"Are you all right?" she asked.
"I'm fine. I'm in Sacramento. I found the hair salon where Sarah used to work."
"Did they give you any more information?"
"Not really." He hesitated, not sure why he felt compelled to confide in her. He'd carried stories of huge ramifications in his head for days, weeks, months without needing to share. "There was a fire next door to the shop," he blurted out. "The day Sarah left. She never came back."
"What kind of a fire?" Caitlyn asked quietly.
"It was in a doughnut shop. It had nothing to do with Sarah."
"Of course not. A kitchen fire could happen anywhere, Matt."
"Yeah. I think I just wanted you to tell me that. I want to believe in her, Caitlyn. I want to believe in the sweet little girl whose image I carry around in my head."
"You should. Innocent until proven guilty, remember?"
"I'm trying. I just don't like the way the puzzle pieces are coming together. The way people talk about Sarah, it makes me remember how they used to talk about my mother."
"Sarah isn't your mother."
"Maybe she is." He hated to say that, hated to even think it, but he couldn't stop himself.
"Don't say that, Matt. You have to keep the faith, for Emily's sake if not your own. How is she, by the way?"
"Fine. She's drinking a bottle and kicking her feet in the air. Oh, great. Now she's dribbling formula down the side of her neck." He reached out with his sleeve and tried to wipe it off. Matt could hear Caitlyn laughing on the other end of the line. "It's not funny," he told her.
"Yes it is. You are so cute with her." She paused. "I better get back to work. Jolie is giving me the evil eye."
"Can I knock on your door later? I might need to borrow a cup of sugar."
"I've got plenty of sugar for you, sugar," she said with a laugh. "Bye now."
Matt smiled to himself as he ended the call. He felt better already and even more determined to find Sarah. With that thought, he punched in a second number.
"I've got another job for you," he said briskly when Blake answered. "I want you to see what you can find on Kathleen Vaughn Winters. That's right, Kathleen, my mother." It felt strange to say the word mother. He hadn't said it in a long time, hadn't felt the need of a mother or the love for a mother. But now... now he was thinking about her again, wondering if the answer to Sarah's disappearance could somehow be tied to his mother.
"You told me you didn't care where your mother was," Blake reminded him.
"I've changed my mind. She's the only other link I have to Sarah. It's probably a long shot, but see if you can find anything on her. Oh, and by the way, start checking the hair salons in San Francisco. Sarah used to work as a shampoo girl. She might be doing that now."
"I'm on it."
Matt closed the phone and turned to Emily. "Ready to go home, kid?"
Emily gave him a sloppy smile. Matt took a moment to pick her up and burp her, then set her back in the car seat with an efficiency he'd never dreamed he'd own. Just went to show you could never say never.
Chapter Eighteen
Caitlyn flung open her apartment door later that afternoon as Matt came down the hall. "You're finally back. It's about time." She grabbed his arm, dragging both him and Emily into her apartment. "What took you so long? You called me hours ago."
"I stopped at the paper," Matt explained with a quizzical look in his eye. "Has something happened?"
Caitlyn took the car seat out of his hands, planted a quick kiss on Emily's cheek, then set the seat on the floor and backed Matt up against the door. "Yes, something happened." She smiled helplessly at him. "I missed you." She pressed her hands against his chest and stood on tiptoe to kiss him, a hungry, yearning kiss that couldn't even begin to tell him how much she'd missed him.
Matt slid his arms around her and pulled her up tightly against him, devouring her mouth with the demanding intensity she'd come to expect from him. He wasn't a man to do anything halfway, especially when it came to kissing a woman.
"Better?" he asked her a few minutes later.
"Slightly," she said breathlessly.
"Give me another chance?"
She'd have given him a dozen if Emily hadn't started to whimper. Caitlyn looked over her shoulder to see Emily's mouth puckered up in dismay. "I think she's jealous."
Matt laughed. "I think she stinks. I didn't want to change her in my car," Matt said, rescuing Emily from her car seat. He held her out with a grimace. "You want to take over?"
