With lightning speed, Austin wrapped a claw-tipped hand around Josh’s throat. With difficulty because of his fangs, he gritted out, “Careful, shit for brains. She’s my mate.”
Josh squeaked out a noise of surprise. His hands wrapped around Austin’s wrist. He dug his nails into Austin’s skin, but Austin refused to let go.
Two other men descended on them. One pulled Josh away, as the other pried Austin’s fingers from the idiot’s throat.
“That’s enough, fellas. Either walk away or take it somewhere else. Preferably off the property,” the guy who held onto Josh said.
Steve grabbed Josh and pulled him back. Out of danger, but still close enough to hear. Austin wanted him gone. He never wanted to see the kid again because, if he did, he would break him in half.
Tess grabbed onto Austin’s arm and tugged. “Please stop,” she said, looking around, anxiety rolling off her. “You’re making a scene.”
“You’re concerned about a scene? Did you even hear what the asshole said?”
“I heard him. I chose to ignore him,” she snapped.
“How? By sitting there and taking the abuse? That’s not ignoring, that’s being a victim. What did you ever see in him in the first place?”
“I….” She wouldn’t meet his eyes. Her shame slammed into him like a physical blow to the stomach.
Come on, baby. He pushed a little harder even though it was the last thing he wanted to do. “You what? Come on. Do I need to ask you again? Let me in a little, please.”
She glanced away then back at him, anger filling her eyes. “He was the only guy to ever show any interest in me. I took what I could get because I didn’t know any different. There, does that make you happy?”
Austin’s head snapped back in shock. His mouth hung open, words failing him. How could she not know? A man should never treat a woman like dirt. Did her parents teach her nothing?
Tess huffed out an aggravated breath. “I’ll find my own way home.” She dug through her purse and pulled out some money. She slapped it on the chest of one of the men who’d stepped into the altercation, pushing him back. “Here, Levi. For my part of the meal and drinks.”
She was out the door before he had a chance to dig his own wallet out and toss money on the table. Damn, cheetahs were fast when they wanted to be. Good thing he was faster. He caught her in the parking lot. Grabbing her by the upper arm, he steered her toward his vehicle. She wasn’t running from him again. She needed to explain a few things so they could move forward.
Reaching the Jeep, Austin opened the door and lifted her onto the passenger seat. He wedged himself between her legs, clamping his hands on her thighs when she tried to move away. She stopped struggling to get free. He was amazed she relented without a fight.
Bright spots of color painted her cheeks, her breathing came out in erratic puffs. The outer ring of her irises glowed bright. He waited for her to calm down.
Using his thumbs, he brushed back and forth, stroking her denim-covered thighs. Damn, he couldn’t wait to feel her skin beneath his fingers.
Not the best time, Shaw.
He shook his head to clear the sexual thoughts. “For the record, it doesn’t make me happy, Tess. Knowing he treated you like shit and you took it, thinking you had no other choice, makes me pretty fucking mad. You’re my mate, and I have a deep desire to protect. I want to stomp back in there and rip his fucking throat out. And you’re wrong about him being the only guy interested in you. I am. A hell of a lot!”
She choked out a mournful laugh. “So you keep saying. Your interest is a cosmic joke like my life. It can’t be real.”
“Why not? You think I’m playing with you?” He was offended on all fronts. Never in his life had he been accused of stringing a woman along for sport. “Is that what your cheetah says? My interest is just a way to pass the time while my best friend mates with your roommate?”
“You said it,” she groused, crossing her arms over her chest.
“You have got to be kidding! I get we don’t know each other, and you might be scared, but I’m an honest guy. I don’t play with people’s hearts and emotions. You’re going to have to take my word when I say I would never do something so despicable. Also, you cannot sit there and tell me you don’t feel something for me. I’ve seen the hunger in your eyes. The golden glow of your cheetah recognizing its mate. It’s happening right as we speak. Plus, according to douche-nozzle in there, you have a crush on me.” He grinned and winked, hoping it would break the mounting tension.
