by Cher Carson
“James, I think you’re a wonderful man, but I’m afraid you’re not the right man for me.”
He took a step back, raking his hand through his cropped hair. “What are you talking about? I thought we were getting married.”
“No, you proposed, and I told you I wasn’t ready.” She didn’t want to hurt him, but she couldn’t pretend to feel something she didn’t. She would rather be alone than settle for a loveless marriage.
“But I thought we wanted the same things out of life. You said you were ready to start a family and...”
She touched his forearm. “James, I do want those things, just not with you. I’m so sorry.”
He began pacing the length of the room, his hands thrust in his pocket. “This is because of that ex-husband of yours, isn’t it? I knew I shouldn’t have let him get within ten feet of you tonight.”
Taylor suppressed a smile. She knew James couldn’t have kept Chase away from her tonight even if he’d been backed by an army. “This isn’t about him; it’s about me and what I want.”
He turned to face her, a lethal calmness in his dark eyes. “Did you really sleep with him tonight?”
She shook her head, wishing she hadn’t allowed her relationship with James to progress to the point where he believed they could have a future. “We did, but...”
“That’s what this is about,” he said. “Just because he’s good in the sack, you’re trying to convince yourself he’s a changed man. He’s not; he’s still the same spoiled, selfish, immature Neanderthal he was when you left him a year ago.”
She felt her temper rising. Not only was he calling Chase names, he was implying that she was too thick to make her own decisions. She didn’t know why she hadn’t seen it before. The man was always talking down to her, treating her like a child who needed to be guided in the right direction. “You don’t know Chase and you clearly don’t know me, James.”
He came toward her, reaching out to placate her. “Honey, I know divorce is difficult. I’ve been there. Trust me; it’s time for you to move on.” He pulled her into his arms, gently stroking her hair. “We’ll get married, and you’ll realize that leaving him was the right decision. We’ll have a wonderful life together, you’ll see.”
When she pushed him away, she was so incensed she could barely speak. “Didn’t you hear what I said? I’m not marrying you.”
His lip curled in derision. “If I were you, I wouldn’t make any hasty decisions, Taylor.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
He laughed. “You really think you’re going to get a better offer?”
“Excuse me?” She started trembling. She usually tried to avoid confrontation, but he was apparently intent on mocking and degrading her before accepting her decision to move on with her life, without him.
“You really think he wants you when he could have any woman he wants? You’re even stupider than I thought.”
She felt the hot burn of tears sting her eyes, but she’d be damned if she would give him the satisfaction of knowing his words hit their mark. “Chase loves me; he hasn’t been with another woman since the day we took our vows.”
He threw his head back and laughed. “Your naiveté is priceless. He told you that and you actually believed him, didn’t you?” He shook his head. “Couldn’t you put two and two together when he didn’t want to have a kid with you? Wasn’t it obvious that he didn’t want to be tied down?”
She had the irrepressible urge to smack him, but she couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t lash out at her in retaliation, so she kept her hands fisted at her sides. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”
He chuckled. “Don’t I? Grow up, Taylor. These professional athletes are all the same: too much time, too much money, too many women throwing themselves at their feet. It’s only a matter of time before they give into the temptation.” He shrugged. “You can’t really blame him; any guy would probably do the same thing in his position.”
She despised James in that moment, mainly because he was voicing her deepest fears. Was it possible that Chase had been cheating on her for years, but she had been too gullible to see the signs?
He smiled. “You’re wondering if I’m right, aren’t you? You know I am. You’re just not ready to admit it to yourself.”
A heaviness centered in her chest. “No, he wouldn’t do that to me.”
His voice hardened when he said, “Are you sure about that, Taylor? Can you really be sure that he didn’t have a different woman in every city? Maybe you were just his warm bed during the off season.”
“I hate you,” she whispered. “You’re a lying, spiteful bastard.”
A smile played at the corners of his mouth. “You can deny it all you want, but we both know I’m right.”
She clamped her jaw tight and stared at him, at a loss for words. How could she refute his claim when she feared he may be right?
Chapter Five
Chase skated off the ice, slashing his stick against the walls on his way to the dressing room. The coach told him to hit the showers early because his concentration was shot to hell. Tonight was an important game for his team, and if he didn’t find a way to shift his focus to playing three periods of hockey, instead of his impending divorce, he was going to blow it, for them and himself.
Trade rumours were circulating. At thirty-five, his body had already taken a beating. As a physical defenseman and team enforcer, he’d be lucky to play another five seasons of professional hockey. He wanted his final years to be in his hometown, on his home turf, surrounded by the people who loved him. Now, more than ever, he would have to rely on the support of his family and friends to help get him through the next few months.
His best friend and team captain, Steve Davis, threw the door open and glared at him. “What the hell was that, man? You better get your shit together before the game tonight, or the coach is gonna have your ass.”
Chase sank down on the bench in front of his locker and removed his helmet. “It’s over, Davis.”
Steve sat across from him, removing his helmet as he grabbed a towel to wipe the sweat from his face and cropped hair. “What’re you talking about? What’s over?”