"And ruin the bonding I see between you two -- not on your life." But she did follow him across the hall to his apartment and stood by while he changed Emily. When he was done, he sat back on the couch and rubbed his hand over Emily's bare stomach, bringing a coo of delight.
Caitlyn could hardly blame her. The man had magic hands. But that was another matter. Right now, despite his earlier enthusiastic response to her kiss, he seemed a bit distracted. "Did you find out something more?"
"Not really."
"You don't sound sure."
He shrugged. "Probably just another coincidence."
"What is another coincidence?"
"When I was at the paper David was following up on a suspected arson fire in an apartment building in the Tenderloin. A woman was seen leaving the scene."
Caitlyn frowned. "What are you trying to tell me, Matt? Do you think Sarah is setting fires all over the city?"
"I didn't want to say that out loud."
"But that's what you think?"
He ran a hand through his hair. "How can I think that? It's crazy. I've never been one to believe in coincidence."
"Maybe you need more information about the fire to assure yourself that it has nothing to do with Sarah."
"Maybe," he conceded. He picked Emily up and set her on a blanket on the floor. Then he got up and walked over to the window. "I hate this, Caitlyn. I hate not knowing. I hate not having control over when and if Sarah comes back for Emily."
"I know." She walked up behind him and slid her arms around his waist, resting her head on his back as she held him against her. She wished she could fix this for him. And the thought startled her. She'd never been the fixer, just the fixee, yet here she was...
"Thanks for not saying everything will be fine. I hate platitudes that don't mean anything," he said.
"Me, too." And she simply held him tighter, happy that he was letting her into his life, not just into his bed. She knew she wouldn't be satisfied with anything less. Although she couldn't tell him that. Theirs was supposed to be a casual relationship. So why couldn't she feel casual about him?
Even now their embrace was changing from comforting to caressing, the air between them tingling with a sense of anticipation as Matt turned around, bringing her up hard against his chest.
"I just got a shock off you," he murmured.
"You shouldn't rub your feet on the carpet."
"I didn't get it from my feet but from your breasts. I want to feel them against my skin without anything between us."
Caitlyn swallowed hard at that piece of information. "It's five o'clock in the evening."
"So?"
"It's still light out."
"It is," he agreed, holding her slightly away so he could look at her. "I want to see you in the light, Caitlyn. I want to watch your eyes when we come together, when you can't take it anymore."
"You're really good at this foreplay stuff."
"I'm not even touching you yet."
"And you don't have to," she whispered. "The way you talk, it makes me feel like..."
"Like what?"
"Like taking all my clothes off," she confessed.
"I'll help you."
Her heart leapt against her chest as she wondered if she really had the nerve to do this. "Uh, Emily," she said, suddenly remembering that they weren't exactly alone.
They turned in unison to look at the baby.
"Asleep," Matt said in triumph, a wicked light coming into his eyes
. "Sometimes, the kid has good timing."
"If we do it again, it won't be a one-night stand," she warned him. "Have you considered that?"
"I never thought it was a one-night stand," he replied on a more serious note. "And neither did you."
There was no humor between them now, only a quiet, purposeful passion.
"All I could think about today was you," Caitlyn said. "It's never been so fast for me before."
"Hey, wait a second," he said in mock outrage.
She grinned. "I didn't mean that. I meant us, falling into bed together, and not just making love, but sharing so much of ourselves. You know more about me than people I've known my whole life."
"And you know more about me. But I think we should stop talking and start..." He finished his words with a kiss that made Caitlyn understand the expression "swept away." She was caught up in the texture and taste of his mouth, the feel of his hands, the beauty of his male strength and hard body against her softness. He made her feel beautiful, feminine, and wanted -- unconditionally. There were no pretenses, just a naked longing that was as honest an emotion as she had ever felt. This time she was the one to take his hand and lead him into the bedroom.
They made short work of their clothes, stripping each other with smiles of delight and groans of pleasure as their hands roamed without restriction.