Tess ducked her head, but not in time to hide her soft smile. “My cheetah’s wrong. She’s doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Any shifter would make her feel wanted.”
“Did Josh?”
She shook her head and sighed. “Any man other than Josh.”
“Did your body burst with arousal when Nik talked to you like it does for me? I’ve smelled your sweet cream wafting from your panties. It drives me crazy with wanting to taste it. To taste you.”
She looked at him, a flash of lust swept through her gaze before her nose scrunched in disgust. “Nik’s different. He’s like a big brother. One I have no intention of entertaining lustful thoughts about.”
Thank fuck! He couldn’t be distracted. He had a point to make and he wasn’t sure he’d made it yet. “Does Ryan make you feel anything when he’s at the house? I know you’ve run into him. Seen him. Does he pull your cheetah to the forefront and make you want to rub all over him?”
“Of course not. You’re being ridiculous. Ryan is Blaire’s mate.”
“And they met the same night we did. The same night Ryan and I both scented our mates.”
“Yeah, and you called dibs on Blaire. You weren’t drawn to me at all. You got up close and personal with Blaire before you realized you’d made a mistake. You didn’t give me a second glance until you didn’t have any other options. Hell, you were probably praying I wasn’t the one. I would even venture to guess you hoped your mate had been at the Wash & Wait earlier and were making plans to stake out the joint until you found her,” she snapped. Hurt filled her voice, and it pained him to know he’d put it there. His gut wrenched and heart dropped.
“Is that what your resistance is about? The reason you’re punishing me and our cheetahs?” God, he hoped not. It was one tiny, juvenile mistake.
Tess shrugged.
It was Austin’s turn to sigh. He’d explained the mix-up at the Laundromat, hadn’t he? Apologized for it, too. Yet, she kept closing herself off. Her lips were mashed together, jaw clenched. Her arms were crossed over her chest in a protective manner. He caught her peeking at him, a look of hope ghosted across her features. He got the feeling she wanted him to do something, say something. He didn’t know what, though. He could only apologize so many times before it got too much. She needed to meet him halfway.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Tess. I know you’re my mate. I feel it in my soul. I know it. My cheetah knows it. Hell, your cheetah knows it, but you still won’t believe. I’m sorry for screwing up. I want you, both sides of you. Until you can accept what you feel within, I don’t think you’ll ever believe me. You can’t keep ignoring your primal side.”
She pouted, pursing her lips. “She ignored me,” she said with heat.
Austin didn’t know how to respond. Something else threaded through her words, and he didn’t think he would get an answer tonight if he asked. The evening had been ruined the second they walked through the doors of Chugs.
“Well, you can’t keep ignoring her. The primal side is the true voice in us all. It guides us in the direction we need to go when we allow it. I don’t understand why you’re pushing yours aside, but I wish you would tell me.”
Tess stared at her hands folded in her lap as Austin’s words washed over her. The claws had retracted, and her anger at seeing Josh was gone. He wasn’t who she was pissed it. It was all directed inward. She stayed with him for so long, not seeing what a true dickhead he was. Ignoring her chee
tah when she told her enough was enough. The human side was the one that thought any amount of affection meant he cared. A lesson she learned at her father’s knee.
“I don’t know. All I can say is I’m not ready for a relationship. I can’t be your mate. I’m still too messed up.” Tess had to get him to understand. He deserved someone better. A woman who would love and cherish him without bringing so much baggage into the relationship. She didn’t see herself as that woman. Not at the moment and maybe not ever. Seeing Josh and Steve tonight proved that to her in spades.
She peeked at Austin. His jaw clenched and nostrils flared in obvious irritation. She waited for him to yell and curse the ground she walked on. Instead, he relaxed his face and the fury in his eyes dissipated. “You’re right. You can’t be my mate,” he said, a deep sadness in his voice.
