by Nikki Rashan
Thirty-three
Kyla
From the bed I stared at my luggage as it rested outside the closet door. I wondered if the suitcases and bags were as tired as I was from the shuffling from here to there and back again. I sat as still as the luggage, upright and stiff, suddenly unsure how to relax in my own home. Maybe I needed to unpack right away—place my belongings in the drawers and on hangers, tuck the luggage in the closet—and then, perhaps, we all could comfortably readjust to our appropriate places.
The four of us had lost our partying spirit after we left Angie’s house, and had chosen to spend the evening inside. We had made a stop at the grocery store, and then Melanie, Asia, and I had sat at the kitchen table while Jovanna cooked Melanie’s favorite chicken dish. We ate until we were full, talked, and laughed until our stomachs hurt. Melanie and Jovanna were the first to yawn and turn in, since they had an early morning flight. Asia and I quietly cleaned the kitchen together, as we had in the past. In our bedroom I didn’t know what to do. Snuggle in her arms when I had freed myself from another woman’s arms less than twenty-four hours earlier? Were we ready for that?
“How do we do this?” I asked while she undressed.
“Do what?”
I struggled to find the right explanation. “How do we erase the past few weeks and start over?”
Asia pulled a large T-shirt over her head, one she had slept in a thousand times before. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I’ve never been here before. Day by day, I suppose.”
I stood and began to undress. I didn’t bother with a change of clothes, as all my belongings were packed and I didn’t feel like going through them. I decided to wait until Asia was at work to settle back in, unpack, and sort through everything. Back in bed, the warm sheets were satiny against my skin and smelled of Asia. I inhaled the enchanting floral scent.
“Music tonight?” Asia asked from across the room, where she stood next to the Bose stereo system.
“Yes, please.” That would help ease my nerves.
Asia put on a jazz CD. The speakers released an all too seductive melody, one Angie had played just a few nights before, while I lay in her bed, our bodies hot and intertwined. I squirmed and shuddered.
“Something else please,” I requested.
“Sure.” She switched to Anthony Hamilton.
Asia dimmed the light and scooted in bed beside me. We faced one another without words. Her eyes probed mine, curious and cautious. The reflection in my eyes mirrored hers. Anthony started the conversation. “No matter what the people say, I’m gonna love you, anyway. . . .You are my life. I can’t let go.”
“Like I said earlier, this will take some time,” Asia said, apparently feeling the same uncertainty I felt.
“Even if we fuss or fight, try till we get it right. You are my life. I can’t let go.”
“I’m willing to do whatever it takes,” I told her.
“Even if we disagree, you can put it all on me. You are my life. I can’t let go.”
“No talking about the past,” she said.
“I’ll try.” I couldn’t be certain I would never mention Sam’s name again. What if Asia worked extra hours? Would I forever be plagued with fear that she might be with Sam?
“Don’t, Kyla,” she warned sternly. “As much as I might want to know about the past couple of weeks, I don’t need to know. Understand?”
“Yes,” I answered.
I understood exactly what she meant. A part of me still wanted to know about her experience with Sam, even though my heart would be crushed by the details. Did I need to hear who seduced whom that day? I didn’t need to know if Asia had screamed words of pleasure or cried tears of regret. I would never know if she had murmured Sam’s name in the low, lingering way she whispered mine. I wouldn’t know if they had lain in each other’s arms in an afterglow, or if Asia had dressed quickly, thanked Sam for her time, and offered her a raise for a job well done.
“All that I know now is to give you all of me. And no matter how long I take. And every part of me belongs to your love. Help me, help me.”
“Let me say this, and then I’m going to sleep.” Asia sat up, rested on one elbow, and stared down to me. “This was big, Kyla. A big-ass interruption in our relationship. This is the first, last, and only time I will forgive you for some shit like this. If you even think you have feelings for somebody else ever again, I’m out. No talking about it, no waiting for it to pass, no exploring your feelings. It’s done, period.”