"You are such a beautiful man," she told him, running her hands along the muscles of his chest.
"These are beautiful," he replied, cupping her breasts with his hands, molding the tender globes with his fingers. "And this is a beautiful mouth." He traced her lips with the tip of his tongue as his hands slid downward. "And this is a beautiful--”
"Sh-sh," she whispered, taking possession of his mouth. "Make love to me, Matt." And together they sank into the soft mattress, their bodies merging so completely that Caitlyn had a feeling she'd lost herself somewhere in him.
* * *
A while later Matt heard Emily stirring and knew that they couldn't spend the next few hours in bed as he would have liked. Although he doubted a few more hours with Caitlyn would be enough. He needed days, weeks, months, even years.
It surprised him to want to be with someone that often. He'd always guarded his privacy. Letting anyone in had been dangerous in the early years and unacceptable in the latter. But Emily's arrival had opened up the gates to his past, and the walls he'd been building for more than a decade were slowly crumbling.
He had two females to thank for that, Caitlyn and Emily. Maybe he should add Sarah, too. For if she hadn't left her baby with him, none of this would have happened. Caitlyn would have stayed on her side of the hallway.
But she wasn't across the hall, she was lying next to him, in what he was already learning was her favorite position, one arm and one leg over his body, as if she would keep him close even in sleep. Some men might have seen it as needy, as too much, but he liked it. No one had ever wanted to keep him close, to protect him while he slept. But this small, feminine woman had more heart than most. Maybe too much heart.
He knew she was crazy about Emily. And he was beginning to realize how hard it would be for her to let Emily go.
Maybe she wouldn't have to let Emily go.
The thought hit him over the head like a sledgehammer. He hadn't wanted to consider the possibility that Sarah wouldn't return. But what if she didn't? What if he had to raise Emily?
Maybe he wouldn't have to let Caitlyn go either.
Whoa! He couldn't start thinking that way. A couple of nights of sex was a long way from a long-term relationship. And sure he wanted a family someday, but now? He wasn't ready. At least he hadn't thought he was ready. Things were changing. He was changing.
Emily gave a little cry from the living room, disrupting his thoughts. It was her waking-up cry, Matt realized. He was beginning to be able to distinguish between waking up, being wet, and wanting food. Another sign that he was no longer the same man who knew every score of every sports game being played but one who was listening for the fine nuances of a baby's cry.
"Is she awake?" Caitlyn murmured, stirring beside him.
"I think so."
"I'll get her." She sat up, a chill hitting his body as she got out of bed.
He would have argued, but the view was just too good to pass up. Caitlyn tried shyly to hide her nakedness as she slipped on her black pants and rose-colored sweater, but her quick movements only made him smile. He'd already traced every inch of her body with his tongue. They were hardly strangers. Caitlyn's lack of casualness reminded him that in many ways she was such an innocent. He should be protecting her -- protecting her from himself.
But protection was the last thing on his mind as he watched her hair flow past her shoulders, wild and tangled from his fingers. When she looked back at him, her brown eyes were bright, her face still flushed from their lovemaking.
"You're staring," she told him.
"No judge on this earth would convict me. Come back to bed."
"Later," she said with a laugh. "Emily waits for no man."
Matt lay back and stared at the ceiling after she left the room. He could hear her talking to Emily, and he thought how much he liked this moment, this sense of satisfaction, this feeling of peace that everything was as it should be.
They were becoming a family, the three of them. He couldn't deny it. He was falling in love -- with Caitlyn, with Emily, with the idea of being the man in their lives.
"Matt?" Caitlyn called to him, then appeared in the doorway with Emily in her arms. "Someone is knocking on my door. Could you get Emily a bottle while I answer it?"
He was already out of bed and putting on his jeans by the time she finished speaking. Throwing on his T-shirt, he took Emily out of Caitlyn's arms while she went across the hall. He heard her talking to someone through the half-open door. Their voices grew louder, then the sound of music followed.
