by Nikki Rashan
“Because in all these years I never have.” Her words were soft and smooth. “I’ve always been in love with you.”
Angie had expressed her desire to love me and share her life with me. She hadn’t told me before that she was in love with me, even with the implications. She tilted her head to the side.
“Don’t worry. You don’t have to tell me you love me back. I know you can’t.”
“What happens if I don’t accept your invitation? What if I can’t love you back?”
She gripped the steering wheel tightly. “I’d say you’re one crazy-ass woman.”
We laughed; then she shrugged one shoulder.
“If you decided I’m not for you, then I’d have to walk away knowing I gave it my all.”
“Walk away? So we wouldn’t be friends anymore?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Wait a minute.” I twisted in my seat. “We’ve been friends all these years, and now, because you might not get your way, you wouldn’t want to be friends? That’s selfish, Angie.”
“No, it’s realistic.”
“How is it different than nine years ago, when we stopped sleeping together?”
“It’s different now because even though I wanted you, we were just sex partners. You walking away from that, it hurt, but not half as much as it would now. If you leave me now, then I know you don’t want me, Angie, the person I’ve shown you I can be to you. I can’t do that. Kick it with you after that? Hell, naw.”
“You’re so confusing. We just said some exes can be friends.”
“Not in this case. Not now. Don’t try to tell me you want to be friends, either, Kyla. If you don’t want me as your woman, you still want me as your friend, even now?” She shook her head no. “Fuck that shit.”
I understood her perspective and had to agree. If I decided we shouldn’t pursue a relationship again, and thus passed up a sincere opportunity to be together, there would be no reason to remain in each other’s lives.
“That’s not going to happen, though, right? You don’t want Asia back after she fucked somebody else, do you?”
I flinched. “I don’t want to talk about Asia anymore.”
“Good. About time. It’s a new day, and we’re supposed to be having fun.” She ran her hand over my head.
By the time we reached the museum, I had pushed thoughts of Asia, Sam, and the conversation I overheard to the back of my mind. I had enjoyed lunch with Angie and wanted the afternoon to continue without stress. I trusted Angie’s words and agreed that it was a new day, so I permitted Angie to open the car door for me. She was elated.
“Thank you for allowing me to treat you like the lady that you are.”
“Anytime,” I replied, suddenly appreciative of her gesture. It would take something major to reject the affection I believed Angie wanted to shower on me.
I smiled at her, and she at me, and hand in hand we walked toward the entrance.
Twenty-four
Asia
“Hey.”
“Oh, hey.” I sat upright. I had been lying in bed, reading a magazine article about how to react when in a disagreement with another. “Come in.”
Melanie entered the bedroom and closed the door quietly behind her. She spotted the chaise across the room, next to the fireplace. It was so far away.
“You mind?” She pointed to the edge of the bed.
“No, go ahead.” She sat opposite me at the end.
“Jo was tired. She fell right to sleep.”
“You two had a long day of traveling.”
“Yeah.” Melanie fingered the pattern of the comforter. “I was hoping I’d have a chance to talk to you privately, anyway.” Her brown eyes remained lowered and followed the slow trace of her finger.
“Me too.”
“Really?” She looked up. “What’s up?”
“You first.” I put the magazine aside.
“I have a confession,” she whispered. Melanie sat straight, her arms in her lap, like a trained woman on the stand who was about to detail events that would incriminate her. “There’s a little something I never mentioned before.”
“What’s that?” She had my attention.
“I almost cheated on Jo before. I’ve been able to forget about it like it never happened, but it’s been on my mind again since you told me about you and Kyla.”
“What? With who? Sunday?”
“Hell no, not her crazy ass.” Melanie shook her head. “She was fine, though. What a waste.”
“Well, with who, then?”
“It was about a year before the whole Sunday incident. The worst part is that it was with one of our friends.”
“Oh, shit.”
