Sighing, she picked up her latest People’s Friend, but the fortunes of the heroines grew less and less interesting to her, and she came to the conclusion that she was more tired than she had thought. Laying the magazine down on the floor, she pulled the pouffe towards her with her feet and lay back, closing her eyes to ease the strain of sewing so much. Not that she should complain about that – if she had no sewing to do, she would go bankrupt. As it was, her trade was flourishing, and David would be astonished if he knew how good a businesswoman she had turned out to be.
David. Why couldn’t she just forget him? It would make her nights much easier, for she often lay awake thinking about him and wondering what he had been doing during the day. She loved him as much as ever ... more than ever. How was he coping, having to look after himself? Of course, Laura would be going home on her times off duty – she had no quarrel with her father – and she would make sure he was eating properly.
Elspeth had hoped, when she first came to Edinburgh, that she might run into her daughter some day, but it was such a big city, and Turnhouse was so far out, that there was little likelihood of their ever meeting by chance. She had no worries about Laura, in any case. The girl’s head was screwed on firmly, and once she recovered from the initial shock she would have bounced back from the despair and anger that had consumed her that fateful evening.
If only she knew how they were. She longed to see them again, and hear their dear voices, even if it was only Laura’s reprimanding ‘Mum’. She could almost hear it now.
‘Mum, it’s Laura!’ She knew she was imagining it, but it was so real. ‘Wake up, Mum!’ The hand shaking her shoulder made her struggle to open her eyes, but they were still glazed with sleep as she looked up at the WAAF with auburn curls framing an anxious face. ‘Laura? I’m not dreaming?’
‘It’s really me. Oh, Mum!’ Laura sank to her knees and flung her arms round her mother’s legs, sobbing with happiness, and Elspeth, also weeping, touched her daughter’s forehead as if to make certain that she was actually flesh and bone.
After a while, Laura looked up and said, shakily, ‘I rang the bell, then I tried the door and it wasn’t locked, so ... oh, I’m glad I found you. How are you, Mum?’
Elspeth swung her feet to the floor. ‘I’m fine. I’m so happy, I don’t know if I’m on my head or my heels.’
‘You’re on your bottom.’
Laughter verging on the hysterical, they clung to each other, cheeks together, tears mingling, until Laura sobered and sat down on the pouffe. ‘I want you to know how sorry I am for the horrible things I said to you that night, and I’m ashamed it’s taken me so long to ...’
‘Don’t say anything else, I’m just glad you’re here. I can still hardly believe it.’
‘But I have to explain, Mum. I was angry at you for three years, and it took Margaret Watson to sort me out.’
‘Donald’s wife? But how did ...?’
‘It’s a long story. On my last leave ...’ She went over it meticulously, leaving nothing out, ‘... and the night Fridjof and I discovered we loved each other, we slept together.’ She glanced up, expecting to see a frown of disapproval, but Elspeth was smiling sadly. ‘I’m not angry or shocked. What right have I to sit in judgement on you after what I did?’
‘When you’re young and in love, it just happens, doesn’t it?’ Laura carried on to tell how she had come to visit the Watsons in Hull.
‘They’d been surprised to see you.’
‘They were, but Margaret made me understand about a lot of things, especially how unfair I’d been to you, and I wrote to Dad when I went back, asking if I could go to see him.’
‘Had you never been home before that?’
‘No, I hadn’t. He told me he was going to walk out too, you see, and I didn’t know he’d ... I didn’t know he was on his own till Margaret told me.’
‘How is your father?’
‘He’s quite well, and dying to see you again.’
‘After what he said, I didn’t think he’d ever want to see me again.’
‘Dad and I both said things we didn’t mean. I’ll take you to him tonight, and everything’ll be all right again.’
Elspeth’s joy faded after a few seconds. It was all too incredible to take in and she needed time. She couldn’t make up her mind about this at the drop of a hat. She wanted to see David again – she was desperate to see him again – but how could they live together as they’d done before when the repugnant memory of their quarrel would always be between them? ‘I can’t leave Meg.’ It was the only thing she could think of to give her breathing space.
