To Protect Her Son

by Stella MacLean

  She was suddenly kissing him, her tongue sweeping his mouth, her groan of pleasure lighting a fire between them. A fire he welcomed.

  He gazed into her eyes and saw in that moment what he’d been waiting for all his life. He loved this woman. He loved everything about her. She had been through some of the worst life had to offer and yet he had seen her vulnerable and open to happiness. It was as if they were connected on some level he couldn’t name.

  He was unexpectedly wary of his feelings, and needed time to regain his control. “Ah, maybe we should continue this later,” he said to cover newfound anxiety.

  Her eyes turned dark, her swollen lips an open invitation. “You’re afraid we might be caught in the act?”

  “We might,” he said, rubbing a hand over his face.

  Her fingers trailed along the neck of his shirt. “It could be nice.”

  “What could be nice?” he asked, leaning closer, pretending not to understand because he wanted her to say something more.

  “You and me. Together.”

  She had offered him an open invitation to more, and he wanted to accept with every part of him. But something restrained him, tied him to the past. Another woman had offered him the world, and he’d accepted. That woman had walked out on him when she’d learned that his injuries were permanent.

  He didn’t know how Gayle would respond if they made love. She might simply treat it as casual sex, but his instincts told him that nothing about Gayle was casual when it came to her personal relationships.

  During the past few weeks, she’d climbed under his skin in the gentlest of ways, had taken him into her life mostly, he assumed, because of her son. Meanwhile he’d been drawn in, exposed to her determination and fierce loyalty to her son. He hadn’t expected her to become part of his life, only where it related to Adam. Yet he’d caught himself thinking about her when there wasn’t any reason to.

  And somewhere along the way he’d stopped seeing her as the mother of a client.

  How could he resist such an open invitation? He sat up straighter and in one easy movement pulled her close to him to avoid the searching look in her eyes. “What do you suppose is taking so long?” he asked, instantly regretting his words.

  The door opened, making them jump apart. “How did it go?” Gayle asked, getting up off the sofa and going to her son.

  “He wants to see me again...before he leaves town. He is really sorry for everything he did. Mom, he told me that without your influence in my life, I could have ended up the way he did. He told me about how he had no real parents, had been kicked from one foster home to another.”

  Nate wanted to speak out, to warn Adam not to assume that Harry was telling the truth. He might be, but it wasn’t fair for this man to try and gain sympathy from his son as a way to stay in his life. Adam needed a father figure, but not a father who would use him for his own ends.

  “Are you going to see him again?” Gayle asked, her voice unusually calm.

  “He wants to tell me about his plans for the future, and I want to know about them. My dad plans to do some good in this world, and I’m proud of him for that. I’m still trying to get my head around the idea that I have a dad, and that he’s here.”

  The only sound in the room was the sigh of a towering pine outside the window. Nate stood next to Gayle, wishing he could take her in his arms, and save her from the thoughts that had to be tearing through her. He knew her well enough now to realize that she was afraid of letting Harry near her son, but felt powerless to stop him.

  She wanted her son to love and respect her. She wanted him to be happy. She wanted Harry to disappear from his life.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  THE NEXT DAY Gayle paced the floor between the kitchen and the dining area. Adam had left the house an hour earlier. She’d been watching the clock, waiting for him to return. Every minute she waited, her panic grew. “What if Adam wants to go with his father? What if Harry convinces him that life would be better with him in California?”

  Nate tapped the table. “Harry said he didn’t want to interfere in your life or Adam’s.”

  “That was before he met Adam. Who knows what he’s thinking now? He might decide that he wants to file for custody or something.”

  “I doubt that,” Nate said, getting up and coming around the table, blocking her path.

  She stopped before she bumped into him, and looked up into his gorgeous eyes. The man was 100 percent distracting, but she couldn’t think about that right now. “What would happen if Harry decided to do something like that?”

  “Is Harry on Adam’s birth certificate as his father?”

  “No. I pretended I didn’t know who the father was because I was terrified he or one of his buddies would find me. I didn’t know what Harry would do if he learned he had a son. He might not have done anything at all, but I couldn’t take the chance. I had to lie for Adam’s sake. When Harry’s trial was going on, all I could think about was how I would manage to look after my child once he was born. I didn’t think that something like this could happen, and if it did, Adam would be a grown man, not a vulnerable teenager.”

  He held her arms in his powerful grip. “Listen, honey, stop doing this to yourself. We won’t know anything until Adam gets back here, and even then we might not learn that much. You have to remember that Adam was working through his issues around not having a father. Now suddenly he’s faced with the man who is his father, and I can guarantee you he’s very confused and anxious.”

  He lifted a curl off her face, his fingers grazing the sensitive skin along her cheek. She wanted to climb into his arms and hide out there forever.

  “You have to remain calm and reasonable for him. When he comes back he’ll need time to sort out his feelings. If you like, I can drop around to the motel and talk to Harry and explain that he should help his son out by leaving him alone for a while.”

