by J. Dorothy
He looks at me. Really looks at me. And it hurts. No-one. And I mean no-one has ever really looked at me. I don’t let them. I can feel the tears burning my eyes. I’m so close to losing it. My bottom lip starts to tremble and then he moves quick and puts his arms around me, pulling me close. God that feels so good. I choke on a sob and close my eyes, letting him surround me with his warmth. The tears are falling. I can feel them streaming down my cheeks, but I won’t give in to it. I won’t give in to the pain of those tears. I swallow the huge gigantic lump in my throat and it burns the whole time. If I don’t pull away, I’m going to get lost in his arms. I might get far too comfortable. That’s not a mistake I can afford to make.
Using all my strength I pull away from him and wipe my eyes. I paint on the smile. “God, these pregnancy hormones have me all over the place.”
He doesn’t smile back. He just looks deeper into my eyes. I can’t stand him doing that, so I look away and toward my car.
“I’ll give you a ride home,” he says.
I see my precious Gucci bag on the ground next to him, and I move to pick it up. “No. That’s fine. Don’t want to ruin your night. I’ll get going, you stay and have fun.” God those words are forced. I want him to take me home. I want him to stay with me. All night. Cradled in his beautiful warm arms.
He grabs hold of my wrist. “I’ll take you home,” he repeats, and I don’t have the power or the will to argue.
“Okay. I guess you can drop me off and come back again.” I give him another smile, that hurts my jaw. I don’t want him to come back again.
He sighs deep, and without letting go of my wrist, tugs me to his car.
“What about the beetle?” I ask, suddenly worried about leaving it here. It’s my only valuable possession and I can’t afford for it to be stolen or trashed.
“I’ll get Cam to drive it home. I brought them here, so him and Bales can drive it back to his place.”
He opens the door of his black truck and keeps hold of me while I hop in. Once he sees I’m all snug in my seatbelt, he shuts the door and walks off toward the bar, with my keys in hand.
Holy smokes.
My breath is racing along with my heartbeat. I have no clue, why he’s being so insistent. I mean, I get he feels bad for making me angry, but I don’t get why he wants to look after me all of a sudden. Deep down I really like it. I like it more than I should. But false hope hurts, and I need to recognize it for what it is.
A dream.
A fantasy.
Not my reality.
Never Jennifer Jamieson's reality.
FiVe
_________________________
Tanning is driving and I’m sitting here fidgeting. Usually I’d make conversation, but I can’t really think what to say. The silence is killing me, and it’s killing me being in this confined space with Tanning. His cologne is so strong, but not half as strong as his presence. Man he has presence.
Every move he makes shoots a jolt of electricity through me, every time he takes a breath my heart rate increases. Not sure if all this lust is good for Treasure Pot, but he seems fine. He sends gorgeous flutters around my stomach every now and then. At least he’s unaffected by Tanning, I just wish I was.
I have to say something. Anything to get my mind off the heat flushing my skin every five seconds. I figure I’ll clear the air a bit. He may hate me, but I don’t want him thinking I’m a bad mother.
“So, about the drinking. Those drinks were only made from fruit juice. Mario hooks me up. Takes care of me.”
“I know.”
“Well, why did you…”
“I tasted it, after you stormed out.”
“You tasted it?”
“Yeah. Figured I must have jumped to the wrong conclusion by your reaction.”
I bite my lip. Wishing I’d kept it together. I don’t want him seeing any reaction from me. It shows too much and says too much.
“Right. Well, I wanted to say thanks for getting me out of that mess with those two guys, they were pretty wasted.”
He nods and keeps his beautiful eyes on the road. I wish he’d look at me. Smile at me. Laugh with me. Talk to me. God, I’m hopeless, I need to stop thinking like that. So I decide to continue, bumbling my way through pointless conversation.
“I wasn’t trying to flirt with them. They just kind of bumped up against me and pushed me into the wall, and I couldn’t get away.”
I see his grip tighten on the steering wheel and his jaw clenches. “They pushed you?” he grinds out.
