“How can you be so sure of that?” I asked even though I knew deep down he wouldn’t.
“Because after the night he met you, everything changed. He stopped drinking all the time, stopped wasting his money and his life. The one thing that kept him straight, kept him hoping, and finally made him realize there was a reason worth living. It was you.”
I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to be that person. I didn’t want to be the one responsible for holding someone together when I couldn’t even keep myself together.
“I think the reason Cole flipped out tonight was because all that stuff brought back the memories of his dark days, before you, and he was scared he might lose you and end up back where he left off.”
I looked at Tommy, “Thank you, for finding him and coming over and telling me the truth, but right now I think I just need to be alone.”
“I understand. If you need anything…anything at all, don’t hesitate to call.”
I forced a smile and gave Tommy a hug and kiss and walked both him and Jessie out. I locked the screen door and used the dead bolt tonight. I went upstairs with Nala, crawled into bed, and cried myself to sleep.
Cole called me the next day, but I still wasn’t ready to talk to him so I didn’t answer. I went to work like always and kept to myself. It made it hard, especially since Bambi worked right next to me. Every time she talked or did anything I wanted to punch her in the face. I get can’t really get mad at her though, it was Cole who frequented the club she just happened to work at. I still ignored her, the best I could.
By the end of the week nothing changed. Cole called me every day and I ignored eahc of his calls. Then on Friday, in the middle of my work day, I snapped. No one filled up the shampoos and I flipped out for no reason. Teresa sent me home and told me not to come back until I could get a grip.
I left and decided to pick up some odds and ends at Wal-Mart before I headed home and I ran into Tommy and Jessie.
“Hi, Guys,” I said to them.
“Hey, how are you doing?” Tommy asked.
“Great.” I lied and Jessie knew it.
“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” she asked.
“I got done early.”
Jessie watched me, not believing a word I said.
Some girl came up to me and asked, “Does this gum taste good?” she held up the package.
“Do I look like I work here? Do I look like a god-damn gum expert?” I snapped.
Jessie quickly stepped in and apologized to the girl who stood there dumbstruck. “She forgot to take her meds today,” Jessie said to the girl and turned to me. “What the hell is going on with you?”
“Nothing, I’m fine.”
“Uh, yeah, I can see that. How about we take you home?”
She gently pushed me down the aisle and I stepped aside. “I’m not a child.”
“Then stop acting like one. Clearly you’re having issues that you don’t want to deal with.” I stared at her with my arms crossed annoyed and she said, “You need to talk to Cole.”
I laughed and started to walk away.
“He’s miserable,” Tommy said and I stopped. “I know you don’t want him to end up like before and neither do I, but I’m afraid that’s where he’s heading. You need to at least talk to him.”
I paused for only a moment and then continued to walk away. Tommy was right, I didn’t want Cole to be miserable or end up falling down a path of self-destruction.
I got home and decided to call Cole. He picked up on the first ring. “Tatum I…” he babbled and I cut him off.
“I don’t want to hear an apology, but I will give you an opportunity to explain.”
“Can I come over, I’d rather talk in person.”
I paused in front of a mirror. I looked like a crazy person. My hair was all disheveled, my makeup was smeared and I had bloodshot eyes. I decided I needed time to pull myself together so I could face this. I checked the clock, it was three-thirty. “You can come over at six,” I said and hung up the phone.
I took a nice relaxing bath and washed my hair. Then I sat on the couch with Nala and waited until Cole arrived. The longer I waited, the more I wanted to call him back and tell him I changed my mind, but it was too late. Before I knew it there was a knock at my door.
I tried to mentally prepare myself.
I opened the door and let Cole in.
He looked just as bad as I did a few hours ago. His hair was a mess, he hadn’t shaved, and his eyes were all bloodshot and tired. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. I gestured for him to come in and have a seat. He sat on the opposite end of the couch.
We didn’t speak right away.
I waited for him to start.
“Tatum I…” he looked down at his hands on his knees. “I don’t know what to say…I don’t even know where to start.”
“How about the truth?” I said snippy.
His shoulders fell and he let out a sigh. “I wasn’t a good person…before I met you. I did things I’m not proud of.” He turned to look at me. “But you have to know I’m not the guy I was, I’m not that person anymore and I don’t want to be.” I could see he was struggling trying to find the words that would make this better.
“I can’t blame you for someone you used to be, but I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t bother me and I’m not going to pretend I’m not scared that that person might come back,” I said after some thought.
He slid closer to me and grabbed my hand. “That’s the old me and I promise I won’t be that guy again. Not as long as I have you.”
I stood up and started to walk into the kitchen. “I can’t Cole. I can’t be the whole reason for you to keep it together. This is something you have to do because you want to, not just because of me.”
He followed me into the kitchen and stood in front of me. “What are you saying…it’s over? You don’t want to be with me?” His eyes pleaded for forgiveness.
“I don’t know…I just don’t think I can do this…it hurts too much.” I tried to fight back the tears.
He reached up and cupped my face with his hands and pressed his forehead to mine. “Tatum please…don’t.” He tried to kiss me.
