“It’s in your hand,” I replied, nonplussed.
Landon finally got up the courage to join me. “They’re dressed.”
“That won’t last forever,” I countered, “unless they get really blitzed and pass out before they get a chance to dance. You might luck out there.”
My mother and aunts were notorious for their full-moon rituals. Those usually involved Aunt Tillie’s special brew and dancing naked in the moonlight. Landon accidentally saw the ritual a time or two, and he was terrified of seeing it again. He still had nightmares.
“What are you guys doing out here again?” Mom asked.
I shook my head. She was beyond rational conversation. “We’re checking on you,” I replied. “We wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“We’re just great,” Twila enthused. “Feeling no pain!”
That wasn’t going to be the case in the morning.
“Do you want to join us?” Mom asked. “We have plenty to go around. Mystery loves company. Mystery … mystery … .”
“Misery?” I suggested, trying to help.
“I know exactly what I’m saying,” Mom snapped, wrinkling her nose. “What was I saying?”
“They are hammered,” Landon said.
“Do you want to have a drink with them?” I asked, sympathy for my mother and aunts rolling over me. “I don’t feel comfortable leaving them out here alone.”
Landon sighed. “I was hoping to see you naked,” he said. “I don’t want to see them naked.”
“You should be so lucky,” Marnie muttered. “I look good naked.”
“That’s the word on the street,” Landon deadpanned, resigned. “Okay. We’re going to join you. If anyone but Bay gets naked I’m out of here, though.”
He sat down on the blanket next to Twila, taking the bottle from her hand and gulping a huge mouthful. “This stuff is just as potent as I remember,” he rasped, handing me the bottle.
“You have a fresh mouth,” Mom said, trying to focus on Landon even though her eyes kept wandering. “Has anyone ever told you that?”
“You have … and Aunt Tillie has … and Bay has,” Landon said. He patted the open spot next to him. “Come on, Bay. This was your idea. If any of them get naked, you’re going to have to protect me.”
I took the spot – and the bottle of wine when he handed it over – and chugged a little bit before giving it back. “You know we’re going to regret this, right?”
Landon shrugged and took another swig. “We’ll live.”
“You might not say that in the morning.”
“That’s what aspirin is for.”
TWO HOURS later Twila was passed out, Marnie was halfway there, and my mother was talking to a tree. I couldn’t hear what she said, but it seemed like a lovely conversation.
Speaking of conversations, Marnie had been holding one with Twila for the past half hour. Twila’s contribution to the discussion was snores, but Marnie didn’t seem to mind.
The good news was that everyone still had their clothes on. The bad news was Landon and I were now officially hammered, too. It was going to be a rough morning.
“What time is it?” Landon muttered, flopping back on the blanket and staring at the stars.
“It’s almost midnight.”
Landon groaned. “We need to go back to the guesthouse and drink a lot of water and take half a bottle of aspirin each.”
“I don’t have to get out of bed tomorrow if I don’t want to,” I countered. “I’m my own boss.”
“Well, I have to take that knife to Chief Terry first thing in the morning.”
“I’ll call and tell him you’re sick, and we’ll spend the day in bed instead,” I suggested.
“That’s only fun if you don’t feel like throwing up.”
“Good point,” I muttered, cracking my neck. “I’ll tell Mom we’re leaving.” I struggled to my feet.
“Oh, don’t interrupt her and the tree,” Landon said. “She probably won’t even remember we were here if we leave now.”
That was an interesting suggestion. Still, I’d feel guilty if I didn’t at least say goodnight. “Just give me a second. Mom! We’re leaving.”
“Don’t yell so loud,” Marnie said, covering her ears. “You’re giving me a headache.”
“That’s the quart of wine you drank,” Landon shot back.
“You’re loud, too,” Marnie said, flicking his nose. “You need to adopt an indoor voice when we’re … well, we’re outside, but you know what I mean.”
