“What! What are you saying? What does my father have to do with all this?” Jermane’s eyes begged for an answer. “Why do you want to quit your job. Tell me now!”
He grabbed her hands. “Jermane, calm down. I’m sorry for getting you upset.” He grabbed her and drew her to his chest. “I’m just thinking out loud, babe. There are just times when I need a real break, that’s all.” He brushed her hair back with one of his hands. He held her again and rocked her lightly. “I’ve just been spending time with Kevin and I see how carefree he is. I mean he works hard, but he still has time to enjoy life. I feel like a robot, like I have to be ‘on’ all the time. I have so much invested in this firm,” he said.
She pulled away from him. “Rex, I just think you’re going through a phase. You accomplished so much at such an early age. I think you are the only one pressuring yourself to do more.” She grabbed his hands and kissed them.
“Jermane . . . I think it’s a little deeper than that, but I’m going to work it out.” He stood up and started getting dressed. Before she knew it he was headed toward the steps.
“Where are you going?” She jumped up to follow him.
“Jermane, I just need to get out for a minute. It’ll be okay. Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon.”
She wanted to stop him, but she resisted. She looked out the window a few minutes later and saw her husband pull out the driveway.
Hours later she looked at the clock. It was midnight and he still had not made it home. She checked her phone and there was a simple text message. “I’m okay, will be home soon.” He’d sent the message at 11:30 p.m.
“Rex rarely sends a text message,” she thought. She picked up the phone and called, but he didn’t answer. After about twenty minutes she heard him come in the door. After about forty-five minutes he came upstairs, but she’d given into sleep by then.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
I’ve Been There
Any other night, I would have been missing Chris. He was working late at a second job, and I was looking forward to taking one of my nice long baths. I’d just finished reading a little of Your Best Life Now, by Joel Osteen, and went to the bathroom to run my bath water. As I looked around I thought about all the pink I used to have in my bathroom before I got married. Now it was a neutral mix of eggplant, cream, and gold.
Normally I rush to strip down and jump into the water. But I slowly peeled off my clothes and stood in the mirror. I began to count the things I loved about my body. “I love my hair.” I ran my fingers through it. “I love my skin tone, my smile, my hips, and my curves.” I turned to look at my backside. “Not bad, not bad.”
I remembered seeing photos from a few years back. Looking at them now, I realized how good I’d looked. But at that time, I couldn’t see it. Why was it so hard for me to see myself as God did back then?
I loaded my CD player with a few discs: Joss Stone, Robin Thicke . . . gotta have some old school . . . Angela Bofill, The Best of Anita Baker, Sade . . . darn, I wish she would make another CD.
I shut off the water and added some Carol’s Daughter Mango Melange bath salt and oil. The aroma gave my Spirit an instant lift. Just when I eased into the water, my phone rang. Don’t answer . . . don’t answer. I look at the caller ID . . . Jewel. Uh-uh. I decided not to answer and slid a little further down in the water. A few minutes later, the phone rang again. I was too nosy to ignore it, so I peeked at the caller ID again. Jermane—nope, not tonight. I dropped the phone back on the floor and slid down again, letting water cover my shoulders. I positioned my head against my bath pillow and started repeating my affirmations. I’ve memorized so many from Pastor Joel and Living Truth’s Bible study.
“I’m getting better and better in every way. My best is yet to come. I have the favor of God. It’s a New Year and a new season. This will be my best year yet . . .” I had barely uttered my fifth affirmation when the phone rang again. I reached down and looked at it. Angel. This time I answered.
“Hey girl, what’s up?”
“Just in the tub. What’s going on?” I closed my eyes.
“Oh, sorry to interrupt, I know how you are about your goddess ‘me time.’ I can call you back.”
“No, that’s okay. We can talk.” I leaned back and let the warm water envelop my body.
“Just wanted to chitchat; it’s been hard getting back into the swing once the holidays have wound up. Maybe I’m just getting a little tired of the corporate game. Sometimes I wish I could work for myself like you and Capri.”
