"Nope."
"Well." Her mother nodded. "I guess it was good we had this little chat." She turned her head as a knock came at the door.
Matt, Caitlyn realized with dismay. She'd hoped to get rid of her mother before Matt arrived.
"Who's that?"
"Matt."
"Your neighbor? You're going on a date with your neighbor?"
"Not a date, just dinner with some friends."
Matt rapped more impatiently this time, and Caitlyn moved over to answer the door.
She'd already felt unsettled by her mother's arrival, but seeing Matt fresh from a shower with damp hair and clean-shaven cheeks, smelling of something deliciously sexy, took the rest of her breath away. Not to mention the fact that this ruggedly handsome male was holding a baby in his arms, a baby dressed all in pink and wearing a slightly askew hair ribbon that Matt had obviously tried to attach.
A pleased smile spread across Caitlyn's face as she reached out and straightened the ribbon. "You put it on her even though you thought it was silly for her to wear a ribbon when she didn't have much hair."
"Well, you liked it," he said huskily. "And this is her first evening out."
"She's beautiful."
"So are you." Matt's gaze shifted as he looked past Caitlyn. "Oh. I didn't realize your mother was here. Hello, Mrs. Devereaux."
"Hello, Matt. Please call me Marilyn."
"Marilyn," he acknowledged.
A silence fell between them -- an awkward silence, Caitlyn thought.
"I can wait for you," Matt said. "Just knock on my door when you're ready."
"I'm ready now."
"Yes, she's ready." Marilyn moved close enough to Matt to stroke Emily's head. "Where did you say her mother is?"
"Uh, my sister had to go away for a few days."
"I hope your sister doesn't suffer for her absence. Children have a way of blaming their parents for everything that goes wrong in their life." Marilyn looked back at Caitlyn. "You may have thought I didn't need you in my life or want you there because you weren't perfect. Strangely enough, I've felt the same way." She let the words sink in for a moment, then said, "But no matter what you think, Caitlyn, I do love you, and that will never change."
Caitlyn felt a suspicious moisture in her eyes as she watched her mother say good-bye to Matt and walk down the hall. She wanted to say something back, but the words wouldn't quite come.
"It's not too late," Matt said. "You can catch her at the elevator."
Caitlyn debated, then shook her head. "Not tonight."
"Did you tell her--”
"Not that. But other stuff." She drew in a breath and forced a smile on her face. "Let's go to dinner."
"Did I tell you that you look incredibly sexy tonight?"
"You mentioned something about beautiful, but I don't think I heard sexy."
"Sexy and beautiful. By the way, don't be surprised if my friends try to do some matchmaking. Like your parents, they'd love to see me happily attached to a woman."
Caitlyn was beginning to think she'd like to see the same thing -- but not just attached to any woman, attached to her.
* * *
Jonathan couldn't believe Sarah had left him without a word of good-bye. He'd quizzed Pauline like a prosecuting attorney, knowing he was completely over the top by the astonished expression on her face. But he couldn't stop the feeling that in losing Sarah he was losing a precious piece of himself that he might not ever be able to get back.
He'd spent the afternoon looking for Sarah instead of considering his probable transfer and the closing of the church. Now it was almost seven, getting dark, and he was sitting in the living room of a house that felt as cold as his heart. Why couldn't he hang on to things? Why couldn't he make people do what he wanted them to do? Why couldn't he find the right impassioned words to persuade?
His gaze drifted to the photograph on the mantel, his mother and father on their wedding day. It was a photo no one had wanted but him.
His mother had left his father just after Jonathan's thirteenth birthday, saying she couldn't come in second to God for the rest of her life. And since Jonathan was almost a teenager, she thought it was best if he lived with his father and visited her on the weekends. He'd wanted to protest, but his father had agreed with the arrangement, and Jonathan hadn't found the words to persuade them to do otherwise.