“How can you even hear me with Twila snoring so loudly?”
“Maybe Aunt Tillie’s zombies will hear her and come,” I suggested. “Mom! Did you hear me? We’re leaving.”
“I heard you,” Mom said. “I don’t really care. In fact … .” She reached for the hem of her shirt and whipped it off. Uh-oh!
“Oh, yay!” Marnie said, climbing to unsteady feet and reaching for the back clasp of her bra. “It’s time to dance. Where is the music?”
“That is definitely our cue to leave,” Landon said, hauling himself up and staggering next to me. “Move your cute little butt. We can’t see this. Seeing it again will kill me.”
“Do you think we should leave them?”
“They’re grown. They can handle themselves. All I want to do is handle you.”
I snorted. “All you’re going to handle is a bottle of water and your pillow.”
“Well, that will be fun, too,” Landon muttered. “Let’s get out of here. This is about to turn freaky, and I’ve had my fill of freaky for one day.”
“Okay.” I slipped my hand into his, both of us taking a moment to collect ourselves before starting the trek home. “I’ll see you in the morning, Mom.”
“Whatever,” Mom said, not bothering to look in our direction as she struggled with her bra.
“What the hell is going on here?” I froze at Aunt Willa’s voice, swiveling to find her and Rosemary staring at the scene playing out in the clearing. “Have you turned this place into a brothel?”
“They’re communing with nature,” I replied, listing slightly and falling into Landon’s chest. He wrapped an arm around my waist to keep me upright. “They’re not doing anything wrong.”
“They’re taking their clothes off,” Aunt Willa argued. “How can that be right?”
“I … .” I didn’t have an answer.
“Isn’t that illegal?” Aunt Willa pressed. “Shouldn’t you be arresting them?”
“Naked dancing under the moon isn’t a crime that the FBI is interested in,” Landon replied, utilizing his “official business” voice. “Besides, it’s not as if they’re exposing themselves to kids. Who cares?”
“I care.”
“That’s because you have a big stick up your butt,” Marnie said, crying out triumphantly when she finally managed to unclasp her bra. “I did it!”
“We have to go right now,” Landon said. “This is getting serious.”
“You can’t leave until you handle this,” Aunt Willa argued. “I won’t allow it.”
“Well … I guess it’s good that you’re not my boss then, isn’t it?” Landon asked. “Come on, Bay. I need water and aspirin. If we don’t leave now I’ll be rendered blind.”
“You can’t leave me with this mess,” Aunt Willa snapped. “It’s unseemly.”
“Then leave them be,” I suggested. “They’re not hurting anyone, and they’ll pass out in the next few minutes. Once they dance, they’ll be happy.”
“I am not putting up with this!”
I opened my mouth to answer, but didn’t get a chance, because Marnie’s bra smacked Aunt Willa in the face and caused me to lose my train of thought. Before I realized what had happened, I burst out laughing and started moving toward the guesthouse.
“Have a nice night, Aunt Willa.”
Landon stopped in front of her long enough to salute. “And have a happy new year, too.”
Eighteen
“I’m dying.”
I tried to laugh, but it hurt. “Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?”
“Because we’re gluttons for punishment,” Landon replied, reaching for the bottle of water he wisely stowed on the nightstand the previous evening. “It’s always fun and games when you’re doing the drinking. The morning after is a stark reminder that we’re getting old.” He gulped down half of the bottle and then handed it to me. “Well, at least you’re getting old. I’m still in my prime.”
I wordlessly took the bottle, debating whether smacking him would hurt him more than me. Finally I gave in and guzzled the water. It was too much effort to go after him. “We need more aspirin.”
“I’m on it.” Landon grabbed the bottle from the nightstand while retrieving a second bottle of water. He popped three tablets in his mouth and swallowed them before handing me a similar dosage. “Medicate up. We have to be down at the inn for breakfast in an hour, and it’s going to hurt a lot worse if you don’t head it off now.”
