“Jake, I want you to believe that God made you special. You’re young yet, but you’re so handsome we’re going to have to beat the girls back with a broom one of these days.” Abby grinned, but he didn’t even smile.
“Who said those horrible things to you, Jake?” Abby entreated.
“My aunt,” Jake stated flatly, in a voice just above a whisper.
“Do you mean your aunt Caroline?” Jake didn’t answer, but Abby didn’t really need the confirmation. Caroline was the only aunt Jake had known, growing up in Nebraska.
“She lied. I’m so sorry that she said those horrible things to you, but they were lies. You can’t possibly believe her.” Abby moved to stand directly in front of Jake. “You have to understand—I never met her and don’t want to speak ill of the dead, but she lied to you. Don’t let the words she said dictate who you are or who you become. When I see you, I see a wonderful young man who is very smart and capable. Someday you can have your own farm just like this, or breed hoses or cattle or anything else you want.”
“No. I’ll always just be a stupid farmhand. Uncle Will needs me and he has given me everything I’ve ever needed. It’s an okay life. I don’t mind.”
“Have you ever thought about what you’ll do for yourself?”
“No. I can’t run my own farm. I’m too stupid. I can’t read enough and someone would just swindle me out of everything.”
“Is that what you know or what your aunt told you?” Abby pressed; her gaze was steady as she waited for Jake’s answer.
“That’s a good question, Jake. I’d like to hear the answer to that myself,” Will said, startling both Jake and Abby.
“I heard what Abby was saying through the window,” Will informed Jake.
After a pause, Will took a seat and motioned Jake to take the one next to him. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize what Caroline had said to you, or how it’s hurt you all these years.”
Jake flopped down in the chair at the foot of the table. Abby turned back to the stove, caught between the urge to leave to give the men some privacy for their conversation and to stay so that she could be of help. Will looked like a fish out of water, trying to deal with the fragile ego of his nephew. Emotions didn’t seem to be his area of expertise.
“You were always so busy trying to keep everything together. She was always saying stuff about you being...” Jake stopped and looked down at his lap.
“I don’t care what she said about me,” Will answered, his voice soft. “I know she was angry with me. That’s nothing new. But I didn’t know she’d hurt you, as well.”
Will reached out across the empty chair between the two and briefly squeezed Jake’s shoulder. “Listen, Jake, you’re your father’s son and I knew Mathew better than anyone. So I know, for certain, that he’d have been very proud of you. You are very smart. You have a special way with horses, and I wouldn’t be able to get nearly as much done without your help. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about these doubts you’ve got about yourself. All this time I just thought you didn’t want to go to town because it brought memories of when your parents went and didn’t return.”
Silence filled the kitchen. Both men sat staring at their hands, resting on the table in much the same loose fold. If Abby hadn’t known that Will was Jake’s uncle and not his father, she wouldn’t have been able to tell by looking at them. She knew that Will loved Jake as much as he loved Tommy and Willy.
“Jake, I need to ask you to forgive me. I was struggling so much with all that was going on that I didn’t pay enough attention to you and how you must’ve been feeling.” Will looked Jake in his eyes and Abby held her breath, waiting for Jake to acknowledge his uncle.
“It’s no big deal. You had your hands full with everything else. I was just glad that you didn’t send me back East to live with Grandma or in some orphanage.” Jake ducked his head and didn’t make eye contact.
“Jake...” Will stood and cleared his throat. Squatting down next to his nephew, his hand on the teen’s shoulder, he looked him straight in the eye. “Your pa and I had a covenant, kind of like David did with Jonathan in the book of Samuel. I promised to see to you, your ma and any other of his kids if anything ever happened to him. He promised to do the same thing if the tables were turned. Half of this homestead is yours when you come of age. You’ve worked by my side like a man and deserve it. This was his dream before it was mine. If, when the time comes, you want to concentrate on breeding horses or raising cattle or anything else God puts in your heart, you have my blessing and my help if I can.”
Will stood and Jake unfolded from his chair, as well. Both men stood face-to-face, Will only a few inches taller than the boy. Soon Jake would be as tall as his uncle. Neither one seemed to know what to do or what to say.
“Come on, now, give each other a hug. If you don’t, I’m not gonna feed you for a week.” It slipped out so easily she was turning back to the stove to give the men some privacy when she realized what she had said and felt her face turn the shades of sunset. While she was Will’s wife in name, she was just his housekeeper in truth, and wanted to keep that position as long as possible. Threatening to not comply with her work was not exactly the way to ensure her stay.
Jake was the first one to laugh. “Well, now, Auntie Abby, you sure know how to threaten a man. You’ve got us so spoiled we’d probably starve to death the first day.”
“So don’t make me do it,” Abby threatened playfully, pleased that Jake was teasing her.
“You heard the woman,” Will mock-growled at his nephew. “I guess we’ve been given our orders.”
A moment later, they both shook hands and then Will pulled Jake into his arms. The hug resembled a wrestling match between bear cubs as Abby watched it in her peripheral vision. She swallowed back the lump in her throat and sniffed to keep from crying, forcing a smile instead.