“Like I said they were wasted. It would have been okay, Mario would have sorted them out, but your line kind of diffused the situation.” I let out my standard fake laugh, and for the first time it sounds fake. God, I am so lame. I’m never lame.
What the hell is going on with me?
We arrive at Cam’s place and Tanning parks the truck outside the back door. He switches the engine off and sits there. I have no idea what he’s waiting for, but it seems like he’s trying to get the words to say something, so I wait.
He sighs long and hard, looking out into the pitch black of night. “I really hated you in High School you know.”
Great. Just the words I’ve been longing to hear. I swallow and bite the inside of my cheek, what am I supposed to say to that. I shrug. “Okay.”
“And I didn’t expect to see you friends with Cam or living with him. He never liked you much either.”
Oh, the compliments are just firing tonight. Am I expected to stay here and listen to this? I guess I am. He’s not moving.
I paste on my fake smile, because it’s the only defence I have right now. “Well, he likes me now. And we are friends whether you believe it or not. He was real messed up when Bailey left him. Like really messed up. He needed a friend and I happened to fit that bill.”
“So, you were only ever friends?”
There's no way I’m telling him my true feelings for Cam. I love him. I really do. And I want him. I think. Or at least I did, till Mr Hotness showed up. Now I’m a bit confused, and not really sure.
“Yep. Cam never stopped loving Bailey. I don’t think he ever will. I just hated seeing him hurt like that.”
“And what about now? How do you feel now Bailey's back?”
I’m not telling him that either. I shrug again. “Not sure. He’s certainly happier, but I don’t trust that she won’t hurt him again.”
“And you want to be there when she does?”
I’ve had enough of his questions. He’s hitting on the truth far too often. He knows way more about me than he should, or than I want him too.
“I'll always be there for Cam. No matter what. Now can we finish with the interrogation and go inside. I’ll make you a coffee and give you one of my new cookies. They’re really good.”
Then he turns to look at me again. His eyes rake over me, sending a cold shiver in their wake. “You’re really good at that, you know.”
“What?”
“Putting up walls. Diverting the conversation. Talking about stuff that doesn’t matter.”
Where did this guy come from, and who is he, Dr Phil?
“Yeah, well, its survival of the fittest, not survival of the most literate.” I give him a fake smile for extra effect and push down on the door handle, opening the door. This conversation is over.
I walk in the house and Tanning follows close behind, and my whole body is on alert to just how close. If I stop suddenly he'll brush up against me, and I’m so tempted, but after the conversation we just had, I can’t bring myself to play games. Those tactics won’t work. He sees straight through me and knows exactly what I’m doing. I’ll have to be so careful around him.
I go into the kitchen and put the coffee on to warm. I made it earlier that morning and it should be nicely brewed by now. Opening the cupboard, I go in search of the container of cookies I hid, to surprise Cam with. Now I get to surprise Tanning as well. Maybe that’s the way to impress him. They say the way to a man’s heart i
s through his stomach. Oh and what a stomach it is. I lick my lips thinking about all the hotness of Tanning’s naked chest.
“If you’re looking for those cookies they aren’t there.”
Huh?
I turn to glance at Tanning over my shoulder and he’s changed. He’s now in his sweat pants and a loose fitting t-shirt, and I have to suck in my breath. Oh, I can so picture him putting those clothes on after sex and me taking them off again. Jeez, get a grip, girl. I need to stop those kind of fantasies, he told me he’s not interested, that he hated me. Well I guess hated was in past tense, not sure what he thinks of me now. All of a sudden I wish I did. I really wish I could read him as well as he reads me.
I must have a stupid dazed look on my face, because Tanning smiles at me. Like, really smiles, and I can’t seem to form words right now. I’ve wanted him to smile at me like that since I first met him. He's adorable. I wish I could kiss him. I wish he belonged to me. Then I start to wonder if he belongs to someone else. He’s never mentioned a girlfriend, and he did talk about wanting to hook up with Gerry. If he does have one, I hate her already, and I picture smashing her faceless face into the ground.