“My marriage,” Chase said finally, hating that he had to voice the words aloud. He wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening, that it was all a bad dream, but burying his head wouldn’t make the problem go away. At the end of the day, his wife didn’t love him anymore and, as much as it hurt, he had to find a way to come to terms with the reality of his situation.
“Well hot damn,” Mark Atwell said, charging through the door. “No offense, man, but your wife...” He grinned. “Sorry, your ex-wife is one hot piece of ass. There are half a dozen guys on this team who’ve been wantin’ to bang her for years, myself included.”
Chase threw his gloves off and jumped over the bench. He lunged at him, slamming him into the closed lockers. “You shut the hell up before I kick your ass.”
The two men had been friends and teammates for years. Everyone knew Mark was crude and rude, but he wasn’t malicious. He wouldn’t betray the unspoken oath by sleeping with Taylor, whether they were divorced or not.
Steve stepped between them. “Hit the showers, shithead,” he said to Mark. “This is a private conversation.”
Mark shoved Chase, forcing him to take a step back. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I was just joking; you know I’d never mess with Taylor.” He chuckled. “Not that I wouldn’t like to.”
Chase rolled his eyes. Mark had earned his reputation as a womanizer, but those who knew him agreed there were lines he wouldn’t cross. “Get outta my sight.”
Mark slapped him on the back as he passed him. “I’m sorry about you and Taylor, man. You guys were great together.”
Chase sighed, wishing Taylor shared his opinion. There had been a time when they were great together, happy, in love. When did they start to lose that? “Thanks. Listen, I’m sorry I lost it, Mark.”
“It’s
forgotten,” he said, grabbing toiletries from his locker before walking towards the shower.
Steve sat down on the bench and began stripping his gear. “Okay, why don’t you tell me what happened with Taylor?”
“She was at the wedding with her new boyfriend,” Chase said, slapping his palm against the closed locker door.
“Ouch, that must’ve been awkward.”
“It was, until she left with me.”
Steve chuckled. “You guys sleep together, or what?”
Chase raked his hands through his damp hair. “Yeah, we did.”
Steve frowned. “Okay, am I missing something? You went from banging her to divorcing her in one night?” He laughed. “What happened, you forget how to do it?” He shook his head. “I told you a year of celibacy could fuck a guy up.”
“No, the sex wasn’t the problem.” Chase sank down on the bench, facing his friend. “You know how she wanted to get pregnant, right?”
Steve bent to loosen his skates. “Yeah, that’s why she kicked you out, right? ‘Cause you weren’t ready to have a kid.”
Chase leaned his head back against the locker and closed his eyes, trying to erase their last bitter fight from his memory. “Right. At least, I didn’t think I was.”
Steve threw a towel over his shoulder and sat up, looking Chase in the eye. “Now you think you are?”
“Yeah, only when I told her that, she told me it was too late ‘cause she’d already filed for divorce.”
“Shit, did she tell you that before or after you did the deed?”
“Would you believe during?”
Steve laughed. “No fuckin’ way. You were getting ready to blow your wad and she told you she was divorcing you?”
Chase shook his head, disgusted. “Can you believe that?”
“Sounds to me like you two still have some unfinished business, my man.”
Taylor cursed when her doorbell rang. Given her state of mind, empty calories seemed more appealing than the company of well-meaning family or friends. She waited a few minutes, hoping her unwanted guest would take a hint. When she heard the doorbell again, it became apparent they didn’t intend to leave without seeing her. She forced herself to set aside the bowl of candied peanuts and make her way downstairs.
She pulled her pink fleece hoodie around her mid-section to ward off the chill as she opened the door to a blast of cold air. She was surprised to find her newly married sister standing on her doorstep. “Lisa, what’re you doing here? I thought you guys were leaving on your honeymoon today?”
Her younger sister pushed past her. “I couldn’t leave for the airport until I knew you were alright. I’ve been trying to call you all morning. Why didn’t you answer the phone?” she asked, her hands planted firmly on her hips in a gesture that mimicked their mother when she was annoyed.
Taylor sighed as she closed the door. She knew she would have to face her family sooner or later; she was just hoping for a little more time before she had to break the news that she was officially ending her marriage. She knew they wouldn’t take it well. In their minds, Chase was the hero and she the evil villain in their relationship. So much for familial support.
“I was resting.”
“Huh.” Lisa stalked toward the kitchen. “I don’t have a lot of time,” she called over her shoulder. “John’s waiting in the car.”
“Why didn’t he come in?” Taylor asked, following behind her.
Lisa reached for mugs from the cupboard and poured two cups of coffee from the stainless steel carafe. “He wanted to give us some time to talk. So, I’m dying to know what happened last night. Spill, girl.” She prepared Taylor’s coffee with a drop of milk and handed it to her.
“Thanks.” She pushed her hands through her matted hair as she climbed up on a stool at the granite breakfast bar. “Where do I begin?”
“Where do things stand with you and James?”
Taylor grimaced, remembering their vicious argument. “I ended things with him.”
Lisa pumped her fist in the air. “Yes! It’s about time you came to your senses.”
