But that reminded me of the last time Noah had been here. As much as I hated him, a part of me still ached for him.
That had definitely not been true for Gary. I had cried about what he had done to me, but when the tears stopped, I had been done with him.
Noah was a different story. I didn’t know it was possible to miss someone so much, and reading his texts wasn’t helping.
Noah: Can we please talk about this?
Noah: There’s more to it than what Krista said. I promise.
Noah: It was a stupid idea, and I’m sorry.
Noah: I care about you so much, Tori. Please give me a chance to explain.
After that text, I blocked him and put my phone face down on my nightstand. No more thinking of Noah. I needed my rest. My eyes closed on their own.
When I got up, the first thing I did was look in the mirror. And I told myself that today was about cheer. Not Noah. Today was all business. I could cry about him all I wanted after nationals were over. Not a minute before.
When I headed into the kitchen for a bite to eat, already in my uniform, my mom had a green smoothie and egg white omelet ready for me.
Her way of trying to go back to normal—and making sure I was at my best for today.
I ate in silence, and when I got up and grabbed my stuff, she said, “You sure you have everything?”
“Yep,” I said, checking my phone. I had a few minutes to spare, but I didn’t want to stick around.
She nodded. “Good luck today. I’ll be there later, cheering you on.”
I nodded and left without another word.
As I drove to school, I realized I wasn’t even mad at her so much as numb to her. And that almost made me sad, except I had promised myself that I wouldn’t feel any of those things—sadness or heartbreak—until after nationals. So I pushed those thoughts away, put on my best smile, and met the girls at the bus that would take us to nationals.
Mia came up to me and took my hands. “How are you feeling?”
I squeezed her hands and smiled. “So much better, you don’t even know.”
She nodded. “I knew you would. Come on, I saved you a seat.”
We napped on the bus during the four hours it took to get to the competition. I welcomed the extra rest, but by the time we pulled into the resort where nationals took place every year, I was awake and alert.
We entered the arena, which was buzzing with squads from all over the country in varying colors of uniforms. Coach Davis headed to registration, and Mia led us to a spot where we had room to stretch and reapply makeup. After a while, Coach found us and told us we still had quite a while before it was our turn to practice and then perform in front of the judges.
We spent a lot of time waiting and pointing out different squads. Some of them had better uniforms or better makeup or better hair, but we got plenty of ideas for next year and made minor improvements to our own appearance.
Before I knew it, it was our turn to practice. We had a thirty-minute slot in a private room lined with mats. We stretched in nervous silence and got in place to start our routine.
Coach Davis paced back and forth like a general. “Remember to smile! You’re at nationals! Appearance is half the battle.”
So we did it again and smiled, but the air remained palpable with nervous excitement.
We only flubbed one stunt the second time we went through the routine, but the rest of the time, we were like a well-oiled machine. We knew this routine. And we were ready.
Coach Davis nodded the last time we went through it. Tears lined her eyes, and she swallowed, giving us several claps of her hands. “You girls are ready. Without a doubt, you are ready, and I believe in you. You’re just as capable of winning as any other team here.” She wiped at her eyes and gave every single one of us a hug.
Her eyes lingered on me an extra second before she went on to Mia last. “I want to go ahead and thank you all for an amazing last season of cheer at Westwood High School. I can’t tell you how proud you’ve made me, whether or not we place here today. I’ll never forget you girls.”
She cleared her throat and told us we had twenty minutes before show time.
Mia turned to us. “She’s right, you guys. We’re ready. We’ve got this. You guys know by now that every single person is crucial to the success of the squad. So when you get out there today, remember that. If every person here does their absolute best and leaves it all out there, I have no doubt that we will advance and perform again tomorrow. I can’t even tell you guys how awesome it has been to be captain this year. I’m really gonna miss it.” Then she teared up, and we all gave her a hug.
She took deep breaths. “Is my makeup still okay?” she asked me.
“It’s perfect,” I said with a genuine smile. “And you’ve been the best captain.”
“It’ll be you next year,” she said. “I know you’ll lead everyone to nationals again.”
I wasn’t sure if I’d be back next year as captain, but I could figure that out later. I nodded. “Thanks.”
We all held hands for a few seconds.
“Let’s remember this moment, you guys,” Mia said. “For me, this is it. My last high school cheer competition. My last competition ever. I won’t be cheering in college. Just treasure every moment of it, if you love cheer as much as I do. These are gonna be some of the best memories of your life.”
Her words hit me, and they reminded me of how much I did love cheer. Even though it had also become the source of stress and strain recently, I didn’t want to think about that right now. I just wanted to have the time of my life out there, cheering and flying through the air.
Our school name was called, and we stepped forward onto the mats, the all-too familiar blue mats. My heart pumped like crazy, and adrenaline raced through my veins as we raised our pom-poms and cheered, greeting the audience. The wild screams of the crowd lit us up like wildfire.
Glancing around, I met Julie’s eyes and then Mia’s. I nodded at them, and they nodded back, our smiles already on.
