“Jules, you don’t—“
She places her finger over my lips. “Don’t argue with me. I know what I want. I want you Brian Evans, now and forever.”
My head is so fucked up right now. As much as it kills me I need to leave Jules alone. She made her choice all those years ago and it wasn’t me.
I finally need to accept that.
Chapter Ten
Julia
I wake up in the morning to the sun shining through the small opening in the curtains. All I can hope is that today will be easier than yesterday. After we ran into Brian at the pool I didn’t see him the rest of the day, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I hate how easy it is for him to bounce from girl to girl. I hate how he rubs them in my face. I hate that I care what he does.
Dan and I have an excursion planned today and I’m really excited for it. Not only do we get to go snorkeling, but I get to escape the resort. Brian used to be the person I went to for comfort and for safety. Now since he has been back my anxiety has been at an all-time high, and I’m constantly stressed out. Dan’s arms snake around my waist and I smile.
“Hey, baby, you ready to go today?”
I turn in his arms and place a kiss on his lips. “I can’t wait.”
We both get up and put on our bathing suits. I’ve haven’t been away from home in such a long time and I can’t wait to get out and do something new and exciting. We even bought an underwater camera because we had planned this. I grab it before following Dan out of the door almost bouncing from the excitement.
The boat taking us out to shore is called a glass bottom boat, for obvious reasons. I look around expecting to see Brian because that would be my luck, but I don’t. I breathe a sigh of relief as I step onto the boat. We need this time together, uninterrupted, and peaceful. I know that Brian’s presence has definitely started to affect our marriage, and that is not something I want.
As much as I have this undeniable pull to Brian, I love Dan. He saved me from myself, from my mind. He has been with me, by my side, supporting me for years. When I wanted to start my shop I wanted to do it without any of my parent’s money. They had set up a trust fund for me but I refused to touch it. I honestly don’t even know what is in it. I took out a bank loan, and worked my ass off for four months before I finally started to make any real money. Dan supported me financially and emotionally through my entire journey and that was something that I could never forget. We have been friends since grade school, and when we decided to take the plunge into a relationship everything seemed to fit so easily.
“Babe, look.” I shake myself out of my daze and look at the ground where Dan is pointing. You can see straight down to the bottom of the ocean floor. Fish are zipping past us and a rainbow of coral lines the ground. It’s so beautiful that it makes me forget everything that I’ve stressing out about. Dan wraps his arm around me and pulls me against him. I lay my head on his chest enjoying being here with him.
When the boat comes to a stop, I look around and all I can see is ocean. The crew passes out life vests and our snorkel equipment, giving us instructions on the do’s and dont’s. Everyone starts to jump off the back of the boat and since we were at the front of the boat we are last in line. When it’s our turn¸ Dan jumps in and surfaces calling out to me. I look around trying to calm the anxious feelings racing through my body. Just close your eyes and jump.
I land in the water only a foot or two away from Dan. My legs flail widely under me trying to keep myself afloat, even though I have the life vest on. I look around me and all I can think about are bad scenarios. Are there sharks around here? What if I drift away from the boat? Do any of these fish bite? What if something happens to Dan?
I start to panic and swim back to the boat, my breathing is fast and heavy like no matter what I do I can’t get enough oxygen. When I feel something touch me I scream and start to kick.
“Hey, it’s just me.” I hear Dan’s voice in my ear.
“I need to get back to the boat! I can’t breathe! I need—“
His arms encircle me and he places a kiss on my lips. “Calm down. You’re fine. You’re safe. Nothing is going to happen to you, I wouldn’t let it.”
I look at him but can barely focus. My gaze is darting back and forth, side to side, trying to detect any potential threats around me. His hands grasp the sides of my face making me focus on him. “Look at me. There is nothing out here that will hurt you. Calm down, slow even breaths.”
I wrap my arms around his neck finding comfort in his embrace. My breathing starts to even out and I can feel the anxiety slowly seeping out of me.
“Now let’s have a little fun, okay?”
I nod my head, still cautious of moving too far away from the boat. Dan hands me the camera and before I can say anything he dives under the water. I take a deep breath before putting camera up to my goggles and looking under the water for him. He is directly beneath me striking poses like a fashion model and I smile before snapping a few pictures.
When he comes back up we laugh and the rest of the time we take turns with the camera. I’m not as adventurous as he is only going under for a few seconds and still constantly scanning the area around us.
We hear them calling for us to return to the boat, and start to swim back. Once we are sitting back down I throw my arms around him and press my lips against his.
“What was that for?” He laughs.
“For being an amazing husband.” I kiss him once more before laying back against his chest, more content than I have been for the past few weeks. When we pull up to the shore, I get off the boat while Dan heads off to get change for the guy’s tip.
“You know you really did number on him.” I hear a voice from behind me and I turn to see one of Brian’s friends standing there.
“Excuse me?” I cross my arms over my chest, absolutely taken back by his insinuation.
“I don’t think I stuttered the first time. I don’t know what you did, but you really did a number on him. Maybe you should just leave him the hell alone. I think screwing him over once was enough you don’t need to fuck with him even more.”