“Cole I can’t.” I pulled back a little, but he wouldn’t let me go further.
“I love you,” he whispered and I closed my eyes. I couldn’t speak. I could barely breathe. I loved him too, too much that it hurt not to be with him. My whole body ached.
I didn’t say it back, I couldn’t, not yet.
“Tatum…please…I need you. I’m so sorry.” I wouldn’t look at him. He fell to his knees crying, gripping onto my hips, leaning into my stomach begging for forgiveness.
I pulled his hands away and looked at him. “Cole…look at me.” He didn’t, he was too ashamed. “Cole…” He lifted his head up and I knelt down to face him. “I do love you and I want to be with you, but I have to know this is where it ends. I don’t want any more surprises from your past, no more lying, no more sudden outbursts.”
“I promise, I swear, that’s it. There’s nothing else, I will never hurt you again as long as I live.” I looked into his eyes, his amazing eyes, and knew he meant it.
Everyone has a past, some good, some not. I know all too well, because I’m definitely not perfect. I can’t punish him for something he did before me, but I can make for damn sure that it never happens again. I sat on the floor next to him and pulled him closer as he cried on my shoulder.
After my butt started to go numb from sitting on the floor for so long, I stood up and stuck out my hand for Cole.
We went upstairs and I lay down in bed letting him lie next to me, he wrapped his arm around me and I put my hand over his.
There are no traffic jams when you go the extra mile…
- Unknown
Chapter 11
In the morning I woke up in bed alone. Confused, I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I looked around. I didn’t see even Nala or Leo anywhere. I was about to get up and go see what wa
s going on when Cole and the rest of the troops came through the door. Nala and Leo jumped on the bed; Cole was carrying a tray, and walked over to the bed.
“Come on guys get down,” he said to Nala and Leo. I shooed them off and Cole sat down next to me handing me the tray. He had made French toast and was serving me breakfast in bed.
“You didn’t have to do this,” I told him.
“I wanted to,” he said tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear and placed his hand on my cheek. He hesitated, leaned in, and kissed me before pulling back slightly so that our foreheads were still touching.
“Thank you,” I whispered. I knew he was being cautious, not wanting to over step his boundaries. I smiled at him giving him a little reassurance that I was okay, but things would definately be different.
“What time do you work today?” he asked.
“Uh, I have off,” I said remembering Teresa told me not to come back until I stopped acting like a crazy person. Cole didn’t question it. He just sat back while I ate.
“Didn’t you make yourself any?” I asked wondering why he wasn’t eating. He looked like he hadn’t eaten in days and if that was the case he better start stuffing his face, because I do not like guys who look anorexic.
He shrugged his shoulders and I handed him the tray while I scooted back closer to him so I could share my breakfast.
“I’ll eat something later, I made that for you.”
“Well, I’m telling you to eat now. Besides you made way too much, I can’t eat all this.” I totally could, but I was trying to be nice.
I stuck a piece that was dripping in syrup on my fork and waved it in front of his mouth. “Come on, I know you want some,” I teased. He sat up, cracked a little smile and took a bite. I shared my breakfast with him while Nala sat on the floor hoping we would drop something.
When we were done eating Cole took the tray down stairs and climbed back into bed with me. “What do you want to do today?” he asked.
“I just want to stay like this for little bit.” I slipped my fingers through his. It was raining out, so there wouldn’t be much to do anyway. Cole rubbed his finger over where my ring should be and I felt him tense up a little.
“I took it off, but that doesn’t mean anything.”
“I know,” he sighed.
I lay my head across his chest and kissed his hand. “We could go see a movie today?” I suggested, trying to change the subject.
“Sounds perfect.”
“What time is it?” I turned my head to look at the clock. It was only ten. I laid my head back down on his chest. “I need to get a shower,” I muttered. But I lay there for another ten minutes before I forced myself to get up.
“I’m going to clean up the kitchen while you take a shower,” Cole said.
Before I stepped out of the room I turned back around and said, “Or you could join me if you want.” Then I walked out. I didn’t even get halfway down the hall before Cole was behind me and I was in his arms.
I could tell Cole was still nervous about pushing me too far and jumping the gun. I took the initiative to help him out and pulled off his shirt. I ran my fingers over his chest wondering how I could have denied myself something so perfect for so long. It had been hardly two weeks since Cole and I had been intimate, but with the intensity that came with our love, two weeks was like two years.
We were both a little nervous, like it was our first time together. He ran his hands over my shoulders and down my arms giving me goose bumps. I looked up at his face, my eyes meeting his. It was amazing watching him look at me, like I was the only thing in the world that mattered to him. I slid my arms up over his shoulders and kissed him softly. The moment I kissed him everything came rushing back to me. The reason I loved him so much, the way he made me feel, just by his touch, his presence, his smell. I knew Cole felt it too. He pushed me back up against the wall kissing me with an intense passion. Not able to control himself anymore. The mirrors were steaming up without the shower being on.
Cole pulled away suddenly, breathing heavy. “I’m sorry,” he said.
“Sorry for what?”