“It won’t happen again,” I assured her.
“No, don’t say that to me. You told me nine years ago I was the only one, and look what happened. Don’t make statements you can’t live up to.”
“Why are you getting angry?”
“I’m not angry. I’m making a point. I can say confidently that I’ll never cheat on you. You, Kyla, you can’t.”
“Then tell me why you’d want to be with me if you can’t trust me.”
“I didn’t say I couldn’t trust you. I said you can’t tell me you’ll never cheat on me.”
“Same thing, isn’t it?”
“Of course it’s not. I trust you, or you wouldn’t be here in the bed next to me right now. What I don’t want you to do is tell me another lie that you’ll never cheat.”
“So somewhere in the back of your mind, you’re always going to think I’ll cheat on you?” I asked, knowing I had silently considered the same about her and Sam.
Asia lay back down. “Not what I said, either. I’m not about to walk around biting my nails in fear that you’ll cheat on me. If it were to happen, though, I wouldn’t be surprised.”
I became defensive. “Wait, let’s not forget how quickly and easily you hopped in somebody else’s bed.”
“Yep, I sure did, and that’s a memory I’ll always have. How about that? How does it feel to know you’re the reason I fucked somebody else?”
“Damn, Asia, why do you have to say it like that?”
“Because that’s what it was, Kyla, nothing more, unlike you thinking you’re falling in love and shit with an ex.”
How did we transition from such gentle moments in the afternoon to arguing already?
“Asia, that’s not what happened, and this entire conversation isn’t fair. What the hell happened between this afternoon and now?”
“Nothing happened. I just have to let you know this before you get too cozy on your side of the bed. And you don’t have to think it’s fair or agree with how I feel, but that’s how it is.”
Asia put her back to me and turned off the lamp on her nightstand.
“No matter what the people say . . . I can’t let go. . . .”
I wanted her to turn that song off too. The only thing I agreed on with Asia was that no, this wasn’t going to be easy.
Thirty-four
Asia
“Good morning, Sam.”
Sam entered my office, fresh and exuberant, as if she had just returned from a weekend island getaway. Early that morning Kyla and I had seen Melanie and Jovanna off for their flight home to Chicago. Afterward, Kyla had told me she was taking another day off and would be home unpacking and getting settled back in. She was back in bed after I showered, apparently still irritated by our conversation the night before. I didn’t know why she was so angry. I had only spoken truth.
“I’m meeting Sam this morning,” I had told her backside while I sat on the edge of the bed.
“Okay.”
“Once I handle this, we can move on.”
“Seems like there’s no moving on to you regardless,” she commented.
I wanted to tell her that if she couldn’t handle my truth, then she should rethink whether or not she wanted to be back home. I still had the divorce list in my purse and all. However, that would have been another hasty comment I didn’t mean, so I kept those words to myself. I chose another route.
“I hope you replay what I said and understand I meant no harm. You must know that if I didn’t believe
in you, I wouldn’t be here. I do trust you, and that’s all that matters.” Don’t make a fool of me twice. . . . I held that in too.
She accepted my words with a shift under the covers and a soft “Mmm-hmm.” She turned back over.
I had finished getting ready, so I kissed her good-bye on her cheek and left. I sent Sam a text before I left the garage. I asked that she meet me at the office at 9:30.
“Good morning to you too.” Sam smiled sweetly and innocently.
“How was your weekend?” I asked and pretended I cared.
“Very nice, thank you. Yours?” She was polite, as always. She no longer appeared irritated by our Saturday morning telephone call.
“It was quite busy. Some things came up for me.”
She lowered her head and then lifted it. A layer of hair covered one eye. I think she did this move on purpose. Two weeks ago I thought it was kind of cute. It did nothing more than irritate me as she sat before me.
“Really? What kept you busy?” she inquired.
“I had some friends in town,” I told her. “I also talked with Kyla.”
