“Yes, yes. Of course.”
Jordy cleared his throat. “Is she inside?”
“No. She avoids me outside of our work together. I’m sorry, my friend.”
“I should check on her.”
Dakarai barked out a laugh. “Let’s put that particular problem aside for a few hours. I have more alcohol than should be allowed, and it’s not going to drink itself.”
Problem?
Problem?
I’d been taking the time to get to know Her better and found our personalities melding together. Lately, I didn’t know where She ended and I began. At that moment we wanted to blast a hole through the door and rage at them.
Unfortunately, you’d kill everyone if you decided to instigate a battle. We’re not done here.
I waited until Jordy and Dakarai disappeared behind the door, counted to ten and sprinted down the hallway. The elevator doors were still open, and like a puppy who hadn’t grown into its paws, I slammed into the wall and bounced off of it, right into the panel of buttons.
The elevator descended to the gym level. My strut told my non-existent audience that I was a boss, not some little girl to mock. They should have been quaking at my feet. I could have killed them all and walked away without a scratch.
I threw open the hidden door to the training room and gagged. The musky smell of old jockstraps, unwashed towels, and unsanitary equipment wafted into my nostrils and nested. This was Jordy’s version of a mild diversionary tactic. He’d set up clearance for anyone who had his permission to use the space, and if one didn’t have the right thumbprint for the scanner, the smell would be the least of their worries.
The odor crawled into my mouth and liquefied in my veins. Thousands of fire ants burrowed into my skin, heating me from the inside and making me sweat drips of lava. The security pad was too far away. I’d be incapacitated or dead if I failed.
She woke up, and a growl burst from my throat. We couldn’t stop the fire ants, but we’d never go down without a fight. We rocked back and forth on our heels to gain momentum and flung our body at the wall.
Pain cut through me like a mesh net savages a block of cheese. I was dying. I knew it. I knew Jordy would be the end of me. The embarrassment was too much to handle. My body would be no more than a ruined lump of meat and bone, and I’d have been taken out by the smell of teenage boys.
✽ ✽ ✽
Sulfur burned my nose and yanked me out of oblivion. “My arms! Oh my God. Help me. Please, God. Help me!”
I scratched my body until I saw blood. The ants were still inside me. The liquid in my veins was going to fill my lungs and drown me from within. Unless I removed the poisons, I’d die.
“Someone woke up feisty.”
“What? Who’s there? I’ll kill you!” The poisons were shutting down my organs, and I was losing my senses. My vision had been reduced to an old movie theater projector. It was impossible for my brain to keep up with the onslaught of light and sound.
My attacker was nearby and I couldn’t friggin’ see.
“Ea… ow. Re… .xy… sk… Put… the…st… over your…head. Breathe.”
“Get away from me! I’ll kill you!”
This time my foot found its mark on my would-be murderer’s thigh. It was enough to knock him or her off balance long enough for me to scoop up the oxygen mask and tank and hightail it to the opposite corner. My hands sought the strings on either side of the mask and looped them into place. It could have been a trick, this tank of gas, but I’d run out of options. I sucked the air deep into my lungs. The fire ants and liquid stench receded as the air turned into liquid.
Of course, the heat had been extinguished. The gas turned frigid in my bloodstream, neutralizing everything in its way. I slumped over and stared at the ceiling.
For the first time I could remember, She wasn’t even a shadow in my mind. I was alone, completely and utterly alone. No family, no friends, no potential for a real life. Nothing anchoring me to reality. I closed my eyes and saw my parents and sister. Livie smirked at my attire because only my sister could make death into a fashion critique. My mom and dad looked haggard. But they smiled widely, tears glistening in their eyes. Mom opened her arms and tried to bring me home.
Where’s Jude?
Their voices were warped by whatever boundary separated us. My mom realized it first and began to scream and pantomime a single word.
Run.
✽ ✽ ✽
I was ready the next time the sulfur hauled me out of whatever the hell had just happened. My attacker moved in closer and felt my forehead about the same time as my right fist connected with his or her jaw.
