by T. L Smith
“We have to wait, Kristy. You need to be better. I need you well so we can start something because once it’s started I can never let you go.” I don’t look at him and grab my bag to head outside, but he catches up fast and stands in front of me.
“I have to do this myself,” I tell him and he nods his head.
“Just let me drive you.” He opens the passenger door and helps me in. The drive is very quiet, no words are spoken. When we come to stop in front of the hospital, I turn to him and see him already watching me.
“I will wait,” he tells me, trying to mask his blank expression, but not succeeding.
“You don’t have to, I can catch a cab.”
He shakes his head and reaches over to open my door for me. I thank him and get out, walking quickly to the front door. Before I enter, I stop and turn back to see him with his head on the steering wheel. He doesn’t see me and I escape into the hospital before I decide to go back to him, back to where I’m not wanted right now.
It doesn’t take long for Dr. Walker to come out. He ushers me in the room, takes a seat opposite me and asks how I’ve been. I tell him I feel fine.
“This won’t work Kristy, if you don’t trust me. We need to trust each other.”
“I wasn’t fine, okay? I cut again.” I drop my head in shame.
“Can you tell me about it?” he asks with a calming voice.
“It starts with a song.” I start shaking when I think about it. “Then I get flashes in my head and they aren’t nice ones.” I look up at him and see him staring intently at me.
“Okay, how about you tell me about school. How is that going for you?” He changes the subject and I’m thankful for it. I tell him how I enjoy what I’m studying and that one day, I want a career in that field. He asks about Kai, which brings a small smile to my face.
“How are things with you two?”
“Weird. He treats me as if I’m going to snap and he won’t kiss me anymore.”
“Are you going to snap?” he asks.
“No… I don’t know,” I answer, telling the truth.
“That’s good, Kristy. That’s a start.”
I nod my head and we talk for the rest of the session about everything from my upbringing to my grandmother. He asks me about my parents and I tell him what I can remember. How crazy my mother was and how protective my father was. I leave the haunted things buried where they should be, because I honestly have no idea if they are real. They couldn’t possibly be.
We finish up our session and he asks to see me again tomorrow. I agree and walk outside to see Kai out front, waiting for me. His leg is rocking up and down and he looks uncomfortable sitting there. He looks up when I get closer and he stands and takes hold of my waist and guides me to the car.
“How was it?” he asks on the drive back to his house. I tell him it wasn’t bad and I like the doctor. He seems sincere.
“I’m so glad you are going,” he says and grabs hold of my hand. I take his and give it a squeeze.
“I am too,” I say and lay my head back against the headrest and watch as the trees pass us by.
I wake when the car comes to a stop. Kai comes around, opens my door, and helps me out. That’s when I notice Julia sitting on his front porch step.
“I have to go to work today, so Julia is going to spend the day with you.” I nod my head and suddenly feel bad that I’ve been keeping him from his work. That was never my intention.
“Call me when she leaves and I will come straight back,” he tells me.
“I’ll be fine. You have work to do. You don’t have to worry about me, go and do your job,” I say smiling up at him.
“I do have to worry about you. I’m afraid to come home and afraid of what I’ll find. Please call me if it gets to be too much,” he says, placing his hands on either side of my face. I don’t say or do anything because I don’t know what he expects. Doesn’t he understand that it was the only way the thoughts will leave my head?
“Julia has my number, obviously,” he says looking to her eager face. I smirk at her. “But, if it gets bad, please call me.” This time I nod and he lets go of my face with a huff. I don’t watch as he walks away. I turn and walk straight to Julia, into her open arms which close around and cuddle me.
“Should we run away from dark eyes?” she asks in my ear. I turn and see Kai is still there watching us. I wave at him and he takes off in his car.
“Oh Lord, that man is intense, girl. I could feel all that frustration from a mile away. He needs to get laid,” she says with a chuckle as I walk to the front door. If only he saw me that way, I would gladly let him have my body.
There are approximately one hundred billion neurons in the human brain and thirteen point five million neurons in the human spinal cord.
“Have you done the naughty in the sack, yet?” Julia asks as she pauses the movie we are watching. We haven’t spoken much. She basically walked in, prepared popcorn and turned on a movie.
“No,” I say, a bit too quickly. She looks down at me and I know she’s trying to find the scars on my body that are covered with my bandages and clothes.
“But you want to?” she asks. I look at her, trying to work out if that’s what I want. I think it is. “Oh, I can see it, you just worked it out. You want to jump that man’s bones. Are you hiding a kinky Kristy somewhere?” she asks. I laugh and throw some popcorn at her. She throws some back and looks around Kai’s house.
“So, you a prisoner here then?” she waves her hand around the house.
“No, of course not. He’s just protective and wants me safe,” I say, dropping my head.
“Well, I think it’s kind of sweet, in a sick twisted kinda way,” she adds with a wink.
“It’s weird, I haven’t known him longer than a month and the feelings are so intense around him. He hardly kisses me anymore and he won’t touch me other than the way a friend would touch you,” I drop my head when I admit it out loud. I know his reasons, but he shouldn’t just shut me out.
