The stress of having to defend an empire on his own was devouring Evan quicker than the Apolluon ever could. I felt the sudden desire to comfort him.
“This is my fault.” I heard him say.
“Evan, please stop,” Bethany begged.
“It was my idea not to tell anyone of Victor’s new capabilities. I should have told the elders what Cordelia and I saw that night in the forest. If I hadn’t told her not to tell her parents, then they would be alive right now, and she would have never been sent away.”
“What’s past is past,” Nikolas said, solemnly. “And you couldn’t have predicted what Victor’s plans were. No one could have.”
“Everyone knew that Victor was steadily building his army, including the elders. Victor got lucky. That’s all. Blaming yourself isn’t going to help Cordelia.” Bethany added.
“I don’t know how to help her, Beth. I feel so helpless when I’m around her. She looks as if she’d have more regard for a stranger. I think she’s afraid of me. She probably despises me for bringing her back,” Evan said. I was so surprised by his honesty and vulnerability. But he was wrong.
“Please stop this selfloathing. She needs you. She’s confused right now, and she doesn’t know what she feels. Everything will be as it was once she remembers.” Bethany showed such sensitivity towards her brother. I almost forgave her for keeping secrets from me although, she didn’t show any of that towards me. I wondered if she was annoyed with me for not being able to remember, and wasn’t admitting it to them.
“Don’t you mean if she remembers?” Evan said, slamming something down. I guessed it to be a glass after I heard ice rattle. They were silent for a moment. Then Evan spoke again in the sweetest voice. “I love her, Beth. I’ve missed her, and I want to protect her.”
“I know Evan,” Bethany said, as I jumped up at least a foot off the floor, and nearly slammed my face into the oak doors when I noticed Moon Rose coming down the hall. “What on earth was that?” I heard Bethany say.
My nerves were rattled. It served me right for spying. Moon Rose definitely saw me eavesdropping. I was late in trying to cover up that fact. I tried to smile at her, but the kind gesture was not returned. I stopped Moon Rose as she tried to walk passed me.
“Moon Rose, have you seen Bethany? I'm looking for her.” I said just above a whisper so that no one in the library would hear us.
“Yes I have.” Moon Rose said, as she tried to walk passed me, but I blocked her by standing in front of her. Well at least she acknowledged my question. I waited for her to finish answering me. She was striking me to be a real pain. I wasn't about to let this girl, who was just a servant, get under my skin. I was irritated a little, but I did my best not to show it. Instead, my plan was to overwhelm her with kindness, so I smiled, sweetly. She said nothing.
“Do you know where she is?” I kept my voice light; I was pissed at her for looking at me like I was the help.
“She is behind the doors you just had your ear pressed up against.” Moon Rose said, sarcastically. I had to suppress the strong urge to deck her. It’s a good thing that I didn’t sock her because just then, the mighty trio exited the library doors. They all appeared a little surprised to see Moon Rose and I standing in the middle of the wide hallway. I wondered how much of our exchange had they heard, if anything at all.
“Cordelia, is there something wrong?” Bethany said, eyeing Moon Rose with contempt. I somehow found it somewhere in my core to feel sorry for Moon Rose. I hoped that Bethany wouldn’t find a reason to lay into her.
“No, no problem. Moon Rose was just giving me a tour or the rooms.” I explained. “Right, Moon Rose?” Moon Rose didn't say a word. She just nodded slightly with an unreadable expression on her face.
“I believe dinner is being served, am I correct Moon Rose?” Bethany inquired. Oops. Obviously, Moon Rose must have been on her way to notify them of just that. Why would she give me a tour? I may have just gotten her into trouble, or made myself look like a liar – a bad one.
“Yes, Miss Bethany.” Moon Rose answered obediently.
“Well then, let us all regroup in the dining room. It will be just us four. Mother and Father are dining with the Viniturin’s, and Christopher and Phoebe have already had dinner.” Evan announced as Moon Rose excused herself.
“Shall we?” Nikolas said to Bethany holding out his arm.