“I see.” She blinked underneath her black hair. “Does that have anything to do with this meeting?”
“Everything to do with this meeting.”
“What would you like to know?” she asked calmly.
“I’d like to know why you felt you could answer my phone. Why you didn’t tell me Kyla had called. Why you told her I was with you and, most of all, why you lied about it. You had no right to do any of that.”
Sam readjusted herself in her seat. She crossed her right leg over her left and placed her hands around her right knee. “Well, Asia, I answered your phone because it rang,” she answered smoothly. “I didn’t tell you Kyla had called, because you had just informed me that it was over between you two. I didn’t see why it mattered that she’d called you, especially if it was going to interrupt our meeting. I told her you were with me because I wanted her to know. I lied about it because I didn’t think you’d find out. You did say you two broke up, remember?” She paused. “Is this honest enough for you now?”
“Sam—”
“Wait. Before you even try to tell me I crossed lines by my actions, please remember you’re the boss who slept with your employee. You made this bed. Now lie in it. I am. It’s nice and comfy.” She grinned.
All the words I wanted to say, I couldn’t, as they might have landed me in a lawsuit. Melanie had warned me. Instead, I swallowed every “Bitch,” “Heifer,” and “Ho” comment I wanted to make, and for the second time in two hours, I chose new words.
“I’d very much appreciate it if you’d keep what happened just between us. As your boss, I made a mistake and crossed a line I shouldn’t have. Please do not share this with any of the other nurses, your friends, nobody. I’d like to put this behind us.”
“You and Kyla are back together I take it?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but yes, we are.”
“Wow. She does move around quickly, doesn’t she?”
“Watch your words about Kyla,” I cautioned.
She smiled. “Well, it’s wonderful you two are back together.”
“I agree, it is.” I didn’t know how to take her comment.
“Do you know why it’s wonderful?” She licked her lips anxiously.
“Not for you, no. Do share.”
“Because now I get the satisfaction of seeing Kyla’s face again with her knowing I fucked her woman. That’s all I ever wanted. Thank you, Asia.”
“Excuse me?”
“Kyla. Your dear, sweet Kyla. The woman you love so much . . .”
“What about her?” I became more annoyed.
“Years ago my cousin was head over heels for Kyla. Made a fool of herself for Kyla, actually. I was quite young back then, but I heard all about the night she met you at the dinner party that Kyla had failed to invite her to. Does that evening ring a bell?”
Of course it did. “Tiffany?” I was confused. What did Sam and Tiffany together have to do with Kyla? The incident when Tiffany snuck into Kyla’s apartment and crashed the dinner party was years ago, just after Kyla and I began dating.
She laughed. “You seem bewildered. Let me break this down for you.” She wiggled excitedly in her seat. “I’ve known about you and Kyla all along, before you and I even met. When you hired me, I put it together and saw an opportunity I couldn’t resist. And, well, I knew eventually you wouldn’t resist this, either. When Kyla called while you were at my place, it was like a gift from heaven. I couldn’t have planned it any more perfectly if I had tried. Like Tiffany said, what goes around, comes around. Now every time Kyla sees me, she’ll know I had you. I know what your pussy tastes like. Smells like. The sounds you make when you cum. You’re a good fuck, Asia. I see why Kyla wants you back.”
“So this was a setup?” I asked, thrown off my game.
“Not at all, Asia. You hired me on your own, remember? I just took advantage of the situation.”
The twisted irony of the whole situation was that Sam had done to me and Kyla what Kyla had accused me of doing to her: Sam had got back at Kyla for Kyla’s past indiscretions. Indeed, the entire situation was karma in its worst way. Kyla’s past continued to haunt and stalk us; it was inescapable. I had to regain control.
“Do you want to remain employed here?” I asked her.
“Of course I do. This is the most fulfilling and satisfying job I’ve ever had.” She grinned.