The lights were bright, and the judges sat behind a large covered table, their pens ready to jot down every mistake or perfect stunt.
I got into position, and then, when the music came on, we became one.
Our performance had been great, but so had everyone else’s. Even so, we listened in stunned disbelief when we heard we’d made it to the final round.
The next day, we gathered in a circle, arms extended so we stood shoulder to shoulder, holding on to each other.
“This is it, guys,” Mia said. “I can hardly believe we’re here. I won’t go on for another twenty-minute pep talk like Coach did, but just know that I love you guys. I know we’re going to crush it out there. Nothing more to say.”
Then we performed our routine again. I flew like never before, but more importantly, as a team, we cheered like never before. It was over in a flash, and then we waited.
At the end of the day, when the judges came back, we stood together and clasped hands for the names of the squads that had been chosen as the best.
So many squads had performed today. Had we been good enough for national title?
Maybe. We had nailed the routine, and it had been creative and pushed the very edges of what we were capable of.
A blonde woman stepped up to the stage, a piece of paper in her hand. She talked for a few minutes about how amazing every squad had been and how impressed she was with the evidence of our hard work. All the usual stuff.
Then she got to what we were all waiting for. The arena fell silent as she announced the top ten teams. She began with number ten and worked her way down, but our school name was missing.
“Third place, from Draper, Utah, goes to Corner Canyon High School!”
We cheered as the squad in black, blue, and yellow accepted their trophy on stage, but then we held hands again. I glanced at Mia. Her eyes were on the second and first place trophies, a look of determination on her face.
I turned back to th
e stage.
“Second place, from Cedar Springs, Georgia, goes to Westwood High School!”
We screamed and jumped, and my hands came to my mouth in shock. Then the squad followed Mia to the stage. She took the giant golden trophy and turned to me. “We did it!”
I helped her hold it up, and flashes went off. The look of pride on Coach Davis’s face caught my eye. Her eyes glittered with tears.
The rest of the day was a blur. First place had gone to a phenomenal squad from Houston, and we had gone over to congratulate them. Their captain praised our stunts while Mia said the dance part of their routine had been epic.
When we were back on the bus, Coach Davis stood at the front.
We waited for a speech, but all she said was, “I knew you could do it.”
Everyone had someone they called on the way home with the good news. Noah had been the first person I wanted to tell, but I had decided to cut him out of my life, and the truth about him still hurt.
I should have called my mom, but talking to her still didn’t feel right.
I hated what cheer had done to our relationship. I still loved cheer—nationals had reminded me of that—but not at the price that it came in my life. Something was going to have to change between us because I wasn’t going to let cheer keep on tearing us apart.
At nationals, my problems felt so far away, but the closer we got to my hometown, the more my problems began to weigh on me again.
The more I thought of Noah.
On Monday, Ella, Rey, Lena, and Harper found me first thing and congratulated me. They already knew about our win because I texted them about it, but they surprised me with my favorite candy.
“You can enjoy this guilt-free now,” Ella said with a wink.
I took the bag of Hershey’s almond kisses. “I definitely will.” I opened the bag, unwrapped a kiss, and popped it into my mouth. The almond crunched satisfyingly between my teeth.
As the day went on, I expected to hear rumors about Noah and me, but all anyone could talk about was the squad’s first ever national win.
The principal called for another pep rally at the end of the day, which I was sure Krista felt thrilled about. She acted brattier than ever after trying to sabotage our win.
In literature class, Noah’s seat was empty. I stared at it for a few seconds before I realized what I was doing.
Harper glanced at his desk and then at me. “I haven’t seen him all day. He’s usually in my second period.”
I shrugged.
“So…are you guys over for good, then?” Harper asked quietly.
“I’m not sure we were ever really a thing anyway. Not after what he kept from me.”
Just thinking about it made me mad, so I hoped Harper would change the subject.
“Yeah, it was kind of a horrible thing to do. But Krista said it was his idea, right? Not that he was the one who did it?” The careful tone of her voice told me she thought I should forgive Noah.
“What does it matter? Because of him, the squad was humiliated in front of the whole school. Not to mention, Claire was hurt. She couldn’t compete at state.”
Harper nodded then said, “Did he at least apologize?”
Why did Harper have to have such a good heart? “I suppose so. But I don’t really care what he has to say. He had a million chances to tell me the truth, and he didn’t.”
Harper nodded again. “It’s just a shame. It sounded like your little sister and his little sister had become really good friends.”
I looked up at her. “They can still be friends. I mean, Emma can come over and stuff. So he and I won’t talk. Big deal.”
But it was a big deal. Noah had been the first guy I had ever really cared about, and Emma had been Isabella’s first true friend in a long time. Not like the already materialistic girls on her swim team.
All the more reason to hate him. Why had he gone and ruined everything?
The bell rang, and Harper went back to her usual seat. I tried to listen to what Ms. Holloway was talking about, but my eyes kept darting to Noah’s empty seat. I thought about the night I wrapped my arms around him and just kissed him.