“Jo doesn’t know.” Melanie looked nervous. “It’s one of those really silly, caught-in-the-moment situations that I wish I could erase.” She took a deep breath. “One night I went out with the guys at work. Many times we celebrate when one of us wins a case. John had won a case, and that night we went to our usual bar. Ali was there.”
“Ali? Jovanna’s Ali?” I asked, though I knew the answer.
“Yes.”
“Oh, my God.”
“Ali was there with Noni. Remember her? She’s the one Ali used to pine for. They had gotten into a little dispute about the usual, Noni not wanting to commit to a relationship. It got heated, and Noni left. I didn’t even know Ali was there till me and the guys were ready to go. She was at the bar by herself, and Ali doesn’t drink. Ever. But that night she had a couple. She needed a ride home, and I offered because I didn’t want her to get in any trouble driving drunk. The whole way to her place, she cried about Noni and then went into how much she envied me and Jo and what we have. I felt bad for her.
“When we got to her place, I asked if she was all right. She said she was, but she kept crying, so I went inside with her for a while. We talked some more, and I tried to console her. We actually started to fall asleep. When I got up to leave, she thanked me, hugged me. She told me Jo was lucky and kissed my cheek. I told her Noni was really missing out on someone special. I guess she was real sensitive, because then she kissed me. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I kissed her back, and before I knew it, we were back on her couch, taking off each other’s clothes.” Melanie winced at the memory.
“After a few minutes, just when I was about to take her panties off, it was like something hit both of us at the same time, because we both stopped, looked at each other, and got up. I straightened myself up and got ready to go. There wasn’t some kind of ‘Don’t tell anybody’ conversation. We just knew it was a mistake, and went on as if it had never even happened. Next time I saw her, there was no awkward moment or anything.”
“Jo has no idea?” I asked, shocked.
Melanie lowered her head. “She doesn’t. It would kill her. They’re best friends.”
“She would kick your ass, Melanie.”
“She sure as hell would. Let me tell you the craziest part.”
“Hmm?”
“That was the night Jo’s grandmother died. She called me just after I left Ali’s with the news.”
I gasped, put my hand over my mouth.
“I’m not into ghosts and shit, but I think her grandmother put a stop to it. Intervened and slapped me and Ali out of it. My point in telling this story is this. I could have told Jo what happened and dealt with the consequences. The timing was bad, but I still could have told her, even if it was well after the funeral. Inside I know that even if I hadn’t had her grandmother’s death as an excuse, if me and Ali actually had sex, I wouldn’t have told her then, either. I wouldn’t have had the courage. I’m all about honesty and coming clean, but shit, I’m a criminal lawyer. I know what not to say and how to sweep shit under the rug.” She exhaled. “It took a lot for Kyla to tell you about what happened with Angie. Her actions were wrong, but she still had the balls to tell you.”
“You’re suggesting what? Forgive her because she confessed?” I agreed that honesty was the b
est policy, but telling the truth didn’t automatically grant forgiveness.
“It’s your decision. Had I come clean to Jo, it wouldn’t have been to pursue something with Ali. It would have been out of respect. Despite her actions, Kyla respected you enough to tell you the truth.”
“The difference, Melanie, is you and Ali didn’t have a history of fucking in the past. You didn’t even have feelings for her. It was one incident, which is really more forgivable than fucking somebody you have feelings for.” As soon as the words came out and I heard them, I disagreed with myself. “No, never mind. It’s just as low to almost fuck your girlfriend’s best friend.”
Melanie closed her eyes. “It is. That’s the only reason I’m telling you this. Not to upset you. Just to let you know people, all people, make mistakes.”
“You’re right. I know plenty of people who have cheated in their relationships. I don’t play that kind of nonsense. It happened to me once before, and I swore I wouldn’t be stupid like that again.”
“So that’s it? You’re mad because you feel like you got played again?”
“Yes.”
“Do you still love her?”
“Of course I do,” I admitted. “I don’t like her, though.”