Now he was losing the church he'd come to love because everyone thought it would be better for him to go somewhere else. And if he didn't speak up, if he didn't say no, he'd be in the South Bay in less than a month, leaving this neighborhood and the friends he'd made here without a church, without a minister, and maybe without a friend. But was he strong enough to fight for the church he served? Could he find the right argument to convince the board that the church needed to stay open?
And Sarah... where had she gone? Why had she left when he'd asked her to wait?
He didn't know why he felt so strongly about this woman. Well, maybe he did. Maybe he saw in her a little bit of himself, a lack of confidence, a big heart, but the uncertainty of how to use that heart. He looked to the ceiling and prayed. "Lord, I could use some help here. How can I help Sarah if I can't keep her close to me?" He paused. "Maybe I'm not meant to help her. Is that it? Has she come into my life for some other reason?"
Not even God seemed to be speaking to him these days, Jonathan thought with a depression that weighed heavy on his heart. But then the Lord probably didn't have much patience for self-pity, and neither did Jonathan. He was acting like he had to save the church himself, and all by himself. It occurred to him that that wasn't the way it was meant to be. The only way to save the church was for the people of the community to do it, and he hadn't asked them. The answer was suddenly glaringly clear, so loud in his head he wondered if someone else had spoken, a greater voice perhaps, he thought, directing another glance at the ceiling. "Thanks," he muttered.
Jonathan got up and reached for the telephone. Maybe he couldn't inspire a crowd, but he could influence people one by one. He dialed the number of Martina Petrovka, one of the few loyal churchgoers they had.
"Hello, Martina," he said when he heard her distinctively accented voice on the other end of the phone. "I need a favor."
"Whatever you need, Reverend Mitchell."
"I need you to call everyone you know," he began, his voice growing in fervor with each passing word, until Martina was almost as excited by the challenge as he was himself. He only had two weeks to turn things around. Well, the Lord had created the world in seven days. Surely he could save one small piece of that world in the next fourteen.
The doorbell rang through the house, lighting another spark of hope in his heart. He opened the door and breathed out the name that had been on his lips all day. "Sarah."
"Jonathan," she said, calling him by his first name. They were suddenly no longer minister and supplicant, they were man and woman.
* * *
Caitlyn had never been so aware of a man's touch than on this night. It had begun with Matt's hand on the small of her back as he ushered her into the Sterns' home, then the brushes of their hands as he took Emily out of her arms, the reassuring caress of his fingers on her thigh as they sat next to each other at the dinner table.
Every time he touched her, a foolish little tingle ran down her spine. She couldn't stop her pulse from speeding up when he smiled at her, couldn't keep her heart from skipping a beat when he laughed or smiled. She just hoped no one else was noticing.
"Caitlyn?"
She started, suddenly aware that everyone at the dinner table was looking at her. So much for going unnoticed. "Did I miss something?"
"You aren't eating your dessert," Jackie said. "Is it all right?"
"It's fine. I was just thinking about..." Caitlyn darted a quick glance at Matt, who had a little smile teasing the edge of his mouth, and it occurred to her that all those innocent touches might have been deliberate. "I was just thinking about the beautiful china in you
r cabinet," she prevaricated.
"It was my mother's," Jackie replied. "She gave the entire set to David and me when we married. Part of that 'something old' tradition. She said she was more than happy to turn over the family dinners to me, and I might as well have the plates, too."
"They're beautiful. And I like that they're passed down. It makes the setting more special."
"Oh, I agree. You must know a lot about weddings, Caitlyn. I bet you'll have a spectacular one when you get married."
Caitlyn shrugged, seeing Jackie and David exchange a conspiratorial look.
"That's the problem with married people," Matt broke in. "They want everyone else to get married so they can share their misery, I mean happiness."
"Very funny." Jackie made a face at him. "Marriage does not equal misery. David and I are blissfully happy. Aren't we?"
"Uh, yeah," David said, sending her an annoyed look. "That is my leg you're kicking, in case you hadn't noticed."
"Of course it's your leg. Tell Matt how happy you are."
