Chase took his clothes off and got into the shower as thoughts of his big brother wandered across his mind. Cyrus didn’t understand that after Chase went past a certain point, there was no going back. When Cyrus shot him, it took absolutely everything he had not to slice him to shreds, brother or not. In doing that, Cyrus had literally taken his life into his own hands, and Chase was angry enough that he could have killed him that very day—just as angry as he was when he took that menacing blade to Wolf and carved the hell outta him.
In the throes of killing Wolf, Chase had felt a strong physical release—like letting steam out of a pressure cooker. It was almost orgasmic. He’d felt better immediately and wondered why he hadn’t done it sooner. Chase shook his head and winced. He’d liked it.
“I’m a sick fuck. I am crazy. God help me.” He said it out loud, but he couldn’t bring himself to admit contrition, at least not to himself. He didn’t give two shits about Wolf, and that fucker deserved to be greased, though maybe not like that.
Chase got out of the shower and dried off. He moved to the mirror and looked at his chest. He had a very serious bruise, just like he expected he would from the force of that bullet against the life-saving Kevlar. Since it wasn’t going to disappear in the next five minutes, he had to wonder what Bliss was going to say when she saw it. She’d freak out, but he wasn’t going to lie to her.
He went into the bedroom. Bliss was in his bed, lying on her side with her back to him. As horrible as he was, he still loved her with all his heart. It wasn’t infatuation, and it wasn’t a crush. He couldn’t even begin to describe what he felt for her. Looking at her like that, with her hair fanned across the pillow and one small, honey-colored shoulder peeking out from the sheet, smoothed him out. He slipped into bed behind her and put his hand on her shapely hip. “You asleep, Bliss?” he asked, knowing she wasn’t.
Bliss was an extremely light sleeper, but she didn’t answer him. In fact, she didn’t even move.
He kissed her shoulder. “You mad at me, Bliss?”
Still nothing—just the steady rise and fall of her breathing.
“Bliss? Come on. Don’t do me like that. Be mad, but please talk to me.”
No response.
Chase tucked his lips in and looked away from her. “You don’t want to talk to me, Bliss? All right.” Chase was bent out of shape by it, but he wasn’t really tripping because at least she was there in his bed—their bed. He got up to give her space to be mad at him like she had every right to be. He went out to the kitchen in his boxers and bare feet and took a beer out of the fridge. Chase took the cap off the bottle and turned it up. He drank half of it and rubbed his hand across his lips. Chase wished Bliss wasn’t freezing him out, because he needed to be close to her.
He picked up the bottle of pain pills Tasha had left for him and threw them in the garbage, deciding that he deserved every ounce of pain and that he’d suffer through it like a man. He left his unfinished beer on the counter and went and sat on the sectional with his face in his hands.
Even though he was upset, he wore a smile. He was a peculiar man. Yes, he got shot by his own brother and had just mutilated a guy to death, but what really upset him most was that Bliss wouldn’t talk to him. Her silence was fucking him up, but he still needed to give her some space.
“Chase?”
He took his hands down, and there she was, standing right in front of him. It wasn’t like Chase at all to let someone get that close to him without him knowing it. Now, it was his turn not to answer her because he couldn’t. Chase leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands in front of him. He closed his eyes against the completely unwelcome sting of tears. Chase wasn’t a crybaby, but he was emotional, and as his mother used to say, “a little high strung.” The events of the day had taken their toll on him.
Bliss sat next to him, as close as she could get. She put her fingers in his hair, mindful of his stitches, and kissed his cheek. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t know you needed me like this. What happened? What’s wrong?”
He looked at the floor until he felt the water in his eyes dry up.
“Chase? Baby, tell me. Talk to me. I’m here,” Bliss coaxed. Her fingers left his hair and rubbed his back.
He wanted to say something salty to her for ignoring him, but he couldn’t. He could never talk to Bliss like that, and Chase didn’t want to argue with her. He just wanted to love her and for her to love him back. He smiled a little softer and put his hand on her knee. “It’s nothing. I just had a really bad day.”
Bliss grew very still. She stopped rubbing his back and stood up, looking at his chest warily. “What happened to you? How’d you get that?”
He smiled sadly. “Cyrus shot me.”