“Why can’t you?”
“I don’t know. At one time I never imagined giving up a regular paycheck, or this lifestyle for that matter. But recently, somehow all my shoes, outfits, and other stuff don’t seem to matter as much.”
“Hmm. If it’s really your heart’s desire, God will let you know. Just pray on it. You never know, the three of us in a law firm may be our destiny!”
“Interesting. Well, who knows? I never thought I’d be all up in church either. I’m just going to stay open to hear from Him. Enough about work, I have something else to talk about. It’s about me and Octavio.”
“What’s going on?”
“Okay girl, what I want to know is how you survived. I mean the celibacy thing. I give it to you, girl; I had no idea what you were dealing with! The celibate lifestyle is not designed for a woman over thirty-five.”
“First of all, Angel, let me say I wasn’t perfect. I fell, got back up, fell, and then I really had to put my entire focus on God. Then I started to realize having sex outside of God’s design can take away from the future. Maybe that’s why so many people get bored after marriage. They experience everything beforehand and there’s nothing left to do. I don’t know. Angel, all I can tell you is it’s a trip. It requires total commitment. There is no magic formula. Trust me, I know your struggle.”
“Lexi, we got weak on Christmas Eve. I wish I could tell you I felt horrible, but it had been so long—”
“Say no more, sister. Angel, you’re just gonna have to stay prayed up.”
“Yeah, I know.”
I took a deep breath. “Okay, seriously, is there a reason why you’re putting off marrying Octavio?”
“I don’t know, fear I guess. My first marriage ended so badly. I’m over it, but it’s hard to take that step. That marriage started out great too. I guess I’m afraid. People change, Lexi.”
“I know, but maybe your first husband wasn’t your divine mate; Octavio could be. The bottom line is, nothing is promised. Nothing is guaranteed. But Octavio is a good man.”
“I’m praying, Lexi. But please, I need your prayers too. I’ve got to get rid of this fear. I almost lost him a while back and I want to give him the love he deserves.”
“I got your back. In the meantime, you have to believe that if God’s in you, he’s not going to let you fail. If it is His will for you to leave that job and if Octavio is your divine mate, nothing can hurt it or stop it. The past is behind you, old things are passed away, and all things are new.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“I know. That’s why I’m gonna stand with you. Sometimes another person’s faith can make the difference in a breakthrough. Not everyone understands that celibacy struggle. Not everyone is real about it either. I’ve been there. Angel, I know the type of prayer required.”
“That’s why I love you, girl. You have such a gentle but determined Spirit. I’m praying for you too, girl. I cover your marriage in prayer on a regular basis. I’m really thankful I have friends that lift each other up.”
“Yeah, but it hasn’t been the same. I do miss some of the old days.” I started to smile. “It seems like Capri and I used to be really tight. But we just don’t share and talk like we used to.” I sighed.
“Lex, now I’m going to speak the truth in love. You know you’ve never been good with change. Things can’t be comfortable all the time. Is this about Missy?” Angel asked.
“No, not really, well a little. But it�
��s bigger than that. Not only do I feel we aren’t as tight as we used to be, we are having little issues with the practice.”
“Lexi, first you have to trust the friendship you and Capri have. You know, she’s exposed to an entirely different world now. You don’t know why God brought Missy into Capri’s life, you can’t question it. Second, what kind of issues are you having with the practice?”
“Well, I guess you’re right on the friendship note. I guess I’m just a little selfish when it comes to my friends. As far as the practice, I don’t know, I feel like I’m taking things a little more serious than Capri. I mean I’m there all the time. I seem to turn over more cases than she does. I don’t think she understands how critical it is for us to build this business.”
“I think you two need to just talk it out. Going into business is like a marriage; you need to communicate. If you don’t, things will just get worse. Instead of holding things in, like you always do, you need to put all the issues on the table. I’m sure you two can work it out.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” I do tend to hold things in. “Angel, on another note, I want to let you know that I’m really proud of you.”
“For what? I haven’t done anything.”
