She took another step backward, bumping into the kitchen counter. Her wide eyes filled with tears. “Will, you’re scaring me.”
He leaned into her face and whispered, “Good. You should be scared of me. I’ve done vile, vile things all in the name of righteousness. I’ve become a monster. I’ve ignored human decency all for the sake of the final results. But guess what? The end does not justify the means.”
“Will.” Her hand reached for his cheek, but he pushed it away.
“If I stay here, I will hurt you. Maybe not physically, but I’ll hurt you all the same. It’s just a matter of time.”
Tears streamed down her cheek as she bit her lip and shook her head. “No, I don’t believe that.”
He took a step back, his heart pounding so hard that it was about to beat itself from his chest. “I can’t take that chance, Megan.” His throat tightened as his eyes burned. “I love you too much to let that happen.” He went upstairs to his room and grabbed his shirt off the floor and pulled it over his head.
She stood in the doorway. “You can’t just leave like this. Where are you going to go?”
“I don’t know.”
“Will, please.” Her voice caught on her tears. “I can’t just let you go without knowing where you’re going.”
God, he loved her and it killed him that he hurt her so. He wiped eyes with the back of his hand then pulled her into a hug, her pregnant belly between them. “I’ll go find James.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. “That’s a good idea. Find James. Do you know where he is?”
“Minnesota somewhere.”
Her tears muffled her laugh. “That’s specific.”
He closed his eyes, soaking in her goodness. If only he could stay with her and let her goodness wash away his evil. But he’d seen too much to know it didn’t work that way. Evil conquered good. Every fucking time. He had to leave. “James shouldn’t be hard to find. He’s a fishing guide now. He’s counting on people to find him.”
“When will I see you again?”
Will’s breath caught. “I don’t know.”
Her fingernails dug into his neck. “Promise me that you’ll call.”
He nodded, not trusting his voice.
“I love you, Will.”
“I love you too.” He stepped back and picked up his bag, brushing past her and down the stairs. If he stopped and let himself reconsider, the selfish part of him would be tempted to stay. He needed her. But she needed him not to stay. As he drove away, he knew that he’d just left the last good thing in his life.
Chapter Four
As the sun set, Will drove down a snow-covered lane surrounded by bare trees until a small house came into view. He’d been here once as a kid when James had come to visit his grandparents. Still, he’d been a kid so he didn’t remember how to get here, let alone what town James was in. But finding James had been ridiculously easy. Good thing James wasn’t in the witness protection program.
Will stopped the car in front of the cabin, the crunch of snow and gravel underneath his tires. He wasn’t sure what to expect when James opened the door, but he’d come too far to leave now. This is James. He won’t turn me away. His stomach twisted as he walked to the front door.
But he would have said the same thing about his mother.
He rapped on the door. A moment later, James stood in the opening, his eyes wide in surprise.
For one heart-stopping moment, Will was sure James was going to turn him away. But then James reached for him, pulling him into a bear hug. “Welcome home, buddy.”
Relief poured through Will, opening the dam to his emotions and he released a wail of anguish. They stood there for several seconds as Will sobbed.
James patted Will’s back. “Let’s go inside.”
Will nodded and James dropped his hold, stepping backward.
“Perfect timing. I’m getting ready to eat.” James walked toward the kitchen. “I’ll get you a bowl of stew.”
Will rubbed his face with hand. “Yeah…sounds good.”
“Have a seat.”
Will sat at the table while James opened a cabinet and set two glasses on the table. “You look like shit.”
Will couldn’t help laughing. “You aren’t so pretty yourself.”
James grabbed a bottle of whiskey and set it on the table with a loud thud. “I’m prettier than you. My luck with the ladies proves it.”
Will smirked. “Whatever.”
Pouring a generous portion into Will’s glass, James raised his eyebrows. “You, my friend, need to get laid.” He picked up the glass and handed it to Will.
Will shook his head. “You think that’s the answer for everything.”
James put his hand on his chest, mock surprise widening his eyes. “You’re saying it’s not?”
Will shook his head and took a drink. He closed his eyes as the alcohol burned its way to his stomach.
“You look like you’ve lost weight. You better put some meat on your bones or you’ll never hook up with a girl. They aren’t much into live scarecrows.”
Will snorted. “Good to see you have my priorities straight.”
“Damn right.”
They ate in silence and Will finished off his bowl, surprised he had an appetite and that the stew was so good.
James grabbed his bowl and ladled more from a pot on the stove.
“Where’s the can?”
Raising his eyebrows, James set the bowl in front of Will. “What can?”
“The can this stew came from.”
James laughed and got more for himself. “I made it myself, you dickhead.”
“I never knew you cooked.”
“People change.”
James sat down as his comment hung in the air.
Will hunched over his bowl, scooping another spoonful. “So they do.”
James took a bite and watched him.
Dropping his spoon with a clang, Will lifted his chin to face James. “So where’s the questions? Where’s the consolation?”