Tess sucked in a harsh breath. She’d thought all along, but hearing him admit it hurt more than she ever thought it would. She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off.
“You can’t be my mate until you let it all go…. Josh…Steve. Your shitty friends, who should have had your back, not laughed behind it. Whatever it is holding you back from accepting me. You can’t be my mate until you figure out your cheetah and human sides are one and the same. Until you allow yourself to see what is right in front of you. Me. Your mate. A man, who regardless of how long we’ve known each other, would do anything in the world to keep you from hurting.”
He walked around the front of the Jeep and climbed in. Beats of silence passed as he waited for her to buckle her seat belt, and then he drove her home. In that moment, the rest of her world crumbled around her.
Chapter Seven
Hours later, Tess lay in her bed, staring at her ceiling, her mind spinning a mile a minute. After the scene at Chugs, Austin drove her home, not saying another word, for which she was grateful. He’d given her plenty to think about, and small chitchat would have made her head explode. After parking behind her place, he pulled her phone from her purse, programmed his number in, and then brushed his mouth over hers. A whispered, “Call me,” puffed against her lips before he sat back. He looked resigned and devastated by her decision to ignore a part of her so integral to shifter life. She didn’t think he would understand though.
The man was correct when he said the two sides completed the whole. Her problem stemmed from the not knowing how to bring the two sides back together. For so many years, she relied on her human side, the cheetah going dormant as a child after her father took her away from her mother. Tess never could figure out why the cheetah abandoned her in her time of need. The one thing she could piece together was maybe her animal couldn’t stand being away from its mother, the primary caregiver when in shifter form.
But after she moved to the dorms at Shifter U, she caught glimpses of the cheetah again. Popping out here and there, tasting the world it hadn’t seen for far too long.
As crazy as it seemed, with one sniff of Austin, her cheetah had roared to life, wanting to take over. Ready to lead Tess in the direction she wanted to go.
Replaying everything Austin had said, she realized there were a couple of things he was wrong about, something she hadn’t bothered correcting him on. She didn’t need to get over Josh and Steve or their friends. They no longer mattered to her after all these months. Looking at her ex-boyfriend and his new boyfriend standing in front of the table, she’d felt nothing. To her, Josh was a sad man who couldn’t be comfortable in his own skin. He’d lashed out because he was afraid people would make fun of him and pick on him.
The big scene in the band room at the beginning of the year was just a way to shift the focus and make it about her and not him getting caught with his pants down—literally.
So, where did that leave her? Being over the whole “Josh” thing and not bothered by the scene he caused, why couldn’t she accept her cheetah’s choice in mate and let Austin in? Did her problem stem back to her childhood, to her cheetah? Deep inside she knew the answer was yes. How could she trust such a vital part of her inner being when it abandoned her when she needed her most?
Tess rolled to her side. Light spilled under the door. Footsteps padded beyond the barrier. A woman giggled in the distance, and she guessed it was Blaire and Ryan.
A ghost of a memory appeared in front of her. Austin standing, blocking the door like a brick wall, then pulling her close to his body. His lips touching hers and lighting her on fire. It was heaven and hell. What she wanted with her heart and soul but afraid to take the leap.
It would be so much easier if she had someone to talk to.
“Our mate would talk to you.” Her cheetah flicked her tail to punctuate her point before turning her back.
“He would,” she agreed with her beast even though she knew she wasn’t listening. “But would it help the situation? We need a neutral party.”
She needed someone to bounce her crazy thoughts off and not call her a freak or tell her she was off her rocker. The girlfriends she did have, the ones she used to hang out with didn’t want anything to do with her. In her little band geek circle, Josh was a god. As the drum major, he was considered the leader of their pack. Their breakup caused allegiances to split, most of their friends siding with him. She didn’t need those false bitches anyway.
Tess’s thoughts centered on people closer to where she lived. None of them were in the band, which could be a plus. She didn’t feel close enough to Avery—though, the woman would be happy to listen. Blaire, she knew, had her mind filled with romantic dreams and notions and wouldn’t be any help.