“Yes you have. You’ve been faithful at Lakewood and I can tell you are really trying to grow. God is about to use you in a great way. I just feel it.”
“Well, I don’t know about all that. Especially after my recent lost battle with my flesh. I really don’t want to blow it with God.” Angel took a deep breath.
“Angel, you have to repent and let it go. You’ve come a mighty long way, my sister. You may not be where you want to be, but you’re definitely not the person you used to be.”
“Thanks for seeing it, Lexi. Sometimes you need to hear from someone who’s been down this road.”
“Trust me, I understand. I don’t ever want to excuse sin, but don’t be so hard on yourself. If you repented, let it go. Well I love you, girl, but now that Chris is out, I’m trying to enjoy this peace and solitude.”
“Okay, go ahead and get your relaxation on and enjoy your bath. Have a good night.”
When we hung up, I realized what’s kept our friendship circle strong is our commitment. We are committed to each other personally, spiritually, and sometimes even financially. I can count on my “divine divas” to speak in truth and love, and to have my back. After a few minutes of quiet meditation I began to pray.
Father, I know we are all changing and growing and I have to trust Your process. My friends have been my family for so long. We’ve all grown so much. God, change has never been easy for me. I tend to want to hold on to people and things. So I release my friends to You, have Your way, Lord, especially with Capri. We all need new experiences, and marriage is a different journey. Also, I pray Your will be done with Angel’s job and her relationship with Octavio. Father, I ask that You wipe away any negative impressions her previous marriage has left. I thank You for keeping the door to her anointed future wide open. Be with her in mind, body, and Spirit. In Jesus’s name, Amen.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Literary Divas
“Girl, did you read the book?” I whispered to Jermane as we gathered in Jewel’s house for the first meeting of the Shero Literary Sisters book club.
“Please, I’ve been busy dealing with our landscaper, preparing a dinner for some of Rex’s clients and trying to figure out what’s been going on with my husband lately,” Jermane said quickly before sipping her peach tea.
“One day I think I have him figured out, and then the next day he says something totally out of character. The other day he was talking about finding his purpose in life. I think he’s been talking to Octavio too much lately. But his hanging with Kevin these days, has me more concerned than anything else,” Jermane said as she picked up a shrimp brochette from a nearby tray.
“Well, I wouldn’t worry about Kevin. I mean sometimes all it takes is a little male bonding. All Kevin does is watch a little sports and run his mouth. Besides, if Rex is having thoughts about a career change you have to find a way to be supportive,” I said.
“Umm, I guess.”
I can tell she wasn’t at all accepting the advice I’d just offered. “I did read some of the book though.” I tried to redirect the conversation. “I believe Capri’s coming with Missy.”
Angel had walked over. “I’m looking forward to the discussion. I read the entire book and I thought it really was a good selection,” Angel said as she spooned some fruit salad onto her plate. “Lexi, you said Capri is coming with Missy?” She bit into a chocolate-covered cherry.
“Yes, but I’m not sure why she’s bringing Missy. A book club meeting just doesn’t seem like her type of thing.”
“Lexi, behave,” Angel said, then dabbed her mouth with a napkin.
“What? Well, I just don’t see what a person who used to ‘shake her money maker’ in music videos would get out of something like this,” I said.
“She used to dance in videos?” Jermane put her hand on her chest. “My goodness, I never met a real video girl.”
“Lexi, I thought you said you would keep an open mind?” Angel said as she dabbed the corner of her mouth with a napkin.
“Okay, okay. I’m looking forward to her contribution to the discussion. That’s all I’m going to say.” I put a few more pieces of shrimp brochette on my plate and sat down.
“Okay ladies, ladies, may I have your attention please?” Jewel stood in the front of the living room and clapped her hands. “Attention! Attention! It is my sincere honor and privilege to welcome you to our inaugural Shero Literary Sisters book club meeting.”
I let out a little yawn and Jewel cut her eyes at me. “What? It wasn’t on purpose,” I mouthed. I’d been up half the night trying to read the book. I took another bite of one of the appetizers piled on my plate. At least the food is good.
