by Jackie Black
Sensing that Lissa was wavering, Sonny concealed his inner relief and growing optimism about her feelings for him and calmly went on.
“I won’t deny that I’d skip this stage in our relationship if it was up to me, but you know that anyway. And if you’ll feel more comfortable taking things more slowly, I understand. I’d just like for us to have a chance to really come to know one another and see what happens, Lissa. Wouldn’t you?”
Without answering, though she really wanted the same thing, Elizabeth leaned her head on her free hand, closed her eyes, and tried to resolve the conflict between her head and her heart. This new side of Sonny was so appealing, it made her doubt that she’d judged him fairly. And even if she’d been right about him, perhaps if he came to know her well enough as the person she was and cared enough about her, it wouldn’t matter so much to him that she’d once been the Vixen and had deceived him.
Sonny squeezed her hand and Elizabeth opened her eyes to find him looking at her in a way that melted her heart. Suddenly, she doubted very much that a man who could look so warmly caring and who’d just given proof that he was willing to be patient and understanding with her would turn nasty at learning her small secret.
But there was still a tiny kernel of caution inside her that said, “Wait. Get to know him better before you trust him completely. Your career as a doctor is too important to risk the sort of obstacles Sonny could put in your path if he can’t separate the Vixen from Lissa Farrell.”
“I . . . suppose we could ... see what happens,” she found herself saying, and immediately she felt a tremendous upsurge of relief that she didn’t have to send Sonny away and never see him again.
Sonny’s expression echoed her relief to such an extent that Elizabeth had to smile, and then he was on his feet, laughingly pulling her up with him, and hugging her tightly in his arms. And it felt so good to be there, that Elizabeth was doubly glad she hadn’t sent him away.
Sonny’s mouth was drawn to Elizabeth’s as inevitably as parched earth calls for rain, and she met his kiss so eagerly that he was positive she couldn’t be in love with another man. However, the thought of her in another man’s arms sparked exactly the sort of fervent, possessive desire in him that he’d promised himself he’d tone down in order to try to win her. But that was when she’d been sitting across the table from him, not kissing him as uninhibitedly as she was now, and Sonny temporarily forgot his good intentions.
His hands moved automatically to unfasten the belt of her robe, and then he slid his hands inside it to touch the warmth of her skin through her silk nightgown. As he did so, a lightning memory of holding the Vixen like this skittered through Sonny’s mind, and for an instant, he was horrified at connecting a woman like that with Lissa.
But then, Lissa stirred erotically under the movement of his hands and Sonny’s physical reaction was intense ... as intense as it had been that night in the Vixen’s dressing room. And it suddenly occurred to him that if he did win Lissa, he would have every man’s dream ... a woman who could stir him physically as intensely as the most erotic fantasy, but who would be real and would also have al| the other qualities a man wanted in a wife—intelligence, character, and the capacity .to love him unreservedly.
“Lissa . . . Lissa . . . ,” he said, his voice raggedly reflecting his combined desire and wonder. “God, you’re everything a man could want.”
His words jolted Lissa slightly out of her preoccupation with her own senses, making her feel guiltily anxious. And even as his mouth smothered hers again, she was beginning to realize that keeping the truth from Sonny was going to present some difficulties she hadn’t considered when agreeing to continue seeing him. Would Sonny still consider her “everything a man could want” when he learned she’d been lying to him and that she was the same woman he considered little better than a tramp?
And could she make love for the first time in her life with a man she considered it necessary to lie to ... a man who might very well reject her when he did learn the truth?
Unaware of the turmoil in Lissa’s mind, Sonny concentrated on filling senses too long deprived and evoking the wholehearted response he needed and wanted from the woman he already knew was everything he’d been seeking since losing his wife.
His hands sought the warm secrets of her body, performed the intimacies he couldn’t bear thinking of another man sharing with her, while his lips and tongue devoured the sweetness of her mouth.
Lissa shuddered as one of Sonny’s hands covered her breast, while the other slipped to her bottom and cupped her against the heat in his loins, while his tongue plunged and explored the interior of her mouth and made her dizzy with desire. Her mind momentarily lost touch with reality as she became lost in rolling waves of ever-heightening sensual response to Sonny’s enveloping assault.
Sonny was lost to reality as well as Lissa clung to him and permitted him free access to the whole silken, heated temptation of her lovely body. He didn’t care if he ever surfaced from this intense waking fantasy.
But suddenly it wasn’t enough to touch her through her gown and to stand with her melting against him when he wanted her naked beneath him, submissive and aching in the way he ached for the ultimate melding of his body with hers.
“Lissa, come upstairs,” he grated against her mouth. “Let me love you totally . . . don’t make me wait any longer . . .”
As his hands came up to brush her robe from her shoulders, Lissa opened her eyes, and through the drugged haze her aroused senses permitted, saw the desperate urgency in Sonny’s, just as she’d heard it in his voice. She wanted desperately to give him what he wanted. Yet, a small, thin thread of concern struggled for life in her mind. If she did go to bed with Sonny, she didn’t want them to have any secrets between them ... she wanted Sonny to make love to her knowing he was making love to the Vixen as well as Elizabeth Farrell.