“I don’t have to do anything,” I replied. “I’m forgoing breakfast and staying in bed all day. You can find me here when you’re done working. If you’re lucky, I’ll have showered by the time you get back.”
Landon smirked. “I thought you were going to say that you would be naked if I was lucky.”
“I’m not sure you’re going to get that lucky today.”
“I guess it’s good that I feel lucky whenever I get to spend time with you,” Landon teased, snuggling close for a moment. “Even if you do smell like stale wine.”
“Ugh.”
We cuddled for a moment, content in the quiet, and then Landon slapped my rear end. “Get up,” he ordered, climbing out of bed. “If I have to put up with your family for breakfast, you have to go with me. Those are the rules.”
“Eat something here.”
“You have nothing,” Landon replied. “I hope you know that when we’re living together we’re going to have food in our own house.”
I froze, the implications of his words washing over me despite the heavy fog frying my brain. “What did you say?”
Landon must have realized what he said, because his face paled. “I … you know what? I’m not doing this. Yes, I have plans for us to live together one day. I’m sure that’s going to freak you out, but I’m not tiptoeing around because you work yourself into a tizzy whenever I mention the future.”
“I don’t work myself into a tizzy,” I protested, my heart flopping. Was that worry? Dread? No, that was excitement. Crap. I’m such a girl.
“You thought I forgot I told you that I loved you a few weeks ago and refused to bring it up because you were terrified I was going to take it back,” Landon countered. “I’m not taking it back. I don’t want to take it back. I’m not taking this back, either. Get your butt up and get in the shower. I’m hungry and you have to be there when they feed me.”
“Why do I have to be there?” He definitely was going to take it back if I kept sounding this whiny.
“Because your Aunt Willa is going to be on a rampage after last night, and if I’m the one dealing with her I’ll shoot her.”
“Holy crap!” I bolted upright, grabbing my head when the pain rushed to the forefront. “I forgot she was out there last night.”
I risked a glance at Landon and found him smirking. “Yes. I think my favorite part was when Marnie whipped her bra off and threw it in her face.”
“This is going to get ugly.”
“Oh, little witch, it was ugly last night,” Landon countered. “We were just too drunk to care. Now, come on! If you promise to keep your hands to yourself we can shower together. If you can’t control yourself, though, you’re going to take a cold shower alone. We don’t have time for mischief this morning.”
“You think an awful lot of yourself sometimes,” I muttered. “Has anyone ever told you that?”
“You can think a lot of me, too, if you get in the shower,” Landon replied. “Chop, chop! We both know the only thing that is going to cure this hangover is food … and there’s only one place we can get it. Move! There’s bacon calling me, woman!”
“YOU guys look rough.”
My mother always told me I had a penchant for stating the obvious. Given the look on her face – and the heavy circles under her eyes – she wasn’t thrilled with that trait this morning.
“Do you have to be so loud?” Marnie asked, rubbing her forehead as she flipped pancakes on the griddle. “Your voice is like nails on a chalkboard sometimes.”
“Don’t listen to her,” Landon said. “Your voice is beautiful.” His rebound rate after a hangover was much quicker than mine. After a shower – which turned out to be more “hands-on” than initially envisioned – he was back to his usual self. I wanted to punch him.
“How are you two not dying this morning?” asked Twila, the impression of the blanket she passed out on the night before still visible on her cheek.
“We didn’t drink as much as you guys did,” Landon replied, grabbing a slice of bacon from Twila, knowing she was suffering from delayed reflexes. “We also went to bed before midnight.”
“And downed a bunch of water and aspirin before going to bed,” I added. “We followed that up with more water and aspirin this morning.”
“And how do you feel?” Mom asked.
“I’m still a little shaky,” I admitted. “Landon is much better than he was. I saw Thistle when we were leaving. She was heading into the shower. She refused to speak. I think she’s feeling as bad as you guys are this morning.”