“I understand if you’re not ready, I don’t want to push to do anything you’re not ready for.”
I reached up and touched his face, gave him a tender kiss on the lips, and walked over to the shower. I took off my top and bottoms and said, “I’m ready, but if you’re not, I’ll understand.” I stepped into the shower and turned the water on. I think it only took Cole about two seconds flat to take off his pants and join me. I laughed as he jumped in and attacked me, kissing me so passionately.
“I promise Tatum, I will never take you for granted. I love you.”
I pressed my finger to his lips. “I know Cole, everything’s okay now, you don’t have to worry anymore…and I love you too.”
After the shower, Cole checked the computer to see what movies were showing while I dried my hair. He came back up into the room with a slip of paper and lay down on the bed. I finished up drying my hair and headed over to the bed and climbed on top of him.
“How come you don’t wear your hair curly that much?” he asked.
“Because I like it better straight, why, you like it better curly?”
“I like both, but if I had to choose, I’d say curly.”
“Yes, but when it’s curly, it’s a lot harder to do this.” I said running my fingers through my hair. “And I know how much you like to play with my hair,” I teased and gave him a peck on the lips. Cole’s cheeks flushed red.
“So what’s in?” He handed me the slip of paper and I looked over the list of movies. Nothing really stood out that I was dying to see, so I told him to pick.
“This isn’t going to be one of those things where I pick and you say no and end up picking anyways is it?” he asked. I laughed and slapped him playfully on the chest. He looked at the list and looked at me out of the corner of his eye, then back at the list. “Alright, how about this one?” he pointed to the scary one.
“Do you really want to see that or did you just pick it because you thought I did?” I put my hands on my hips waiting for an answer.
“Of course not.” I could tell he was lying. He sat up and put his arms around me. “I picked a scary one because I know if you get too scared you’ll be holding onto me all night,” he smiled.
“Good save,” I thought and knocked him back down on the bed with a kiss.
“What time does it start?”
“In like a half an hour.”
“We better get dressed and go, you know I like to watch the previews,” I said getting out of bed and pulling some clothes out of my closet. I was one of those who liked to see the previews for new movies and hated getting to the theater late. I can’t stand those people who walk into a movie five minutes after it started, disturbing everyone because they can’t find a seat. That’s why I always made sure I was there early enough and before the previews, plus I didn’t want to get stuck sitting in the front.
Before we left I remembered I forgot something and ran back up to my room. When I came downstairs I handed Cole the ring. He froze for a second until I held out my hand for him to put it on. He smiled that amazing smile that I loved and missed so much.
The movie was a lot scarier than I thought it was going to be. I had my eyes covered most of the time and Cole laughed at me every time I jumped. Afterward I told Cole I remembered I still hadn’t gotten shoes for Kristi’s wedding, which was a few weeks away, so we went shopping. I thought he might be bored watching me try on shoes and told him he could go do something else, but he said he didn’t mind.
After trying on about six different pairs I finally found ones I liked. “I think you should wear these?” Cole held up a pair of six inch stilettos.
“How about I wear only those,” I teased.
He turned to the sales clerk and said, “We’ll take these too.” I laughed and put the other shoes back in their boxes. We headed home and spent the rest of the day in bed watching TV.
I didn’t sleep well that night. I kept tossing and turning, but it wasn’t because of the scary movie. I kept hearing a beeping noise and thought it was the alarm clock, but I knew I didn’t set it. I sat up and looked around the room wondering where the beeping noise was coming from.
Cole woke up and looked at me. “What’s the matter?”
“What’s that noise?”
“What noise?”
“Don’t you hear that?” I said confused and realized the beeping stopped.
“I think your mind is playing tricks on you. Come here…” he reached for me. “Lie back down.” I did as he wrapped his arms around me. I closed my eyes and tried to fall back asleep.
Suddenly, I heard my dad’s voice. “Trina,” he said. Then I heard my sister say, “Oops my bad,” and then the beeping started again. I sat up.
“What is it?” Cole asked.
“I swear I just heard my dad and sister.”
“Maybe it’s because you miss them so you think you heard them.”
“Maybe,” I said and lay back down.
I couldn’t sleep. I kept hearing my dad and sister’s voice. I went downstairs and decided to take some Benadryl to help me sleep. I didn’t want to disturb Cole so I lay down on the couch and watched TV until the Benadryl kicked in. It hit me faster than I thought. I ended up falling asleep on the couch. When I woke up it was still early. So I went back upstairs and crawled back into bed with Cole.
The next few days flew by and my relationship with Cole was better than ever. He didn’t hide anything from me anymore and treated me like a princess. Work was good after I suggested to Teresa that I thought it would be in everyone’s best interest if I moved my station. I could deal with working with Bambi, but not working right next to her.
Alex took a liking to her and they started hanging out all the time. I grew worried of their new found friendship, but like Peyton said, we can’t watch out for Alex all the time, she’s going to have to eventually learn some things on her own. Even though I agreed, I still felt this was one thing I was going to keep my eye on.
The Hairdresser Diaries Page 25