“Give him time, Sugar. He’s seen you at your worst and he’s still here,” she says, pulling me in for a hug.
“What if he doesn’t want me anymore? What if I’m a charity case for him now? Someone he needs to fix?”
“Out,” Kai’s booming voice comes from the front door. He glares at Julia and points at the door. She glances at me and I nod my head.
“Call me,” she says when she leans in for another cuddle. She stands and grabs her stuff and walks past him, stopping just behind him.
“I won’t hesitate to castrate you,” she tries to whisper, but it comes out louder. I smile and she winks at me, and then shuts the door behind her.
“Is that what you think?” he asks in a deadly voice. I freeze in the chair and he stalks toward me. “Tell me,” he says, now directly in front of me.
“Yes,” I whisper.
“Because I give you respect and don’t take from you, that means you’re a charity case?” he huffs and pulls at his hair. “I want you. I want you so much it hurts in here.” He clutches his chest. “I smell you every night and want nothing more than you, but I’m not selfish. You are more important than my feelings.”
“It’s crazy, Kai, I don’t know what I’m meant to feel anymore,” I say, looking him in the eye now that he’s kneeling in front of me, seeming smaller than his usual self.
“Aren’t all great love stories crazy?” he smirks and my breath hitches at that word.
He can't love me.
It’s too soon, I could hurt him.
“I guess they are,” I say.
Kai takes a seat next to me and kicks off his shoes. He grabs my feet and brings them up on his lap. He restarts the movie and I lay back watching him, having no regard at all for the movie playing. All my focus is on this tattooed, mysterious man sitting next to me.
“Did you get the bad guys?” I ask when the movie finishes. He turns and looks at me.
“No, I had to put an end to a case I was investigati
ng,” he says, his face growing serious.
“Oh, what was the case? Can you tell me?” I ask, sitting up.
“I was investigating a woman who likes to hurt men,” he says, watching for my reaction.
“Why would she do that?”
“She has issues. She thought she was doing the right thing. She’s getting help now that’s all that matters.”
“But she hurts people, Kai. You can’t let her get away with it. Did she kill anyone?” I ask sounding surprised he let her off that easy.
“She did, but we can’t prove it. The men she killed, well, let’s just say they won’t be a loss to this world.” I can’t believe he would defend someone like that.
“That’s no excuse, she took someone’s life. She needs to face her actions and pay for her crimes,” I say, taking my legs from him. He catches them at the last minute and holds them still.
“Don’t get worked up over it, Kristy. She’s getting help and that’s all that matters. Now please, let’s just change the subject,” he pleads, still holding my legs in place.
“She could still hurt someone,” I mutter under my breath.
“She won’t. I’ll be watching her every step.” His eyes bore into mine. I decide to let the subject drop. Fighting is the last thing I want to do with him.
“What are your plans for Christmas?” I ask, changing the subject. He smiles and I know he’s thinking of his niece and nephew.
“To spend it with the rugrats and my ever loving, pain in the ass sister, as well as a green-eyed beauty,” he says, leaning closer to me. I can’t contain my smile as he leans in and kisses me on the forehead again. I try to keep the sigh inside, but it comes out anyway.
“Soon, Nani, very soon,” he tells me, pulling me closer.
“Do you go and see your grandmother at Christmas?” he asks into my hair. I think about that and wonder if I should? I didn’t last year, but this year could be different. She was different last time I saw her. She cares for me, I know she does now. She just doesn’t know how to show it.
“Not usually, but things are different now,” I murmur on his chest.
“That’s good, she does care for you. She just has an odd way of showing it.” How does he understand me so easily? It’s like he picked those thoughts straight from my head.
Excessive stress has shown to alter brain cells, brain structure, and brain function.
I wake in a dark room. I look around, but I don’t know this place or where the hell I am. I sit up and look around more closely, but nothing seems familiar to me in the slightest. I see a bag of clothes at the end of the bed and recognize most of my clothes from my closet. Why are they here? I look to my wrist and see bandages covering them. I unwrap them and see that someone has cut me. My last thought is that I was with Kai. If that prick has done something to me, I will cut the cunt. I rip the remaining bandages off and stand, looking for the door to leave this room. As I walk out, I hear the television is on. I check to see if I have my weapons and I can’t find them anywhere. I huff in frustration and walk a little further, hoping to find who’s here and why I’m here.
The floorboard creaks as I step closer to the noise coming from what I presume is the living room. I watch as Kai turns around and looks at me. A devilish smirk creeps across his face and I give him my best, confused look. He notices and gets to his feet as he looks down at my wrist.
“Why are the bandages off?” he asks, his eyes not leaving my hands.
“What’s it to you?” I ask, and his eyes shoot up to mine as he stalks closer, so close his chest is in my face. “Kayla,” he asks, sounding very serious.
“You seem surprised,” I retort, looking up at him and smiling.
“Very,” he snaps.
“Were you expecting someone else? Maybe someone calmer and boring?” His eyes shoot to mine and it’s then I realize who the girl is… the girl that stole me from my happy ending.