‘Who’s Meg?’
‘John Forrest’s mother. She took me in after ...’
‘Oh, Mum!’ Laura looked accusing. ‘You didn’t go to her? Couldn’t you have got help from somebody else?’
‘I didn’t go to her for help.’ Elspeth was saddened by her daughter’s impetuous reproof. ‘I thought she should know about ... her grandson.’ Her eyes pleaded with her daughter for understanding.
Laura’s face became thoughtful. ‘What did you mean to do after that? Where had you planned to go?’
‘I hadn’t planned anything. I was living from minute to minute, and praying I’d find a way out of the mess ... wishing I was dead, sometimes.’
‘I can understand that – I was the same myself.’
Elspeth nodded. ‘Anyway, Meg took it out of my hands. Her man had died a few days before, and she was going to sell up Blairton and come to Edinburgh. She asked me to go with her, and I’d nowhere else to go, so I said I would.’
‘But she won’t expect you to stay here now?’
‘There’s the shop to consider, as well.’
‘Give it up.’ Laura felt quite irritated. ‘Good God, I thought Dad would have been more important to you.’
‘He is, but ...’ Elspeth knew that the problem didn’t really lie with the shop, nor with Meg, though she didn’t relish the idea of leaving her. ‘I’ve got to have time.’
Her face showing deep disappointment, Laura said, ‘Well, that’s that, I suppose, and I’ll have to go soon, because Dad’s expecting me back tonight. What’ll I tell him?’
‘Just tell him I have to think things over. You’ll surely have time for a cup of tea?’
‘Yes, please, and maybe a sandwich? I’ve had nothing to eat since I left Porthills early this morning.’
Grilling the bacon ration meant for Sunday’s breakfast, and spreading margarine on four slices of bread, Elspeth listened while Laura told her more about her Norwegian. ‘He asked me to marry him, and we’ll be arranging the wedding when he comes to Aberdeen in January,’ the girl said, as her mother handed her the plate of sandwiches. ‘I hope you’re happy for me, Mum?’
‘Of course I’m happy for you.’ Elspeth didn’t know how she felt about having a foreigner as a son-in-law, but she was very pleased that her daughter had got over her love for John Watson. ‘Will Fridjof look for a job in Aberdeen after the war?’
‘Oh no, I’ll be going to Norway with him.’ She explained about his father’s sawmill, then added something which she hadn’t said to her friends, nor to her father. ‘Of course, he doesn’t know if his father’s still alive, or if the sawmill’s been burned down by the Nazis, but he wants to go home, and I’d go to the ends of the earth with him, I love him so much.’
‘Yes,’ Elspeth smiled, ‘I can see you’ve got it bad ... no, I didn’t mean to laugh about it. I can see how deeply you love him, and I hope you’ll always be happy.’
‘Oh, I will,’ Laura breathed. ‘I just know I will.’
Elspeth would have liked to find out how her son was, but couldn’t bring herself to ask, in case it upset the girl. ‘I wish you could have met Meg, she’s been a really good friend to me.’
‘I could invite her to the wedding,’ Laura offered.
‘Oh, she’d like that.’
When the plate was empty, Laura stood up. ‘Thanks for the sandwiches, Mum, but I’
ll have to run now. I’m very disappointed that you won’t come with me, but just remember what I’ve told you. Dad loves you and wants you back, so please, please, don’t hurt him any more.’
After seeing her daughter out, Elspeth sat down to think, but Meg came in about five minutes later and had to be told about Laura’s visit.
‘And you didna go back wi’ her?’ Meg exclaimed in great amazement. ‘I thought you loved David.’
‘I do love him,’ Elspeth protested, ‘but ...’
‘You surely can’t love him enough when you’re digging your heels in like this.’
‘I’m not being awkward, I said I needed time.’
‘Well, the poor man’ll think you’re not wanting to ... are you trying to punish him for what he did to you?’
‘No,’ Elspeth said, indignantly. ‘I just feel ...’
