The time flies by so fast, it’s a bummer. I never want this class to end.
“Alright guys, good job! Everyone in a line.” We all run over to stand in front of the mirror again. This time we’re all wet and panting. Everyone’s skin is flushed. Everyone’s eyes are bright. We bow to our trainer and he congratulates us on a good class. As people head back to get their personal belongings, I hang back and follow A.J. to the stereo, where he turns off the music.
“Hi. Something happened that I want to tell you about.”
“Yeah, what?” He turns, his face expectant. I go over the details of the robbery, his face changing with every new bit of information. I keep it short, because the gratitude I feel toward him is making me emotional. “I used what you taught me. I just wanted to thank you.”
He reaches out and applies supportive pressure on my arm. “Wow. That’s incredible. You okay?”
I nod, smiling away the discomfort of being emotional in front of someone who’s so strong, and who possesses a Zen-like quality. “Yeah. I’m good. It’s funny. You’d think this class would teach me to walk around all butch or something, when really, it softens me.”
He nods, knowing the phenomena well. “You don’t walk around like most people do, defensive, because you know you can defend yourself, if something were to happen. It takes away the tension.”
“Yes!”
Level Two’s student’s drift in behind me, about to begin their class. I glance to them. “I just wanted to thank you, A.J. I’d hug you, but…”
He laughs. “I’ll pretend like you did.”
I grin. “You don’t want some of this?”
He shakes his head, smiling. “Alright Level 2. Get in one line.”
I turn and walk through the new group of people stretching out their limbs, a bounce in my step that takes me all the way to the parking lot; a parking lot I’m not afraid to walk in alone, because I don’t have to be afraid anymore - not with this training at my back.
19
Brendan
Sunday Night, Le Barré: packed.
Everywhere: my co-workers, friends, acquaintances from the neighborhood.
Patio: under construction and lookin’ pretty cool.
________
“Here we are again,” I say, as Mark and I walk in together and look around.
“Look at this place! This is a lot more than eighteen people.” He sends an approving sideways glance my way. “You’re fucking good at what you do. I gotta hand it to you.”
“Let’s get a drink.”
We make our way through the crowd, which takes longer than it normally would since we know so many people, and we have to stop and say hello. Mark sent out an email at his software company and he’s shaking hands and hugging people left and right. People from my agency are here, too. Mark jerks his head to the bar. I look over and see Annie throw me a smile as she, Laura, and Taryn rush around to get everyone served. Her eyes stay on me an extra second before she leans in to hear a customer’s order. I can see her lips moving with the words, Sorry. What did you want? The crowd waiting for drinks is four deep, easy.
Manny hurries by us, a bounce in his step as he carries a box of Bass Ale to the girls.
“Hey Brendan!”
“Hey Manny!”
Mark squeezes between people to get to the bar, but I stay back, not wanting to bump my ribcage. Taryn smiles and Laura waves at us when she sees us, neither coming to serve us because they know Annie would smack the back of their heads. I laugh to myself at the thought, glancing around to see who else I know. Bobby’s head bobs through the crowd.
“Mark, look who’s here!”
Mark turns and sees. “Well, well. Who’s working at Knockout?”
“Good question. Hey Bobby!” He goes to hug me but I hold up my hands. “Still healing. Great excuse not to touch you.”
He laughs. “Shut it. Hey, Mark!”
Mark reaches around me and fist-bumps him. “Who’s workin’ your bar, Bobby?”
“Ah, I’ve got some newbie on it. It’s Sunday. I get a night off, don’t I? I wanted to see how we did. Not bad, huh?” He looks around, whistles and shakes his head. “I should pay someone to come in and shoot me.”
“Your drinks are on me tonight, Bobby. Thanks for all your help.”
“Hey handsome! And you other guys.” Annie smiles, looking sexy as fuck with her hands on the counter and a black halter accentuating her cleavage.
“Now don’t call me handsome in front of Brendan, or he’ll kick my ass,” Mark says.