Ever since Pastor Colin had preached about “numbering one’s days,” she had tried to do just that—live each day as if it would be her last day to interact with Will and the boys. She looked for ways to encourage them or to teach them so that when she left, they would have a host of memories that would keep her alive in their hearts.
She also prayed for them and their daily growth. Even as she sewed seam after seam into their new winter clothes, she prayed God would sew His Word in their hearts so they would carry it with them always. Abby thanked God with tears streaming down her face the night of the picnic when she had the privilege to help Tommy accept Jesus as his Savior. Now she added to her precious memories the privilege of seeing Jake and Will draw closer and Jake overcome hurtful lies his aunt had told him years ago. Lies that had kept him from enjoying social activities with his peers and other adults.
She placed a cup of coffee before each man and returned to her work. Listening to Will and Jake take their seats again in the kitchen and just sit in silence, a peaceful silence that no one wanted to spoil with words, she felt as though this had been part of the reason God had brought her all the way out to Nebraska. He had a divine plan to use her in the boys’ lives and in Jake’s. Even as she resigned herself to the truth that she might not have many more days with the Hopkins, her heart cried out to God. If she had been able to bless them in little ways, it would only stand to reason that staying for a lifetime would bring a lifetime of blessings.
But the words Teach me to number my days rang in her mind. Hers were but a few days on earth. She would have to find a way to survive when the allotted number had been spent here and then she’d have to accept when it was time to move on.
Later that night, the boys already tucked in bed and the kitchen set to rights, Abby slipped out onto the porch with a cup of tea and a light shawl draped around her shoulders. Now the evenings cooled quickly once the sun began to set. The nice part was the bugs didn’t bother nearly so much as they had done in the heat of the summer. She set
tled into the swing with her knitting on her lap. There was a lantern on in the barn and she could hear the frogs still singing in chorus down by the creek.
She had often been tempted to take a stroll down by the creek at this time of night, just to get away from the house and enjoy God’s peace and quiet. No wonder He had chosen this time of day to meet with Adam and Eve in the Garden. But she had never ventured away from the house again. She had sensed Will’s deep concern for her the night he had found her and Colin talking by the creek, and she hadn’t wanted to worry him again.
As if just thinking about him conjured him up, he emerged from the barn and headed toward the house. “Good evening,” she called out from the shadows of the porch. “Everything all right?”
“Good evening,” he called back. His eyes searched her out in the shadows and then, when he spotted her, a smile lit his eyes and his lips curled at the edges. It was a warm, friendly smile. She reminded herself not to read anything more into it than that. “Everything’s fine.”
“Want a cup of coffee or tea?” Abby offered, setting her knitting to the side and starting to stand. In a blink, Will was up the stairs and held out a hand to steady her on her feet.
“A cup of tea sounds good tonight. But stay put. I can get my own,” he reassured her, motioning her back toward her chair.
“No, sir. I just washed up in there and I’d rather make a little mess than have to deal with the bigger mess you’ll make,” she teased, rewarded by his boyish grin in return.
He held the door for her, then waited as she prepared the tea. By mutual accord, they returned to the porch with their mugs. She settled on the swing and he sat next to her, leaving as much space between them as possible.
“I wanted to say thank you for your help talking to Jake earlier today. You’ve done wonders pulling him out of his shell. You’ve done wonders for all of us, really. I don’t know what I would have done without your help this summer,” he started, his gaze holding hers.
Abby bit her lip and tried to calm her racing heart. What was he saying? Was this the opening of a discussion about how she’d done enough for them, and now it was time for her to leave? Until now, he hadn’t heard back from the East. At least he hadn’t told her about anything from his family in the post. In fact, just a few days before he’d commented how strange it was that his mother hadn’t sent her regular letters.
In the same span of time, her nieces, Megan and Hanna, had both written letters to her, telling her how much they missed her. Her breath caught in her throat when she dreamed about having her family around her. If only her marriage had been a real marriage, maybe her husband would have let her bring out the girls for a visit.
The second letter had arrived just before meal time last month. Colin had brought it for her. She waited to read it until right after they had finished the meal. She had sat at the table and drunk in the information from her nieces. Their words had her missing them so much that they sent her rushing to her room for a good cry, leaving behind three confused and uncomfortable men. A few minutes later, the boys knocked on her door and then came in and curled up on the bed on each side of her and offered her a handkerchief until she had calmed down. Tommy asked if he could kiss her “owie” and make it better, but she had explained that it was an “owie” inside her heart that was sad without her nieces and nephews.
She cringed at the thought of how sad her heart would be missing Willy, Tommy, Jake and Will if the time had finally come for her to leave.
Sitting out on the porch, Abby felt at home. It felt so natural to enjoy the calm of twilight by Will’s side. For a moment, she let herself indulge in the dream that this would be her life. Working hard and laughing at life, hand in hand with a godly man, was all she could ask from God.
“I...” He shifted, then stood and paced to the railing, leaning on it with his forearms, his gaze taking in the barnyard, his back to her so she couldn’t read his expressions.
