by Jackie Black
He touched her freely, boldly, as though she were already his, caressing her breasts skillfully, trying to dim his ears to the tiny gasps of excitement she gave rather than let the sound push him over the brink. He ran his palm under her dress, up over her silk-sheathed legs, between her thighs, tantalizing her with tiny, glancing touches until she was trembling and writhing in his lap.
Elizabeth was beyond thought. She craved more and more, and she was soon made frantic by Sonny’s tantalizing mouth and hands, which pushed her toward a peak of excitement she’d never known before, then drifted away, frustrating her until she wanted to beg him to give her release.
At last, she heard her own voice saying the words reverberating in her mind.
“Sonny, please . . . ,” she gasped, arching under the erotic stroke of his maddening hand. “Make love to me . . . make love to me, Sonny. I can’t stand it anymore!”
Sonny was lost then. Sweat stood out on his brow, and his eyes held a flaming look as, in automatic compliance, he turned his body and placed Lissa on her back on the couch, then covered her body with his. She arched against him as he smothered her mouth and thrust his tongue deep within the sweet cavity behind it. And then, as he was about to stop kissing her and start undressing her, he felt her shuddering in a release of the tension he’d built up in her, and his sense- drugged mind accepted that he’d accomplished what he’d set out to do too well. Lissa had gone over the brink without him.
He held her until the shudders ceased, and then was dismayed when she clutched him tightly in her arms and burst into tears.
“Lissa . . . Lissa . . . ,” he tried to soothe her, his voice slurred with his own passion. “Don’t cry. It’s all right, dearest. There’s nothing to cry about.”
Elizabeth was wrung with conflicting emotions and the tears had burst out of her with a spontaneity that surprised her as much as Sonny. She felt ashamed of her lack of control earlier and now. She felt as though she’d been horribly unfair to Sonny, first begging him to make love to her, then being unable to wait and do it right. And now the aftermath of such overwhelming passion had left her feeling too empty and shaken to make things up to him or even to control her own tears.
“Lissa . . . sweet Lissa . . . ,” Sonny murmured, shifting to lie beside her and cuddle her close. “It happens, darling. You know that. Don’t feel . . .”
But Elizabeth was shaking her head. It had never happened to her before, and she didn’t feel up to explaining why it hadn’t.
Sonny gave an inner sigh, interpreting Lissa’s gesture to mean she didn’t want to talk about what had happened. He ached from head to foot, but he was aware he’d brought this particular sort of pain on himself, and there was little likelihood of getting the chance to ease it now.
So he simply held Lissa and stroked her back comfortingly and waited for her sobs to stop and his own desire to subside.
Then, with her face muffled against his neck, she said, “I’m sorry, Sonny. I’m so ashamed of myself.”
Sonny frowned and drew back slightly, trying to see her face, but she wouldn’t look at him. “God, Lissa, there’s nothing to be ashamed of!” he protested with such gentleness in his voice that Elizabeth felt even more ashamed. “What happened was perfectly normal. If any apologies are necessary, I’m the one who should make them.”
“But I should have waited!” Elizabeth wailed softly, then immediately shook her head. “No, I should have let you go home instead of insisting we come in here,” she added miserably, and buried her face in his neck again.
Sonny grimaced at this indication that Lissa still had a divided mind.
“No, Lissa,” he said quietly. “I should have remembered that a man who’s been celibate for two years hasn’t got any business testing his mettle against a woman as lovely as you. I was so determined to make you want me that I went too far and pushed you over the brink. You didn’t have a chance against what I put you through, and you don’t owe me any apologies.”
Elizabeth felt marginally better. “Really?” she asked, her voice muffled.
“Really,” Sonny assured her, smiling with somewhat rueful grimness. He drew his head back, and this time Elizabeth met his reassuring look.
“Have you really been celibate for two years?” she asked quietly. Sonny nodded calmly, and Elizabeth fell a little bit more in love with him. “I suppose that’s a contributing factor in my lack of control,” he said wryly, “though it really isn’t an excuse.”