She cocks her head. “You wish it was you I was talking about!”
I call over the noise, “Annie, looks like you’re the busiest bar in town!”
She spreads her arms out, looking up to the heavens, then looks back to me. “I know, right?! It’s all because of you and that amazing man right there.” She points at Bobby and winks at him. “Thank you, Bobby!!”
“Hey, I sent out an email to my entire company,” Mark exclaims, feigning hurt. He turns his body and points in various directions. “I know that guy, and that guy, and that guy, and… we need to hire more women.”
“I should say so. What’re you men having?”
We all order and she nods while pulling out something from behind the bar. “Oh, Brendan, look at what was under the door today?” She holds up the menus I had delivered from my agency, complete with the new drinks. “I wonder who did this?”
I shrug, looking around. “I wonder.”
She cups her hands around her mouth. “Thank you!!!”
“You’re welcome, baby.”
Bobby practically leaps into the air, running away from us, yelling, “There’s a table on the patio emptying out!”
Annie makes our drinks as Mark and I wait. I can’t keep my eyes off her and Mark has thankfully stopped giving me shit about it. But as we walk away, with him holding Bobby’s and his drink, he leans over to say to me, privately, “You’re looking pretty happy B-man. I’m glad to see it.”
I throw him a look, expecting to see mockery thrown my way, but he’s got none to give. “Thanks, Mark.” We don’t say another word about it, and joining Bobby, we three talk about everything from The World Cup, to the Russian uprising in the Ukraine, to the latest stupid cat video that’s gone viral. The one thing we don’t talk about is women, and it occurs to me that we don’t have that, the way women do. It’s not how we operate. Maybe that’s why when we find a woman who makes us feel safe to open up about deeper things – like the way we really feel about things that are happening in our lives – we fall hard for her and let the male friendships that don’t support our new relationship die away. I’ve seen it happen in the happy marriages I’ve witnessed.
A couple hours and a few drinks later, Mark turns to me. “Hey, Brendan, You and Annie wanna come with me to Napa when Nicole comes into town. I was thinking of taking her wine tasting.”
“Yeah. Sounds great.”
Bobby looks around, eyes red and foggy. “I need a woman.”
Mark leans back on the chair. “What you need is a taxi.”
Bobby nods. “That I do. So now, wait a minute. How is this place not going to get ripped off after everyone leaves?”
I point out the gate, collapsed accordion-style against each wall. “See that.” We all turn to follow where I’m pointing next. “And see that button that’s like a garage door opener against the wall by the bar counter? That’ll close this gate. They’ll take in the tables and chairs after she closes and the gate will lock up. It’s still got a ways to go.”
Bobby’s head does a circle around us. “It’s gonna look pretty good.”
Mark stands up. “I’ve gotta go, B. Work in the morning. Just like everyone else, it looks like.”
I rise, too, with Bobby following our lead. “Yeah, me too. She’s closing early tonight. I’m going to stay. You want to join me, Bobby?”
He shakes his head. “Nah. Mark’s right. I need a taxi. I think I’m coming down with so
mething. I’m usually not this much of a lightweight. I’m a bartender for fuck’s sake!”
Mark agrees, amused, “Damn straight. I’ll walk you out.” He passes me. “See you later.”
“See ya, buddy.” Bobby goes to hug me and I hold out my arms for protection.
“Right. Pussy.” He walks past and throws me a look. “What’s a little gunshot wound? Come on!”
I laugh and he grins, thinking himself hilarious. As soon as they’re walking away, I head to the bar where there are plenty of empty seats now. There are still around twenty-five people in the place, but it looks empty compared to how it was. Annie matches my footsteps from the other side of the counter and follows me to a barstool, so we can talk. She plants her hands on the bar and tilts her head to the side, a sexy smile on her face, her eyelashes falling as she looks at my hands lying empty on the bar in front of me. She reaches over and touches a knuckle. “Mmm… great fingers.”
“Great tits.”