Then Sonny caught her mouth in a kiss that was so demanding, she feared it might be too late to stop him, which finally gave her the impetus to try. Tearing her mouth from his, she dropped her head on his shoulder, panting for breath, while she brought her hands up to his chest in a restraining motion.
“Lissa . . .”
The ragged, masculinely demanding way Sonny said her name thrilled her, and she fought for the strength to resist him.
All she could manage for the moment was to shake her head, but when she did, Sonny quickly raised his hand to the back of her head, entwining his fingers in her thick hair and making her raise her head to look at him. His eyes were fairly blazing a denial of her intention, and she could only stare back at him with her ambivalence reflected in her eyes.
“God, Lissa, you can’t mean it!” he grated with such frustration in his tone that Lissa flinched with the guilt she was feeling at allowing things to go so far and then trying to back off.
But Sonny didn’t interpret her flinch correctly. He thought she was reacting to the pressure he was putting on her when he’d promised he wouldn’t.
“Oh, God, Lissa, I didn’t intend . . . but if you only knew how hard this is for me . . .”
Sonny stopped speaking because inside, he was raging with thwarted desire and frustration because he didn’t know how to dispose of whatever obstacle was in the path of his own happiness, and, he was convinced, of Lissa’s. But he’d made a promise, and if temporarily denying himself what he most wanted in the world was the only way he could win Lissa Farrell completely, he’d stick to it.
Sonny drew back slightly,"and Elizabeth was so torn with conflicting desires herself, she couldn’t find anything to say and stood miserably looking down at the floor, clutching her arms around herself against the sudden chill that had enveloped her at losing contact with Sonny.
He hesitated, then bent, picked up her robe from the floor and gently put it around her shoulders.
Lissa clutched it around her, and finally found the courage to meet Sonny’s gaze, her own very vulnerable and filled with regret.
Sonny’s smile
was wryly self-mocking. “I guess I’m going to have to dredge up more willpower than I’ve just shown if I’m going to keep my promise to you,” he said, his tone slightly grim.
Lissa responded with the simple truth. “Perhaps you’re not the only one who needs more willpower, Sonny,” she said quietly. “I’m not very proud of what I just did. It wasn’t fair to you. I just . . . don’t seem to be able to behave very rationally when I’m in your arms. I’m surprised I was able to stop when I did.”
Her confession eased Sonny’s torment considerably. And as he remembered how Lissa had responded to him, and how difficult it had been for her to stop, his self-confidence began to return, along with his optimism that he was eventually going to win Lissa Farrell for his own.
“I noticed you weren’t indifferent to me,” he said softly, and he began to smile at her in a warmly teasing way that eased the tension inside Lissa.
Slowly, she began to smile back at him, and the way he was taking what had happened made her own optimism about their relationship escalate.
“I guess I’d better go home before I do something foolish again,” he said lightly, stepping back. “Come on, Lissa. Show me the door. Just don’t kick me out for good, okay?”
“Okay,” she said softly, her smile soft and encouraging.
When he had his coat on, he stepped close and cupped her face in his hands. He smiled when she lifted her mouth for the kiss she thought he wanted.
“No, I’m not going to kiss you again,” he said huskily, “I don’t dare right now. But it’s nice to see I wouldn’t be rejected if I could trust myself to stop at one kiss.”
Lissa stared at him with wide, solemn eyes, and he bent and touched his lips to her forehead, then let her go and stuffed his hands in his pockets.
“I’ll call you tomorrow, Lissa. I may have promised not to rush you, but that doesn’t mean you won’t find me on your doorstep every time you give me permission to be there.”
Instantly, Elizabeth had a vision of Sonny running into Danny, Jay, and Darla, and her expression sobered.
When she saw that her reaction hurt Sonny, however, she quickly stepped forward and slipped her arms around his waist, leaning her head on his chest for a moment.
Sonny was relieved and withdrew his hands from his pockets to hold her, taking care not to hug her as tightly as he would have preferred.
Lissa returned the hug, then stepped back. “Yes, Sonny,” she said firmly. “Call me tomorrow.”
The tension inside Sonny abated immediately, and his smile caressed her for a brief instant before he opened the door, blew her a kiss, and stepped across the threshold.
Elizabeth stood for a moment watching him walk away, before she closed the door, leaned back against it, and with her eyes closed, wondered how long she could continue to see Sonny before he and the rest of her unusual household finally ran across one another and the truth exploded in her face.
Ill manage to k$ep them apart somehow, she thought, feeling slightly depressed that she had let herself in for another long bout of evasions and half-truths when she’d thought she was through with all that.
As she settled down in bed a few minutes later, she hoped the risk she was taking for Sonny Strotherton would be worth it. Otherwise, she might not only end up with a damaged reputation in Boston’s medical community. She might also end up with a broken heart.
Chapter Eleven
Elizabeth slept restlessly for the rest of the night. She kept waking up wondering how to keep Sonny and Danny apart, and worrying about falling so much in love with Sonny that she might end up heartbroken should she come to trust him with the truth and he handled it badly.