There were about ten ladies present, including Angel and Jermane.
“Okay, how many of you read the book?” Jewel asked. A little over half the group raised their hand. “Okay, it’s fabulous you all came, but how are we going to have a book discussion if you all don’t read the book? Never mind.” Before she spoke again, the doorbell rang.
“That must be Capri, I’ll get it.” I jumped up and walked toward the door. I looked outside, it was Capri and Missy. I immediately doused myself in Jesus joy.
“Hey ladies, come on in, we are just getting started.” I smiled at Missy and she smiled back. You’re on my turf now, sister; you better recognize. At least she was dressed down in jeans and a silk kimono top. She still worked her signature stilettos and Fendi bag.
“Ladies, come, come, have a sit,” Jewel said as she pointed toward two empty chairs.
“Okay, as I was saying. We have to read the books to get the full benefit of the book club. With that said, I have a few other rules.” Jewel picked up her clipboard from the coffee table and began to read the paper attached.
Angel stood up and politely grabbed the clipboard from Jewel’s hands. “Jewel, this is meant to be a relaxed and fun activity.”
“Well, I’m just trying to keep things professional, but if you insist. So I’ll start. Does someone want to give us her overall impression of this splendid literary work?” she asked as she sat down in her specially decorated hostess seat.
Missy raised her hand and immediately began to speak. “Yes, I thought the main protagonist was a bit self-indulgent, but likable. I also thought the author meticulously developed her plot. However, her overuse of metaphors often got in the way of some of the novel’s most pivotal scenes. Other than that, I thought the theme of redemption and restoration was eloquently crafted.”
Everyone’s mouth hung open. “Oh yes, I have a degree in African American literature.” She raised one eyebrow and focused on Jewel.
“Well, um . . . um . . . that was, um, something. What an excellent comment to initiate our dialogue,” Jewel said. “I’m so glad to know we have a
serious reader in the house.” She smiled at Missy and clapped her hands.
Angel looked at me from across the room and I just shrugged my shoulders. After Missy’s comment, the book club came alive. At the end of the meeting everyone surrounded her like she was an award-winning critic. I saw Missy reach into her purse and pull out a mini–photo album. Lo and behold, she was showing pictures of herself and Capri in Paris. That’s the last straw. Jermane and I stood at the table and helped ourselves to some cake.
“Is it just me, or is she just a bit irritating?” Jermane whispered.
“I’m so glad it’s not just me,” I said as I shoved a forkful of cake in my mouth.
“And really, who hasn’t been to Paris?” Jermane asked.
Me.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
This Is Not a Test
I decided to take the afternoon off. I had to wrap my head around what had just happened. I was like a zombie. When I walked in the house I bumped into the large couch. I dropped my purse to the floor. The earth tones in my living room did nothing to soothe me. I started to turn on the television, but sat in silence instead.
“This is a joke, right?” I said as I looked up at the ceiling. Each time I wanted to get excited, something in the pit of my stomach smothered the emotion. I walked to the refrigerator and pulled out an entire tray of banana pudding. I grabbed a big wooden spoon and started scooping out portions of my favorite dessert and stuffing them into my mouth. Then I placed the dish on the kitchen counter. “Why am I so upset about this?”
I paced back and forth. I paused and began laughing hysterically. Then I finally said it aloud: “I’m pregnant and gonna be somebody’s Mama?!?”
I sat on the kitchen bar stool. The tears trickled and soon soaked my brand-new blouse. I couldn’t totally rejoice because the two people I wanted to tell, Chris and Capri, had me ticked off right about now. Regardless of what Capri claimed, she was changing. She acted like I was dipping into the bottom of the barrel to find my clients. When we first started law school she was so committed to the community. We talked for hours about making a difference. All of a sudden she’d forgotten how to give back. It’s probably Mitzi’s fault. I had decided that if she couldn’t remember my name, I wouldn’t remember hers.
The Sunday Brunch Diaries Page 12