by Cher Carson
She hated to bring up a sore subject, but they needed clarity before they moved forward. “We need a condom, Chase.”
“Fuck that, you’re my wife. We’ve never used a condom before, why now?”
“I was on the pill before. I’m not anymore,” she said, sitting up. She wanted to go off the pill during the last months of their marriage, but Chase was vehemently opposed to getting her pregnant.
“So what? I told you; I’m ready for us to have a baby.”
“But I’m not.” She moved up to straddle his waist. “Our marriage needs to be rock solid before we even think about having a baby.” She stroked his cheek, feeling the stubble against her palm. “I know why you want to do this now. You think if we have a baby, it’ll make us want to work harder to save our marriage.”
He opened his eyes to look at her. “Is that so terrible? I love you. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make this marriage work. If having a baby means you’ll think twice before walking away, then yeah, I want us to have a baby.”
“You must know that having a baby isn’t going to fix what’s broken between us.”
He grabbed her waist, sinking his fingertips into her hips. “I don’t want you to leave me. I can’t live without you. I don’t give a shit if that makes me sound weak or pussy whipped, that’s the way it is.”
She settled her hands on his chest and smiled. “I love that you’re willing to be honest with me about how you feel. There was a time when I couldn’t get you to talk to me, no matter what I did.”
He closed his eyes, a look of anguish crossing over his face. “I’m sorry I was such a lousy husband; you deserved better.”
She set her hand on his face and he turned into her palm with a kiss. “I didn’t say you were a lousy husband.”
“You didn’t have to say it. You kicked me out. I think that says it all, doesn’t it?”
“I never stopped loving you,” she whispered.
He looked her in the eye. “You don’t know how much I wanted to hear you say that again. I was so afraid...” He cleared his throat. “I was so afraid it was too late for us. I thought I’d screwed things up so badly that you’d stopped loving me.”
She smiled, touched by his willingness to be open and vulnerable with her. “I can’t imagine not loving you.”
He eased his hands up her ribcage, rubbing his thumbs over her nipples. “Then let me move back home, baby, please.”
She knew if their marriage was going to work, she had to be able to trust him, and he had a right to expect the same of her. She eased off of his chest and settled in beside him.
“Hey, where are you going?” he asked, kissing her shoulder.
She laid her head on his chest, thinking it might be easier to tell him her story if she didn’t have to look him in the eye. “We need to talk, Chase.” She could feel his heart pounding against her cheek and she knew she was making him nervous.
“I don’t think I like the sound of that.”
She pressed her palm to his stomach, trying not to fixate on the fact that his erection was still tenting the sheet just below her hand. “There’s so much that you don’t know about me.”
His hand tensed on her shoulder. “What are you talking about?”
“Before we met, I wasn’t the same person I am now.”
He chuckled. “Is this the part where you tell me you’ve had a sex change?”
She slapped his stomach. “Shut up, I’m serious.”
He traced a series of circles on her upper arm with his fingertip. “Okay, what is it?”
“I had a weight problem as a kid. In fact, I was obese.” She felt the heat creeping up her neck and she squeezed her eyes shut, grateful for the darkness that prevented him from seeing her face.
“You?” He laughed. ”Yeah right.”
“I’m serious; I was bullied throughout school because of my weight. I didn’t have many friends in high school and I was pretty much a loner during most of college.”
He kissed the top of her head. “I’m sorry, baby. That must have been rough. When did you lose the weight?”
“The year before we met.”
“Huh, why didn’t you tell me about this before now?”
“I was too ashamed. I know how fanatical you are about diet and exercise. I thought if I told you about my past, you’d be disgusted.”
He stroked her hair. “Honey, what happened in the past made you the woman you are today. Smart, strong, and beautiful. Beyond that, the past is just that, the past.”
She looked up at him, even though she could only see the outline of his face in the shadows. “What if I gained all the weight back? Would you still love me?”
He threw his head back and laughed. “You’re kidding, right?”
“No, I’m serious. Would you still love me?”
He caressed her face. “You’re gorgeous, Taylor, from the inside out. Nothing is going to change that.”
“I’m afraid to get pregnant. What if I gain all the weight back? What if...”
He pressed his fingertip against her lips. “I told you, it doesn’t matter to me. I love you, and I’ll love you even more when you’re the mother of my child.”
She saw the truth in his eyes, and in that moment, her doubt and insecurity began to recede. He finally knew the real Taylor and he still loved her in spite of her faults. “I love you,” she whispered.
He smiled. “I love you too, honey. More than you’ll ever know.”
“I was always so afraid you were going to cheat on me,” she said, finally willing to face the years of jealousy and insecurity that almost ended their marriage. “I thought you were going to find someone else, someone prettier or sexier...”
“If I wanted to replace you, don’t you think I would have done it in the past year?”
She looked up at him. “You really haven’t been with anyone else?”
“I didn’t even want to think about being with anyone else, Taylor. The only thing I was thinking about was how I was going to get you to take me back.”