Bliss was horrified. “He what? Oh my God, Chase! How come you’re not dead? You should be dead from that!”
Chase looked at her unhappily. Once again, he had brought her to the brink of hysteria. “I was wearing a vest, Bliss.”
“What? I mean, thank God you were, but what were you doing wearin’ a vest, Chase? Why do you even have one?”
“I have my reasons,” he said quietly, folding his arms across his chest. He felt the conversation he’d been dreading bearing down on him like a freight train.
She narrowed her eyes at him and folded her arms across her chest too. “Reasons? What reasons, Chase? Tell me, because I really think I need to know.”
They stared at each other, but he didn’t answer her.
“What else happened today?”
He looked her in the eyes; he couldn’t lie to her. “I can’t…I just can’t tell you.”
Bliss took two steps away from him, and Chase noticed her trying to put distance between them. “This is all about that guy Wolf, isn’t it? What’s going on with him? Is he looking for you?”
“Not anymore. Wolf’s dead,” he said flatly.
Bliss seemed shocked. “Really? Did you have anything to do with that?”
Chase didn’t answer her, and he couldn’t bring himself to maintain eye contact. She took another step away from him—something else he noticed—but he didn’t open his mouth. Bliss looked at him like she was afraid of him, and that broke his heart. He’d die before he hurt Bliss.
“Who are you, Chase?” she asked, looking at him in disbelief, rubbing her temples. “I mean you’re this sweet, romantic, wonderful person to me…but…but I’d have to be blind and stupid not to wonder if you’re also not somebody totally different—somebody I don’t know at all. Who the hell are you, Chase?”
He reached out to touch her, but Bliss stepped away from him. That hurt. He disregarded her move and reached for her again, and she darted away from him like he had a contagious disease. Chase frowned. “What’s the matter, Bliss? You don’t want me to touch you? You scared of me? Don’t say you’re scared of me, Bliss. Please.” Chase wasn’t one to beg anyone, let alone a woman, but if Bliss wanted him crying and on his knees, that was what he would do to keep her. She was staring at him with extra wide eyes. He took a step toward her, but while she didn’t retreat, she looked like she was ready to run if he came any closer. “Bliss! Please, baby,” he said, struggling to keep his voice calm. “It’s me. I’m just me…Chase. That’s who I am, the man who loves you.”
She looked at him like she was searching his eyes for the truth. He took another step toward her, and she bolted away from him and ran into the bedroom.
Oh God! This can’t be happening! He didn’t mean to run after her, but that was exactly what he did. “Bliss!”
She ran into the bathroom and tried to slam the door in his face, but he grabbed the knob.
“Stop, Bliss! You act like I’m gonna hurt you! Bliss, please. Stop! Please!” Chase was yelling at her and acting aggressive, and when he caught himself and realized it, he cautiously backed away. He could hear her crying—because of him—and it ripped his heart out. Chase leaned with his back against the dresser and waited for her. It was time for a time-out. Thi
ngs were escalating out of control. He waited for her for twenty minutes, until she stopped sobbing.
Bliss cracked the door open, and they stared at each other. Her eyes were red, and her face was puffy from crying, but he was so glad she’d come out of there that it was almost irrational.
“You ready to talk?” Chase asked in a very tentative voice. He was afraid to move, fearing she’d bolt back in the bathroom.
She wiped the tears off her face with the heel of her hand. “Yes,” she said with a weak smile.
That’s at least a good sign. “Okay,” he said and pushed away from the dresser. He stood there indecisively. “Are you gonna come over here, or do you want me to come over there?”
She started crying again, but she was still smiling. She wiggled her finger at him. “You come here.”
“Okay.” He walked over to her, and she opened the door all the way.
She put her arms around his neck and kissed him like she loved him. “This thing between us is bigger than we are, Chase. You know that, don’t you?”
“I know. I love you more than anything, Bliss. You’re not gonna leave me are you? I’ll do anything you say. Just please don’t go.”
She smiled at him. “I love you too. I can’t go anywhere. Seems like we’re meant to be, Chase. Come here.”
He frowned and stepped into the bathroom with her.
Bliss handed him a white plastic stick off the counter. “I have to marry you next Saturday. We made a baby.”