My mouth drops open at his statement. Before I can respond, he begins to walk away. Hell no. I run up behind him grabbing his arm, causing him to turn and face me. “I don’t know what he told you, but he has been the one torturing me. He has—“
“Yea, I know, you’re the victim right? That’s funny considering that you’re here laughing and having a good time while he hasn’t left the room since yesterday.”
He walks away again, and I decide not to follow.
What the hell did I do? Get married? Move on with my life after he broke my heart? Not spend forever waiting for someone who didn’t care enough about me to wait for me?
Fuck this shit.
Chapter Eleven
Julia
It’s been a week since we got back from Cancun, and life has gone back to normal for the most part. I haven’t seen much of Brian, which is weird given how much of a constant presence he had been making himself. I finally feel like Dan and I are getting back to normal, back to us.
He has a work dinner again tonight and Lacey is coming over to hang out. I hear the doorbell and smile, we haven’t really seen much of each other these past few weeks and I miss her. I open the door and throw my arms around my best friend.
“I’m so glad you could come over!” I pull away from her and my eyes travel across the street. I see Brian for the first time since he was with that girl at the pool in Cancun. Our eyes connect and I feel the familiar pull to go to him. I hate that it’s still there after all these years. That I can’t get my stupid heart to understand that he isn’t the person I thought he was and I need to forget about him.
“Umm hello, space cadet!” Lacey is looking back and forth between Brian and I. “Get your lust filled self in the house before you melt on the damn doorstep.” She pushes me back into the house and closes the door behind her. “That look in your eyes is dangerous, y
ou need to snap out of it.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask, pretending to have no idea. I head straight for the kitchen and pour us each a glass of wine.
“I mean that you were looking at that man like you would strip bare ass naked for him any second. What the hell is going on, J?” She is sitting on one of the bar stools at the counter and I have no idea how to answer her.
I brace my elbows on the counter and cover my face with my hands. “I don’t know, Lace. It’s like every time I see him I’m taken back to senior year, like nothing has changed. That connection that we had is still there and I swear it’s stronger than it was before.”
“What about Dan?”
“I love him. I do. I don’t want to leave him for Brian, I just don’t know how I can forget him. I thought I had but it turns out I just buried him.” I shake my head. “I don’t want to feel like this about him. I want to hate him. I should hate him.”
Lacey grabs my hand. “J, you cannot fall back into what you and Brian had. Do you remember that summer? Our first semester of college? You guys aren’t healthy for each other. I swear there were some days when I thought you might hurt yourself. I can’t handle ever seeing you like that again.”
I walk around the counter and give her a hug. “I am not going back to him. I couldn’t. Now let’s go pig out on pizza and drown my problems in wine and chick flicks.”
We spend the rest of the night avoiding the topic of Brian. I know that Lacey is right. Our relationship wasn’t healthy, we were constantly fighting, and I barely survived the end of it. I never wished bad things for him though, I have always wanted him to be happy. I just didn’t think I would have to watch him build a new life.
I still can’t get what his friend said to me out of my head. I mean what has he told them that they think I’m doing things to him? He abandoned me without so much as a word. Didn’t answer any of my letters. Left town before I ever had a chance to talk to him about anything. And has been doing everything humanly possible to torture me since he has been back in town.
“Alright, well some of us need to be up fairly early in the morning.”
Lacey looks at me and pouts. “J, you own the shop, you can go in late.”
“No, I have to be there to open not all of us sleep ‘til ten every morning.”
She smiles at me. “You should try it before you knock it.” Lacey stands up and gives me a hug before leaving.
I clean up our mess before heading upstairs and getting into the shower. Whenever Dan has his work things he is usually out pretty late. He says that they take the clients out for drinks, and I am usually passed out by the time he gets home. As I go to my bed I remember the last time Dan was out at one of these and Brian put on his little “show” for me.
I look over at his house and see his bedroom light on. I can’t help but wonder if he is alone. Does he have another girl over? Has he been in love with anyone else? Why did he throw me away like he did all those years ago? Lacey is right, I need to get a hold of myself and forget about everything and anything that has to do with Brian Evans. I push him out of my mind.
I hear a loud bang and jolt awake. When I look at the clock it’s a little bit before midnight. My heart starts to race. Is someone in the house? I listen and hear another loud bang. I run over to the window to see Dan’s car in the driveway and breathe a sigh of relief. I wonder what the hell he is doing down there. As I pad down the steps, the house is eerily quiet. I look for him in the living room and the kitchen softly calling out his name. Maybe he is in the garage.
When I open the door a scream rips through my throat.
All I see is red.
Chapter Twelve
Julia
I run to Dan and collapse on the floor next to him. There is so much blood that I can’t even figure out where it’s coming from. I hear sirens, are they coming here? How would anyone know? Maybe someone heard the gun shot.
“Dan! Open your eyes!” My hands are on either side of his face and I am willing him to wake up, to show me that everything is going to be okay, that he is going to be okay. The garage door is open and I see an ambulance pull into our driveway.
