by Marnie Perry
She stayed perfectly still for a full two minutes trying very hard to control the tears she felt welling up in her throat before turning back to the bed to finish her packing,
but jumped startled as the door suddenly burst open. She whirled around to see Lando standing there looking flushed and fierce. He stood at the threshold of the door his chest heaving.
He slammed the door then it seemed to Adela that he covered the space between them in three strides. Her first reaction was to take a step back thinking he had come back to do what he had threatened a few minutes earlier. She didn’t, because her heart told her that no matter how furious he was he would never hurt her, not physically anyway.
He came to an abrupt halt just inches from her and grabbing her upper arms shook her. She could feel his breath on her face as his chest rose and fell as though he had just run a ten mile race.
He licked his lips and his breath came in short gasps as he said, ‘I have nothing to offer you. I’ve just spent the last of the two hundred dollars I had. I have the cabin, the outbuildings and two acres of swamp land and I won’t live off your wealth.’ He swallowed hard, ‘I am morose and miserable and moody. I’m not much of a talker; I’m not uncomfortable with long silences. I like my own space and my own company. I’m not good at sharing my feelings or comforting others in their hour of need. I’m not comfortable with showing my emotions or having others show theirs.’
He let out a long breath and his hands slipped down her arms to her hands which he gripped as though holding onto a lifeline as he finished more calmly but no less earnestly, ‘all I can promise you is that I’ll try. In every way I can, I’ll try really, really hard to be everything you want me to be. To be there for you when you need me to be. I will never let anything bad happen to you again; you will always feel safe with me. I’d die for you.
And no matter how morose or miserable I get you can always, always be sure of one thing. That I love you.’
Eyes wide, mouth open, Adela stared up at him a mixture of incredulity and wonderment on her face. Her eyes filled then she did what she had not done since the day she’d spent with Hennessey in Silver Run over a month before. She smiled. A real smile so bright, so beautiful and so full of happiness that Lando caught his breath.
It was unclear which of them moved first, maybe they moved simultaneously, but it was unimportant, suffice enough that they did and they were in each other’s arms. They clung together as though terrified the other would suddenly vanish and this would have been just wonderful dream. She could feel his body trembling against hers, and if it was possible she loved him all the more for his nervousness.
Eventually Lando eased her away from him and looked into her shining love filled eyes, his own now moist. His fingers travelled gently down her face from her hairline to her chin. He pulled the clip that held her hair in place and ran his hands through the soft golden strands whispering, ‘beautiful, beautiful.’
Adela’s chest heaved as she fought to suppress the sob she felt rising in her. Only in her imagination had she heard those words from him, only in her dreams had she felt his hands move so softly over her skin. Her heart was full, with relief, with joy, with love.
Then he did what she had only dreamed of, he kissed her. Never, not even that first time with Hennessey had she felt this way. This kiss caused her no trepidation, no fear, nothing but a sense of right, of contentment, of coming home. The kiss was soft and tender as though he was holding back afraid to give full rein to his pent up emotions. Emotions so long suppressed. It was she who increased the pressure and he reacted with a moan into her mouth which caused her heart to contract.
When they reluctantly broke contact their eyes met and held and what she saw in his made her gasp in wonder.
He said huskily, ‘are you sure?’
For an answer she smiled that bright smile and ran her fingers through his hair then brought his face down to hers and kissed his eyes, his cheeks, his lips and whispered against them, ‘I’ve never been more sure of anything in my whole life.’
He smiled then, the first real smile she had ever seen on his face. She said, ‘and you?’ She asked, ‘are you sure?’
For his answer he swept her into his arms and carried her to the bed where he laid her down then sat beside her looking at her face as though his life depended on taking it all in.
She lay looking up at him; there was no trepidation in her eyes, no apprehension, nothing but expectancy, desire and love.
He said, ‘lady, I’ve not been sure of anything for a long, long time but this…this feels so damned right.’