She caught him off guard and knocked him for a loop with that one, and his mouth dropped open. “Oh shit, Bliss,” he said softly, his voice filled with wonder and surprise. He wanted it and meant for it to happen. It had been his aim. He was just shocked it had happened so quickly. “Are you serious?” His heart was beating fast; this was monumental.
Bliss smiled and raised his hand, holding the pregnancy test up to his face. “Look at it.”
He did, and she was. “Oh shit, Bliss,” he said again.
Bliss couldn’t stop herself from smiling at him. “Is that all you can say? Are you happy?”
He smiled and raised an eyebrow. “Are you gonna marry me? Really marry me?”
She nodded, smiling and crying at the same time. “Uh-huh. I can’t wait.”
He kissed her slow and tender, with all the love he had in his heart. “Yeah, I’m happy, Bliss—real happy.”
Chapter 19
“I told you that negro was gonna get you pregnant, didn’t I? It was all in his eyes, Bliss. You could smell it on his damned breath. I knew it,” Tasha said, grinning. She sat across from Bliss eating pancakes and turkey sausage, while Bliss nursed dry toast and weak tea.
Bliss didn’t answer her right away, because she was trying real hard to keep from throwing up.
Tasha kept smiling and eating. “Yep, I told you. Chase came up in here with his fine ass and his charmingly boyish swagger and knocked your ass down, and then he knocked your ass up. I knew you needed a condom for his ass—no pills, no shots, no foam. You needed a goddamned barrier method for that fertile brother.” She leaned forward and pointed her fork at Bliss. “Your mother’s gonna kill you…and your daddy’s gonna kill Chase.”
Bliss drank some of her tea. “Nobody’s killing anybody. Everything’s gonna be fine.” She was still dressed in her robe, and she should have been ready an hour ago. They were in St. Lucia, and Chase and Bliss were getting married the next day, and they’d all flown down the prior afternoon. Bliss’s parents had arrived very late the night before, along with her sister and brother, and she only had about a half-hour before they were supposed to meet for a late brunch. Bliss frowned at Tasha. “Why are you eating all that now? You won’t even be hungry when you get there.”
Tasha ate the last of her sausage and licked syrup off her fingers. “I had the munchies. I’ll have ‘em again at brunch.”
Bliss smiled and shook her head. “You better stop blazin’ trees. You’re gonna get fat.”
Tasha looked pointedly at Bliss’s midsection. “Not before you do.”
“Later for you, Tash.”
They shared a laugh and then settled back in their chairs.
Tasha smiled and looked at her a long time. “You look happy, Bliss.”
Bliss laughed. “That’s because I am.”
“Good. In that case, I’m happy for you, but…” She trailed off and looked at the closed bedroom door. They were in Bliss and Chase’s suite, and he was in there getting dressed.
Bliss frowned, not feeling where the conversation was going. She pushed her engagement ring up on her finger and blinked at Tasha. “What? Go ahead and tell me what you want me to hear, but go easy on my husband. I’m serious, Tasha.”
Tasha sucked her teeth. “Listen to you! Go easy on my husband. Girl, he ain’t your husband yet. Right now he’s your baby’s daddy. Lighten up! This is just me—Tasha—and we talk shit to each other, remember? You’re my girl, Bliss, and I would never try to ruin your big day for you. Although I do have to admit that I’m a little jealous—not hating. Never hating, just jealous.” She leaned forward and lowered her voice to a whisper. “Do you really know what you’re getting into? As much as I like Chase, he got some real gangster shit about him. Don’t ignore that just ‘cause you love him, Bliss. That shit ain’t play-play. That shit is real.”
Bliss sighed. “Come on, Tash—”
Tasha leaned even closer and grabbed her hand. “Listen, Bliss…I stitched Chase’s head up myself. I saw his X-rays. Whoever hit him in his head like that wasn’t his goddamned friend. They were tryin’ to hurt him real bad. A little to the left, and they would have. His brother is a drug dealer whose club was on the news gettin’ shot—”
Bliss held her hands up. “I know about all that stuff. We talked about it, all of it. This is our decision, and none of that other stuff matters. The only thing that does matter is that we love each other…and we’re having a baby.”
Chase walked in the bedroom looking handsome in a cream Prada shirt and a pair of jeans. “Hey, Tasha. What’s up?”
Tasha gave him the once-over. “You look nice, but Bliss’s mother is gonna make you tuck your shirt in.”