“Ow! Shit! Goddammit! If I have a bruise, you’re going to pay in laps.”
“Jordy?”
I opened my eyes and saw him standing above me. Jordy cradled his cheek and glowered. The sleeves of his white dress shirt were rolled up to his elbows, and his tie was loose around his neck.
“Who are you? What do you want?”
“For cripes’ sake, Jasper! How hard did you hit your head? And why the hell are you sneaking into my private training studio? Were you trying to get into my office?”
“Jordy doesn’t wear suits. Jordy doesn’t get hurt. Who are you?”
Jordy heaved his dashingly attired self into a chair. “I’m not playing games tonight. A million parties are going on, one right across from your room, and you decided to break into my office instead.”
My head throbbed, but a quick pat-down revealed nothing concerning. “I don’t understand.”
“I can’t help you unless you use your big girl words to tell me what hurts.” He rubbed his cheek again and smiled. “Holy hell, Jasper. That was a great punch. Your reaction time was stellar.”
Nothing made sense. The room was identical to the one where I spent several hours a week. If I ignored the suit, I could entertain the idea that Jordy sat in front of me. But…
“Where the hell is your office? And what happened?”
“Can I examine you now? You gouged that arm like a pro.”
I acquiesced and submitted myself to a quick and professional prodding. “What’s going on? How long?”
“She speaks.” He rose and dusted off his pants legs. “It’s New Year’s Eve. No one has permission to be anywhere except the designated areas. You were not cleared for this room.”
“What? This was you? You did this to me?” I slapped the chivalrous hand he held out and jumped to my feet.
“Whoa, killer. Let’s get you into a chair. We can talk while I monitor you. Fair warning,” he said cheerfully. “I’m probably going to stick you with a needle.”
The world kept going right round, right round like… crap. The rest of the song escaped me. “I’ll kick you again.”
“Go for it. You’re not going to hurt me.”
“Jerk.”
“Never claimed otherwise. Did you truly believe that I was unaware of your nighttime Rocky sessions?”
“Yes. You never said anything.”
He shrugged and Jordy, the stranger who wasn’t my friend, reappeared. He took my pulse and stuck a thermometer in my mouth. “If you wanted my help or company, you would have asked. Since you didn’t, I respected your space. That doesn’t mean I don’t keep an eye on you.
“Cameras?”
Jordy jerked his head once toward the back corner. “I had it set to turn off inside the gym. Only the hidden door, the antechamber, and my office doors were monitored.” His voice softened. “Why are you here?”
“Because it’s my ‘Rocky session.’ What’s the big deal? I do what I’m told and stay out of everyone’s way. What did you do to me?”
“That’s something else we need to discuss. But as to what happened? Nothing.”
“Bull.” I was on my last reserves of brain power and restraint. “Something happened.”
“The canister released gas laced with a compound that was developed for this purpose.” Jordy laid a hand on my shoulder. “You we
ren’t supposed to be here. I never expected that you would be exposed.”
Hell hath no fury like a woman who’d been drugged, choked, kidnapped, and iced. Tiny fireflies danced underneath my skin, warming me from the inside out.
Power. Call on it. Claim it. Kill with it.
I perched myself on the edge of a weight rack. I took a few deep breaths. She might have been down to kill, but that was the difference between Her and me. I’d kill to protect myself, but senseless violence was abhorrent. If I crossed that line, I might as well have become the owner of the Wraith Bordello.
Embracing the power — and Her — was more appealing than this lamb-to-slaughter shtick that had plagued me for so long. My voice was no longer my own. Nor was it Hers. Cold, calculated rage infused every syllable. “What did you do to me?”
Jordy raised his open hands in front of him and took a step backward. “Want to dial that back a notch, Sparky? I’m not invincible. If you go boom, Jordy goes bye-bye.”
I sneered. The power, whatever it was, responded to my thoughts and flowed to my fingertips. “Jordy goes where I tell him to go. I won’t ask again. What did you do to me?
