“He wanted a cut of everything on top of the tariffs,” Tananda said. “Which didn’t surprise us at all.”
“No, indeed, what? I had everyone write their ideal percentage in sealed envelopes and examined them in private. The numbers were so very close I was surprised that no accord had been met before. It took little time to handle that matter. His Majesty has asked us to return next month for further talks. I am reading the back correspondence on matters of water rights and harborage.”
“I don’t think you’re going to have time to work here part-time as a bouncer,” I said with a smile.
“Perhaps not,” Chumley said, with evident regret. “Shame, that.”
“Maybe Winslow can hire Looie to sit under bridges and annoy tourists,” Tananda said. “He’s a rotten negotiator. I think he is going to have to look for another job. Unless he can get the king to hold on to the other handle of the Loving Cup and make an appropriate wish. Too bad the cup disappears after you use it. That could have been a nice thing to have on tap for tough jobs.”
“Yeah, about that,” Aahz said, looking very innocent.
“Aahz, what did you do?” Bunny asked, her eyes wide with worry.
“Why do you assume I did something wrong?” Aahz boomed. “I just bounced over to Whee-Don’s Trick Shop in Deva and bought a miniature tracer spell. I put it in the base of the Loving Cup when we got back into town. I can find it again if we ever need it.”
“I say, Aahz, good show!” Chumley said.
A waiter in a very fine white suit appeared beside us and offered a leather-bound book to Bunny.
“Madams and sirs, your most exclusive and special table at Le Snoot is ready for you.”
Bunny looked at me. “I didn’t make a reservation. Did you?”
I smiled slowly.
“I didn’t, but I can guess who did.”
“Her again?” Markie exclaimed. “Dorinda?”
“Do you mind?” I asked.
Markie thought about it for a moment.
“No. I suppose I don’t.”
“Neither do I,” Bunny said, with a smile. “Not at all. Let’s go.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
“Is it still ‘all’s well that ends well,’ if ‘love’s labour’s lost’?”
—W. SHAKESPEARE
“I hope this is all right with you,” Dorinda said to us, as we entered the small private dining room past a line of bowing waitstaff, sommeliers, and busboys. She wore a form-fitting gown in soft blue silk. A stiff collar stood high behind her neck, but the décolletage dipped in front to invite the eye to survey her modest curves. She patted the seat to her right and beckoned me over. “It was the least I could do, when you’ve all been so kind to me.”
Where Winslow had been lavish in its hospitality before, it now did its best to sweep us off our feet. From finger bowls to oyster forks, the white-draped table was set with every utensil I had ever seen, and dozens I hadn’t. Crystal glasses stood in ranks at every place like translucent troops. Immaculately dressed Winslovaks with white cloths draped over their arms swooped in and out, filling glasses, offering hors d’oeuvres, shoulder and foot massages, hot hand towels, pristine white napkins over the lap, and our own personalized menus with glowing print we could easily read in the subdued lighting of the dining room. I settled into a chair that embraced me like a long-lost friend and sipped a glass of wine while I read through the lengthy menu. I set down the empty glass.
“More, sir?” asked an august-looking gentleman in a tailcoat, appearing at my shoulder with a carafe of blue wine.
“Uh, no,” I said. “One’s my limit.”
He leaned closer and gave me a meaningful wink.
“This is the same beverage you enjoyed the other night in the Rusty Hinge.”
“Oh,” I said. “Then keep it coming!” I held up my glass.
The food in Winslow was always excellent, but this surpassed anything I had tried before. Though I tried to be moderate, the servers kept plying me with delightful dishes. I tried to keep up with the conversation while I ate.
“. . . I was a little taken aback at first that Skeeve let you take our fee,” Bunny said to Dorinda, who sat on her right. “But Looie didn’t ask for our advance back, so we didn’t lose too much on this deal.”
“I know it was presumptuous of Skeeve to speak for the rest of you,” Dorinda said, eating daintily with a small silver fork. “You have no idea how much difference it will make in our castle! I am very grateful. So I took it on myself to ask the council to give you the same offer that they give me.”
Bunny lifted her red eyebrows.
“Which is?”
“They let me stay here free of charge while I am working here,” Dorinda said. “Haroon has the same arrangement.”
“Right you are, little missy,” Haroon said, lifting his face from the silver bowl the waiters had brought him. “I get to spend my whole vacation detectin’, and I ain’t out of pocket about it. Not that I got any pockets, but you get it.”
“I certainly do!” Bunny said, beaming. “That’s really sweet of you, Dorinda.”
“And with the hundred gold pieces we won in the Scavenger Hunt,” I said, pushing my salad plate to one side, “our bottom line is going to look pretty good this quarter. Isn’t it?”
Bunny had the grace to look a little ashamed of herself.