She smiled against his chest, finally starting to feel secure in her husband’s love for the first time. “I’m not very proud of some of the things I did. I just hope you can forgive me.”
He tipped her chin, forcing her to look at him. “Is this the part where you tell me you fucked some other guy? ‘Cause if it is, I’m telling you now, I’m gonna lose it.”
“No, I haven’t slept with anyone else.” She leaned back so she could look him in the eye. “I used to check your phone, go through your pockets, and even verify some of the charges on the credit cards.” She covered her face with his hands. “God, I’m ashamed to even admit this now. I feel like such a fool.”
“I don’t care about any of that. What I do care about is whether you trust me now.”
“I do.”
“Why?” he asked, running his fingers through her hair. “What’s changed?”
“You know the truth, the whole truth, and you still love me.” She bit her bottom lip. “You do still love me, don’t you?”
He chuckled. “You have to ask?” He kissed her lips. “I love you even more now because you trusted me enough to tell me the truth.”
“Besides, you’re right. If you wanted to screw around, I’m sure you had plenty of opportunities over the past year.”
“Dozens.”
She slapped his chest. “I don’t need to hear about it.”
He laughed. “Does that mean you believe me about what happened with that girl tonight?”
“I believe you.”
“Are you gonna let me come back home?”
She kissed his chest. “That depends.”
“On what?”
“Whether you’re going to sweeten the deal?”
Chapter Nine
He coiled his hands around her wrists and rolled on top of her. “Let me show you how much you mean to me.” He reached between them and slipped a finger inside her pussy. She was hot, tight, and ready to take h
im.
She wrapped her arms around him, scoring his back with her fingernails. “I can’t wait.”
“No condom.” He knew he was taking a chance asking for too much, too soon, but he wanted it all and he had to believe she did too. “I need to know you believe I can be good husband and a good father to our baby.”
She looked hopeful. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
He eased his finger out as he bent to taste her lips. “I want you to have my baby, sweetheart. I need to know you want that too.” A year ago, she would have been the one trying to convince him to have a baby. Now he understood how hurt and frustrated she must have felt by his constant rejection.
She bit her lip, appearing nervous. “I don’t know if this is the right time for us to have a baby, Chase. Maybe we should take some time to get our marriage back on track, make sure things are going to work...”
He felt his heart drop. She still had her reservations about him and their marriage. “Do you still love me?”
“Of course I do.”
He couldn’t let this go. He had spent the past eleven months thinking about what he would do if he had the chance to make up for lost time, and he had come to want this as much as she once did. He glanced at every baby he passed on the street, peeked in every toy store window, imagined how Taylor would decorate the nursery.
“Do you still want to have my baby?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Then what are we waiting for? We’ve been together ten years. I don’t want to wait any longer, do you?”
A tear slipped down her cheek and she looked away. “I’ve wanted this so much, for so long. It broke my heart when I finally had to accept that we were never going to have a baby.”
His gut clenched when he realized she had been suffering in silence for so many years. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I was a selfish bastard not to have realized how much this meant to you. You had every right to kick me out.”
She sniffled as the tears continued to fall, dropping onto her pillow. “I always wanted a family. When we got married, I thought you wanted that too.”
“I did, I do,” he said, feeling desperate to suppress her tears and calm her fears. “I want that more than anything.”
She looked him in the eye. “Why now? What’s changed?”
“I don’t know. I guess I was afraid that I wasn’t ready to be a father before.”
“Are you sure you weren’t afraid to be bound to me for the rest of your life? Maybe you weren’t sure about us.”
He couldn’t believe he had been too dense to see the signs a year ago. That’s why she wanted to end their marriage; not because she didn’t love him, but because she was questioning his commitment to her. “I should’ve talked to you, told you how I felt, but I didn’t, and it almost cost me everything. I won’t be dumb enough to make that mistake again.”
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes too. If I’d been honest with you, maybe I wouldn’t have felt so insecure about our marriage.”
He cupped her face in his hands, absorbing her tears. “We can’t change the past, but we can learn from it. Let’s start over. Can we do that?” He held his breath waiting for her response.
She smiled. “I’d like that.”
With those three simple words, he felt like she’d given him his life back. “Last night you said it was the right time for you to get pregnant. Is it still?”
She nodded. “We have a small window of opportunity every month. There’s still a slim chance.”
He smiled, feeling as though fate was aligning to give him everything he wanted. “Good, let’s try to make a baby. Right now, tonight. What do you say?”
She stroked his chest. “What if it doesn’t happen so easily for us? Will you be disappointed?”
He didn’t even want to consider the possibility they wouldn’t be able to have the family they so desperately wanted. “Sure, but we’ll just keep trying.” He wriggled his eyebrows, trying to lighten the mood. “That’s half the fun, right?”
She laughed. “Oh yeah.”
“Then you’re game?” He had no idea how much he wanted this until he sat there, completely exposed and vulnerable, praying she would say yes.
“If you’re sure this is what you want?”