Taylor rolled her eyes at her sister’s antics. “Gee, sis, don’t hold back now. Tell me how you really feel.”
Lisa sipped her coffee, smiling over the rim. “Sorry, was I being a little insensitive?”
Taylor held her thumb and forefinger half an inch apart. “Maybe just a little.” She smiled. “It’s okay, you guys were right about James, he wasn’t right for me.”
“Does that mean that gorgeous brother-in-law of mine will be moving back home, where he belongs?”
Taylor felt a sharp stab of regret. “My marriage is over,” she whispered.
Lisa settled her hand on top of her sister’s. “Are you sure this is what you want, honey?”
Taylor bit her lip, trying to ward off the flow of tears. “It’s not like I have a choice, Lisa. Chase is a good guy, but...”
Lisa slid onto the stool next to her. “But what? I know you told me you kicked him out because you didn’t think he was ready to commit to having a family in the foreseeable future, but my gut tells me there’s more to it than that. Am I right, Tay?”
Taylor looked out the French doors, fixating on a deer that was grazing in the tall grass bordering their rural property. “You know better than anyone what it was like for me growing up, Lisa. I was the fat kid, the loner...” She choked back a sob. “Why would a man like Chase want a girl like me?”
Lisa eased off her stool to stand in front of her. She gripped her shoulders, forcing her to look her in the eye. “Listen to me; you are gorgeous, smart, and successful. Any man, including Chase Hudson, would be lucky to have you.”
She hugged her sister, grateful for the support. “There are woman hitting on him everywhere he goes. How long before he finds someone who’s more attractive or smarter or...”
Lisa pulled back to look at her, shaking her shoulders. “Don’t ever let me hear you talking yourself down again. If Chase was ever stupid enough to leave you for someone else, that would be his loss, but that would never happen because that man is crazy about you.”
Taylor’s head dropped, her eyes focusing on the limestone floor. “What if I got pregnant and gained all the weight back? You think he’d still love me then?”
Lisa tipped her chin, forcing her to look at her. “I know he would.” She sighed. “Let me ask you a question. If Chase got in a car accident and his face was scarred, would you still love him?”
Taylor gasped, shocked that her sister would even think to ask her such a question. “Of course I would. How shallow do you think I am?”
“I don’t know. How shallow do you think Chase is, sis?”
Taylor let the question settle over her. Chase was a lot of things, but shallow was not one of them. He was sweet, funny, sexy... She dropped her head in her hands as her sister’s words began to sink in.
“God, I’ve wasted the last ten years believing that Chase only loved me because of the way I look now. I wouldn’t even let you tell John about my weight loss. I was so afraid Chase wouldn’t love me anymore if he thought there was a chance I could become that girl again.”
Lisa moved to her side, wrapping her arm around her shoulders. “Chase loves you for you, Taylor. Not because of the way you look, but because of the amazing woman you are. He’s going to love you when your hair turns gray and you have a middle-aged spread. He’s even going to love when your face looks like a road map.”
Taylor giggled through her tears as she leaned her head on her sister’s shoulder. “You really think so?”
Lisa kissed the top of her head. “I know so. Any man in his position who would remain celibate for an entire year while his wife got her head screwed on straight is either stupid or devoted, and I know Chase isn’t stupid.”
Taylor lifted her head. “How did you know he hasn’t been with anyone else?”
Lisa shrugged. “John told me. He said Chase has been a wreck since the split. He’s been begging John to help h
im make inroads with you. The man is desperate to put your marriage back together, Taylor.”
“Why didn’t you say anything about this before?”
Lisa sat on the stool so they were facing each other. “Would you have listened?”
Taylor considered the question. “Probably not.” It wasn’t until she’d made love to Chase again that she realized she could never love another man the way she loved him. “But I still wished you’d tried to talk some sense into me before it was too late.”
“What do you mean? Why is it too late?”
Taylor propped her elbows on the counter and covered her hands with her face. “I told Chase that I filed for divorce.”
Lisa pulled her hands away from her face. “You filed for divorce? Are you crazy? Why the hell would you do that?”
Taylor sighed. “The more time we spent apart, the more convinced I was that Chase had moved on, that he’d found someone else.”
“And now?”
“And now I believe him when he says he hasn’t.”
Lisa grinned. “Good, so what you gonna do about it?”
“What are you talking about? What can I do about it?”
Lisa groaned. “For starters, you can get your ass on a plane to Boston and tell your husband that you still love him.”
Taylor’s heart raced. Could she really put herself out there like that? Was she willing to risk that kind of rejection? “What if he tells me it’s too late? He seemed pretty fed up when he left me last night. Maybe he’s decided this marriage isn’t worth fighting for anymore.”
Lisa stared at her. “Maybe you’re right,” she said quietly. “I don’t know for sure and neither do you. But if you sit here and do nothing, you’ll always wonder if you could have done something to save your marriage. Am I right?”
Panic was rioting with fear inside her. She was terrified of facing rejection, but the thought of losing Chase scared her even more. “Okay,” she said quietly, trying to steel her courage. “I’ll do it. I’ll go to Boston and ask Chase to take me back.”
Chapter Six