by Shana Burton
“I know you have to tell yourself that to go through with this but—”
“But what,” cut in Sullivan. “The truth shall set me free? What does it benefit anyone to tell the truth—this child? Charles? Vaughn? No one wins if the truth comes out. Plus, there’s still a chance that it could be Charles’s kid. I’m not going to risk my baby’s future for the sake of the truth setting me free.”
“Have you ever considered that you may be underestimating Charles? He forgave you before. Who’s to say he wouldn’t do it again and gladly raise this child as his own?”
“Angel, my husband is a good, patient man, but I don’t even know if I could forgive me under the circumstances. If Charles ever found out that I slept with Vaughn again and that this baby could be his, it’s over. He’ll leave me for real this time. I can’t even say I would blame him. I can’t do that to him, Angel, especially not after all he’s been through with the stroke and having to relearn how to live his life. He saved my life. I’m not about to destroy his. He’s been too good to me to do that. You remember how messed up I was when you met me. I was so selfish and self-centered.”
“And you’re not now?” asked Angel, baffled.
“Even you have to admit it used to be much worse. When I look back over my life, it makes me eternally grateful for my husband. I thank God for him. I literally don’t know where I’d be if it hadn’t been for Charles and the Lord.”
“I remember when we were in college how you never wanted to go home, not even during the holidays. When you finally broke down and told about everything you’d gone through with your mother and how bad things were at home, my heart went out to you.”
“I was pretty much a train wreck back then. All that changed after I met Charles. God sent him into my life at just the right time. He was the first one to believe in me and actually saw something in me that was good. He gave me a home. I never had that growing up. Vera wasn’t exactly the paradigm of stability and motherhood. Going away to school was the best thing I ever could’ve done.” She cracked a smile. “Besides, it brought me to you, didn’t it?”
Angel smiled. “And, ultimately, to the Lord.”
Sullivan nodded. “And to Charles. I really do love him, Angel. I don’t know where I’d be without him.”
Angel rested her hand on Sullivan’s shoulder. “I know you love Charles, Sully. Charles loves you too. He’ll make sure this child knows nothing but love.”
“That’s why it’s so important to me that Charles raise this baby. I know I can be self-sabotaging,” she admitted. “In my defense, my schemes always seem like a good idea at the time . . .”
“That’s because the ways of a man seem right to him,” quoted Angel from Proverbs. She hugged Sullivan. “Aw, baby girl, you’ll be all right. I believe there’s hope for you yet. No doubt about it, you definitely keep things interesting around here! I have no idea how you’re going to pull off this Charles’s-baby-Vaughn’s-maybe situation, but you’re a tough cookie. If anybody can make it work and look fabulous while doing so, it’s you.”
Sullivan squeezed Angel’s hand. “I’ve got to do this right, Angel. This baby can’t be one of the millions of other things I’ve screw up. She has to be my legacy, the one thing people remember me doing right.”
“I didn’t realize being a good mother was so important to you.”
“Being a good mother means everything to me, especially after this last visit with Mommy Verest. I hate that she’s even my kid’s grandmother.”
“Maybe having a grandchild will encourage her to make some changes.”
“Girl, please! I doubt that Vera changes this child’s diaper, much less her life for the better.” Sullivan thought for a moment. “Do you know what fear keeps me up at night?”
“What?”
“Being afraid that I’m going to end up just like her.”
“God won’t let that happen,” vowed Angel. “Neither will Charles or any of us. Even if you did, love is strong enough to conquer all.”
“You mean like you and Duke?”
The comparison made Angel uneasy. “Don’t compare yourself to Duke and me, Sully.”
Sullivan sighed. “You’re right. You’d never cheat on him or do any of the things I’ve done to Charles. Why can’t I be more like you, Angel? You know, boring and wholesome and faithful.”
Angel smiled a little, wondering why she couldn’t be less like Sullivan.
Chapter 39
“I dance, I flirt, and I take my clothes off. I do whatever I have to do to get the money.”
—Reginell Kerry
Mark stopped sautéing the spring vegetables in the skillet and glanced over at Reginell. “What’s your purpose?”
Reginell, sprawled across his sofa, looked up from the music industry magazine she was skimming through. “Huh?”
“What’s your purpose? What’s your reason for being here?”
Reginell turned the page. “You asked me to come over for dinner, remember?”
“No, not for being here at my house, for being here on earth.”
She paused. “I don’t know. I guess to bless people through my music. You know, make them happy and feel things through my songs. Why?”
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. Have you ever thought God might want you to do that through gospel music and singing for Him instead of the world? I think that’s the call on your life.”
Reginell stared at him for a second before bursting into laughter. “Me, Mark, a choir girl?”
“What so funny about singing for the Lord? Stranger things have happened.”
“They don’t come much stranger than that.” She began laughing again. “You can’t be that stupid.”
“Okay, now I’m insulted.” He removed the pan from the stove. “Maybe you ought to go back home.”
“All right, I’m sorry,” she replied, stifling her laughter. “I shouldn’t make fun. Go ahead, tell me about this, um, calling you think I have. Did you wake up and hear a voice booming out of the sky or spot a bush burning out front?”