She swallowed hard and said shakily, ‘I’ll take that as a yes then.’
He chuckled and the unfamiliar sound caused her eyes to fill again. Her voice was unsteady, ‘I promise that I’m not usually as emotional as I’m being today, or such a cry baby as I’ve been since we met, I’m usually very together.’
His smile was tender, ’good to know.’
She laughed then was suddenly serious, ‘why did you come back?’
He looked away then back and his eyes were regretful, ‘to apologise for what I’d said to you, it was unforgivable.’
‘That can’t be true since I do forgive you; I know you didn’t mean it.’
He shook his head, ‘I’m luckier than I have any right to be, not many women would forgive me for what I said.’
She stroked his hair back from his forehead, ‘I’m not like most women, and you have every right to be lucky, to be happy. God knows you deserve it.’
He bent to kiss her forehead, ‘I think we both do.’
She smiled and he said, ‘but I also came back because I knew I couldn’t let you go without at least telling you that I love you. I thought telling you about Adrianne would cause you to think I was unstable and unreliable, cold and unfeeling, I thought if you did love me as Lomax said then it would open your eyes to what kind of man I am.
When I said those awful things before about your being Hennessey’s cast off and everything, part of me wanted you to hate me, for you to leave here detesting me, I thought it might be better for you. I thought you’d get over me easier if you hated me. But after I left I couldn’t just leave it there, I couldn’t just walk away leaving you hurt. I tried that before at the hospital but I couldn’t get the look on your face offa my mind. And then you showed up here again and sent me into a frenzy of wanting you, of needing you, of loving you.’
The tears she had been trying to hold back threatened to spill out; she had to steel herself not to let them fall. He noticed her struggle and tried to lighten the mood. ‘But you always seemed to take me by surprise. Although I did at least go one better than you in one thing.’
She was grateful for his change of subject, ‘Oh?’
‘Yeah. I know exactly when I knew I loved you.’
She was astounded, ‘really?’
‘Yeah?’
‘Well?’
‘Well what?’
Exasperated at his teasing she pinched his arm playfully. He yelped, ‘ouch.’
‘That’ll teach you to tease.'
He looked stern for a moment then bent to kiss her, running his tongue over her lips sending shivers all through her body. He backed away, ‘that’ll teach you to pinch lady.’
She laughed a gleeful, contented sound, ‘you made a big mistake, Mr. Lando, now I know what to do to get you to kiss me.’
It was his turn to look exasperated then he laughed too and the sound was like music to Adela’s ears but seemed to surprise Lando.
Her eyes were bright and her tone soft as she asked, ‘so please tell me, when did you first know you loved me?’
‘You won’t believe this perhaps, but it was the first time I ever saw you.’
Her expression was a picture of amazement and disbelief for which he didn’t blame her. He said quickly, ‘I know what you’re thinking, yeah, right. But when I saw you standing on that rock in the middle of the stream you gave me the shock of my life. I thought
you were a water nymph risen from the stream to come out and play. With the sun shining on your hair you looked almost ethereal. I was transfixed, and then you smiled at me and in my mind you changed into a siren calling me to come across the stream to you and be yours forever.’
Never had she been so astounded, not just at his almost poetic words but that he had loved her all this time. ‘But…but you were always horrible to me. You were going to leave me in the woods to find my own way home.’
He cast his eyes down looking ashamed, ‘I swear I would never have left you there. But I was afflicted and discomfited, irritated with you and with myself for feeling the way I did. I couldn’t think straight, I couldn’t figure out what was happening to me and that confused and angered me. There I was going about my day just like every other day, minding my own business and suddenly there you were with your hair and your smile beckoning to me.
I hated myself for feeling that way, and hated you for causing those sensations in me, sensations I had thought long since dead. I just wanted to get away from you, as far and as fast as possible. At first I told myself I was just horny, I did everything I could think of to shut you out of my mind…and my heart.’ He smiled now, ‘I should have known better shouldn’t I, that you were not going to be shut out without a fight.’ He bent and brushed his lips gently over hers and said softly and with deep feeling, ‘thank God.’