Matt laughed. "Don't bother. It's written all over your face, buddy."
"I am happy." David smiled tenderly at his wife. "I never thought I could be this happy. Even though I take a lot of bruises on my shin when we have dinner guests."
Jackie leaned across the table to kiss him. "I'll make it up to you later."
"The best part of marital fights," David said with a wink in Matt's direction.
"I'll let you in on a little secret. You don't have to get married to have sex," Matt said dryly. "Despite what they told us in gym class."
Caitlyn picked up her spoon and took a bite of her dessert as the conversation flowed around her. The confection of chocolate mousse and whipped cream slid down her throat in heavenly delight. "This is fantastic."
"A recipe from my mother," Jackie said. "I'm glad you like it."
"I love it."
"So do I. I've been eating far too much of it the past nine months." She rested her hand on her pregnant belly. "The only good thing is I have a little table now to catch all the crumbs that drop from my mouth."
Caitlyn stared at Jackie's stomach, and a gnawing ache developed in her own abdomen. Why couldn't she have lost the urge to have kids along with the ability to do so?
"So, how do you like those Giants?" Matt asked, changing the subject with a deliberation that did not fool Caitlyn for one second. A pleasing warmth spread through her as she realized he'd seen her discomfort and acted on it without her even asking. That was the difference between Matt and Brian. Brian needed a book to figure her out. All Matt had to do was look at her.
"We are not talking sports," Jackie interrupted. "This is a dinner party. Do you want to hear the names we've picked out for our baby?"
"Oh, honey, they don't want to hear that," David protested.
"Abigail if it's a girl and Matthew if it's a boy," Jackie said.
Matt looked stunned. "You're naming your kid after me?"
"It's not after you. It's after, uh, it's after David's Uncle Matt," Jackie said haltingly, correctly interpreting a pointed look from her husband.
"It's just a coincidence," David said.
Matt didn't look like he believed either one of them, and Caitlyn couldn't blame him. They were pathetically transparent.
"How did the three of you meet?" Caitlyn asked, deciding it was time to save Matt from a little discomfort.
"I saved Matt's life," David replied.
"Correction, I saved his life," Matt said.
Caitlyn looked to Jackie, who groaned. "This could go on for the next three hours, trust me. The short version is they met in a bar. Someone insulted a woman. Matt took a swing at the guy. The guy took a swing at Matt and hit David by accident."
"I swung back just in time to save Matt from getting his head bashed in," David added.
"Then I saved him by throwing the guy over the bar."
"And they became best friends," Jackie finished. "Actually, they found out they were both journalists, and David got Matt a job at the paper, and the rest is history."
"Except Matt almost got me fired from that job by refusing to reveal a source," David said grumpily. "Come to think of it, you've caused me nothing but trouble."
"You love trouble."
"That's true," David agreed, a smile breaking across his face. "All I can say, Caitlyn, is that Matt is the kind of guy who can give you a tremendous migraine headache, but when you need someone to back you up, there's no one better."
"Thanks, I think," Matt replied dryly.
Caitlyn smiled. "Believe me, I've already had to replenish my aspirin supply since Matt knocked on my door last Friday."
"Not to mention earplugs," Matt added just as Emily let out a scream of distress. "Speak of the devil--”
"She's not a devil, she's a baby." Caitlyn rescued Emily from a blanket they'd spread on the floor so she could kick and stretch out of the confines of her car seat. "She's wet."
"Of course she is. She drinks like a sailor on three-day leave," Matt said.
"Can I change her?" Jackie asked. "In fact, can David and I do it? We need the practice."
"Speak for yourself," David said, but he got up and obediently followed his wife out of the room.
Caitlyn sat down next to Matt and eyed her dessert plate suspiciously. "Did you take a bite?"
"No way." A tiny spot of chocolate on his top lip made a lie out of his words.
She put her finger to the corner of his mouth and wiped it off and held it up for him to see the evidence. "Really?"