Isn’t it? Elizabeth thought silently, thinking that two years of celibacy explained a lot about Sonny’s ambivalent attitude the night he’d come back to her dressing room. He had been attracted to her, even as the Vixen, but when she’d put on her act to drive him away, then kissed him, his body and his head had been in severe conflict.
“I’d better go, Lissa,” Sonny said, hugging her for a second before he sat up and pulled her up with him. “I think we’ll have a better time to do it right one of these days . . .” He paused, smiling at her, and added, “. . . and if I’m lucky, that time will come soon. But I want it to come when you’re ready, not because I seduced you. I want it to be right as much as you do.”
After he’d put on his coat, Sonny drew her to him and simply held her for a long moment. “Are you all right now about what happened, Lissa?” he asked quietly.
Elizabeth hesitated, then nodded. She wasn’t all right exactly, but the least she could do was reassure Sonny that she was.
“Good. Then kiss me good night and I’ll call you tomorrow and we’ll make plans to do something.” He left her with the sweetness of his kiss on her lips.
But the next day, Sonny had emergencies with two of his patients and they didn’t have a chance to see one another that day or for several days after that, because Elizabeth was caught up with medical school and had little energy for anything else.
Sonny understood. He’d been there himself. So he remained reasonably content with telephone calls for a while. But finally his patience broke and he was waiting in Elizabeth’s driveway for her when she arrived home about seven o’clock one night after having spent time in the library.
“Sonny!” she said as she got out of her car. “What’s wrong? Is Maggie all right?”
“Maggie’s fine,” Sonny drawled as he walked her to her front door, “but her father is on the verge of a collapse.”
Elizabeth looked at him in alarm. “What is it?” she asked fearfully. “Have you been working too hard? Are you sick? What . . .”
“Whoa.” Sonny held up a hand, then took the key from her fingers, opened the door, escorted her inside, then pulled her into his arms.
“It’s those damned withdrawal symptoms again,” he teased softly as he nuzzled her cheek. “I have to have some time with you or . . .”
“Sonny!” Elizabeth drew back, a mock glare on her face. “How could you worry me like that when there’s nothing wrong?!”
Sonny was pleased rather than discouraged. “Were you worried, Lissa?” he asked blandly. And before she could answer, he added, “And it’s a matter of interpretation whether anything’s wrong or not. When I can’t kiss you and hold you and see your beautiful face, something’s wrong, believe me!”
Elizabeth smiled then and as Sonny took her mouth, she discovered she’d missed him more than she’d had time to acknowledge, and she eagerly returned his kiss. So eagerly, in fact, that Sonny’s sense of humor fled, to be replaced by an upsurge of desire he could barely control.
He drew back and Elizabeth’s expression made his heart thud in his chest, it was so soft and inviting.
Then the telephone began ringing, and Sonny didn’t know whether to be glad or sorry. He didn’t know how much longer he could take the frustration he lived with day and night these days.
Elizabeth went to the kitchen to answer the phone and Sonny followed her.
“Hello?” she said into the receiver, hoping it wasn’t Danny since Sonny could hear her side of the conversation.
“Lissa,
is my Dad there?” Maggie asked excitedly.
“Why, yes, he is, Maggie. Do you need to talk to him?”
“Yes, please,” Maggie answered.
Wondering what had Maggie so excited, Elizabeth gestured at Sonny. “It’s Maggie,” she informed him as he came to take the phone. And when Sonny grimaced at the way his daughter had tracked him down, Elizabeth pressed her palm against his cheek. “Be nice,” she whispered, before handing him the phone.
“Yes, Maggie, what is it?” Sonny said.
Elizabeth didn’t listen to his side of the conversation. She was too involved in the old familiar, and most unwelcome, dilemma about what to do. Things were heating up between her and Sonny to the point where she knew she couldn’t delay telling him the truth much longer. It wasn’t fair to him. It wasn’t even fair to herself.
“Oh, hell, Maggie . . . ,” she heard Sonny say, and when she glanced over at him, she saw that he was looking grimly disgusted.