“Yes, it is. I can show the books to Uncle Bruce without any problem. He can’t try to reassign me for a while.”
“Never,” I assured her. “We won’t ever let him.”
“What are you going to do about the Nix Pyx?” Tananda asked, nodding toward the glowing blue sphere that hung in the corner of the room like a naughty child. “It’s a pretty devastating piece of magik. I don’t know much about things like that but if you ask me, it should never have existed in the first place.”
“I’ll have to take it to a specialist and have it despelled,” Dorinda said. “Our treasurer isn’t a magician. He’ll never know that it doesn’t work anymore. And there are so many fakes in the world that this will just have been one of them. The hype so rarely matches the reality.”
“Destroy it,” I advised. “There are plenty of jewelers in the Bazaar who can make you a good replica out of the metal. But you’d better stand by when they do it, or they’ll keep the real thing and sell it out the back flap of the tent when you’re not looking.”
Dorinda glanced at the cup speculatively. “And if it’s a little lighter than the original, well, the extra gold can pay the masons for a new oven for the castle kitchens. The old ones leak too much heat.”
“Half-baked bread’s only good for dragons,” Tanda said.
“Gleep!” my dragon agreed, although he had a platter of meaty bones the size of a rug in front of him.
I was pleased to see how well everybody was getting along with Dorinda. Aahz even made a few side comments to me, comparing her favorably with some of my past girlfriends. Dorinda had relaxed among my friends, as I knew she would. Her beautiful blue eyes sparkled. The others were doing their part to make her feel at home. She was a good hostess, too, making sure everybody had what they wanted for dessert. I enjoyed her conversation as much as the blue wine. We all felt mellow by the end of the meal.
“Guess I’ll cancel the contract I put out on you,” Markie said, pushing her empty plate away at last.
“You didn’t really do that, did you?” I asked, anxiously.
“You’ll never know, Skeeve,” Markie said, with a studiously blank look on her face. Dorinda looked nervous and apologetic.
“I’m sorry for all the trouble you had,” she said. “I really thought Meeger had sent you. I always suspected he was connected with some shady characters. But all I wanted to do was send you somewhere else. I had Limbo in my mind. The only reason you ended up in Maire was Meeger’s booby trap.”
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“I know that now,” I said, eagerly. “We all do. Come back to Deva with us. Now that everything has been straightened out, I’d like to have a chance to get to know you. I have so many places I’d like to show you.”
Dorinda touched my hand.
“I’d like that, but Meeger was right. I have no business spending time away enjoying myself when my kingdom is in such trouble. Besides, I have three other assignments I have to finish off so I can get paid. The masons won’t start work on my tower stairs until I can give them money for the stone and their labor. Maybe one day.”
“Maybe one day,” I said.
“I hope so. I would love to see your home. And spend more time with you. All of you.”
She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, then rose from her seat.
BAMF!
She was gone. I was sad, but maybe just a little relieved.
I turned to see the others watching me curiously. I gave them a halfhearted grin.
“Let’s go home,” I said. “You know, you can have too much fun.”
ROBERT LYNN ASPRIN
Robert Asprin was the author of the Myth-Adventures, Phule’s Company, and Dragons Wild series. He passed away in May of 2008 in his hometown of New Orleans.
JODY LYNN NYE
Jody Lynn Nye lists her main career activity as “spoiling cats.” She has published forty-eight books, including Advanced Mythology, fourth in her Mythology fantasy series (no relation); eight science fiction novels; and four novels in collaboration with Anne McCaffrey, including The Ship Who Won. She has also edited a humorous anthology about mothers, Don’t Forget Your Spacesuit, Dear, and published more than a hundred and forty short stories. Her latest books are Wishing on a Star, part of the Stellar Guild Series, and Rhythm of the Imperium, third in the Lord Thomas Kinago series. She lives northwest of Chicago with her husband, author and packager Bill Fawcett, and their cat, Jeremy. Visit her on the Web at jodylynnnye.com.
1. Bunny’s experience is recorded in “Myth Congeniality,” a short story featured in Myth-Told Tales.
2. Read the whole sordid though exciting story in Little Myth Marker, available from your better booksellers, now in physical, ethereal, and audible form.
3. This pusillanimous pencil-pusher is described in minute detail in Myth-Conceptions, worth your while to peruse.
4. See the situation described in Mything Persons, another fascinating account, available from your reputable and even your disreputable booksellers.
5. See Another Fine Myth, the first in the series of these must-have volumes.
6. See how Skeeve came to acquire a share in a gambling establishment in the stirring adventure tale of Little Myth Marker, a must-have addition to your library.
7. Have a glimpse into Chumley’s sideline in Myth-Fortunes, a book as well as an Audible listening experience.
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