by Rosie Green
I shouldn’t let Arlene get me down. It’s just the drink talking. She actually has no idea what Ethan’s like as a person.
Arlene heaves a sigh and her enormous milky white breasts wobble like a newly-set blancmange. ‘Three months into our marriage, I surprised Roger at work and found him in the canteen store cupboard. Getting a bit too friendly with Harriet the cleaner and a serving of organic salad veg.’
‘Crikey.’ I stare at her, bemused, wondering briefly if cucumbers were involved.
‘Well, exactly.’
I try to catch Ethan’s eye but he’s now way over the other side of the room, talking to a buxom woman, whose dark brown hair is piled up in an impressive beehive.
Arlene follows my glance. ‘Good lord, there’s probably an entire colony beavering away under that beehive and we’d never know about it,’ she remarks and I can’t help grinning.
I’m warming to Arlene. Which is just as well since I doubt I’m going to see much of Ethan tonight. But maybe he’s got something special planned for when we leave here. Dinner in a cosy little restaurant, perhaps?
Feeling cheered at the thought of an intimate meal for two and the chance to get to know Ethan better, I join Arlene in a rather disjointed chat about Sixties culture, which mainly involves listening to her reminiscing fondly about ‘free love’ in her pre-Roger days.
At last, Ethan works his way back to me and to my relief, he says we really ought to make a move.
Arlene and I say our goodbyes and Roger pulls me into a brief but sweaty embrace and says he hopes we meet again. I murmur something indistinct and flee after Ethan.
‘All those canapés have filled me up,’ he says as he unlocks the car. ‘I’m not that hungry. Are you?’
To be truthful, I’m not particularly hungry either. But disappointment washes over me nonetheless as I see my lovely dream of a cosy table for two melting away to nothing.
‘No, I’m not hungry either.’
‘Good. We’ll just go back to The Swan for another drink then, shall we?’
‘Er, yes. Great!’
We fall silent on the drive back. I keep thinking about what Arlene said. They like the company of women, you see, and somehow one never seems to be enough.
What have I got myself into with Ethan?
It’s my own fault I’m disappointed about tonight. I’ve built it up to be something wildly romantic, which of course it isn’t at all. Yes, Ethan kissed me that night. And even though he was hiding from Alicia, the kiss did feel genuine from his side. But that hardly means he shares my dreams of falling in love! Did I really expect him to stay by my side all night at the wine tasting, because he was enjoying being with me? If so, more fool me.
I need to just go with the flow and stop indulging in stupid romantic fantasies.
A painful lump rises in my throat as I stare out of the side window. Will I ever find real and lasting love? Or is it love of the unrequited kind that’s forever to be my destiny? I’m so naïve when it comes to relationships. I should never have allowed myself to fall so hopelessly for someone as devastatingly gorgeous as Ethan. It’s obvious he was never going to return my feelings . . .
Back in Sunnybrook, I get out of the car with a heavy heart. But then Ethan takes my hand and squeezes it as we walk into The Swan.
‘You look gorgeous tonight, by the way,’ he murmurs, his breath tickling my ear. Then he kisses me softly on the lips. The girl behind reception smiles at us and says good evening and I think how we must look through her eyes. Just another happy couple enjoying each other’s company on an evening out.
I smile back at her, feeling my spirits rise a little. Ethan has chosen to spend his Friday evening with me. He wouldn’t do that if he didn’t really like me.
We settle down at a table and Ethan goes to the bar. And that’s when I look around at the other occupants of the room and see to my dismay that Cressida is sitting at a table nearby, chatting to a female friend. She gives me a look of haughty superiority as if I’m something the cat dragged in.
When she passes our table on the way to the bar, she pauses and says, ‘Enjoying your night out?’
‘Er, yes, lovely thanks.’
She dips down so that she’s level with my ear. ‘Would you think it was quite so lovely if I told you Ethan and I have a thing going on?’ she murmurs.
My heart jolts at her words. I spin round but she’s already walking calmly away in the direction of the bar.