At six o’clock the next morning, she was sitting up in bed with a scowl of tired frustration on her face. This was supposed to be the best time in her life—the time when she embarked on the training that would allow her to realize her lifelong goal of becoming a physician. But because of her brother’s musical ambitions and her would-be lover’s prejudices, she was caught in the middle of a dilemma which was making it very difficult for this to be the best time of her life!
“Damn men, anyway!” she muttered as she got up to start the day far earlier than she wanted to. “Why can’t they all be like Dad was— tolerant and loving and giving, instead of selfish, single-minded spoiled brats?”
But an instant later, she was turning the criticism back on herself. “You sacrificed for Danny, but only up to a point,” she thought ruefully. “You’re as single-minded about becoming a doctor as Danny is about music and Sonny seems to be about pursuing you. And Sonny faces the same risk of getting hurt if he falls in love with you as you do in falling in love with him. Furthermore, if he does get hurt, it will be because of your lies.”
Tell him the truth before it gets to be too late, Lissa, she told herself as she stepped into the shower. Take the risk and do it!
But it was easier to say the words than to act on them. By telling * the truth she had to worry about Sonny’s reaction and she also had to be concerned about the medical community finding out. She didn’t want to be laughed out of the profession before she even got started!
Sonny was in an excellent mood. Even Maggie’s sullen expression at breakfast couldn’t dampen it. He did make an effort to get through to her, though.
“Come here, pet,” he said when breakfast was over, and he pulled her into his lap and gave her a big hug. “Be happy for me, sweetheart,” he coaxed when her expression didn’t lighten. “I’ve been awfully lonely since we lost your mother.”
“You’ve got me,” Maggie said resentfully.
“And I love having you,” Sonny agreed. “But one day you’ll leave me and take up your own life, and—”
“So marry someone after I’m gone,” Maggie interrupted, her expression stubbornly unrelenting.
Sonny sighed and shook his head. “I can’t wait that long, Maggie,” he said quietly. “Not now that I’ve found someone I think I can love.” Maggie’s sullenness didn’t relent, and without another word, she hopped off his lap and went to get ready for school.
Shaking his head, Sonny watched her go, then went to call Elizabeth.
“Have dinner with me tonight?” he asked when he had her on the line. “I’m on call, so we might be interrupted, but I want to see you.” “All right,” Elizabeth answered softly. Hearing Sonny’s voice was enough to make her forget momentarily the problems seeing him were causing her. “Why don’t you come here?”
“I’d love to,” Sonny agreed. “Is seven o’clock all right?”
“It’s fine.”
After clearing up the last few details which would allow her to start medical school the next Monday, Elizabeth spent the rest of the day studying again, both because she felt she needed to and because she wanted to keep her mind off other, more troubling things . . . such as whether to tell Sonny the truth that night.
That evening, however, when he took her in his arms and kissed her passionately before he even had his coat off, and she responded with her own hot passion, Lissa suddenly knew she wasn’t going to tell him the truth yet. Sonny had already become too important to her to risk driving him away. Before she told him she had to be sure that he would be willing to overlook such a little thing as the fact that she’d once been the Vixen.
After two lovely evenings together Monday and Tuesday, during which Elizabeth found herself liking Sonny more and more, as well as being totally turned on by him, she was forced to make a flimsy excuse to avoid seeing him until Friday. Danny and the Foursome were due back the next day, but would leave again Friday morning.
“I’m sorry, Sonny,” she said after telling him she couldn’t see him for a few days. He was so obviously trying to conceal how disappointed he was for her sake that she was filled with guilt and selfdisgust over her choice to continue to deceive him. But she was still afraid she would lose him if she told him the truth.
But if the thought of losing him is this bad now, she thought miserably, what will i
t be like later?
Sonny was about to leave to go home, and he was trying hard to conceal his hurt over his suspicions about Lissa and another man. When he thought he had himself in hand, he drew her into his arms.
“I’ll miss you,” he said softly, holding her close. “But if I have to, I guess I can make it until Friday night.”
He kissed her then, and the jealousy that wracked him imparted a fervor to the kiss that sent shivers of delight through Elizabeth.
It was becoming increasingly hard for her to deny both of them the fulfillment of loving one another totally. But even if she was behaving badly according to her own standards in denying him the truth about her, she knew she couldn’t commit the ultimate dishonesty of sharing the sort of intimacy with him that cried out for truth and honesty beforehand . . . and trust on her part as well as his.
Though she kissed him back, Sonny sensed that she was feeling ambivalent, and his frustration and heartache grew. Finally, he had to let her go before he tried to force her to give him the complete, wholehearted response he needed so badly.
“I’d better go,” he said quietly. “It’s getting late.”
His manner tore at Elizabeth’s heart, and impulsively, she cradled his face in her hands. “One day . . . ,” she started to say, then stopped herself before she could say too much.
Sonny raised his brows inquiringly, but when Elizabeth looked away, he took a deep breath and accepted that his patience was going to have to stretch a little farther. At least, he seemed to be making some progress. She seemed to be coming to like him more and more.
Elizabeth felt both disconsolate at not being able to see Sonny for a few days, and yet hopeful that his apparent willingness to work for their relationship meant he would forgive her for not being honest with him.