“I know I told you you could have what you wanted for your birthday, honey, but . .
Sonny fell silent as Maggie evidently chattered on, and Elizabeth’s curiosity began to surface as she saw the conflict reflected on Sonny’s face.
Finally, she saw him lift his shoulders in a gesture of fatalism, and heard him say, “All right ... all right, Maggie. I’ll do it this once. Only because it’s your birthday.”
When he hung up, Elizabeth looked at him questioningly. “Is today Maggie’s birthday?” she asked.
“No, it’s Saturday,” Sonny replied grimly, “and I’ve just promised her I’ll take her to one of those idiotic rock concerts to celebrate it.” Elizabeth felt a little chill go through her. “Oh?” she said casually. “Who is it she wants to go see?”
“The Fearsome Foursome . . . Freaky Foursome . . . some damned nonsensical name like that. All I’m really certain of is that the group’s got a lead singer named the Vixen, and Maggie’s got a crush on her for some reason that’s beyond me. The woman’s completely worthless!”
Sonny raked his hand through his hair, aware that his vehement resistance to Maggie’s desire to go to the rock concert now went beyond his fear that the group would influence his daughter negatively. He had his own reasons for not wanting to see the Vixen again. He didn’t want to be reminded that he’d actually been attracted to the woman. Now that he’d met Lissa, he felt ashamed that he’d been so foolish. Lissa was worth a thousand cheap singers like the Vixen.
Elizabeth felt frozen by Sonny’s words. “What do you mean, she’s ‘worthless’?” she asked tonelessly.
Sonny looked at her in surprise. He didn’t want to admit to Lissa that he’d met the Vixen, especially that he’d actually kissed her!
“Have you seen her?” he evaded answering directly. “All that makeup and the god-awful costumes she wears? Should I be pleased that Maggie thinks she’s wonderful?”
Elizabeth stared at him. “It’s just part of the act, Sonny,” she said quietly.
Sonny gave her an impatient look. “I don’t think so. That might be true of some singers of that type, but not her. I think she’s as cheap as she looks.”
Elizabeth felt her numbness dissolving into anger. “How can you be sure, Sonny?” she asked recklessly. “Do you know this woman?” Sonny was faced with either telling an out-and-out lie, which he didn’t want to do, or evading the question.
“What difference does it make?” He chose evasion. “I’ve promised Maggie I’ll take her, and I will, but I’d just as soon not talk about it anymore, except to ask you if you’ll come with us.”
“I can’t, Sonny,” she said flatly. “I have too much studying to do, and besides, it’s Maggie’s birthday. Let her have a good time without feeling that I’m in the way.”
Though Sonny was actually relieved that Lissa wasn’t coming with him—he hadn’t relished the thought of sitting beside her watching the Vixen and remembering what had happened between them—he was disturbed by her tone of voice. Did Maggie’s attitude hurt Lissa more than he’d realized?
“Lissa, Maggie’s bringing a couple of her girlfriends along with her, so I don’t think she’d mind if you came as well.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “I still have that studying to do,” she said, and added, “As a matter of fact, I have a lot of studying to do tonight, Sonny, so I hope you don’t mind, but I ought to get to it.” Something about Lissa’s attitude disturbed Sonny, but he decided she was merely reacting to his showing up here needing to hold and kiss her. No doubt, she was afraid if he stayed, the same thing would happen between them that had happened the last time they’d been together ... as it very well might. His control was fraying ever more rapidly.
He came to her and pulled her up into his arms, but she didn’t relax against him, and she wouldn’t meet his eyes.
“Lissa, I’m trying to be patient,” he said softly. “I really am. It’s just that . .
Lissa shook her head impatiently. She felt estranged from him, and she didn’t want to talk about what had happened the last time they’d been together. Not when he seemed almost a stranger to her right now.
“It’s all right,” she said. “I understand. But I do have to study, Sonny. I’m sorry, but I want to do my best.”
Sonny wished she would look at him, and when she didn’t, he placed his fingers under her chin and turned her face up to his.