  “What if Harry doesn’t do anything other than talk to him, and Adam decides on his own that he wants to live in California near his father? What do I do then?” she asked, her eyes shining bright with tears. “I don’t know what I’d do without him in my life, and I couldn’t move back to California.”

  She felt his arms go around her, and her heart ached from the nearness of him. She’d never in her entire life had anyone who made her feel this way. It was as if everything that had ever gone wrong in her life had been wiped away by his very presence. She couldn’t tell him why she couldn’t move back to California because she’d have to admit that she loved him too much to ever leave him. She wanted to live with him, be part of his life. But if their relationship went no further than what it was now, she would settle for simply living near him. Her thoughts sounded like someone who was desperate for a man—desperate for this man.

  “Why couldn’t you move back?” he said softly against her ear.

  Her body stilled. Her breathing slowed. If she told him, she risked everything. Although he’d been very kind to her, she had no idea what he felt for her. Sure, he wanted to have sex with her, and she wanted that more and more every day. But as for his real feelings, she had no idea.

  She was afraid that because she cared so much she was reading too much into his behavior toward her.

  She’d learned a long time ago that where emotions and feelings were concerned it was better to err on the side of caution. “I couldn’t move back to California and start over. I’ve done that too many times.” That was as close to the truth as she dared.

  Before Nate could respond, the back door opened and Adam walked in.

  Overcome with relief, Gayle went to her son and wrapped her arms around his neck, breathing hard and deep to keep the sobs at bay. “I’m so glad you’re home. So glad.”

  “I am, too, Mom. I’m...” Adam hugged her hard against him. She was suddenly overwhelmed with memories of when he w
as younger, when he’d come into the house fighting tears from an injury, or joyful over an unexpected win during one of the many games played with his friends.

  When he released her, they went to sit at the table where Nate had already positioned himself. “So tell us all about it,” she said, anxious to hear what had happened.

  “I’m so glad you’re my mom.” He looked a little embarrassed as he undid his jacket. “I was too young to understand what you were going through trying to raise me on your own. I’m sure it wasn’t easy. Then these past few months...” He shrugged. “I’m sorry.”

  “You’ve got nothing to feel sorry about.”

  “Thanks, Mom. Thanks for being there for me. Harry and I talked. His actions hurt a lot of people, including us. Although I want to stay in touch with him, I don’t want to spend time with him just yet. Maybe when I’m older, or something, I’ll want to be with him for vacations or stuff like that. But, Mom, my life is here with you and my friends. I want you to know I’m going to try harder to be the kind of person you can be proud of.”

  Her son seemed suddenly so grown-up, so in charge of his feelings. When had that happened? Were most thirteen-year-olds like this? After all the worry over the past few months, all she’d ever wanted her son to say to her had just been said. “Adam, I love you. I want you to have the best life possible. But what that is has to be your decision.”

  “I want to be where you are, Mom, like it has been all my life.”

  “And Harry? Where is he?” Nate inquired.

  Adam turned to Nate. “He’s headed out tomorrow morning, back to California. He’s got a TV interview the day after. He says he’s excited about his new life, about doing good for others.”

  Was it finally over? Were she and Adam going to be able to get on with their life here in Eden Harbor?

  “Well, this calls for a celebration,” Gayle said. “I’m going to start dinner. Can you stay, Nate?” She held her breath, hoping he’d be free to join them. She wanted a chance to spend time with him, to enjoy the present moment and all it offered. He had shown that he cared for her, and she loved him. She wanted to go from there, see what they had together. At the very least, she owed him a debt of gratitude, but she hoped with all her heart that there would be more for both of them...together.

  “I’m going upstairs to put some things away in my room,” Adam said, his gaze swinging from his mother to Nate. “Call me when dinner’s ready, and I’ll set the table.”

  * * *

  NATE WATCHED ADAM leave the kitchen, noting that there seemed to be a certain swagger to his walk, a determined set to his shoulders. “I’d really like to stay,” Nate said, pleased to be included in their plans for the evening. “Do you need me to go to the grocery store for you?”

  She gave him a long, considering look. “No. I think we’ve got everything.”

  The look in her eyes made him wonder if she might be talking about more than his offer of going to the grocery store. Was it possible? And if she wanted more, where did they go from here? She’d been through a lot in the past months—her issues with Adam, her fear of losing her friends if they found out about her past and now the sudden appearance of her ex-husband.

  Just go with the moment. For once, let the evening unfold. You’re not in law enforcement tonight. You’re having dinner with a beautiful woman you want to be with.

  “Then give me an apron and I’ll help you get dinner started,” he said.

  “An apron?” A smile tipped the corners of her mouth, a very kissable mouth, in Nate’s opinion.

  “Yes. Anna and I always had housework chores to do. I’ll have you know that I’m known far and wide for my chili dishes, several really great versions, from hot and spicy to sweet and juicy.”

  She passed him an apron festooned with cherries and green leaves with a red tie that barely went around his waist. “This is the best I can do on short notice.”