“The gas contains a compound we created here. Jasper, I need you to remember that you were never meant to be exposed.”
Months of training and observing Jordy finally paid off. I noticed the shift in body movement that meant he was preparing for a fight. I’d already done the surveillance. The smooth walls offered no real purchase so that they couldn’t be used in a fight. Nor could the room’s only door as it was the only barrier between us and the poisonous antechamber.
I tracked his cool, assessing eyes as they moved around the gym. When his gaze settled on the weight rack, I knew that we’d come to the same conclusion. The weights would have to do.
I knew that if it came down to it, Jordy would do whatever was necessary to subdue me, but he wouldn’t hurt me more than necessary. Unfortunately, I couldn’t say the same thing. I’d destroy him and keep destroying everyone in my path until the rage subsided.
“Jasper, you’re off-kilter and on a hair trigger. Remember that. We laced the gas with a compound that mimics the effects of a bad LSD trip without the addiction or long-lasting damage.”
“You drugged me with LSD.”
“Yes, I did. This isn’t the only room in the compound that I’ve rigged with an anti-theft system. I’m sorry that you suffered through this, but I won’t apologize for my security methods.”
Who booby traps their office with LSD gas? What kind of cold calculation did that require?
How can we become just like him?
She might have been insane, and it appeared as if I was joining the party. The idea of deliberate violence didn’t repel me. I needed it. I craved it. I’d die without it. The hunger for power gnawed at my insides, begging for a relief I couldn’t provide. “Teach us. Me.”
Jordy lowered his hands and stood straighter. “Be specific.”
“Don’t teach me how to use a weapon. Make me into the weapon. Show me how to turn off the emotions.”
“No.”
“No?”
“No. I won’t make you into a weapon. I’ll teach you the mechanics of how to kill. I can teach you how to torture. But I won’t make you into anything. That’s not my choice. You decide how it shapes you.”
One of the most important lessons I’d learned from my time with the Circle was that control over thoughts and emotions was everything. In this heightened state, Jordy’s gentle rejection smacked of disappointment and revulsion. I wasn’t good enough, strong enough or worthy of his guidance. I was a child, a student who was incapable of knowing what I needed.
They were wrong. The power that had been concentrated in my fingertips flowed through my veins like molten lava, tearing me apart, reshaping me and making me indestructible. My skin was aglow with pure energy and light. I was power incarnate.
“I wasn’t asking. You will teach me even if I have to summon the beast himself.”
Jordy’s eyes shuttered. His face lost all traces of emotion as he rose to his full height. “You do not command me. You do not summon me. I will teach you nothing.”
“I command all. I am Vishnu and Shiva and Shakti. I am Asha Vahishta and Ma’at. I am Datin. I exist in the dawn and the dusk. The Vespers and the beast exist to mete out justice as I deem necessary. You will teach me.”
“I will not.”
A sense of calm washed over me as I spoke. “Then you will die.”
✽ ✽ ✽
I lost control.
The power within me roared through my body and exploded outward with the force of a nuclear bomb. I was the conduit and the waves of energy. I destroyed and created.
It seduced me, teased me, and promised pleasure and pain, everything and nothing. It promised to ease my burden and return the powers that were not mine. Equilibrium.
It was beautiful.
“Jasper!”
The guttural scream pierced my perfect cocoon and threatened to bring me back to the imperfection and imbalance. Rough hands grabbed at the body I’d been so close to shedding — arms wrapped around me. The voice grew louder. It shouted, demanded, begged, and prayed for my return. It begged for mercy for itself and the others. It told stories of friendship and love.
My body fought corporeality, but the beast was stronger. Its grasp was solid no matter how much I struggled. It absorbed every strike and was unfazed by kicks and bites.
The beast held me close and whispered in my ear.
“This is going to hurt. I’m sorry.”
Pain radiated through my skull. My vision faded.
I was gone.