The argument went on all evening, Meg tutting and shaking her head in displeasure as she went to her own room, unable to fathom her friend’s reasoning, and Elspeth going to bed resentful that neither Laura nor Meg could see the position she was in. She didn’t want to crawl back to David like a dog that had misbehaved. She had misbehaved, worse than that, she had sinned, but he should never have put her out. He hadn’t let her explain about the pressures she had been under right from the night she had met John Forrest in the snowstorm. She had been forced to leave Auchlonie, Janet had thrown her out for sticking up for herself, Helen had taken possession of her son, David hadn’t written for so long that she’d thought he’d been killed, and after he had come back, she had been terrified that he wouldn’t marry her if he knew about her child. Even after they married, she’d always been on tenterhooks in case he found out ... and then there had been his constant harping on about the grandfather clock. Oh, she should have asked Laura if it was still there. If it was, it would mean that David had got over his jealousy, and maybe things would work out, after all.
But he should have come to her himself, not sent Laura. How could she be sure that he had truly forgiven her? If she could have seen his eyes, she’d have known straight away ... oh, David! Was she subconsciously trying to punish him? Was she cutting off her nose to spite her face, as Helen would likely say. Why couldn’t she just go home and forget the past? It was only pride that kept her here, but where would she be if she let go of her self-respect?
Elspeth had hardly slept at all, and one look at her haggard face was enough for Meg. ‘I think I’ll go to the kirk this morning, and I’ll maybe go in and see Phemmy for a while when I come back.’
Relieved that the old lady was taking herself out of the way, Elspeth said, ‘When do you want the dinner ready?’
‘Oh ... about half past one.’
The church service due to begin at eleven, Meg left the house at twenty to, and Elspeth decided to have a seat for an hour. That would leave her plenty of time to prepare the vegetables and cook the small piece of mutton, not that she felt like eating, but Meg would.
Only half an hour later, the doorbell rang, and Elspeth hoisted herself wearily out of her chair to answer it, thinking that it was young Mrs McRae from across the landing wanting to borrow something, but when she saw the caller, her legs almost gave way. ‘Oh, my God, it’s John!’
Grinning from ear to ear, the young man brought forward a dark-haired girl. ‘And this is my wife, Agnes.’
‘I’m pleased to meet you,’ Elspeth gasped, automatically shaking the hand held out to her.
‘May we come in?’ John asked.
‘Oh ... yes, I should have said, but I got such a shock.’
In the kitchen, John said, very deliberately, ‘Agnes, I’ve told you about Elspeth. She’s my real mother.’
This proved too much for Elspeth. Her legs buckling under her, she thumped heavily down on a chair, tears trickling down her cheeks. ‘I never thought I’d ever hear you saying that.’ Struggling to gain control of herself, she murmured, ‘How did you know where I was?’
‘You look as if you need a cup of tea, but Agnes can make it.’ When his wife went to the sink to fill the kettle, he leaned towards Elspeth and whispered, ‘She’s a wonderful girl, I’m a lucky man.’
Still too overcome at being openly acknowledged as his mother, she nodded, and he went on, ‘If you tell her where the tea and everything is ...?’
‘They’re in the press,’ she mumbled, and nothing more was said until they each had a cup in their hands.
John took one sip, then started his explanations. ‘I bought an old Austin last week, and I splurged all my petrol ration on going to see Mum and Dad ...’ He stopped, looking at Elspeth uncertainly.
‘Yes, they are your Mum and Dad,’ she assured him.
‘We went to see them yesterday – I’m stationed at Leuchars, and we rented a house there, so it’s not too far from Aberdeen. Anyway, when Mum knew I was off duty till Monday night, she asked us to stay the weekend, and we were all sitting talking late on – it must have been eleven or after – when Laura came to tell Mum she’d traced you here. She’d come straight from the train because she was worried about what David would say when she told him you wouldn’t go back with her. Mum told me to drive her home and to go in with her for support.’
Elspeth’s anxious glance at her made Agnes say, ‘John told me all about Laura before he married me. He said he didn’t want any secrets between us.’