Elizabeth forced a blank expression onto her face.
Sonny knew something was wrong, but he didn’t know what to do about it. “Lissa, I’m trying,” he repeated. It was all he could think of to say.
“I know.” Elizabeth nodded absently, then, in order to make Sonny cease his intent inspection of her face and go away, she lifted her lips to his and kissed him.
She was relieved when the kiss seemed to convince Sonny that she was all right.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said as he shrugged into his coat. “And Lissa,” he added, smiling at her warmly, “I wouldn’t want you to slack off on your studies, but if you’ll take the advice of someone who’s been there, it helps to get completely away from the books occasionally. You come back fresher.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Elizabeth nodded. “Maybe when I’m more used to all of it, I’ll be able to take things easier.”
“I’m sure you will,” Sonny agreed. Then he kissed her lightly before heading for the door. “Good night, Lissa,” he said caressingly.
“Good night, Sonny,” Elizabeth echoed his tone, but when he was gone, her expression tautened. It had hurt more than she would ever have believed possible to hear Sonny describe the Vixen as “worthless,” and his attitude hadn’t encouraged her in the least that when the time came for him to know the truth, he was going to accept it with an open mind.
And Sonny went home feeling angry and dejected, wondering if he was losing Lissa Farrell to the other man he feared existed ... a man who might not be making the same sort of mistake Sonny had the last time he’d been with her.
Chapter Thirteen
“Oh, God, Darla, no! Anytime but now!”
Darla’s voice over the phone became impatient. “Lissa, I can’t help it. They can’t stop the bleeding, and Mom’s got to have that operation right away. I’ve got to go to her. Surely you understand?”
Lissa felt trapped, but, of course, she did understand, and she felt ashamed of adding to Darla’s worries by her poor reaction to the news that she was going to have to take Darla’s place for the concert that weekend. She wouldn’t have been particularly happy about the situation at any time, but Sonny and Maggie would be going to this concert!
“I’m sorry, Darla,” she apologized sincerely. “I just wasn’t thinking. Is there anything else I can do to help? Do you have enough money?”
“Yes, Danny gave me an advance,” Darla answered, “and he wants to speak to you now, okay?”
“Yes, all right. And Darla,” she added, “I’ll be praying for you and your mother.”
“Thanks, Lissa,” Darla said
gratefully. “You’re a real friend.” Then Danny came onto the line. “We’ll be back in town Thursday night, Lissa,” he said. “Can you skip classes Friday to rehearse?”
“No, Danny,” Lissa said firmly. “I’ll rehearse with you Friday night and Saturday, and that will have to do.”
To her surprise, Danny didn’t give her any trouble about her decision. “All right, then,” he agreed. “The guys and I will rest up Friday, and we’ll get to it when you get home that evening.”
When they rang off, Elizabeth slumped in her chair, feeling exhausted. Then she realized it wasn’t really physical fatigue that was getting to her, but the emotional strain of practicing deception. She couldn’t remember ever feeling like this in her life until Danny had first asked her to help him out over a year ago and she had been torn between her loyalty to him and her fear that helping him would damage her own chances to have a successful career as a physician.
The tears with Sonny the other night should have told her something about her state of mind, but she was only now realizing how high the cost of deception could be to someone like her who found lies and subterfuge so abhorrent.
Elizabeth sat up straight, feeling disgusted with herself for her first reaction to Darla’s news. All she had thought about was that Sonny might somehow discover it was she up on the stage instead of Darla, and the disgust he had for the Vixen would then transfer to Elizabeth Farrell.
“And what if it does?” she told herself fiercely. “After I explain, if he loves me, he’ll understand and it won’t matter. If he doesn’t love me and can’t understand, there’s no future for us anyway!”
The time had come to tell Sonny the truth, and Elizabeth knew she had to do it before the concert. There was no question that Sonny’s reaction would be worse if he discovered the truth by accident rather than from her own lips.
She was nervous, but she also felt a sense of relief as she reached for the telephone to call Sonny to ask him to come over. She had planned to study, but for once, her studies could wait.