Tess never took the time to get to know her other two roommates, Riley and Paige. At the time they moved in, she was filled with anger and humiliation. Too intent on keeping everyone at a distance.
Her father was out of the question. He’d refused to answer any girl-related questions when she was younger, and something dealing with her emotions would no doubt fall into the don’t-bother-asking category.
Her mother…well, Tess hadn’t talked to or seen her since the horrific screaming match between her parents that ended with her father taking her away. The woman never tried to see her or get in touch and neither did Tess.
No luck at all. She couldn’t think of one person to confide her deepest fears and questions to. She drummed her fingers on her stomach, trying to think of anyone—anything—that would help.
An echo of the past drifted through her mind. Something Avery said when she first got together with Declan.
ROAR.
During orientation freshman year, the university staff had stressed the availability of Hui and Min, the shifters who ran ROAR. They’d passed out information cards including all of their contact info. Students were encouraged to contact them in times of need, whether it be for a safe place to run, or to find help to get out of danger. They could be reached however and whenever they were needed.
Tess nibbled on her lip. Would they be able to help? Was her problem worth bothering them about? “It couldn’t hurt,” she whispered. “People use them to find clubs to go to.” The worst thing to happen would be no answer at all.
Sitting up, she flicked on her desk light and dug in the top drawer of her nightstand, looking for the laminated card. After shoving aside a bag of butterscotch candies and a bazillion hair ties, she found it.
She stared at the numbers, mulling over what she should ask them. They wouldn’t be able to give her answers on why her dad took her away from her mom. Or why she never saw her mother again. She doubted personal shit was covered in ROAR’s knowledge bank. Her parents were the only one who could shed a light on her childhood, and she had no intention of getting hold of either of them.
What could she ask two mysterious, all-knowing shifters that would help her current situation?
Her cheetah bumped her consciousness, and inspiration struck.
Furious fingers passed over the keys as she typed out her message. Praying it didn’t take them too long to get back to her. Having the root of her problem figu
red out, she wanted an answer so she could fix it.
TESS: How can I trust my inner animal’s instincts after she abandoned me when I needed her the most?
Chapter Eight
A week went by before Tess received an answer. Every time the phone chimed, her heart skipped a beat, half-hoping it signaled a response from ROAR, but secretly crossing her mental fingers it was Austin.
What did she expect would happen? She told him she couldn’t be his mate, and he agreed. He didn’t seem the kind of man to keep begging a woman to give him a chance. She needed to make the next move.
The phone’s screen lit and chimed on her nightstand. Setting her jazz project off to the side, she took a deep breath and reached for her phone. Disappointment set in when she realized it wasn’t Austin. Glancing at the screen again, she noticed ROAR had responded.
ROAR: Sorry it took so long to get back to you. We had to wait until the time was right. To address your question, you can always trust your animal. She never abandoned you. Our inner beings are always there, silent but watchful. They know what we need and let us know. Whatever your animal is saying, believe it.
She tried to recall her cheetah being there during her childhood. All of those nights she spent alone, huddled in her bed. Her father drunk in the living room, blind to her presence in the house. She counted herself lucky. He didn’t physically abuse her when he drank, but she could admit, his words hurt as bad as a smack in the face.
Closing her eyes she thought back, hard. She couldn’t think of a reason for her cheetah to come forth. No reason to rely on her beast to get out of a situation. No one bullied her or made fun of her. Her lack of friends, for fear of embarrassment of her home life, meant she’d closed in on herself, put a protective shell around her thoughts and feelings.
Unlike other children, she wasn’t taught to nurture the animal and make it part of her life. She did the requisite classes in grade school to learn to control the shift, but never did it outside the classroom. There was never a need. Never any encouragement to do so. Her father ignored his animal side and blamed it for the failure of his mating. She was a reminder of everything gone wrong, so shifting became obsolete in her life.
Changing Her Tune Page 6