“Yes, of course, my love.” She replied, and hooked her arm into his, nuzzling her nose into his shoulder. I watched as they sauntered down the hall.
“I guess that leaves us.” Evan said to me with a smile, but it wasn’t his winning smile. Caution seemed to have hardened his lips, and the look in his eyes made my heart skip a couple beats. I didn’t want Evan to believe that I hated him, because I didn’t.
“Yes it does.” I smiled, brightly, and wove my arm into his, following his lead.
It was already dark. Buckets of rain poured, and the clap of the downpour smacked against the dining room windows causing them to rattle occasionally.
The thunder crackled like numerous firecrackers exploding at once. Anyone going out now had better think twice. Luckily, the Capius’ left early enough to beat the nasty storm. The four of us sat quietly, nibbling on our dinner with very little conversation. It had been a precariously eventful day, and they were doing it again. They were acting as if nothing had occurred this morning, and this afternoon. It was as if I had imagined it all.
Evan and I stole glances from time to time. I would catch him peering at me, and the moment I did, he would steer his eyes either back to his full plate of food, or to the paintings on the wall; gazing at nothing in particular. This time he pretended to be interested in a painting of a young girl who wore a yellow ribbon in her hair, and sat beside a murky lake.
Since overhearing the conversation between Evan and Bethany just a few minutes ago in the library, I couldn’t help but regard Evan in a whole different light. At first, I had resented him for bringing me here, and couldn’t get passed the fact that he had murdered someone. Yet now that I knew that I had killed in the past, still a gut wrenching certainty to come to terms with, and have killed since coming back, I understood Evan a little more.
I knew that he did what he did to survive and to protect his own. We were both tortured souls. It was the one grave fact that I didn’t want to remember feeling once my memory returned, if my memory ever did as Evan had so painfully pointed out. I didn’t want Evan to be or feel alone in this. I wasn’t declaring any feelings for him. I just felt a connection to him that left me both intrigued, and melancholy at times.
Since Bethany hadn’t answered Evan about my memory ever being restored, it only proved that there was the chance that I may never remember who I was, and all that comes with being Cordelia Tieron, the Empress. I was instantly ill, and thought to excuse myself from the table since I’d already lost my appetite. My lower lip quivered from the thought of such an unacceptable fate. I took another peek at Evan, and eyes didn’t really see what he was looking at. He appeared deep in thought; oceans away from here. He appeared to be having a rough bout, probably thinking of the hell that would soon cross his path. I’m sure that my lack of feelings for him was the icing on the cake.
Unsure of what I was feeling, I was frustrated. I needed to figure out who I was before I could focus on my emotions, yet something inside of me was changing; growing actually. The need to be close to Evan was surfacing. Something had awakened in me this afternoon that I hadn’t believed existed between us. But I couldn’t yield to it just yet
To the left of me, Nikolas and Bethany were laughing lightly about something. As I watched them, I couldn’t fathom what they found humorous, with all the looming doom which surrounded us. I tried to tune into whatever it was that they were giggling about, but apparently it was an inside joke. Bethany and Nikolas seemed to have found a way to forget, if only for a moment although, I knew they had to be worried. There empire was about to be lost to a traitor who had leverage. I envied
them for being able to forget even if only for a few minutes.
After a brief moment, Nikolas and Bethany finally stopped chatting amongst themselves and started discussing strategies.
According to Nikolas, an attack on the house would come soon. Evan agreed, and thought a meeting of the council, as well as the rest of the members, was necessary.
I found out for the first time just how many Ischeros there were. The council consisted of the elders, a total of twenty lesser powered, due to age, they were high ranking authorities with the right to vote, and the right to bully their offspring into doing things the old fashioned way; kill all evil, and the innocent if it meant getting closer to ridding the evil.
The rest of the empire consisted of the offspring who possessed different levels of power, with Evan being the most powerful with my absence of power.