After grabbing a bottle for Emily, he walked out to the hall to find a young man, with a bouquet of red carnations in one hand, singing to Caitlyn.
"Forgive me, Cait, for making you wait, I love you true, so don't make me blue. I'll be by soon, near the end of this tune."
Caitlyn looked at Matt with amazement and embarrassment in her eyes. "He won't stop."
"Hey, buddy," Matt said. "What's this all about?"
The man got to his feet and handed Caitlyn the enormous bouquet of flowers and a card. "Have a nice day."
Caitlyn opened the card. " 'Chapter three said don't forget to send presents to show how much you care. I still love you, Caitlyn. Call me, Brian,' " she read aloud.
"Chapter three?" Matt asked.
"He's reading a book so he can figure me out."
"He should have saved his money. No one is going to figure you out by reading a book."
She raised an eyebrow. "Is that a compliment or an insult?"
He laughed. "It's a compliment. You're one of a kind."
She didn't smile. "What am I going to do? I think he's on his way over."
Matt didn't like her question or the note of indecision in her voice. What was there to do but call Brian and tell him she wasn't interested any more, that she loved. .. okay, maybe not loved, but liked, or at the very least was having sex with, someone else.
"What do you want to do?" he asked somewhat tersely.
"I don't know."
"Well, hell, if you don't know..." He stalked back into his apartment.
She followed him into the room. "What is your problem?"
"I don't have a problem. You're the one who has a problem."
"You're mad."
"I'm fine. I'm just going to give Emily her bottle and turn on the ball game. You can do whatever you want." Matt sat down on the couch with Emily in his arms and flipped on the television. He wanted Caitlyn to sit down next to him, preferably after she dumped Brian's flowers into the trash. He wanted her to put her head on his shoulder and play with Emily's toes while the baby drank her bottle. He wanted them to be as close as they
'd been fifteen minutes ago. He wanted Brian out of her life.
Caitlyn kept turning the flowers around and around in her hand. "I need to call Brian, stop him from coming."
"Sure, fine, whatever." He turned the volume up louder.
"Don't you want to know what I'm going to say to him?"
"Not particularly."
"Can I come back?" Caitlyn asked.
"Do what you want." He banged his head against the couch after she left. What an idiot he was. What if she didn't want to come back? Shit! What would he do then?
* * *
Caitlyn entered her apartment and immediately picked up the phone, but she didn't dial right away; she was still thinking about Matt. Was he jealous? Upset that she hadn't tossed Brian's flowers away? Was that why he'd acted like such a jerk? Didn't he know it was so much more complicated than just throwing some flowers in the trash?
She didn't want to hurt Brian. He was trying so hard to make things right, and there was something endearing about his efforts. For a man who had devoted himself completely to his intellectual pursuits, it was somewhat gratifying to Caitlyn to have Brian suddenly devoting himself to her. She knew deep down, however, that it was too little, too late. But she did owe Brian something; she owed him the truth.
Before she could dial, there was a knock at her door. Brian. She took a deep breath and opened it.
He tipped his head toward the phone in her hand. "Were you calling me?" Brian asked with a hopeful smile.
"As a matter of fact, I was."
"I told you I was on my way. I have this feeling that if I don't get you back now, I won't get you back at all."
"You better come in." She stepped aside so he could enter her apartment. "Do you want to sit down?"
"I was thinking I might kneel."
"Brian--”
"Wait, before you say anything." He pulled a small velvet box out of his pocket. "This is for you."
She knew what it was; she knew exactly what it was. And she didn't want it. Couldn't take it. "I can't."
"Please," he said. "Just open it."
After a moment, she took the box out of his hand and opened it. She expected to see the ring she'd given back to him eighteen months ago, but this one was different. The other ring had been an old-fashioned setting for an old-fashioned girl. This diamond was at least two carats, a square blunt cut, a setting that emphasized how large the diamond was. It was modern, sophisticated, expensive, and just as wrong as the other one had been.
Some Kind of Wonderful Page 23