I stare after her, knowing she’s sure to join Ethan. And sure enough, they exchange a few words before Ethan picks up our drinks and walks back across. I feel sickened by Cressida’s maliciousness. I don’t believe her evil words for one moment. She’s just bitter because Ethan is paying me more attention than her.
But just to set my mind at rest, when Ethan sits down, I laugh and say, ‘Well! You’ll never guess what Cressida just told me. She said you two have a thing going on.’
Ethan frowns, looking taken aback. Then he starts to laugh. ‘God, I knew something like this would happen. She’s jealous of you, Fen. She’s infatuated with me and she can see how much I like you. You must have noticed how she’s always trying to get my attention?’
I nod. ‘I must admit, I have. She is very attractive, though. I wouldn’t blame you if – you know . . .’
‘Adorable Fen!’ he murmurs, leaning over and cupping my face gently in his hands. ‘You must know you have nothing to worry about with Cressida. She’s a nice girl but it’s you I want to get to know better.’ He pauses and looks deeply into my eyes. ‘You do believe me, don’t you?’
I gaze at him, slightly puzzled by my reaction to his words. I should be feeling on top of the world after his little speech. It’s just that for the first time, I’m seeing through the superficial charm. It sounded too smooth; almost as if he practises in the mirror.
But what am I saying?
I definitely don’t believe Cressida! Why would I? She’s set me up twice already – and I wouldn’t put it past her to do it a third time.
Ethan looks hurt. ‘Surely you believe me, Fen? I don’t even particularly like the girl.’
I stare at him in confusion. He just described Cressida as a nice girl – and now he’s saying he doesn’t particularly like her! What the hell am I supposed to believe?’
He leans closer and murmurs, ‘I’ll prove to you how much I like you, Fen. Let me take you home.’ His dark eyes gleam with wicked intentions and my heart flutters. Then I remember that we’ve both been drinking. And that Mum and Dad will be there when I get home.
‘I’m getting a taxi back tonight,’ I tell him apologetically. ‘But . . . would you like to come to my parents’ Snow Ball with me next Saturday?’
‘Saturday?’ He frowns. ‘I’ve been invited to a party here that night.’ Then he smiles. ‘But I’d much rather be with you. So yes, Fen, we shall go to the ball!’
I have a sudden urge to giggle at the dramatic way he says it.
But I’m excited, too.
For once in my life, I’ll be going to the Snow Ball with someone special . . .
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
It’s the night of the Snow Ball and for the first time ever, I’m actually looking forward to one of Mum’s big bashes.
For once I won’t be slinking in on my own, wishing the floor would swallow me up and desperately wanting to escape to my room. I’ll be with an amazingly handsome, talented, wonderfully charismatic man and I can’t wait to introduce Ethan to everyone.
I’ve bought a gorgeous new dress for the occasion and Jaz blow-dried my hair earlier. But as I stared in the mirror at my usual dark brown bob, I suddenly thought of the elegant women at the wine-tasting Ethan was chatting to. They all looked so sophisticated. Not a single ‘hick from the sticks’ among them. I mentioned this to Jaz and she frowned at my hair in the mirror and said she could try something a bit different for me if I liked.
So she curled my hair elaborately with tongs then piled it up on top of my head in w
hat Mum calls a ‘bun’. Apart from the fact that I keep thinking I’ve got a bread roll on my head, it actually looks very stylish, although Jaz had to use an awful lot of hair spray to make it stay up.
‘There you go,’ she said when she’d finished. ‘Like Audrey Hepburn but a bit edgier.’
I almost dislodged the bun altogether when I was putting on my dress, but I used clips to pin up the few strands that fell down, and I’m just hoping it survives the evening.
Jaz also did my make-up for me and I told her to be adventurous. I was banishing the old, mousey me, and I wanted a grown-up look to mark the start of my new life. So Jaz really went to town with the black eye-liner, even painting ‘wings’ at the corners of my eyes that gave me a real Twiggy Sixties look, especially when she brushed blue eye shadow onto my lids and added a slick of sparkly pink pastel lipstick.