She thought she had seen and heard everything in her lifetime and particularly since she had been in this country, but this, this was something else. For any man to speak so to her, so romantically, so beautifully But that they came from this man who, by his own admission, was as cynical and unsentimental as any man could possibly be, was cut off from his emotions, was determined never again to let anyone into his heart.
She felt a warmth flow through her, a warm glow of such contentment and joy that she could hardly believe this could really be happening to her…and to him.
This time she did not even attempt to hide her emotions as the tears slid down her cheeks.
Surprisingly, although he looked a little uncomfortable he did not look irritated as he self consciously but gently wiped the tears from her cheeks with his fingers.
On a sob she said, ‘last time, honest.’
He grinned, ‘yeah, sure.’
She laughed then her expression and tone soft said, ‘despite your efforts to fool me, I did see you for the kind of man you are. Strong and determined, yet kind and compassionate.’
He gave her a disbelieving look and she gave a shaky laugh, ‘it’s true. I've seen how you are with your animals...and with me. He smiled, ‘but I can’t believe you actually felt that way about me all that time. You’re very good at hiding your feelings.’
He was serious now, ‘I think that’s been my trouble. But I knew for certain that I loved you when you went back for Dante during the fire. I could deny it to you and all the world, but I couldn’t deny it to myself.’
She said, ‘but maybe I should have known. All that trouble you went to helping me, the danger you put yourself in for me. You took care of me, you saved me. But I just thought that you saw me as someone in need of help and reacted according to the man you are. That perhaps you saw me as one of your injured animals, something to fix and then set free.’
His eyebrows arched, ‘I suppose I did. I told myself that it was guilt I felt, and that was partly true.’
‘Guilt?’
‘Yes, for not taking things further when I knew deep down you were in danger, for not following up on my suspicions about the guy in your cabin. For not taking the time and effort to come to Eden and check him out, to make sure you were all right. I let my dislike of getting involved in other’s people’s business cloud my better judgement. And because of that you endured a horrifying and traumatic experience. For the second time I'd let a woman down.'
She squeezed his hands reassuringly, 'you might not have been able to stop it even if you’d come to Eden.’
‘Maybe not. But I would have seen Hennessey and recognised him as the guy calling himself David Somers. But I told myself that watching you would be sufficient.’
‘Watching me?’
He shifted uncomfortably, ‘yeah, I spied on you until you left with that kid, Olivia, made sure nothing untoward happened. Once you were gone I washed my hands of you, or tried too. But what I did wasn’t enough, because of my stubbornness you got hurt. You’d think I’d have learned my lesson with Adrianne wouldn’t you, except I had one more reason, or excuse anyway, for not following through on my instincts, I loved you and didn’t want to admit it so I kept my distance not wanting to tempt fate. When Sheriff Taylor told me you were getting very close to Hennessey I told myself that I was glad, relieved that you were out of my life for good. But in reality I was devastated.’
Her voice was very low and shaky as she said, ‘oh my dear, my sweet. If only I’d known, how different things might have been. But my love, please stop feeling guilty. If things hadn’t turned out the way they did, if Hennessey had not come into my life, if he had not kidnapped me I would have gone on with my tour then gone home and I wouldn’t be here now listening to you saying such beautiful things to me. I wouldn’t be here now so, so happy. I would always have loved you, but from a distance.’
He almost gave into tears himself at her endearments, never, not even his own wife had said such wonderful things to him. To hide his emotions he bent his head and kissed her long and deeply until she moaned with pleasure. When they parted she smiled and said, ‘and I didn’t even have to pinch you.’
He laughed too and Adela thought that for the rest of her life she would never get tired of hearing that sound. She said, ‘and there was you saying you didn’t want me.’