“You know?” he asks, taking a step back from me. I laugh, so loud his hand shoots up and covers my mouth. I stop laughing and he removes it.
“Of course I know. It’s her that’s delusional,” I smirk at him. He looks like he wants to smack me. Maybe he will, he looks like I just kicked his pussy.
“Why are you here, Kayla?” he asks, not lifting his deadly expression.
“I came to play. Don’t you want to play with me?” I tease.
“Why do you come out? I don’t know much about her disability, but I know a little,” he says, turning serious. I want to laugh at him.
“It’s not a disability, you fool. I protect her from those evil monsters in her mind. I get them, you see. I can handle them! She can’t,” I say, looking up at him and seeing a lost expression on his face.
“She’s in therapy now, she will get fixed,” he tells me.
“You can’t fix it. I am her and she is me. We are two peas in a fucking pod, you fool. Actually, how about I tell you a little secret?” I say and start to walk around him, circling him. His eyes follow me, watching my every move.
“Next time she’s in this therapy, get them to sing her a song and don’t stop singing it.”
“Why?” he asks, looking at me like I’ve lost my mind.
“It’s a trigger. Plus, I want to talk to the good doctor,” I say, walking to his sofa and taking a seat.
“What’s the song?” he asks, sitting opposite me.
“One, Two. Who to kill?
Three, four. You better open your door.
Five, six. Cut or nick?
Seven, eight. Don’t party too late.
Nine, ten. Watch your gate.”
“I don’t understand,” he says, shaking his head.
“You will, just sing it. Oh, and don’t stop,” I say, grabbing the remote and flicking through the channels. I find nothing that’s to my satisfaction, so I find my cell and I text Tyke. I sit and wait… no reply. My guess is that he doesn’t need me.
“Who were you texting?” he asks, his eyes never leaving me.
“Tyke,” I say, still scrolling through my cell. I’m so bored.
“Who is he to you?” he asks, leaning over and placing his hands on his knees. I put my cell on the bench and mimic his actions.
“Once I thought of him as my salvation, but now I think he’s gay. Either that or he’s like you,” I say, pointing at him. He gives me a baffled look.
“Like me?” he questions.
“Yeah, you know, pussy whipped,” I say, throwing my hands in the air and that’s when an idea comes to my mind.
“You know, if you wanted to play dirty I can pretend to be her. I’ll even talk like her,” I say, exaggerating my accent and bringing out the sweetest voice I can muster. He shakes his head and looks at me.
“I didn’t want you then, Kayla, and I don’t want you now. You aren’t her. She’s caring and sweet with a little bit of sass mixed in. You, well, you are another ball game altogether.” He’s got to be shitting me. He loves her! Like crazy, stupid, loves her. He talks about her like she’s good, but she isn’t.
“I’m going out,” I tell him and grab my cell from the bench. He laughs and I turn around to face him.
“You’re staying right here,” he tells me. I don’t say a word as I turn and start to walk away. He may try and control her, but I’m a completely different story.
I get to the door and that’s my last thought as something hits my head.
Fucking bastard!
Without any words, you may be able to determine if someone is in a good mood, is feeling sad, or is angry just by reading their face. A small area in the brain called the amygdala is responsible for the ability to read someone else’s face for clues as to how they are feeling.
The weekend has been quiet. Kai left to go to work at any opportunity he had. He’s hardly spoken to me, other than to call and check on me. He doesn’t trust me by myself. I’ve had three appointments so far with Dr. Walker and he seems to think I’m doing well, but he wants to discuss something with me tod
ay. I’m not quite sure what it is, but his voice suggested it was serious. I have put school on hold now that I can afford to in order to focus on myself. Kai thinks it’s a great idea, but he doesn’t go into any detail about anything anymore. I’ve hardly seen him for longer than an hour a day. It seems he comes home when I’m sleeping and leaves before I wake.
I catch a taxi to the therapist’s office and I’m surprised when I see Kai standing out front waiting for me, dressed in all black with his gun and badge on him. I walk to him slowly and watch him while he watches me. I stand in front of him, not sure if I should speak. I think it’s time I leave his place and go back home. I’m not a flight risk anymore, so there shouldn’t be a problem.
“Hi,” I say and he tucks his hands into his pockets and gives me a head nod.
“So, I just wanted to thank you for looking after me, but I think it’s time I went home,” I blurt out without thinking it through.
“Do you think that’s smart?” he asks, raising his eyebrow.
“Why are you here?” I ask, changing the subject.
“The good doctor wants me to join in today.” I nod my head and start to walk away. I don’t know why he has to be here, but I’m interested in what it’s about.
We don’t wait long to be seen. The doctor takes the single sofa opposite us, and we take the double sofa and sit down facing him. He starts off with basic questions, asking how I’ve been, and then things start to change.
“Kristy, I have a diagnosis for you. Now, you may not believe me at first, but Kai here is a witness to it and we also have video.” I nod my head, waiting to hear what he’s going to say. He looks at Kai, then looks back at me.
“Its called Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder.” Both sets of eyes are looking at me now, watching and waiting for my reaction. I want to laugh at them. They don’t know a thing and it’s not true.