The result is quite astonishing. I don’t feel like me at all. I feel like Violet Harper in A Butterfly’s Wings when she rebels against the boring clothes and office job her parents shoehorned her into by joining the circus and falling madly in love with a sexy trapeze artist called Kristoffer.
‘Have you and Ellie made up yet?’ Jaz wanted to know.
I shrugged sadly. ‘I’ve told her I’m sorry for calling her paranoid. But she just refuses to listen. And I can’t work in an atmosphere like that.’
‘So you’re definitely leaving after Christmas?’
‘I’m not staying on when Ellie’s making it obvious she doesn’t want me there.’
‘Well, for what it’s worth, I think she’s being a bit paranoid, too.’ She sighed. ‘But at the same time, I feel like knocking your heads together. For goodness’ sake, sort it out?’
Now, I twirl in front of the mirror in my new pink brocade dress. I spotted it in the window of an expensive boutique and it caught my eye because it was the image of the dress that the stylish blonde girl was wearing at the wine-tasting. The one who dazzled Ethan.
I gaze critically at my reflection. I haven’t got the height or the elegance that she had – but this dress certainly wasn’t cheap (I tried not to gasp when I saw the price tag) and wearing the most expensive dress I’ve ever bought makes me feel like a million dollars.
I take a deep breath and adopt one of Rob’s super hero power poses, raising my arms in the air victoriously.
I went over to see Rob earlier at the shed. Dad had got the snow machine working and I wanted Rob to see it in action. It was his idea, after all. But when I got there, he was finishing up for the day and seemed eager to leave.
‘I’ll see you later, Fen. At the ball.’
‘I’m glad you’re coming,’ I said, watching him unzip a sports bag and draw out a clean blue checked shirt.
He shrugged. ‘It’s not really my thing but I appreciate the invitation, and Dad and Sylvia are going. I’m meeting a mate at the pub for a drink first.’
He stripped off his work T-shirt quite unselfconsciously and threw it into the bag. And my breath caught in my throat.
Frozen with surprise at seeing a man naked to the waist for the first time in years, I tried not to stare at the unexpected beauty of his broad chest and the way the muscles in his shoulders flexed as he drew on the clean shirt.
‘You’ll be at the Snow Ball with Ethan, I suppose?’
I was vaguely aware of Rob saying something but I seemed to be transfixed by his fingers, buttoning up the shirt.
‘Fen? Are you okay?’
‘Yes. Er . . . yes, Ethan’s arriving at seven-thirty.’
He nodded, showing no reaction either way. I suddenly wondered if he’d thought we might go to the ball together.
‘Anyway, better go. See you later, Fen.’ He slung the sports bag over his shoulder, gave me a brief smile and walked out.
A draft of cold air entered the barn as he left and I shivered. Then I walked back over to Dad and the brilliant snow machine, feeling oddly disappointed that Rob hadn’t wanted to share the experience with me.
And now it’s nearly seven-thirty and Ethan will be arriving in a taxi any second.
Checking my hair one last time, I leave my bedroom and run downstairs to the hall, where guests in their finery are beginning to gather. Mum has brought in fir tree branches, pine cones and sprigs of holly, and painstakingly decorated the stair rails all the way to the top, winding hundreds of tiny fairy lights in amongst the greenery. It smells wonderfully Christmassy and looks amazing.
I have a feeling this is going to be a night to remember. It really feels as if my life is coming together at long last!
A dark cloud mars my happiness for a moment as I think of Ellie and how cold she’s been towards me. But I shrug it off, determined not to let my sadness spoil the best night of my life.
With my new look, it feels as if anything is possible.
Ethan has just sent a text to say he’s on his way and I want to be with him when he gets out of the taxi, so we can walk together through the swirling snow effect at the entrance.
So romantic!
Sure enough, a minute later, Ethan arrives and my heart lurches with pride as he steps out of the taxi, looking utterly gorgeous in a dark suit and white shirt beneath his navy coat. I run out to greet him, hampered a little by the stiffness of the dress and hoping my hair is still in place.