“That’s cool,” she said, understanding. “You don’t have to like her right now, so long as you still love her. Just think about it.”
“Sure,” I half lied.
“Now, what did you want to talk to me about?” Melanie wanted to know.
“It almost seems irrelevant, but now I understand. Earlier you were saying relationships can survive infidelity. I was going to ask if you’d be as forgiving of Jovanna if she told you she had feelings for someone else. Somebody she used to date.”
Melanie leaned back and repositioned herself across the foot of the bed, her head resting in her hand.
“I want to say yes. It would be difficult, but I love her enough to try. Because of what happened with Ali, I’d almost think it was karma. That I deserved it. Oddly, that’s something Ali would say. She’s all about karma.”
I nodded. “I don’t know if Kyla accepts what goes around, comes around. She didn’t seem real receptive to my sleeping with Sam. How many people would really sit back, like, ‘Okay, it’s all right. I deserved it’?”
“Tell her why you did it.”
“I did. I told her I did it to get back at her. Told her she couldn’t fuck me over like I was one of the silly women from her past.”
Melanie was confused. “What do you mean?”
I remembered Melanie had no idea about Kyla’s illicit past. “Let’s just say Kyla had her taste of women before she settled down with me.”
“Ah, okay. That bad?”
“Bad. And I was the idiot who trusted her to be faithful when she wasn’t to anybody else.”
Melanie investigated the facts. “She cheated on a bunch of women?”
“No, she slept around. A lot,” I said.
“So?”
“So? She’s been with half of Atlanta.”
“What’s that got to do with it if she didn’t cheat? You can’t crucify her for her past, not now, not nine years later. She was faithful to you for nine years and came clean about it right away. She probably learned her lesson.”
“You think that’s why she’s at Angie’s now? Because she learned her lesson?” I asked sarcastically.
“It’s not cool that she’s over there. All I’m saying is talk. Hear what she has to say, and this time listen,” she advised.
“I don’t know, Melanie. I appreciate you throwing your pom-poms in the air, cheering for us. I don’t know if this is mendable.”
“Maybe it’s not. Maybe it is. That’s why I wanted to see you in person, see if I could help. Part of that was to tell my story. Did it help at all?”
“It helped me realize people don’t really know what they’ll do in a situation until they’re faced with it. I doubt you ever thought in a million years that you would be making out with Ali, and I never thought I would sleep with one of my nurses. The shit we do . . .”
“Speaking of nurses, that’s next on our agenda. We have to find out what Sam did. I don’t believe she’s innocent,” Melanie stated.
“Me either,” I agreed.
“We’ll figure it out.”
“Okay.”
Melanie eyed me slowly. “Are you good with what I shared? Please don’t think I love Jo any less. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. For us.”
“I’m fine with it, and I believe you. I feel a little embarrassed for her not knowing, with that being her best friend and all. That’s the kind of shit that makes people snap when they find out.”
“She never will. If she does, I know where it came from.” Melanie winked at me.
“Go on. Get out of here before I go tell her.”
Melanie laughed and got up. She stretched her lean frame, her back cracked, and then she bent to hug me.
“That hugging thing is not going to work on me. Sorry,” I kidded.
She laughed again. “Stop it, Asia.” She released me and headed for the door. “See you in the morning.”
“Good night.”
Soon as she left, I turned off the lamp and closed my eyes. I wondered what would have happened had Melanie confessed to Jo. I had no doubt that the incident between Melanie and Ali would have been unforgivable in Jovanna’s eyes. I guessed ignorance really could be bliss.
Twenty-five
Kyla
Angie’s phone rang at seven in the morning. She loosened her hold on my waist and picked it up, irritated. The sudden sound had awakened us both.
“Too early for this shit,” she murmured after she checked the screen for the caller. “Hello?”
I could hear Deidra’s loud voice on the other end, though I couldn’t understand her words.