She whoops and covers her face, laughing as she goes to run another credit card. I glance over to see Manny washing glasses that are piled high, his work definitely cut out for him. But he’s just smiling away, whistling to himself. Laura comes over to wish me goodnight, the slowed night no longer needing three people serving drinks.
“That decal idea was really great, Laura.”
She smiles. “Thank you. But none of this would have happened without you.”
“Don’t say that. We all pitched in.”
She thinks about it, smiles as her answer, and waves goodbye, zipping up her jacket on her way out. Taryn calls over to Annie, “I’ll be right back. I’ve been holding it for awhile.”
Annie nods and closes the register, coming back to me now that everyone’s got what they need and more seats are emptying as people file out. “I’m exhausted.”
“You look really happy.”
An older gypsy-looking artsy woman calls over, “She’s ecstatic!”
Annie laughs as she lowers her head onto the bar for a second and comes up smiling. “Thank you, Barb. Stop eavesdropping!” In a quieter voice she says, so that we’re not overheard, “I’m exhausted but really happy. True. That’s the perfect description for how this feels.”
I bend forward, closer to her. “How ‘bout you stay at my place tonight?”
She leans over the bar and can’t reach me, so she wiggles on top of it, stretching across until she’s actually lying on it. “I’d love that.”
Voices of new people walking in the door sound behind me, but Annie’s eyes are locked on mine. Fine by me. Barb calls over, “Drunk blonde on a first and last date. Break out the tequila!”
But we don’t care. The room has disappeared again. I kiss my girl like no one’s watching, nice and slow, never speeding up.
A female voice that must belong to the newcomer interrupts us. “Now that’s a kiss! Give me an application! I want to work HERE!”
We laugh and pull away. I look behind me as Annie jumps off the bar. There’s a woman our age with short, platinum blonde hair, wearing clothes that are too tight, with a guy awkwardly standing behind her, happy he’s going to get laid tonight.
Instantly, I recognize her, even before she says, “Holy shit!” looking from me to Annie. “It’s you guys! You finally got together!”
Annie and I both say, “Corinne,” at the exact same time, Annie’s voice tense and pained, which throws me and I glance to her, a little surprised. She looks pale, her mouth open as she looks from me to Corinne.
“Oh man! Aren't you a sight for sore eyes? Now I can finally let THAT piece of guilt go. How long have you guys been together?”
“Corinne, don’t…I…” Annie stops. She gulps and looks at me. “Oh, Brendan, I’m so sorry.”
“What do you have to be sorry about?” I ask, confused.
Corinne’s hand flies up as she runs over and grabs my arm. “It’s me who needs to apologize. Man,” She turns to Annie, “---when you said you were moving to Italy, Annie, I thought to myself, she’ll be back. She’s just mad I slept with YOU!” Corinne looks back to me and drops my arm. “She’s not really going to throw college away ---” She snaps her fingers, “---just like that! But you did it.” Corinne hits the bar, and the loud THWACK jars my memory, the sound of a Pellegrino bottle being thrown against the door when I was twenty-five reverberating through my ears.
I look at Annie, puzzle pieces flying together so fast it’s making me sick. “That was you?”
She stares at me. “Brendan, I’m so sorry, let me explain.”
“You were that girl who got mad at me for forgetting Corinne’s name.”
Corinne blurts, “You forgot my name?”
Annie yells at her. “Corinne! Shut up!”
I nearly fall off the barstool backing away from her. “You remembered me this whole time?”
Corinne starts to say something, and I spin to look at her. The words fall dead in her throat as she sees my eyes. She glances to Annie, realizing she’d caused trouble.
“Brendan, I tried to tell you. I can explain. Hang on. I’m coming out.”
“Unfuckingbelievable.” I start for the door.
“Brendan!” Annie runs out from behind the bar. I pass by Taryn who’s wondering what’s going on as she’s walking out of the bathroom and sees our faces. Annie catches up to me since I can’t move that fast with this fucking gunshot wound, but she doesn’t touch me, just waits until we both get outside.