Mom’s mouth dropped open in horror. “I don’t even remember Thistle being there last night! Oh, dear Goddess, we drank so much we forgot Thistle was there!”
“Was Clove there, too?” Marnie asked.
I considered messing with them, but opted to put them out of their misery. “Thistle got drunk at the Dragonfly – and then a little more at Hollow Creek before Marcus put the kibosh on that. She wasn’t with you guys last night. She got drunk on her own.”
“That’s a relief.”
“Clove didn’t get drunk at all,” I added. “She spent the night at the Dandridge.”
“She spends every night there now, doesn’t she?” Mom asked.
“Pretty much,” I said, glancing toward the dining room door. “Have you seen Aunt Willa and Rosemary yet this morning?”
“No,” Marnie replied. “Maybe we got lucky and they slipped out in the middle of the night.”
“If anything could get them to do it, you tossing your bra on Willa’s face could be it,” Landon quipped. “Personally, I didn’t want to see it. I’m glad I got to see Willa’s reaction, though.”
Marnie froze. “W-what?”
It seemed I wasn’t the only one with memory problems this morning. “You don’t remember that?”
Marnie and Mom exchanged horrified looks.
“Do you remember that?” Marnie asked.
Mom shook her head.
Oh, this was definitely going to be fun. “Do you want me to tell you about it?”
“I’m not sure,” Mom replied. “What was I doing when Marnie tossed her bra on Aunt Willa?”
“Forget that. What was I doing?” Twila asked.
“You passed out an hour before they showed up,” Landon interjected. “You’re free from all the embarrassment. Well … other than snoring like a freight train and drinking enough that you could pass out in the middle of the woods.”
“What about us?” Marnie asked. “Wait … I’m not sure I want to know.”
“Well, Mom was having a lovely conversation with a tree when they showed up,” I answered, enjoying the discomfort on my mother’s face.
“You two were having a great time,” Landon said, stealing another slice of bacon. My mother and aunts were too horrified to notice.
“I think you were making plans for a bright future together.”
“Oh, no,” Mom said, burying her face in her hands.
“Oh, it gets worse,” Landon taunted.
“Marnie was down to her tank top and shorts when we arrived,” I explained. “She took it down all the way when Aunt Willa showed up, and for a finale threw her bra at Aunt Willa’s head.”
“I was dressed, though, right?” Mom looked hopeful.
“You were at the beginning,” I replied. “That’s the only reason Landon agreed to hang around.”
“Oh, I’m going to cry,” Mom whimpered. “What did Aunt Willa do?”
“She ordered Landon to arrest you for public indecency, and when that didn’t work … well … I have no idea,” I admitted. “We stumbled home and passed out after Marnie tossed her bra in Aunt Willa’s face. I’m not sure what happened after that.”
Mom slapped my arm. “How could you let us do that?”
“Hey! We were drunk, too. You’re lucky we didn’t start shedding our clothes.”
“Yes, that would make a wonderful story to tell my co-workers,” Landon mused. “Did I ever tell you about the time I got drunk with my girlfriend, her mother and her aunt, and everyone got naked together? Good times.”
“You shut up,” Mom hissed, extending a warning finger in Landon’s direction. “And stop stealing the bacon.”
Landon was nonplussed. “Make me.”
“Just … .” Mom was beside herself as she waved her hands around like a loon. “This is the worst possible thing that could’ve happened!”
“Oh, no,” I countered. “I think that’s still to come when everyone has breakfast together.”
“Get out!”
THE DINING room was full when we entered, Aunt Willa and Rosemary sitting in their regular places. I briefly considered running, but Landon’s insistent hand at the small of my back made that impossible. He pushed me forward and I forced a bright smile for the benefit of the guests.
“Good morning.”
Everyone not related to me greeted us with genuine smiles and pleasant words. Aunt Willa and Rosemary remained stony and silent.
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