He looked shamefaced, ‘I thought by letting you go I was doing the right thing for you. I tried to make it easier for myself by letting myself believe you were just like Adrianne, that your wealth made you mean and selfish and thoughtless, a snob. She and her family and friends caused me to think that being wealthy gave them power over others, made them treat people like crap.
But please believe that I don't for a moment that you’re anything like them, like Adrianne; in fact you’re the complete opposite of her. I really always knew that.’
Straight faced she said, ‘I’m afraid I can’t say the same, I always thought you were a snob.’
He leaned back exclaiming, ‘what.’
She smiled at his reaction, ‘I’m sorry, but I did, still do actually. An inverted snob, but a snob nonetheless.’
‘An inverted snob?’
‘Yes, that means…
‘I know what it means, thank you. And I’m not one.’
She actually laughed now, ‘yes you are, and I love you for it.’
He narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips trying very hard to look threatening but she would have none of it, and laughed eventually he laughed too. ‘Okay, since I don’t want you to stop loving me, maybe I am an inverted snob.’
She smiled a soft smile and kissed him again. He lay down next to her and rested his head on her breast sighing contentedly. They were silent, lost in one another thinking about all that had happened until sensing a change in him she asked, ‘what, what is it?’
He raised his head a frown between his eyes. How had she known he was thinking about something unpleasant? She smiled and ran her fingers through his hair saying, ‘I’m afraid that from now on you’ll have to get used to my sensing your change of moods.’
‘Oh God, I’m doomed.’
She laughed out loud at his expression and he was forced to laugh too. Then the laughter faded as she said, ‘tell me?’
He raised himself up and sat on the side of the bed facing her; she sat up too and leaned on the headboard waiting.
Seeing her anxious expression he said quickly, ‘don’t worry, it’s not anything very bad. It’s just that there’s something I missed out earlier. I didn’t really want to tell you but I want no secrets between us.’ Again she
waited as he licked his lips, ‘the guy I told you about that my friend John worked for and whose house I…my wife was killed in.’
With some trepidation she whispered, ‘Glissando?’
His head snapped back in surprise, ‘no, no, not Glissando. It was Duncan Blakemore’s house.’
Her eyes opened wide, ‘Dun...Duncan Blakemore? The man Hennessey killed?’
He nodded. She looked away as if seeing Hennessey sat opposite her amused, almost gloating. She looked back at him, ‘that’s why Hennessey was so amused that I knew you. That’s why you reacted as you did when I told you about the raincoat and Blakemore.’ He nodded again, ‘God, the coincidences just keep on building don’t they?’ Still he said nothing, ‘I can hardly believe it. We’re all connected in some way aren’t we? Me and Hennessey and Glissando, you and Hennessey and Blakemore. Blakemore and Hennessey and Glissando. And the glue holding us all together. Hennessey.’
He took her hand and held it tightly as he stroked the back of it. ‘Listen, Hennessey is gone, Glissando is gone, they can’t affect us any more, you’re free of them. Just as I’m free of Blakemore and John. Let’s not let them sour our future together. Otherwise they’ve won,’ he managed a smile, ‘and you of all people would hate that.’
She returned his smile but it was a weak effort, the news had obviously upset her; the very mention of Hennessey’s name did that, and probably always would. Maybe he shouldn’t have told her, but as he had said he wanted no secrets kept from her, that was part of the how and why his marriage had failed. She asked, ‘is that why you didn’t turn him in when you had the chance?’
He looked away for a moment before saying, ‘that was part of it I suppose. I had fantasised about taking down Blakemore and I must admit I was relieved and satisfied when he was killed. He was bad man, evil, like Glissando, he got everything that was coming to him. Hennessey once said, ‘The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” I’ll never consider him a friend, but deep down I suppose I was grateful to him.’
He watched her face wondering how she would see him now. As some cold blooded, vengeful bastard. A hypocrite? As if she’d read his thoughts she said gently, ‘thank you for telling me.’