“What are you frowning at?” he asks, interrupting my violent daydream.
I swallow and lick around my mouth. “Um … the cookies. Where did they go?”
Tanning pats that gorgeous stomach of his and keeps grinning. I stand and put my hands on my hips. “You ate them? All of them?”
He grins wider and I reach out and punch his bicep. God he feels solid and strong.
He fakes being hurt by rubbing the spot where I just hit him. “Hey, wasn’t my fault you left them lying around for anyone to eat.”
I arch a brow. “They weren’t lying around. I hid them in the back of the cupboard to give to Cam. I always bake extra for him.”
His smile drops and I realize what I’ve just said. Crap. And I was doing so well. I try to recover.
“I baked extra for you too. Cam told me you like butterscotch, so in a way you inspired this lot. They were probably my best seller to date.” I give him a small smile and wait to see what he says.
Another cheeky grin spreads across those beautiful lips. “Inspired, huh?”
Oh yeah, real inspired you have no idea how inspired I am right now.
A blush creeps over my cheeks at that thought, and I turn away quickly to make the coffee so he doesn’t see the effect he’s having on me. Holy crap. It’s hot in here.
Then the hot meter skyrockets as he moves behind me and places two hands on either side of the counter top where I’m trying to make coffee. My whole body is on fire as he leans in and his breath brushes over my neck. I’m so glad I chose this dress. His lips are at my ear. And my heart is in my throat. I close my eyes, so all my senses are alert to his warmth and his smell, as it surrounds me.
“I lied before,” he whispers, and my legs nearly give way.
I can’t ask what about. I can hardly breathe right now.
“I like my coffee sweet and creamy.” And his lips brush over my ear lobe and down my neck.
O.M.G. I can’t take much more of this, and if he’s messing with me again, I really am going to cry.
Then like a bucket of ice cold water, the front door slams and Tanning moves quicker than the speed of light, stepping away from me, and I literally have to grip the counter top to stop from melting into the floor.
Shit.
My heart is pounding, and I don’t dare move, lest my legs give way. I was wrong. This guy is far from dangerous. He’s like a ticking time bomb, ready to set me off. I want him like I’ve never wanted anything or anyone before. Defences be damned. If he wants to see the real me, he can. He can have every bit of me, as long as I can have a little bit of him. Any bit. I’m desperate, but I’d take anything he had to offer right now.
For the first time in my life, I am in so deep and in so much trouble.
SiX
_________________________
Tossing and turning is all I can do. I can’t sleep. My body is on overdrive thinking about Tanning and what he did before Bailey and Cam got home. Ugh. I sit up and pull back the covers. Maybe a hot tea will make me forget all those lustful thoughts that won’t leave my brain. Yeah, I’ll get up and think of other things. Like… like… oh, stupid brain. All I can think about is his hot breath blowing on my neck and the shivers it sent everywhere. All over me. God, I want to scream. That, or race into his room and tear his clothes off. Crappy thoughts. Now I have that new sexy image in my brain.
Stupid, stupid brain.
I stomp into my slippers, but don’t bother to cover up. I have on my favorite red silk night shirt, but I can’t be bothered changing. I march out of the room. It must be the middle of the night, I won’t see anyone. I creep down the hall and pass Tanning’s bedroom. Keep going, keep going, I say in my head, but I stop and listen outside. It's dark underneath and I can hear his deep breathing. I am so tempted to push his door open. I’d only watch him sleep. I’d do anything to watch him sleep. I mean, I’d much rather he was awake, but even a glimpse of him might settle me down. No. I can’t. He’d freak. Okay, keep moving.
So I do. I make it into the kitchen and I’m just about to turn on a lamp, when I see a shadowy figure move. Crap. Who is that? And why are they wandering around in the middle of the night?
I grab a cushion off the couch and cover Treasure Pot. Not sure what protection that will give me, but its instinct and I do it anyway.
“Who’s there?” I whisper.
“Shit,” I hear a female voice say.
Crap. It’s Her. Not exactly the visitor I wanted to run into.