James face remained expressionless, but he lowered his spoon. “You’ll tell me what happened when you’re ready, and you and I both know that I sucking at the comforting shit.”
“Aren’t you wondering why I’m here?”
“You’re here because we’ve been best friends since the second grade. Where the hell else are you going to go?”
Resting his forehead in his hand, Will closed his eyes. “You don’t know what I’ve done. What I’ve become.”
“I know more than you think. I still have connections. And I know you couldn’t have achieved what you have since I left you in that hellhole without resorting to some unsavory behavior.”
“It’s worse than you think.”
“I doubt it.”
“You don’t know that. You weren’t there.”
James rested his elbow on the table and leaned toward Will. “You’re right. I haven’t been there the last few years, but I was there long enough to take all I could stomach.” His voice lowered. “Will, I know about the school. I know it was you.”
Will’s heart lurched. “How?”
Dropping his gaze, James scooped his spoon in the bowl. “I told you. I still have connections. Just because I’m no longer an active Marine doesn’t mean I haven’t used my skills from time to time. I haven’t been able to count on my fishing-guide business to pay all of the bills.”
“You know what I did and you still let me in?”
“You’ve been my best friend for as long as I can remember. I know that you wouldn’t have purposely killed those kids. It was an accident and you can’t even live with that.” James took a bite, then stirred his stew in circles. “Look, no one is perfect. Take me, for example.” Spreading his hands out, James winked. “I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true. Everyone screws up. Everyone makes a mistake. Even really fucked-up ones.”
“So we’re just going to call this a fucked-up mistake?”
/> “You can call it whatever you like. An accident. An inadvertent consequence. I really don’t give a shit. But let’s make sure that one thing is perfectly clear.” James’s gaze narrowed. “It wasn’t intentional. So don’t you sit there and pretend it was.”
Will’s mouth opened.
James pointed his spoon at him. “You forget how well I know you, my friend. Were you a naughty boy after I left and do some bad shit? You sure as hell did. See, I have eyes over there that kept me informed. But I know you so I also know that it had to kill your Boy Scout conscience. Still, I know there is no fucking way you’d ever sacrifice kids to capture a terrorist. Even as dirty as the one you caught.”
“I disobeyed orders to get him.”
James cocked his head. “I never said you were Mr. Perfect. But even you have boundaries. Especially you.” Picking up the whiskey, James poured more into Will’s glass. “There’s too much talking and not enough drinking.”
In spite of James’s declaration, after they cleaned up the kitchen, he told Will about his new life in Minnesota. “The first couple of years were the hardest, so I had to supplement my income in the beginning. But now, while I’m not rich, I’m doing okay.”
Will finished off his glass and James refilled it. Although Will knew he’d had too much, he welcomed the relief it gave him. “I’m currently unemployed. Did I mention that?”
James laughed. “No, you hadn’t.”
“I have to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.”
With a shrug, James took a sip, watching Will. “It’s gonna be rough, Will. You’ve spent your entire life training to be one thing.”
Will stared into his glass. “Yeah.”
“It doesn’t mean you can’t do something else. Look at me.” James cocked his head with a grin.
Will scoffed and took a drink. “I thought your job was to score with women. When did that change?”
“Very true, my friend, but it doesn’t pay the bills and I always worried that becoming a gigolo would take the fun out of it.”
Will shook his head.
“You’ll find something, until you do, take your time. There’s no hurry.”
“How am I going to live without a job?”
“What bills do you have? You can’t have much. You went to college on a scholarship. Your piece of crap car is paid for.”
“And currently in my parents’ garage.”
“Then what did you drive—”
“Rental.”
“Okay, we’ll return the rental tomorrow and you’ll live here.”
“With you?”
“Sure. Why not? I have another bedroom and you can help me with my business.”
“Your fishing-guide business? In the winter?”
“Ever heard of ice fishing?”
“Well, yeah…”
“I have to go pick up some clients from a lodge down the highway tomorrow after lunch. We’ll drop off your rental over in St. Cloud and be back in time to get them. I can show you the ropes.”
“I have hard time imagining you sitting around with a fishing pole in your hand.”
“I like it. It gives me time to think.”
“About what? New pickup lines?”
James laughed. “Hell no. I don’t need to think those up. Those just come naturally. But if we’re driving to St. Cloud, we better get an early start. Time to call it a night.”
Will’s shoulders tensed. “Yeah.”
“I’ll grab your stuff from the car and bring it in for you. You’ve had so much to drink, I’m afraid you’ll fall on your ass in the snow.”
“I love you too, shithead.”
“We got a real bromance going on, but I’m not putting out tonight, so you need to sleep in your own bed tonight. Your room is the first on the right.”
Will took a shower and found his bag on the bed. He threw on a t-shirt and boxers, and climbed into bed, prepared for his demons to return. Instead, for the first time in over a month, he closed his eyes to nothing. Nearly crying with relief, he succumbed to his exhaustion.
Chapter Five
Will’s head throbbed as he tied a lure onto a fishing line, and his stomach protested the coffee he’d tried to put in it earlier. He spent a third of his days sleeping, another third drunk and the last third nursing raging hangovers.