  He peeled potatoes and carrots, cut them up and placed them in salted water on the back of the stove, all the while waiting for her to say something that would indicate what was going on with her.

  She made a meat loaf and placed it in the oven to bake, her hands capable, her fingers mesmerizing, as they touched knobs, opened cans and distracted him from making much in the way of conversation. The whole body-to-body thing was a major distraction. His body was like a magnet, wanting contact with hers. Thankful that the tiny kitchen made physical touching so easy, he smiled in pleasure each time they moved against each other.

  What would living here with her be like—the closeness, the daily routine...the sex?

  His body connected with hers as they cleaned the counter. Leaning into her space, he kissed her lips, relishing her sudden intake of breath, sparking his need for more.

  She slid out from under the arm he was about to put around her. “Let’s talk while dinner is cooking,” she said, making her way to the table, pulling out a chair and sitting down. Not once did she look his way, and he felt...hurt...shut out...vulnerable.

  He spied a bottle of red wine and opened it. Bringing two glasses to the table, he slid into the chair across from her, his legs twining with hers. He saw the sharp glance she offered him, and pulled his legs back.

  Pushing his feelings aside, he poured two glasses of the deep burgundy liquid and slid one across the table to her. “Let’s toast our success.”

  “Ours?” she asked, her fingers fluttering on the stem of the glass.

  “Yes. Yours mostly, but I had a role to play,” he said.

  “You did. I appreciate all your help,” she said, but she didn’t look very appreciative.

  There was a slight scowl knitting her eyebrows together, and she avoided looking straight at him. Her words were stiff, almost dismissive, heightening the awkwardness creeping into their conversation.

  “You’re welcome,” he said, feeling suddenly that staying for dinner had been a mistake. Her reticence made him feel like an outsider. Although she said she wanted to talk, she said nothing, and he wasn’t having much luck encouraging her.

  She took a sip of the wine, meeting his eyes over the rim of her glass. Carefully she put it down. “We need to talk about Adam.”

  “What do you want to talk about?”

  “Now that Harry has been here, and Adam seems to be sorting things out, does this mean that you won’t be seeing Adam anymore?”

  The question startled him. “Of course I’ll be seeing him. Just because he found his father doesn’t mean all his issues are resolved.”

  “But what if they are?”

  What was going on here? Was she telling him that once Adam didn’t need him that she was through with him, as well? Had her kindness and caring simply been an act to guarantee that Adam got the best Nate had to offer?

  Was she looking for a polite way to end the relationship?

  Whatever was going on with her, it was clear she wasn’t willing to share. Yet he needed her to share her thoughts, her concerns, her life, with him. With the immediate issue of Adam’s father settled, they were free to move on...to continue their relationship in a different way. But maybe that wasn’t how she saw it. “Perhaps it would be better if I left. You and Adam have lots to talk about, and I’ll just be in the way.”

  “No. Please. I...I don’t want you to go.” Her eyes were awash in surprise when she looked at him.

  “Then what do you want?” he asked.

  * * *

  “I DON’T KNOW.” Gayle shifted in her chair, uncomfortable with the topic. Most times people didn’t express concern for her needs. Now, when what she wanted really mattered to her, she was lost for words.

  With Nate in her life, sitting across the table from her, she found it hard to focus on what she should do or say. She wanted the intimacy she’d felt when they were getting dinner together. She’d never had tha
t sort of experience before. She craved a life where two people who loved each other took joy and comfort from being together, sharing everything.

  She’d spent her life hiding out from relationships, devoting her time and energy to working and caring for Adam. All those years she’d never allowed herself to think about what it would be like to have someone she loved and who loved her in return.

  “Well, let’s start on the easy stuff. Do you want me to stay for dinner, or were you simply being polite? Or were you paying me back for being helpful?”

  “I want you to stay for dinner.” She dared to glance at him and was struck by the unease in his expression. “And I didn’t ask you just because you’ve been helpful.”

  “So why did you invite me?”

  “I want...” She couldn’t say the words. She couldn’t expose her inexperience despite her love for this man. “What do you want?” she asked, excited and fearful at the same time.

  “I want you to trust me, to let me into your life,” he said quietly and with so much emotion.

  “You are in my life,” she said, feeling suddenly as if she were standing on a precipice about to fall over the edge.

  “That’s not what I mean, and you know it,” he said, draining his glass of wine in one swallow. He put the glass down. “But if this is as far as we go, I won’t stay to dinner.”

  Her heart shrank in her chest. “Please stay.”

  “Why? I can have dinner anywhere. You don’t seem to want to talk to me. I’m going to take that to mean you don’t want a relationship with me.” He rose from his chair and started down the hall toward the front door. “Tell Adam I’ll call him later in the week.”

  Gayle jumped up and followed him to the door. “Wait!”

  He didn’t turn around. “What for?”

  She touched his arm, feeling the muscle under the cotton shirt he was wearing. Remembering how his arms felt when he held her was sheer torment. “I don’t know how to do this,” she confessed, waiting for him to make a remark that would confirm her fear—that her inexperience was not an attractive quality.