“If you do, then none of this ever happened, hear me? Keep Kyla’s name out of your mouth, keep my name out of your mouth, and move on. I don’t give a shit about Tiffany, and frankly, I think you’re just as crazy as her, trying to get back at somebody so many years after the fact. That’s childish. My mistake, though, was not remembering you’re only twenty-six. Grow the hell up.”
“I think you should watch your tone with me,” she warned. “We wouldn’t want this to get out, would we?”
“It won’t. You’re messing with a grown-ass women over here. Don’t forget that.”
Sam shrugged nonchalantly. She sucked the inside of her cheek, and her dimple caved deeply. “That’s cool. I got what I wanted.”
“So did I.” I shuffled a few papers on my desk. “I’m done. You’re dismissed.”
Sam clucked her tongue and stood up. “Best of luck with Kyla. Hope it works out for the two of you.”
“Why are you lingering? Don’t you have an appointment to get to?”
“Sure do.” Sam headed to the door. “Have a wonderful day, Asia.”
I ignored her. What I couldn’t ignore was the nagging question of whether I had made a mistake when I allowed Kyla to come back home. No doubt I loved her, no doubt I wanted to be with her, but at what cost?
Thirty-five
Kyla
“Thanks for coming by.”
David and I had just finished putting my clothes away. We tucked the luggage in the closet, where it would stay until my and Asia’s next trip. Finally, the suitcases could rest again.
“No way would I miss this chance. First good move you’ve made in a while, boo.”
“I hope so, because now I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to ease back into how we used to be.”
“From what I hear, you don’t want to be how you used to be. You want to be better. Start there. Everything that had you all confused in the head, change it. You bored? Figure out something exciting to do that doesn’t involve an ex. Tired of the same meal? Cook something new. Bored in the bedroom? Whip out some new tricks, ’cause I know you got some. What you don’t want to do is fall back into the same ole, same ole, or you’ll be calling me because you went and messed up again.”
“I don’t plan to mess up again,” I vowed.
“Good. I hope you learned your lesson, baby girl. Asia ain’t one to be played a fool. She got your ass back good.”
“I know. That’s what I’m talking about. I can’t shake knowing she’s been with
somebody else.”
“You best shake it off like a loose wig, girl. Asia is a one-in-a-million kind of woman, so appreciate what you have.”
“I will,” I assured him.
“So what are you going to do to knock her socks off? ’Cause that’s what you have to do now.”
“I don’t know. I’m mad at her,” I told him, contradicting my declarations to forgive and forget.
David rested his face in his hands. “Lord Jesus,” he prayed into them. “Help this child.”
“She told me last night she wouldn’t be surprised if I cheated again.”
“Kyla, baby, sit down right here.” He patted the bed. I went over and sat down. “You can’t be mad at her for saying that. You got hot in the pants and up and moved in with some other woman all in a couple weeks. If she had done that to you, how would you feel? You’d be a hundred percent certain she’d never do it to you again? Probably not. Now what you have to do is make sure it doesn’t happen.”
“It won’t.”
“I believe you mean that. I also believed you a long time ago, when you said she was the one, and a few weeks ago you went crazy and thought Angie was the one. Don’t let your head fall off like that again.”
“It’s on straight. I’m not going to lose her again.”
“Cool. Time to reassure her with all these affirmations.”
“For real, David, you and Marlon have been together longer than me and Asia. You two have had a totally monogamous relationship this whole time? Neither one of you has ever stepped out?”
His lips pursed. “Well, you know, baby girl, it’s different for men.”
“What do you mean? Cheating isn’t gender biased. It’s the same regardless. Who messed up? You or Marlon?”
“Nobody messed up, Kyla. It’s just . . . we’re made different. We have, you know, testosterone. We have needs that need to be satisfied.”
“Everybody does. What are you dancing around? Who cheated?”
David rubbed his scalp. “I wouldn’t call it cheating. I call it accepting.”
“Stop talking in code to me!” I yelled.