“You have no idea,” he whispered.
“Then what are we waiting for?”
They had made love hundreds of times over the years, but Chase knew this would be unlike any of the other times. After months of praying they would find their way back to each other, they were finally there, ready to renew their commitment to a marriage he now realized was his lifeline.
“Kiss me,” she whispered, reaching up to draw him closer.
He wrapped her in his arms as his tongue traced the fullness of her lips. The last time they made love, he was scared and uncertain about their future. Tonight she had restored his hope, and he intended to show his appreciation in every way.
She whimpered as he plunged inside her mouth, making love to her with each sweep of his tongue. He smothered her with his mouth, stealing her breath, refusing to relent until she pushed against his shoulders, gasping for breath. “Ohmigod, I didn’t think a kiss could make me come, but I’m almost there.”
He slid down her body, gripping her waist between his hands. “Let me take you there, baby.” He spread her lips apart and blew on her sensitive clit, smiling when she shuddered in his arms. He buried his tongue inside of her, revelling in the taste and scent of her arousal.
“Oh, Chase.” She propped her heels on his shoulders. “Oh God, that feels so good. Oh yes, don’t stop. Right there, ohhh...”
He swept his tongue over and over her pussy lips. “God, I love the way you taste.”
She sobbed as she grasped his head.
He rolled her clit around his tongue while holding her hips against the mattress and forcing her to endure his sensual assault. “I’m gonna make you come over and over again,” he whispered.
“Oh God, I’m right there.” She gasped for breath. “I’m gonna come now.”
He gripped the inside of her thighs, refusing to allow her to shut him out. He wasn’t content to give her just one orgasm, not when he’d missed out on satisfying her needs for almost a year. He kissed the inside of her thighs as the tremors shook her body.
She chuckled. “My head feels like it’s gonna explode.”
“I know how you feel. Watching you come makes me crazy.” He levelled his mouth with her tits. “I love your tits. Whoever said more than a handful was a waste didn’t have his hands full of these.” He swirled his tongue around her nipples, sucking each one into his mouth as he continued to thrust his fingers in and out of her pussy.
“Oh, that’s so good,” she murmured. “Faster, yes, like that.”
He leaned back on his heels to watch her as he plunged two fingers into her pussy and used his thumb to stroke her sensitive clit. “How’s that feel, baby?”
She fisted the sheets in both hands as she bit her lip.
He could tell her body was wound tight, in desperate need of another orgasm. He spread her wide and exposed her clit, using his forefinger to fondle her with just enough pressure to give her what she needed.
She spread her legs wider, lifting her hips off the bed as she arched into his hand. “Oh God, Chase...”
“That’s it, baby,” he said, stroking her faster as he spread her lips apart with his other hand. “Come for me, soak my hand with your sweet...”
“Ohhh, I’m gonna come.”
He felt the moisture pooling in her opening as her pussy clenched and throbbed with her release, but he refused to stop touching her. He worked his finger up and down her slit, distributing her hot come as her legs trembled against his forearms.
“I need to feel you inside me, please,” she pleaded, gripping his wrists. “Now.”
He positioned his cock at her entrance. He had been dying to slide inside of her; he just hoped he didn’t disappoint either of them by co
ming too soon. He usually had the self-control to ensure they were both satisfied before succumbing to his release, but tonight was different. The night’s events had left him feeling battered and bruised, and he knew emptying inside of her tight channel was the only thing that could soothe him.
She wrapped her legs around his waist and stroked his thighs. “I love the way your cock feels,” she whispered.
He grunted and started pounding into her, unable to control his need to make up for all the nights they’d lost because of his stupidity. He was furious with himself, his mind spinning as he thought about all the mistakes he’d made. He braced his hands on the headboard and closed his eyes as he ruthlessly rammed his cock into her. His heartbeat thundered in his ears as he cursed and berated himself. “Stupid son of a bitch,” he muttered.
Taylor slid her hands up his ribcage. “Chase, what’s wrong?”
Her words snapped him out of his trance. “Fuck,” he muttered, letting go of the headboard. “Jesus, baby, I’m sorry.” He eased his body on top of hers, careful not to crush her with his body weight. He brushed the damp hair off her forehead, kissing her lips. “I was somewhere else there for a minute.”
She clenched him with her muscles, smiling when he moaned in response. “I could see that. You wanna tell me about it?”
He closed his eyes, trying to ward off the mounting tension in his body. “Later.” He opened his eyes to look at her. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
She shook her head as she stroked his back. “I know you’d never hurt me.”
He buried his face in her neck as he plunged into her slowly, trying to make up for the savage way he’d taken her earlier. She was right; he would never do anything to hurt her intentionally, but he hated to think about all of the harm he’d inadvertently caused by denying her a baby for so many years. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“It’s okay,” she said, gripping his face in her hands. “Look at me.”
He looked into her eyes. “I love you. I love you so fuckin’ much and I almost lost you because I was too stupid to give you what you needed. I hate myself for that.”