A variety of strengths and gifts was spread out evenly through the fortress of twelve separate family trees. Each family of Ischeros had a special and unique power. Some families were strictly shapeshifters, from weredragons to werecougars. Some were Seers with the sight to see into the future and past, some delved into the minds of those outside of the empire – mortals, while others had immeasurable strength. No one had all the powers combined, except of course for yours truly. I possessed them all and then some.
The meeting would be held in a remote area that was never revealed until a minute before it was to begin. It was the only time that every member had the power to teleport, which was given by the reigning or in this case, acting emperor. Everyone had just that minute to make their appearance or the proverbial ‘door’ would be shut, and they would be shut out, and have to deal with the consequences of being tardy. A minute to arrive at a remote place that you just found out about, in a minute before you were expected to arrive, would sound ridiculous to the average person, but not to this crew. These rules were not written but known by all, honored, and followed by all. This was so that there was never a breech in the security, especially with Victor’s army progressively growing.
Once dinner was over, and it sounded like the rain had finally subsided into a light drizzle, Evan and Nikolas excused themselves, and disappeared into the parlor. Bethany fought off a yawn that claimed its victory when she announced that she would be retiring for the night. Basically, she was doing a great job of avoiding me. I suppose she’s still a little pissed off because I expected an explanation regarding what Sacha may have implied. I didn’t care.
If she wanted to be pissed, then she had the right.
I retired as well, but was suddenly bursting with energy, and had no desire to sleep. I wondered why I hadn’t received a response from Gerald. I wondered if someone had intercepted my note. As I began to undress, and pondered the possibilities, I heard a light tapping at the door. At first I thought that the rain had started falling again, and the tapping was the rain on my window panes, but I was wrong.
“I feel a little tired and would like to go to bed.” I said over my shoulder, as I stood in front of the French doors that opened onto the veranda, hoping to maybe spot Gerald. . Initially, I planned to discover a way to jog my memory. Something or someone had to help me jump start it.
“If I could speak to you for just a minute?” Evan pleaded. I was surprised to hear his voice. Why is it that I can’t resist that voice? I felt compelled to let Evan into my room. I had expected it to be Sun Paw asking to assist me with getting undressed even though, I had already told her that I wouldn’t be in need of her help tonight. I pulled my dress back on and quickly fastened the miniature buttons. I probably missed a couple.
“Sure, come on in.” Evan walked into the room, and I shut the doors. He didn't have his jacket on. I could see his muscular arms through the sleeves of his gray toned shirt. I never realized how massive they were. I had to stay focused, and stop staring at his biceps.
“I hope that my father didn't upset you earlier today at breakfast. He can be very bull headed at times, well most of the time.” Evan came across sympathetically as he walked over to my fireplace. Something told me that he wasn’t paying me a visit to apologize for his father, but I played along, unable to steady myself around him.
“No he didn't.” I lied.
“Yes, he did.” I knew that I hadn’t sounded convincing enough. I sucked at lying, and for some reason became angry.
“Are you here to argue, or was there something you wanted to tell me?” I said a little too harshly, as I sauntered over to my fireplace and faced him.
“I know you quite well, Cordelia. You’re feisty, you can be stubborn, and you never back down, not from anyone. Not even to your mother and father.
Therefore, you can understand my surprise when you stepped down to mine. This act of passiveness does not suit you. That gutsiness is what I love about you... most.” His tender and soothing voice trailed off. Evan’s face was turning a blush shade of red. He was embarrassed.
I played those words a couple of times in my head.
… is what I love about you ...most.
I felt hot. The temperature in my body must have risen at least a hundred degrees. My face was blazing. I'm sure Evan noticed that I was blushing too. I found myself unable to speak; my throat felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls or something. I had to walk away from Evan in order to focus.
I was so confused about how and what I may be feeling for him. I know that I’m feeling something. I’m not so sure that I had control over my emotions when I was in his presence. I still felt like I barely knew Evan. It’s only been a day and a half.
“I want, so desperately, to kiss you. Every moment of the day my mind is consumed by you, the sweet fragrance of your skin, the – ”
Oh no…he was doing it.
