing up today?”
“Yeah, that doesn’t usually happen…” I reply, mostly to myself.
“Don’t you want a family with Cash?”
“I can’t say that to him. That’s a lot of pressure for a guy.”
Kenzy looks around and places her hands on her hips.
“Um, I don’t see Cash around here. I’m the only one here, the only one who is asking. Sky, tell me. Do you want a family with Cash?”
I sigh and sit down on the sofa. There are just too many emotions to process right now. I should play it safe and say something about waiting to see what happens, but Kenzy knows me too damn well. And I don’t feel like lying to her or myself anymore.
“Kenz, I love him. I know it’s quick, but I do. And yes, I want to have his baby. I want us to be a family.”
She comes over and sits next to me. “Why are you saying that like it’s a bad thing? You know how Cash feels about you.”
“That’s just it. I thought Josh loved me too. I thought we would be a family and I was so wrong. And I want to take that chance and trust myself, but how can I when I got it so wrong before?”
“You already agreed to live with him, honey,” she says softly.
“Yeah, I know. And I want that. But saying the words ‘I love you’ and then telling him I’m pregnant, it’s just giving me flashbacks. Really bad flashes, Kenz. It hurt so much when Josh threw me away. When I think about the soul-crushing void that I fell in after we broke up…I don’t know if I can survive that again…”
“So, you’re not gonna take the test?”
“No. At least not now.”
“Argh! Sky, don’t you ever learn? If you are having Cash’s baby and you don’t tell him that man is gonna go fucking crazy, you know that,” she scolds.
“No, that’s not what I mean,” I explain as I put the pregnancy box on the coffee table.
“I’m going to tell him I love him before I find out if I’m pregnant or not.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Like I said I’m afraid of how this will turn out, but Cash has done all he can to show me he loves me, and the next move is mine.”
Kenzy and I talk for a little while longer, and I admit that I’m wiped out. She raises her eyebrows and points out that happens to pregnant women—that girl is so damn pushy. But once again she makes a fair point. I walk Kenzy out and promise to let her know how Cash reacts to me actually saying the words “I love you.”
I’ve never told anyone this, but it seems the day after I told Josh I loved him, things went south. It was as if I had given him a pass to screw me over. He used that love and turned it into a weapon to hurt me whenever it suited him. Ever since then I have never found three words more dangerous than “I love you.” You can’t give that kind of power to just anyone.
But Cash isn’t just anyone.
I text him and let him know that I will be staying at my place tonight. He asks why. I assure him that I’m not backing out, just not feeling so hot. I promise him we can start moving my things in a day or so. He calls me right away.
“What’s wrong, babe?”
“Just a little nausea,” I reply as my heart begins to race. He pauses. I can almost hear him thinking the thought, “She could be pregnant.”
“It doesn’t mean…” I say softly.
“Oh, yeah, I get that. It could be a lot of things. Maybe just a stomach bug. Right?”
“Ah, yeah. It could be. Sometimes, I get a little sick before my period. That could be it too,” I offer.
“Okay, that could be it.”
My heart sinks. He didn’t sound relieved that I offered another explanation, but he also didn’t sound disappointed.
“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I reply, trying to keep the emotions out of my voice.
“Hell no, I’m coming over to check on you. I have a quick errand to run, then I’ll be right there.”
“You don’t have to do that, Cash.”
“Bullshit. I’m coming over, and babe?”
“Yeah?”
“I hope it’s not a bug.”
***
I’m waiting to meet Tyler’s Mom for coffee but she’s late. I think she’s unsure about the meeting and might stand me up altogether. It irritates the shit out of me, especially since I would rather be with Sky right now. She’s sick, and if it is just her being under the weather, I want to be there for her. Even if all I do is spend the night next to her making sure she has everything she needs. And if it’s more than just a matter of her not feeling well, then I definitely want to be there for her.
My heart begins to race once I think about the possibility of us having a baby. I know we don’t know anything for sure, but how fucking amazing would that be? I really wish she already admitted out loud that she loves me. But even though her omission does sting, it’s better than someone who says it with words and doesn’t do shit to back it up.
I never even thought about having kids. It just seemed like something that happened to other people. But since I met Sky, so many things that didn’t seem possible are happening. Everyone tried to get me to do what I’m about to do, but only Sky could make me actually take action. I sit at the table, and once again I wave the waiter away since the woman I have come to meet has not arri
ved.
Shit, she really is blowing me off.
“Well, I’m here. What do you want?” Hank’s widow asks as she walks up from behind and stands looming over me.
“Hello, Claudia,” I reply, hoping to keep a friendly tone.
“What do you want, Agent Hunter?”
“Please, take a seat. Get some coffee. Or tea, anything,” I offer.
She glares at me and folds her arms across her chest.
“You can multitask; you can still hate me while you sip and give me the hateful stare,” I assure her. She thinks it over and takes a seat across from me. I signal to the waiter. I order coffee, and she gets a glass of wine.
“If you brought me here to ask me to have Tyler back off, then you’re wasting your time.”
“No, that’s not why I asked you here.”
“Then what do you want?” she demands.
I pause for a moment and hope I’m doing the right thing as I begin to tell her what really happened to her husband. In the middle of telling her, the waiter comes by with our drinks. I wait until he’s done before I continue. After I am done, I see something on her face that I didn’t anticipate—acceptance. I thought she’d yell and argue that I was wrong, but she doesn’t. She looks upset, and there are tears in her eyes, but behind all of that is the unmistakable look of someone who is bracing herself.
Oh shit.
“You knew that Hank had someone else, didn’t you?” I ask as I study her face. She turns away. “Claudia, tell me. Did you know that Hank was cheating on you?”
She reluctantly turns towards me again, her face etched in pain. She nods slowly as the tears make their way past her cheeks.
“He was acting differently. He seemed distant and restless. I thought it had to do with work. I found some letters, but I convinced myself I was reading the whole thing wrong. I thought that after the mission in Mexico, we could go see someone and fix our marriage. That was my plan. I was going to confront him, and then we’d work it out. But that was never gonna happen, was it? He was never coming back…” She sobs loudly, and I place my hand on top of hers.
“Look, I’m sorry about all this. If I wasn’t mourning my sister—”