Giving a self-conscious smile, John carried on. ‘Laura and I did feel a bit strange at seeing each other again, but it didn’t take long for the awkwardness to wear off and we were just old friends again. Well, as you can imagine, my turning up came as a surprise to David, but he said he was glad he knew I was your son. When Laura told him she’d traced you, he was absolutely delighted, but he was pretty cut up when she told him what you’d said. He just sat there, wringing his hands and wishing that he’d come to see you himself.’
Elspeth sat up with a sigh. ‘That’s what I wished too. I was sure it was just Laura that had forgiven me, not David.’
‘David has forgiven you. He even showed me the initials on the grandfather clock. I was very touched, seeing it was my father who had got them engraved for you.’
‘So he didn’t sell it,’ Elspeth murmured. ‘I thought he would as soon as he got the chance.’
‘Oh, I don’t think he would ever think of selling it,’ John said, looking quite puzzled. ‘He told me ...’
‘I think we should go now, John,’ Agnes interrupted.
‘Oh, will you not wait and see Meg? She’s at the kirk just now, and she said she was going to see her friend downstairs when she came back, but I could go and tell her you’re here. She’d like to meet you, John ... she’s your grandmother.’
‘I’ll come back to see her, but ... we’ve something else to do right now.’
They all stood up then, and John kissed Elspeth’s cheek before going to the door. ‘I’m glad I know the truth,’ he whispered.
She had just been sitting down again for a minute or two, her heart full because John had called her his real mother, when she heard more footsteps on the stairs. Meg hadn’t gone to Phemmy’s after all, she thought, but what a pity she hadn’t come home before John left. The ring of the bell made her jump up quickly. He must have changed his mind and was going to wait after all.
When she opened the door, she had hardly time to take in that it wasn’t John before she was enveloped in a strong pair of arms. ‘Oh, Elspeth, my dear, dear Elspeth.’
‘David!’ she gasped, sure that her brain was turned with all that had happened.
‘I had to come,’ he said simply.
‘We’d better go inside.’ Drawing away from him in some embarrassment, she led him into the kitchen. ‘It’s funny, John Watson’s just this minute gone.’
‘I know. I asked him last night if he’d take me to see you this morning. We set off very early, but he thought it would be a good idea if he came up to speak to you first. I’ve been sitting in his car waiting to see you, biting my nails with impatience.’ W
ith something like a sob, he took her in his arms again. ‘Why won’t you come back to me, Elspeth?’
His eyes had told her all that she needed to know, and she let her pride go without a thought, nestling against him as he kissed her, over and over again, as he hadn’t done for many years. Unfortunately, something else came into her mind, something that she had never told a living soul, but, if her life with David was to be free of secrets, she must tell him now. Pushing him away, she muttered, ‘Sit down, we have to talk.’
‘What is there to say? I want you back, and ... oh, Elspeth, you will come home now, won’t you?’
‘I must tell you something first, and you’ll maybe not want me back after that. It wasn’t ... just once with John Forrest ... I spent a whole day with him when his mother and father were away in Aberdeen.’ She watched his face, but there seemed to be no shock or disgust. ‘We were alone for hours,’ she went on, to make quite sure that he knew what she meant, ‘so it was a lot more than once.’
There was no hesitation. ‘Once, twice, a hundred times, I don’t care. It was so long ago, and you were just a young girl. I’ve got every particle of my jealousy out of me, and we’ll never speak about it again. It’s forgiven, forgotten.’
There was still something on her mind, however. ‘What about your nightmares? That was when you always ...’
‘I haven’t had a nightmare since you left. It was you I dreamt about, you I thought about all the time. I know I made you leave, but when I went home to the empty house that night, I regretted losing my temper.’ He paused for a moment. ‘I’ll be quite honest, though. For the first few weeks, the black days, I loved you one minute and was angry at you the next ... I was very bitter. Then, gradually, I began to see things in perspective. I was so cruel to you, Elspeth, and it’s you who’ll have to forgive me.’
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