I stare at her, stunned. “You knew it was me this whole time! I asked you if we’d met before!” I rake both hands through my hair, the images of all the moments I felt she looked familiar, stabbing me one after the other. “I asked you that a lot! How could you lie to my face?!”
Her eyes are desperate, and her hands reach for me, but don’t touch. “I was going to tell you so many times, but I didn’t know how!”
“You just say it! When I ask you, have we met, you say YES!!! HOW HARD IS THAT?” I walk away from her.
“Please, Brendan,” she cries out, chasing me. “Please let me explain.”
I’m looking everywhere for something stable to clamp onto, hope drifting away from me, the hope of finding someone I could trust. A hope I didn’t even know I had until she came into my life. I stop and stare at her, pain twisting my face. “Did you do this to get back at me? For being an asshole? I remember us fighting, but... why would you do this to me?”
She searches my eyes. “You told me you wanted to stay far away from me! You looked at me back then like I was less than nothing!” She gulps down the hurt of those words, and her desperation to get through to me. “And then when you came into my bar, you were so nice, and part of me wanted to tell you right then, but you didn’t remember our fight. You didn’t remember! I remembered you, Brendan. How could you not remember me?”
“I did remember you! Over and over, on the tip of my consciousness – just out of reach. And I asked you to help me remember ---- but you didn’t”
“I didn’t need help to remember you,” she says, quietly angry.
“You don’t get to be angry, Annie. Because you’ve been lying to me – lying to my face!” I pace, taking this in. “You don’t get to steal a person’s choice. If you had told me it was you, I would have thought that was funny!” A bizarre laugh tears at my insides. “I would have said how great you looked. I would have asked you about moving to Italy! You know, I was impressed that you did that, back then. We could have talked about it!” I step back, pieces still coming together. “Christiano’s in Italy, isn’t he? That’s why you called that early – because of the fucking time difference.”
Annie crumbles. “Yes.”
“The layers of this unfolding for me - do you have any idea how badly that’s going to haunt me? I’m going home. Don’t follow me. Go close your bar.” I turn and walk home. She doesn’t follow me because there was nothing about the way I just looked at her that suggested this was open for discussion.
When I get inside the penth
ouse, Mark’s asleep. I almost wake him. I even walk to the bottom landing of the stairs and look up, about to call his name and ask for his help. But that would be new territory, like breaking through a forest that has never had a path. I don’t have the energy to try. So I go in my room and close the door.
On my nightstand are Annie’s things – a lip-gloss, a half-empty glass of water, and the floor-plan Mr. Donovan gave her for the patio. She’d started to take them with her, but I’d told her to leave them. She’d be back, so why not? Walking to them, I go to pick them up, but I can’t touch them. So I let them sit. I crawl into bed and stare at them. When dawn comes the next morning, I’m still awake, still lying here, trying to understand.
20
Annie
I Want To Run Far, Far Away.
Le Barré: won’t close itself.
Heart: dead.
________
Corinne walks over, holding a pint of beer that Taryn must have poured her. Corinne’s date has one, too. “Annie, did I fuck things up again? I don’t understand what just happened!”
I take her glass from her grip, take a sip, and throw the rest of it in her face. “Get out of my bar.”
Lager dripping down chunks of hair, she stares at me with her mouth open.
I step closer, getting really still and quiet. “Get. The Fuck. Out. Of My Bar.”
Her date takes her arm. She throws his hand off her, and walks past me for the exit. He hands me his glass as he follows her. I take a sip, because I’m in shock. Corinne turns and glares at me, wiping her face. “You really need to get a hold of that temper, Annie. Seriously.”
“I don’t think I do, Corinne.” Then I raise my voice loud enough for the whole room to hear. “It’s okay to be mad when someone hurts you. That’s when it’s really A-Okay to lose your temper. Like when your best friend sleeps with the love of your life.”
“I didn’t know!”
“Bullshit!!!”
Hearts Series Bundle: Books 1-6 Page 39