“You gonna take all day to tie that thing on?” the man next to him muttered.
“Yeah. I just might.” Will’s temper was short. The last thing he wanted to do was placate the asshole next to him.
James took a step toward them, handing the client a cup of coffee. “What Will meant was he was going to take as long as necessary to make sure you have the best opportunity to catch fish.” James twisted his neck so the man couldn’t see him glare at Will. “Isn’t that right, Will?”
“Yeah, that’s exactly it.” Will said in the driest tone he could manage.
James took the pole with a jerk. “Why don’t you go get a little fresh air, Will.”
“Yeah. Why don’t I?” If he spent one more minute in this shack, he was going to fucking lose his mind. Will pushed open the door to the icehouse, and stopped in the opening, in shock from the frigid air. Goddamn, he’d fucking hated the Iraqi heat, but freezing his ass off wasn’t much better. He’d never understand why James like it here so much or why he enjoyed his boring-ass job. James had made Will help out with his last two clients but both outings had been disastrous. Of course, Will hadn’t been the most willing participant.
James followed Will out onto the frozen lake. “What the fuck was that, Will?” he hissed.
“I don’t what you’re talking about. I was tying that asshole’s line.”
“That asshole is paying me good money to help him catch fish and you’re screwing it up.”
“Then maybe I shouldn’t be here.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t.” James spun around and stomped back to the shack and opened the door. “Mr. Peterson, did you get your line into the water?”
Will ran a hand through his already semi-frozen hair. Fuck, it was cold here. He trudged the fifty feet back to the shoreline. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to walking across a frozen lake. James had to convince him it was safe, but Will expected to fall through at any moment. No matter how many times James showed him all the safety precautions he took to make sure that wouldn’t happen.
What Will needed was a strong cup of coffee. He reached the front door and closed his eyes. The images of the fire were back. While he was thankful they appeared less often than before, now they were more intense. The heat of the flames burned his skin. The images of the children had more detail. Fear filled their eyes while their screams filled his ears. Their palms banged on the glass; the thud, thud, thudvibrating through his body. And standing behind the screaming children, he swore he saw a blond-headed boy. Only the boy stood silently staring at Will, his face expressionless.
That’s when Will knew he’d stepped over into madness. There were no blond children in the carnage. Only dark-skinned, dark-haired Iraqi kids, whose mothers wailed and moaned, rocking their burnt children in their arms. What the hell was he doing here in a fucking shit-in-the-wall town in Minnesota? He needed to get himself on a plane back to Iraq and let the families of those kids deal with him.
His stomach rolled, remembering the sight. What Will needed was a drink. It was already two o’clock, so no harm in having a beer. He stomped his feet on the front porch before he went inside, James’s words running through his head.
Then maybe I shouldn’t be here.
Maybe you shouldn’t.
What Will really needed was to find a job. And fast. He opened the fridge, hanging on the door as he studied the beer bottles. Not drinking a beer was probably the first step in the right direction. But since the night Will had shown up on James’s sofa weeks ago, he’d realized that only way to sleep without the images in his head was to get good and drunk first. It was a hard crutch to give up.
The phone rang
and Will considered letting it go to the answering machine. Even though James used his cell phone as his business phone now, a few clients hadn’t made the switch over yet. Will had learned that it wasn’t unusual for some clients to call at the last minute. A missed call could mean the difference in getting a job or not. And after fucking with James’s current client, the least Will could do is help secure a new one.
Will answered on the third ring. “Buckner’s Guided Tours.”
“Buckner, I need you for a job.”
The no-nonsense voice caught Will by surprise. It wasn’t the usual laid-back client tone he was used to. “What did you have in mind?”
There was a pause. “So you’re open to it?”
The hair on Will’s neck stood on end. “What kind of job are you talking about?”
“The usual, nothing too messy. I know you said you’re out, but I can’t find anyone close enough to do it with this late notice. Besides, you owe me for my latest tip.”
What the hell was this guy talking about? “How much are we looking at?”
“If you’ll agree to do it tonight. I’ll double the usual fee.”
“Which is….?”
“Don’t play stupid, Buckner. One thousand dollars.”
Holy shit. One thousand dollars. What the hell had James done for this guy? Probably something Will could do. “All right. I need details.”
“Tonight at the Pine Knot Motel bar. Nine o’clock. He’ll be there then.”
“Who?”
“Your mark. Shit, I know it’s been awhile, but get it together, Buckner. I’ll send you the rest of the info.” The line went silent.
What the hell had Will agreed to do? He sat down on a kitchen chair, running a hand through his hair. Whoever was on the line had called James. James had done a lot of nefarious things in his life, but murder wasn’t one of them. The thought only reassured Will slightly. The guy said he’d send details. If whatever he agreed to do was tonight, there was no way he’d be mailing it. It had to be e-mail. Will found James’s computer, frustrated when he found it password-protected. Of course, it was password-protected. This was James. But what would James use for a password?
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