“Don’t be cute,” he snarled.
“I can’t help it,” she bragged and joined him at the stove. “Am I supposed to drop everything and follow the Lord?”
“I didn’t say that. I just think you should change your focus with the whole music thing. I don’t think you’re going to be blessed with the way you’re going about it.”
“I already told that I’m not going to give dancing up for anybody. It’s a part of my career plan.”
“You’re not dancing, you’re stripping. Call it what it is.”
“Call it whatever you want, but I’m not giving it up. I’m not changing who I am for you or anybody else.”
“I’m not asking you to change. Right now, the only thing I’m asking you to do is listen.”
They were interrupted by Reginell’s phone vibrating. She checked her messages. “Shoot, I’ve got to go. Ray needs me to fill in for one of the dancers at some bachelor party tonight.” Mark blew out breath and slung the pan away from the stove. “Don’t get mad. I’ll come back afterward, and we can eat then.”
Mark was incensed. “You’re going to leave me to go dance for a bunch of oversexed, drunk men?”
She exhaled. “It’s not personal, Mark. This is business.”
He turned away from her. “Yeah, business, okay.”
“That’s my job, Mark. I’m going there to work. Like it or not, this is what I do. I dance, I flirt, and I take my clothes off. I do whatever I have to do to get the money.”
“Reginell, you’re better than this.”
“No, right now I am this. You’re just going to have to accept it.”
“Do you have any idea what these guys are saying about you? To them, you’re just a piece of meat, a way to get off.”
“Don’t you think I know that? I don’t have any delusions about why I’m supposed to be here, and neither do they. The only one who’s confused here is you. You’re the only one
trying to be Captain Save ’em.”
“How can you go out there and get treated like a prostitute? Don’t you have any self-respect?”
“Yes, I do,” Reginell snapped, “which is why I’m not going to let you stand here and judge me.”
“Do you expect me to say nothing and watch you get taken advantage of?”
“I’m not asking you to do that. Nobody’s forcing you to be with me. Honestly, Mark, I had given you more credit than this. I thought that you understood what it is that I do and had accepted it, had accepted me.”
“But this is not you, Reginell. You don’t have to stoop to this.” They were both silent as they pondered what to say next.
Reginell grabbed her purse. “Mark, I’ve got to go. I’m going out there, and I’m going to shake my behind and smile and do what they are paying me to do. If you can’t handle it, maybe you shouldn’t be with me.”
“I’m just trying to look out for you. Do you think anybody else there gives a flip about you?”
“I’ll be fine. I don’t need you to protect me. You’re my man, not my manager.”
Mark relented. “You’re right, I’m not your manager. I’m just someone who cares a lot about you, who can’t stand to see you living your life this way. You’re my girl, all right? I don’t like seeing you treated like a hooker.”
“If this is the beginning of some lecture, you can stop before you start. I get an earful from my sister on a daily basis, and I don’t need more of it from you.”
“She’s just concerned about you, and so am I. The strong, confident woman standing in front of me right now is not the trick about to go make a display of herself at the bachelor party. You’re acting like some two-bit slut who would sell her soul if the price was right.”
“Two-bit slut?” repeated Reginell, now hurt. “Is that all you think of me? What about all that talk about accepting me for who I am and respecting me?”
“Try respecting yourself, Reggie. How can you just stand there and let those men . . .” He ran his hands over his face. “How can you expect me, as your man, to stand back while other men touch you, knowing what they think about you and what they want to do to you?”
“I’m not asking you to accept what I do. I’m asking you to love me enough to see past it.”
“I don’t know if I can do that, Reggie. I don’t. Why can’t you just give it up, get a regular job, and—”
“And what—go back to waiting tables? Move back in with my sister? I’m trying to move forward, Mark, not backward. Like it or not, this is a real career move for me. I’m gaining exposure and getting my name out there. Do you know what Ray told me the other night?”
“Do I want to know?”
“He said that someone called asking about putting me in a music video. Not some low-budget local act either, Mark. That video is going to be seen by millions of people. I wouldn’t just be some extra. I’d be the lead, a principal role. Do you know what that could do for my singing career?”
“They’re just gonna typecast you as some video vixen, Reggie.”
“Or this could be the big break that I’ve been waiting for. I’ll be on the set with directors, producers, and record label execs. Who knows what’ll happen for me after that.”
Mark sighed. “Reggie, I care about you. I’ve fallen completely, heads-over-heels in love with you, but I can’t . . . I just can’t support you in this.”
Reginell shook her head. “You call yourself a man of God? Whatever happened to accepting people as they are and not passing judgment?”
“Is it passing judgment when you’re trying to stop someone from making a mess of her life?”
Reginell snatched up her jacket. “I knew that getting mixed up with you was going to be a mistake. It’s funny—you weren’t this concerned about my soul when you were trying to sleep with me.”
Mark grabbed her arm. “Reggie, I don’t want you to leave like this.”
“I never should have come. From now on, you just stay in your world, and I’ll stay in mine.”