Chase sat next to Bliss and kissed her quick. “Yeah, well, speaking of Bliss’s mother, you could use a little Visine to keep her off you.” He smiled when he said it, so Tasha wasn’t offended.
She got up and came around the table. “Your ass wasn’t complainin’ when I was sewin’ your head up.” She put a hand under his chin and looked into his eyes. “Very nice. The hemorrhaging cleared up nicely,” she said in her doctor-like voice. “You’re a fast healer,” she noticed, since she’d only taken the stitches out a couple days earlier.
“Thanks to you.”
She shrugged and picked up her bag. “Anytime, but keep you gangster shit to a minimum please.”
Chase’s eyes twinkled. “I’m no gangster, Tasha. That was Cyrus’s beef, not mine.”
She smiled at him knowingly. “I’ll bet you got a bridge you want to sell me too. Y’all better hurry up. This brunch is for you, you know. See you downstairs.” She threw some shades on and slammed out the door.
Chase laughed and stood up, shaking his head.
Bliss stood too.
“Tasha is bananas. She was tryin’ to convince you not to marry me, wasn’t she?”
Bliss smiled and put her arms around his waist. “No, not really. She was just a little concerned that maybe I don’t know what I’m getting myself into, marrying a gangster.”
Chase frowned. “I’m not a gangster, Bliss. I’m a businessman.”
She patted his cheek. “Yeah. I’m pretty sure most so-called gangsters see themselves that way.”
Chase blinked hard and raised his eyebrows. “So what you sayin’, Bliss? I told you, I’m not a gangster. Every business I own is legitimate. I run ‘em straight, and I pay taxes and bills just like everybody else. I ain’t no drug dealer like Cyrus.”
Bliss looked at him warily. Ther
e was that one thing still between them. “Okay, baby. Let me ask you a question or two then. Why did you come home all bloody like that the day you got hit in the head, and what were you doing the day Cyrus shot you?”
Chase wouldn’t look at her. He smiled and gently stepped out of her arms. “You know I can’t tell you, Bliss.”
She stared at him. “Why not? I’m about to become your wife. I’m not just your girlfriend anymore.”
“Yeah. Wife. That’s the operative word. It’s my job to protect you, Bliss…and our baby. I’m not tellin’ you ‘cause I don’t really think you need to know. The less you know, the better, at least while I finish disentangling myself from Cyrus. When I’m done, I promise you, Bliss, I’ll be done…unless I just can’t go another way.”
Bliss looked him in the eye. “I already know, Chase,” she said.
Chase looked at her like he was holding his breath, and maybe he was. This was serious. “You already know what, Bliss?”
Bliss looked at Chase looking back at her. If someone had told her what she knew was true about Chase, she wouldn’t have believed them, even though all the pieces fit. She’d turned everything over in her mind. She’d made her deduction on Sunday morning, reading the paper in bed, with Chase sound asleep beside her. It was an epiphany. She’d finally put her finger on what she couldn’t quite put her finger on, and it hit her right between the eyes like a sledgehammer. She shook her head slowly. “I don’t think you’re a gangster, Chase. I think you’re something else.”
He spread his feet and folded his arms across his chest. “What am I, Bliss?”
She looked at him with his head cocked to the side and his jaw set defiantly so she could see the scar underneath. Ice glistened in his eyes. Still, there was that boyishness about him, because his hands were tucked under his arms, and he couldn’t be still. His body swayed slightly, and he shifted from one foot to the other. Bliss gave him a small smile, and his eyebrows went up. “Don’t be like that with me, Chase. I don’t want anything to be between us, baby—not even this…especially not this. I’d never tell on you, Chase, and I’ll never leave you. I love you.” Bliss knew exactly where she stood in Chase’s heart. She knew she owned it. There was nothing she could even begin to think of that he wouldn’t do for her. He’d move mountains to keep her happy. She knew it bothered him deeply whenever they argued, and if she decided to walk away from him, it would seriously fuck him up. She knew Chase was marrying her because he was so in love with her that it was almost a physical ache when he couldn’t be with her. She knew exactly how he felt, because she felt the same way about him. She touched his hand, and Chase dropped his funky little posture immediately, but he looked away from her, even as his fingers curled around hers.
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