Ethan’s eyes open wide with surprise, and my heart misses a beat. Have I gone over the top with my look? But then he says, ‘Hey, you look great!’
We go in through the snowy entrance, although Ethan is a little preoccupied, looking at his phone, so sadly, he misses the gorgeous Christmassy effect. I appreciate it, though, ad it’s wonderful!
In the drawing room where the main action is taking place, I get him a drink and join him in the centre of the room, where he’s already chatting to some old friends of my parents. They’re laughing at something he’s saying about property prices and my heart swells with pride. I hand him his drink and edge closer so my shoulder is against his arm, breathing in his lovely musky Ethan scent.
He slides his hand round my waist and I sink my head against his shoulder with a happy sigh. I feel like a grown-up, being here with a lovely man and happy to stay and chat to people, instead of longing to escape to my room and get my nose in a book!
Tonight feels like a turning point in my life . . .
‘Come with me,’ he whispers urgently into my ear, and before I know what’s happening, he’s leading me by the hand out into the hall. Glancing around him, he pulls me into the cloakroom. It’s dark in there and suddenly I find myself pressed against the wall, being kissed very thoroughly.
‘Ethan, we can’t!’ I squeak when I’m able. ‘Someone might come in.’
He pauses and I can just see the outline of his features in the light from the window. ‘Okay. You’re right.’
Feeling a little disappointed that he’s giving up so easily, I follow him out. But instead of leading me back into the drawing room, he pulls me towards the main staircase.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Taking you upstairs to bed,’ he growls. ‘Where’s your room?’
We’re half way up to the first landing by this time and he’s trying to pull me further but I’m resisting. Part of me really wants to go with him. But we’re in my parents’ house at a pretty grand event organised by Mum and it just wouldn’t feel right.
Sadly.
‘Oh, come on. Don’t be a spoilsport,’ he urges.
We’re on the landing now and I can’t stop giggling. I hear a noise and glance down into the hall below. And there’s Rob staring up at us.
‘Fuck’s sake, Ethan. We need to go down!’ I yelp, feeling like the naughtiest girl in the class spotted smoking by my form teacher. Rob’s gone now but I’m still feeling really ashamed of myself. I hate the thought that Rob might think badly of me.
‘Rubbish,’ says Ethan, who’s clearly on a mission tonight. He swishes a curtain aside to reveal a low window sill wide enough to stand on. He pulls me up and the cu
rtain closes behind me.
‘See,’ he murmurs. ‘No-one can see us now. We can do whatever we like.’
He pushes me against the side of the casement and starts grinding himself against me. It’s not the most romantic of encounters – especially since I’ve got the knob that opens the casement cupboard digging into my back. But it’s Ethan so I’m not about to complain.
He’s really getting into it – so much so that he starts murmuring urgently in my ear, which would be lovely if I could hear what he was saying. The fabric of my dress is a bit scratchy and with him rubbing against me, it feels a bit uncomfortable and distracting to be honest. Definitely not how I imagined our first truly intimate encounter would be like, but still . . . they often say the first time is just a warm-up for the main event . . . don’t they?
Suddenly, I realise Ethan isn’t murmuring sweet nothings in my ear at all – he’s actually humming. And my heart gives a sickening lurch as the penny drops.
I recognise that tune . . .
‘The Dam Busters!’ I shriek furiously in his ear and he flinches and stops what he’s doing. ‘I can’t believe it. That was you in the office with bloody Cressida before the meeting! Wasn’t it?’ I glare at him and he looks completely taken aback, like a schoolboy caught smoking behind the bike sheds. For once in his life, Ethan Fox is stuck for words. No amount of charm is going to save him now!
I feel his phone vibrate in his pocket.
With an angry exclamation, he grabs it from his pocket and glares at the screen. His face turns pale as a ghost’s.
Before I can ask him what’s wrong, he pulls away, yanks the heavy curtain aside and jumps to the ground. I go after him – just in time to see him running down the stairs and out of the main entrance.
Feeling bewildered and hurt, my head all over the place, I run down the stairs myself, wondering if Ethan’s phone call was bad news.