"You got me." Then he grabbed her by the wrist and raised her finger to his mouth so he could lick off the chocolate.
Caitlyn caught her breath as a jolt of desire swept through her. His tongue caressed her finger as he sucked it between his lips in a movement so highly erotic she felt the heat rise through her body, every nerve ending on fire, and the last thing she wanted was to put out that fire. No, she wanted to add another log and take the flames even higher.
"I -- I think it's gone." She forced herself to pull away.
Matt's eyes had darkened to a dangerous black. "You taste better than the chocolate."
She swallowed, unused to seeing such naked lust in a man's expression. "Oh, Matt, what are we doing?"
"It's what we're not doing that's bothering me. Do you want to go home with me?"
"Well, you did drive," she said, striving for lightness.
"That's not what I meant, and you know it."
"Do you think it's a good idea?"
"Probably not," he admitted, sneaking a kiss on the corner of her mouth, then another on the other corner, finally sliding over to take her in a full, open-mouth kiss that sent what little doubt was left right out of her head. "I want you," he added with the honesty that was so much a part of him.
"You're not supposed to say things like that," she said somewhat breathlessly.
"Why not? Because the words scare you? Because you can't run and hide from them?"
"Well, technically, I could run and hide, but..."
"But you can't make yourself move. I know the feeling, Caitlyn. It washes over me every time I see you."
"It's crazy. A few days ago we didn't know each other. Now we're spending every second together. For a man who didn't even want to know his neighbor's name, your attitude has certainly changed."
"We've gone way past being neighbors, Caitlyn."
"What happens when it's over? Will we be able to just pass each other in the hall again, say an occasional hello?"
"I don't know. At the moment, I'm not thinking much past unzipping your dress and seeing if your breasts taste as good as your finger."
Her jaw dropped open. She'd never had a man state his intentions so boldly. And she couldn't believe how much she liked it, how turned on she was by a sentence. They weren't even touching, and she was going up in flames.
She cleared her throat, trying to gather her wits about her. "Most people say those kinds of things with the lights out."
"I can turn out the lights, but it won't change how I feel -- or how I could make you feel."
Caitlyn looked into his eyes and saw his promise. "I don't know what to say."
"Just tell me what you want."
"Do I have to?" she whispered. "Or do you already know?"
Chapter Fifteen
"What do you want from me?" Sarah asked Jonathan as she stood in the middle of his living room. She didn't know why she kept coming back, why her feet couldn't seem to move in any other direction than toward him. Who was this man and why couldn't she seem to let go? She'd tried to walk away all afternoon, following the woman in the straw hat halfway across town, then losing her just around the corner from Matt's apartment. It was odd how the woman had taken her there, almost as if she'd known that's where Sarah needed to go.
She'd lingered in front of Matt's building, catching a bittersweet glance of Matt kissing Emily on the cheek as he'd taken her out of his car. Emily hadn't been crying. She'd been happy, happier than Sarah ever remembered her being.
She'd done the right thing leaving Emily with Matt. Her baby was in good hands, healthy, happy. Sarah could leave now with a clean conscience. Only she couldn't leave. Because seeing Emily again had only made the terrible ache in her soul turn into a sharp, stabbing pain.
She'd wanted to run up to Matt and take Emily out of his arms and promise she'd never leave her again. But she'd waited too long, and he'd gone inside the building. She'd lost her nerve then, imagining what she could possibly say. Hi, how are you? How have you been for the last thirteen years? You don't mind that I dropped my baby off without even asking, do you?
How ridiculous would that have sounded? It would have sounded crazy -- crazy like their mother. Matt would have taken one look at her and seen the resemblance. And then what would she have done? And maybe Matt would think Emily would go crazy, too. But her baby wouldn't, because she wouldn't grow up the way they had. She'd have a better life -- a life with Matt.
"Sarah?"
It was a moment before Sarah realized that Jonathan was talking to her. "What?"
"You asked what I wanted from you. The answer is nothing."
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