“Reggie—”
“Just stop it, okay? All you people make me sick! You want to sit around and pass judgment on people when you have skeletons in your own closets. I can say one thing for Ray and everybody else at the club: They don’t judge. They accept me for who and what I am. They don’t try to put me down or hurt my feelings. They’ve got my back.” She went to the door. “The so-called sinners have more God in them than any of you fake Christians.”
“Where are you going, Reggie?”
“Back to where I belong,” she said, looking around at his house, “I can see that it’s not here, probably never was.”
Chapter 40
“I’m not doing anything worse than any- one in this room has ever done!”
—Angel King
“How’s your husband doing today?” asked Lawson while the girls were over to help Sullivan clean and cook for Charles.
“He’s getting stronger every day,” reported Sullivan. “They’ve been performing miracles with his therapy. He’s getting some movement back in his limbs. I can tell he wants to speak. The only thing that still kind of bothers me is the staring.”
“Staring?” repeated Kina.
“Yeah, he just kind of looks at me all the time. I think he wants to tell me something but can’t.”
“Maybe he’s starting to notice the changes in his wife’s figure,” hedged Lawson. “You can hide it with these baggy clothes now, but sooner or later, the world is going to know you’re pregnant, including your husband.”
“I’m going to tell him,” claimed Sullivan. “I just haven’t figured out when.”
“Just do it before your water breaks!” warned Lawson. “Angel, why are you so quiet over there?”
Angel shrugged her shoulders, still looking down at the floor. “No reason.”
“Okay, first tell us why you’re lying, then answer the question,” said Sullivan.
“I’m thinking. I’m trying to decipher whether it’s cheating if there’s no actual physical contact involved. I’m talking no touching, no kissing, no penetration—none of that.”
Lawson eyed her. “You mean fantasizing?”
Sullivan flung her hand. “Child, please! I fantasize while I’m actually having sex with Charles. I think it spices things up a bit.”
Angel sighed. “Sullivan, nothing you do surprises me anymore.”
Lawson spoke up. “Personally, I don’t see how it’s not a sin unless you’re fantasizing about your husband. I guess since Duke is practically your husband now anyway—”
“The fantasies aren’t about Duke,” Angel informed them.
The ladies were briefly silenced.
“Well, now,” crackled Sullivan, “this just got a little more interesting! Who’s starring in these erotic fantasies of yours? Is it Channing?”
“Yes, and it’s a little more than fantasizing.”
Kina frowned, confused. “How? He’s in Carolina, and you’re in Georgia.”
“She means phone sex,” Sullivan explained.
“No, it’s not phone sex,” Angel corrected her. “It’s kind of like a Web site . . .”
Lawson’s mouth flew open. “Oh my God, have you been visiting porn sites?”
Kina blinked back. “Angel, that’s so . . . ick!”
“I’m not looking at any of the porn,” she maintained. “We’re just chatting.”
“Why do you have to go to a porn site to chat?” Sullivan wanted to know. “You can just set up a camera and Skype to chat.”
“The Web site is sort of his thing, I guess,” replied Angel, not knowing quite what to say.
“So, it’s just talking, right?” Kina asked for clarity.
Angel bit her lip.
“Well?” grilled Lawson.
Angel covered her face with her hands. “I can’t talk about it. It’s too embarrassing.”
“This whole conversation is embarrassing,” concurred Lawson. “I don’t think you could
shock us much more than you already have.”
“Well . . .” Angel exhaled. “He asked me to do some things . . . and he did some things . . .”
“Okay, by some things, you mean . . .” urged Sullivan.
“You know,” supplied Angel, hoping they’d figure it out before she had to go into explicit details. “Touching and stuff like that.”
Sullivan was taken aback. “Dang, I guess all that celibacy you’d been stockpiling has finally manifested itself. I didn’t know you had it in you, Angel!”
“The only thing keeping me from feeling like a total whore is the fact that I didn’t have it in me up until now,” confessed Angel.
Lawson looked Angel in the eyes. “Honey, I know that this is hard for you to talk about. But if it’s making you feel this bad about yourself, obviously you shouldn’t be doing it. Outside of it being a gateway to allowing all kinds of sin into your life, you’re also cheating on Duke. The fact that it’s with Duke’s cousin makes it that much worse.”
“I guess my question is why,” pondered Kina. “You and Duke are engaged. You’re planning a life together, so why would you even go there? Are you falling in love with Channing?”
“It’s not about love or being unfaithful to Duke,” Angel explained. “It’s sort of like a release or an escape, you know? It gets me out of my reality for a few minutes.”
“But the reality is that you’re about to make a lifelong commitment to this man and his children. Why do you want to escape that?” Lawson asked.
“There’s a lot pressure, Lawson. I have this wedding to plan, I’m working, and I’m trying to raise these girls, trying to be there for Duke, volunteering with the church, not to mention dealing with all the baggage left behind from Theresa. Do you have any idea how hard it is to constantly live in her shadow? Do you know what it’s like for me trying to fit into that family?”
“Angel, if you’re feeling this way, talk to Duke, don’t start talking dirty with his cousin,” said Lawson.
Angel blew her off. “I do enough good in the world that I ought to be entitled to relax and unwind sometimes.”