CHAPTER TWELVE
CONSCIOUSNESS SLAPPED ME OUT of the cocoon of darkness and shackled me to my body. I braced myself for the inevitable waves of pain. There was no possible scenario in which I had escaped from the explosion unscathed. I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes and look at my charred flesh and broken limbs. If I did, the explosion would have been real, and I would have caused destruction and injury.
Voices surrounded me.
And you really don’t remember? Was it something that he said? Are the voices in your head? Calling Jasper!
She had officially claimed the top spot on my shit list. Whatever happened earlier could have been prevented if she’d been with me. We could have subdued the rage. This was her fault.
Oh, Jasper. Don’t be such a spoilsport. Admit that you liked the power. You wanted it to consume you and bring you to oblivion.
“Her raw power is unparalleled. You could have been decimated. Based on the damage, you should have been a burnt corpse.”
Jordy groaned as he lowered himself onto my bed. “Do you think she shielded me? Is there any record of that kind of ability? I need to go back to make sure there wasn’t any damage outside of the room.”
“Do what you think is best. However, it might be a good idea to wait until she wakes,” Dakarai said. “Jasper has begun to navigate uncharted waters. Her abilities are manifesting too fast. She is dangerous.”
“Damn. I’d hoped… it doesn’t matter anymore. I have to suspend her training with me and limit our interactions. You know why.”
Dakarai hummed his agreement. “The High Council will want to place her in containment.”
“Not going to happen. I’ll go to war with High Council over this. Jas is volatile already. If she’s imprisoned, there’s no telling what she’ll do.”
I swallowed, prying my tongue from the roof of my mouth, and forced my eyes open. “Don’t talk about me like I’m not here. Where am I?”
Dakarai reached for my hand and smiled. “Ah, there you are. I wondered when you’d join the conversation, you nosy eavesdropper.”
“Couldn’t help it. Eyes wouldn’t open. Why won’t my arms move?”
Jordy and Dakarai exchanged apprehensive looks.
“I can’t move my legs.” For the first time, I noticed that a blanket covered my body and rested bene
ath my chin. “Oh crap. Please don’t tell me you had to RoboCop my body. Please tell me I’m not a cyborg.”
Mikael walked into the room holding a bag of something that smelled delicious and a tray of coffee. “How’s she doing?”
“Mikael! Am I a cyborg? Did I lose half my body? What the hell is going on? Where am I?”
He smiled ruefully. “It is wonderful to see you awake, Milaya. You gave us quite a scare. I will answer your questions on the condition that you allow me to help you eat. I’ve seen you become ravenous after an exhibition of power.”
“Huh?”
“My visions.” Mikael lifted a cup of water to my face and put the straw against my lips. “Drink.”
The water was perfect. It soothed my parched throat and put something in my aching stomach. “Thank you. Will you tell me what’s happening? Where am I?”
He shooed Jordy off the bed and sat down. “You are in our infirmary.”
“You make it sound like a school’s nursing station,” Jordy snapped. “It’s a high level and fully equipped medical center created to handle things like this.”
That explained the ammonia smell and awful fluorescent lights. “I’m in a hospital. Why?”
Mikael squeezed my ankle reassuringly. “Your explosion was violent and life-threatening. Thankfully, you are unscathed. Jordy suffered minor injuries. The gym is destroyed.”
I took in Jordy’s appearance. He sported a nasty deep gash above his left eye, and his right hand was in a splint. “Jordy? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“You owe me a new suit. It was custom-made.”
“I’ll buy you ten suits.” I struggled to move my limbs. “For cripes’ sake, why can’t I move? Jordy?”
Dakarai shooed Mikael and Jordy to the corner of the room. He stepped forward and peeled my blanket off slowly. My ankles, wrists, and midsection were locked into place by thick restraints.
“You could have killed Jordy. I don’t know why he has so few injuries, and I’m astounded that the building hasn’t collapsed. The High Council wants answers, and I have none. Until you exhibit control over your emotions and powers, we can’t leave you unsupervised. This is the best I can offer.”
Order of Vespers Page 13