“Please... stop.” I cut him off abruptly. I couldn’t listen to another word out of fear that I might just jump into his arms, and kiss him. My mind flashed back to the time we had spent together in the gazebo. Everything had felt so nice then – so normal. The feelings started and…
“I'm sorry. This is very difficult for me. I just wish you could remember how it used to be between us.” He apologized, admitting what I already knew. A flash of the dream that haunted me for a couple weeks, engulfed me momentarily. I tasted his sweet kiss, and felt the chill of the night air in the forest. I had been warmed by his body, pressed up firmly against mine…and then the howling. I blinked hard to shake the reverie off.
Evan did his best to conceal his frustration, but he did very poorly at disguising it. I thought about what I heard him say to Bethany while they were in the library last night.
I love her… I just want to protect her.
I had to get it together. Focus!
“Well I don't. I don't remember anything. I don't remember you. I don't remember us. I don't even remember myself! This is all too fast, and way too crazy.” I said louder than I had really wanted to. “Can’t you see that?” His pain was evident in his eyes, and I was the reason why, but I wasn’t concerned about Evan’s feelings right now. “When is it supposed to happen? Huh? When am I supposed to get my memory back? How do you expect me to just start acting like your girlfriend…fiancé, when you are a stranger to me?” I said, my arms flailing about.
“It will happen, my love. You must be patient. It is the only way,” Evan said, with a strange sense of calm as he stepped closer to me, and started to stroke my cheek.
“Please, don't do that.” I snapped, as I pulled away from him, precipitately.
“Corde”
“No. That's all I ever hear from you. Be patient. Patient? I've been patient. You said I would be able to remember everything by now. All I remember is the life I had before I was brought back. I want the truth. Did something go wrong when you brought me back? Is there a chance that I may never remember?” I was trembling, and I couldn’t stop. I was seething with anger and frustration. I wanted to calm down but couldn’t. I had no idea that I would blow up this way.
Evan watched me intently, and didn’t
appear surprised by my aggravation and choice words. Our eyes were locked as we stood only a foot apart. We were the only two people who existed in this dangerous world right now, and we were emotionally clashing harder than the Titans and Olympians had.
Evan’s gaze remained soft as he tried to explain. “Everything I have told you is true, but… I don’t know how long it will take for your memory to return completely, yet I’m certain that it will.” Evan sat down on one of the plush ivory chairs. I was annoyed with him for not leveling with me and telling me what he really thought, and I didn’t want him to sit and make himself comfortable.
“I think that you are as scared as I am, and that you haven’t the faintest idea if and when I’ll begin to recall my life here. I would like to be alone, if you don't mind.” I stated firmly as I turned away from him to stare out the French doors.
The room is quiet with a stillness that made me believe for just a second that the world had stopped turning. Except for the warm breeze that wafted in through the French doors, and blew the intricate lace curtains a couple feet in the air, there was no movement. I remembered just then that I’m in the company of a being that could vanish with the breeze, so I turned around to make sure that Evan was still in the room. He hadn’t disappeared. We stared at each other, again.
“I’m not afraid. The circumstances of your return has slowed the process a bit, but it hasn’t halted it. I’ll leave, if that’s what you want. But I didn’t come here to fight with you. I’m here to fight for you.” Evan said softly, yet firmly, causing something to stir inside of me as I caught my breath. His words were simple, yet they grounded me where I stood. He stood up, and slowly walked to the double doors as if he hoped that I would stop him before he reached them. Once he was at my doors, he turned around, and we stared at each other again.
“It is what I want,” I said, with as much conviction as I could muster. Evan’s expression grew dismal, but he wouldn’t allow himself to show his vulnerable side, which I knew he had since providing me a glimpse of it today in the garden. He walked out without saying another word, and I was relieved to see him go. I knew that in another moment I might have begged him to stay, and I wouldn’t even know where the feeling was really stemming from, and that frightened me. The need to know my past was stronger still.
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