“What for?” Pause. “It’s too early. Come back.” Angie groaned. “Well, I’ll drop them at the salon, then.” Her voice grew louder. “You’re the one who said you didn’t want the damn boxes. Bye, Deidra.” She pressed the END CALL button angrily.
“She’s here,” Angie told me.
I turned over. “What do you mean, she’s here?”
“All of a sudden it’s urgent that she get her boxes.”
“Right now? At seven in the morning?” I sat up. “I can go. Tell her to come back in a little bit.” I didn’t want to be in the middle of their exchange.
“She said she’s not coming back. Wants them right now.” Angie got up and covered her body with boxers and a tank top. “I’ll handle her. You stay in here.” She walked out of the room, leaving the door ajar.
Deidra’s boxes had been moved from the hallway to a corner in the living room. Every time I looked at them, I wondered how long Angie would have two women’s belongings in her place. I bunched the pillow under my head and said a prayer. Lord, please don’t let me get in a fight this morning.
A minute later the front door opened, and Deidra came in.
“Damn, good morning to you too,” she said bitterly. I didn’t know what kind of look Angie had given her, but it must have been fierce.
“Good morning, Deidra,” Angie said, annoyed.
The hardwood floors creaked as Deidra walked across the room. “Can I get a little help or what?” Her tone was bitter.
“Why didn’t you bring your own help?”
“Because I thought you were still ladylike enough to help a girl move.”
Silence.
“What’s the problem?” Deidra continued. “Think I’m going to run back there and attack your girlfriend? Shit, go get her. She can help too.”
“Just get your shit, Deidra.”
“It’s not shit,” Deidra countered.
“It was shit last week, acting like you didn’t need it anymore. What’s so urgent now?”
“Nothing, really. I only wanted to see if I was right. I am.”
“About what?” Angie asked, aggravated.
�
�About Kyla moving in already. I saw her car outside, which means you and her are some snaky-ass bitches. Or better yet, Asia came to her senses and kicked her out. Either way, you’re happy, I see.”
There were sudden noises, scuffles, and thuds.
“Stop, Angie!” Deidra yelled.
Were they fighting? Didn’t Jesus hear my prayer?
“Shut the fuck up,” Angie growled, her voice low and aggressive. I heard more quick movements.
“You bitch,” Deidra growled back.
That was when I heard the slap. It was one of those “I’ve been waiting years to slap the shit out of you” smacks. It was loud and forceful. I didn’t know who delivered it, and I jumped up, with only my panties on, and ran into the living room, my breasts bouncing and exposed.
Angie had Deidra pinned against the wall, her face red where Deidra had hit her. Obviously, Angie had caught Deidra’s arm too late, but after the slap she had held on to it, and now she had it in a tight grip. Deidra tried to free herself with hard punches to Angie’s body with her free arm. Their altercation stopped when they saw me.
“Ain’t this about a bitch?” Deidra fought harder to get away.
“Get out of here, Kyla,” Angie cautioned.
“Why? Can’t she stay and see what kind of woman she’s dealing with? This isn’t the first time she put her hands on me!” Deidra screamed in my direction. I looked around the room and saw that Deidra’s boxes were toppled over on their sides near the door. They had been thrown, likely not by Deidra. I took a step back.
“Go back to bed,” Angie instructed again. She hadn’t let go of Deidra’s arm. Deidra’s brown skin bulged under Angie’s hold, her veins thickening. Both of them watched me, Angie furiously, Deidra spitefully.
“Stick around long enough, you’ll be next,” Deidra warned. “Soon as she’s done wining and dining you, she’ll try to own you.”
Angie put her other hand over Deidra’s mouth to shut her up. “Get out of here,” Angie advised me again.
I turned away from them and went back to the bedroom and took cover in the bathroom.
“She’ll find out sooner or later,” Deidra yelled, loud enough for me to hear. “All that sweet shit is just a cover-up. You ain’t shit, Angie. First time she makes you mad, she’ll see you for who you are, you abusive bitch!”