A single teardrop landed on my notes, and I wiped the ones on my face away.
Noah would be back tomorrow, and he wouldn’t get to see me like this.
Twenty-Three
But Noah wasn’t back the next day. Or the rest of the week.
On Wednesday, the eleventh graders cast their votes for prom king and queen during first period. We’d find out the results on prom night. The #BFFs and the squad rallied around me until the final vote was cast, encouraging everyone to check the box next to my name, but all I could think about was Noah.
He had to be sick or something. I didn’t let myself think about it too much. Or worry. At least not on the outside.
But at lunch on Friday, Ella waved me over to their table. They all looked nervously at me, and I stared back. “What is it?”
Ella glanced away, and everyone else was quiet.
Harper finally spoke up. “We heard Ms. Holloway talking to Mrs. Lancaster about Noah, about why he hasn’t come to school all week.”
I blinked back at her, glancing around the table for clues from Rey, Ella, or Lena.
Harper placed her hand over mine, her blonde tresses falling all around her face. “His mom was arrested over the weekend. Noah and his sister got put into foster care.”
I took my hand back in disbelief. “Wh—what?”
Harper went on, and already, I wanted her to stop. “They don’t know when he’ll be back. Or if he will. It just depends on what happens with his mom.”
Slowly, I took my hand back, keeping my eyes on the uneaten food on my tray and making sure my breathing stayed even.
Standing up, I took my tray and said, “I should go.”
But instead of making my way to the cheer and football table, I dumped my tray and headed straight for my car.
When I got there and shut the door behind me, I rested my head on the steering wheel, and the tears finally came.
I missed Noah more than ever, and now he might not come back? Was he going to leave my life forever? Just like that? And Emma too?
It wasn’t fair.
I pulled out my phone, sent a text message, and waited. Nothing. Then I called, but it was no use. His number was disconnected. Our messages were gone, deleted by me. Only our paper notes were left, and those were at home, still hidden. At least I hadn’t had the heart to throw those away.
I ached to send him a message and find out if he and Emma were okay, if there was anything I could do, but that was impossible.
I scrolled through my pictures, immediately going to the trash. It hadn’t been thirty days since I’d deleted the few pictures we had taken together, so they were still there. Thank goodness I hadn’t thought to delete them from the trash too. I restored them right away and stared at them one by one, fresh tears running down my face. I wiped them away.
There were silly pictures of us from when we hung out with the girls and a few serious selfies from that day on the soccer field. One where he was looking at me instead of at the camera. His expression said more than words ever could, and I wished I had the chance to say some of those things to him now.
But it looked like my chance was long gone.
I put my phone away and went back to hugging the steering wheel.
After a few minutes, there was a soft knock on the passenger window. Ella, Harper, Lena, and Rey were there, standing outside in the warm, bright sun.
I pressed the unlock button on my car door, and they got in. Ella got into the front seat, and Lena, Harper, and Rey scooted into the back. They didn’t say a word. Instead, Ella came close and wrapped her arms around me, letting me rest my head on her shoulder.
Then three other hands touched my shoulders, and we sat in silence, the only sound coming from my soft sobs.
At home, Isabella asked me about Emma every single day. Emma hadn’t been at school either,
not since Noah had stopped showing up too.
I hadn’t known what to tell her the past few days, but now that I knew, I tried to explain as best as I could. “I’m not sure when they’ll back, sweetie. Something happened with their mom, and someone has to decide if they’ll be able to come home with her again.”
Isabella’s tear-streaked face stared up at me. “But why? Why can’t they come home now?”
She was too young to understand about their mom, so all I did was bring her in for a tight hug. “Let’s hope we find out something soon. I’m sure everything will be okay, and Emma will be back for another sleepover before you know it.”
Isabella nodded, but I was pretty sure we both knew I was just trying to make her feel better. That weekend, we spent a quiet few days together, just me and her. My mom and dad were off on another trip together, but they’d be back on Monday.
So Isabella and I watched movies together, did makeovers, and all the other stuff she usually did with Emma. I even invited her to come prom dress shopping with me and the girls.
I had already been on one trip with the cheer squad but didn’t have any luck finding a dress at the boutiques and higher-end stores we usually hit.
Ella, Harper, Rey, Lena, and I were going to spend all of Saturday at the mall. It was our last weekend to find a dress.
I had never told them about Noah asking me, and it didn’t look like he’d be back to take me anyway. Especially not after the way things had ended between us.
So it would be me without someone to dance the slow songs with all night. Gary had finally found someone to take, some girl from the volleyball team named Shelly, so at least I wouldn’t be worrying about him. Jesse would probably be nice and ask me to dance once or twice as a favor to Ella, but I didn’t have high hopes for junior prom, except maybe winning prom queen over Krista.
At the end of the day, though, I would have traded that sparkly tiara a hundred times over for one slow dance with Noah.
#LoveToHateThatBoy (#BestFriendsForever Book 2) Page 15