“Bailey?” I ask in my sickly sweet voice, that I’m beginning to hate.
She turns on the light over the stove and I see her. She’s dressed in boy shorts and a strappy singlet top. So she does show a bit of flesh occasionally. She has nice legs and a nice set of boobs. I suppose I can see the attraction. At least in the looks department.
“What are you doing up?” she asks.
“Um ... thirsty. I get real thirsty some nights when Treasure Post is moving around and keeping me awake.” That sounds feasible, even if it is a lie.
She nods and gives me a small smile. Better than usual. She usually spends her time glaring at me.
Okay. Maybe, just maybe, I can use this to my advantage.
“I was going to make a herbal tea. Raspberry. Do you want one? They’re really good.”
She looks at me, as though she’s deciding if it’s a good idea or not.
“It’ll help you sleep,” I say to encourage her some more.
“Um … okay.”
So I set about making the tea. Luckily Cam installed one of those instant boiling water taps, so it doesn’t take long. I finish making it and pass it to her. “Do you want to sit down? I could probably use the company for a bit.” I make it like it’s about me and not her. Get on her good side.
She nods again and we move to sit on the couch. I decide to let her sit for a bit before I try and pry further. I have to go carefully. She’s so suspicious. Okay, probably with good reason, I guess I can’t blame her. She’s on the money when it comes to my plans for Cam. In her shoes I’d be a raging bitch, and wouldn’t let Cam within ten feet of me.
Funny, I’ve never thought about it from her perspective before. Usually there is only one perspective, and that’s mine. I really am losing my mind. Tanning has a lot to answer for, and I’ve only been around him for a couple of days. Hopefully I’ll go back to normal when he leaves ... Oh crap. I hadn’t thought about that. He'll be leaving in a few days’ time. That is kind of depressing. Real depressing. Damn it.
Treasure Pot chooses this time to stir, it feels like I have a butterfly loose in my stomach and the cute little flutters take my mind off of Tanning for a millisecond. God I love that kid. I let out a chuckle and rub my belly.
“The baby?” Bailey asks, and looks at me with big sad eyes.
What is her d
eal?
“Yeah. I think he likes raspberry.” I smile at her and she gives me a tight smile back.
She puts down her drink, sighs long and hard and fidgets with her fingers looking so uncomfortable, but I don’t think it’s because she’s sitting with me, there’s something else that seems to be bothering her.
“You, okay?” I ask. And for once it's a sincere question. Normally I wouldn’t care less.
She grimaces. “Not really.”
Okay, this is progress. Didn’t expect her to admit to anything. She’s always so cagey and closed off.
“I guess I’m the last person you want to talk to. I get that. But if …” I prompt, carefully.
“I'm so messed up,” she breathes out softly, her eyes focussed on her clenched hands in her lap. Almost like she’s not registering she’s actually talking to me. “Seeing you makes it a thousand times worse.” And she flicks her gaze toward my stomach.
From her actions I have an inkling me being pregnant is the thing upsetting her. Which means one of two things. Either she wishes she was pregnant, highly unlikely given our age. Or she’s been pregnant and isn’t anymore. Crap. That’s a big deal. Huge!
“Bailey, I overheard you talking to Bennett.”
I have no idea why I just admitted that to her, but it seems appropriate given the way the conversation is heading. She has no reason to trust me, but right now I want her to. There's a lot of pain in her eyes. I think I recognize that pain. It was the pain I felt when I first found out I was pregnant.
She widens her eyes, and bites her lip. “You know.”
“I don’t know the details. I only know you have a big secret you’re keeping from Cam.”
“And you haven’t told him?” She bites her lip harder.
That is a good question. I wonder why I haven’t told Cam. I’ve been so caught up in all things Tanning, I haven’t thought about planting that seed. Most unlike me.
“No. I haven’t said anything. I don’t want to hurt him.”
Bailey wipes a tear from her eye and takes a big breath looking up to the ceiling. “Yeah. I don’t want to hurt him again. I hurt him enough. That’s why I haven’t been able to tell him.”