“We’re almost done with the threshing and I’ll need to be taking the wheat to Twin Oaks so I can get it to the miller and then get our winter supplies. I had expected to have heard from my mother by now.”
Abby held her breath and waited as Will kept his back to her. “I don’t have any place to send you to. I’m sorry. I bet you’re champing at the bit to get out of here. Do you have a family or somewhere...”
“No. I don’t have anywhere to go. But I don’t mind it here. In fact, I’ve become quite attached to the boys.” Abby swallowed hard, not willing to expose all of her feelings. For all their warm, friendly conversations over the past few months, this was something they had never discussed. The topic of what would happen when she left had been studiously ignored. Now that they were finally talking about it, she had no idea what to say. What words would convince him to let her stay? “I feel safe here.”
She watched Will’s shoulders relax and it almost seemed as if he had let out a sigh. Did he truly think that she wanted to leave? “I don’t know how you can say that. There’s always the threat of bad weather, insufferable heat in the summer and harsh cold that penetrates the bones in the winter. Then again, the Indians could pillage the farm or we could get a swarm of locusts like there was three years ago. Or a draught could kill off the plants….”
“If life is so hard here, why do you stay?” Abby blurted out, shocked at Will’s pessimistic outburst.
“Now, don’t you start! I’ve put too much work into making this dream happen. I’ve lost Matt and MaryAnn and even Caroline to this place. I’m not leaving.”
“If you’re staying, then shouldn’t I stay, too? You need someone to take care of the boys. And someone to see after your needs, as well. You can’t even cook. What’ll happen to the boys once I go?” Abby’s question was more a whisper but carried on the still night.
“They’ll be brokenhearted. It was what I wanted to avoid. I didn’t want them hurt.”
Abby stared through the gathering darkness and tried to understand this man. “Would it have been better for them to not have had someone to feed them and take care of them all summer than to have heartbreak and know someone out there loves them even across the miles? My life will forever be richer for having known your family, for having loved your boys.” She bit her tongue before she could add “for loving you.”
Will shifted his weight against the banister and breathed deeply but didn’t reply. The silence stretched out. Finally, Will turned toward her but didn’t make eye contact. “I don’t know. I...” He swallowed and shook his head. “Good night, Abby. Thank you for the tea.”
He strode away to the barn as if someone were chasing after him. Abby didn’t move until he was inside the barn and the door had shut. Collecting her mug, her knitting and the mug Will left behind, she went into the house, still pondering the abrupt end to their conversation. Could Will possibly consider it better to never experience love than to love and have to say goodbye?
Chapter Twelve
Will watched the horses plodding along and smiled to himself. He and Jake had left early and were making good time with their heavy load. His wheat had gotten a good price and now he had barrels of flour to get him and the boys through the winter. He’d purchased sugar, spices, limes, apples and raisins, too. All the ingredients Abby had on her list and a few extras.
The vegetable garden Abby had painstakingly cared for all summer had yielded an overabundance of tomatoes, onions, carrots, beans, lettuce and a number of herbs. She’d spent the better part of the last three weeks canning the produce and had sent some with him to sell, as well. The pumpkins vines slowly twining around the border of the garden all summer promised some large pumpkins for pies in the next month. This growing season had been a success and he admitted it was in large part due to the woman who would be waiting back at the house with dinner ready for them. He fought the urge to hurry the horses.
“So, you miss her
?” Jake asked from the wagon bench next to him, bringing Will’s focus back to the road and the here and now.
“The farm?” he responded, ignoring the jab in his conscience. He knew exactly whom Jake was referring to.
“Uncle Will—you taught me never to lie,” Jake tsked.
“I think I liked you better when you weren’t quite so mouthy,” Will quipped, but even as he said it, he knew that the changes in Jake were due to Abby’s attempt to bring out his shy nephew. She’d coaxed Jake into trusting her and then taught him a few social graces. If Will didn’t keep a close eye on the young man, he was going to start thinking about things like courting and noticing the girls.... Not that there were many to notice in the area.
Abby was the youngest over the age of thirteen in the whole area.
“Come on, Uncle Will. You’ve got to admit you miss her just a little bit,” Jake insisted.
“Yeah, she cooks a lot better than either of us. I can’t wait to get back and see how she fared with the boys and the farm while we were gone.”
“She had Colin there,” Jake reminded him innocently.
“I know. I’m sure that everything is fine.” Will said it as much to himself as to his nephew. It had been the best solution to have Colin stay in the barn so he could see to the livestock and chores while Will and Jake were away. His friend’s presence should have served to reassure Will, but he also felt jealous. He was worried that Colin had been a better companion for Abby than he had been.
The men continued traveling in silence, Jake still smirking and Will fighting a battle with his emotions. Truthfully, he missed Abby something fierce. He even contemplated asking her to stay...to make their marriage a true marriage, not just a business arrangement. But he knew it wasn’t fair to her to ask her to make her life with him in the middle of the harsh, wonderful prairie.
Instant Prairie Family (Love Inspired Historical) Page 17