“In here! We need help!” Two medics come in and immediately start to go to work.
“I have a pulse.” “He’s in serious condition.” “Let’s get him into the ambo quick.” Their voices all run together and I feel like a zombie who is watching the scene from outside of my body. I don’t know what to do, I’m numb, in shock.
A hand touches my shoulder and I jump. “Ma’am, we need to go. Are you coming?”
I nod and run to the ambulance with him, climbing in the back. Dan has an oxygen mask on while they are working on him the entire way to the hospital. I don’t know what is wrong with me I should be crying, I should be hysterical, but I’m frozen. I think it’s mainly disbelief. Who would do something like this? I mean we live in a great neighborhood and don’t have any enemies.
We come to a stop and the men frantically take Dan out of the back of the ambulance. I follow slowly, and stoically. The nurse hands me a clipboard and instructs me to fill out all of Dan’s information. When I’m done she sends me to the waiting room and tells me that he went right up to surgery and the doctor will be out to talk to me.
My hands are shaking in my lap as I wait to hear Dan’s fate.
Our fate.
The fate of our life.
The fate of my life.
“Excuse me, Mrs. Fisher?” I look up to see a man in a nice suit. “I’m Detective Connors.”
I stare straight ahead. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just want to know. I need to know.
“Ma’am, I know that this has been a hard night, but I’d like to ask you a few questions.” I can feel him staring at me so I nod my head to let him know I heard him. “Did you see what happened?” I shake my head. “Where were you when the incident happened?”
Incident? “My husband was shot in our home. That’s more than a fucking incident.” I shock myself with what I say to him. Right now I don’t care though. “I was sleeping upstairs.”
He sits down next to me. “I’m sorry for what happened, I know it’s overwhelming. If we are going to catch this guy we need to try to move as quickly as possible. We are assuming it was a robbery due to the fact that your husband’s wallet and car were taken.”
“His car was taken?” I saw it when I was upstairs. How did they take it that quickly?
“Yes, ma’am. Does your husband have any enemies?”
I shake my head. Dan got along with everyone. “Do you know where he was tonight?”
“He had a dinner meeting with some of his associates and then they went out for drinks.” I look over at him and he seems like he is waiting for me to continue. “I woke up when I heard a loud bang. I didn’t think anything of it until I heard a second. I walked over to the window and saw Dan’s car so I assumed that he was home and just knocked something over. When I went downstairs I couldn’t find him so I tried the garage and found him.”
I feel like I am reading something out of a book, not retelling the nightmare I have just experienced. I haven’t cried yet either. I feel so numb. My fingers pinch the skin on the underside of my wrist. I need to feel something, even if it’s pain. The numbness is haunting me.
“Mrs. Fisher?” I look up to him. “Was Mr. Fisher conscious when you found him?” I shake my head no. “Okay, I think that will be it for now. I advise you not to go home until you have had your locks changed since the attacker has your husband’s keys.”
My eyes shoot up to him. “He has keys to my house?”
The detective nods. “Unfortunately, I can give you the number of a locksmith if you need one.” I shake my head once again. “Okay, then. I’ll be in touch.” He gets up and leaves the waiting room.
I’m alone again. Maybe that’s for the best. I’m not in any shape to be around anyone. I just need to know how he is. If he’s okay.
I look at the clock and I have bee
n sitting here for two hours.
Two hours of not knowing.
Two hours of uncertainty.
Two hours of pain.
“Fisher?” I look up knowing I should stand and walk over to the doctor but not having the energy to, or maybe I’m too scared to. He walks over and sits next to me. “Mrs. Fisher, I’m Dr. Stevens. We had your husband in surgery for the last couple of hours but his wounds were too extensive. Sorry, Mrs. Fisher, but he didn’t make it.”
I stare straight ahead, everything he is saying doesn’t register with me. Dan is gone. Taken away by God knows who. I lost him. I’m alone again. The doctor is still talking but I can’t focus on his words.
“If you need anything before you leave let the nurses know”
As he walks away all I can do is watch. That’s it. Sorry we couldn’t save your husband. Have a nice day. What do I do? Where can I go? I can’t go home. I don’t want to call Lacey or anyone else. I just want to be alone. I stand, head for the exit, and wave down a cab driving by. I ask him to take me to the closest hotel before realizing that I don’t have my wallet on me.
“Can you stop by my house first? I need my purse.” He mumbles a reply. I stare at the streetlights the entire ride.
“Hey, lady, we’re here!”
His yelling jolts me out of my catatonic state. I look up to my house to see it covered in police tape. As I walk up to the front door, it’s thankfully unlocked because there is no way I could go through the garage. I grab my purse which was on the table by the door and walk back out to the cab. Without a word the driver pulls away from the house.
Everything is a blur the drive to the hotel, checking in, getting to my room—nothing resonates. I sit on the bed and for the first time a tear falls from my eye, that one tear opens up the floodgates and within a few seconds they are falling one after another. I’m screaming so hard that my throat is raw, my eyes burn from the pain that is leaking out of me.
Keeping Her Page 5