A Master's in Murder

by Katie Moon

  She had begged Brielle to come home for a little while. “I don’t want to see you crumble from this because you didn’t give yourself time to heal,” she had pled. Still, Brielle insisted on staying where she was. Her life with Eric had been here. Although she wouldn’t admit it to herself, she knew deep down that to leave the place that they had shared so many memories was to accept that he was really gone. And she didn’t want to do that.

  Brielle gave a small smile to her mother that immediately disappeared once her mother had turned away. As she reached her mother’s side, her mother looped her arm in Brielle’s without a word.

  As they pulled up to the chapel, Brielle saw familiar faces entering the building, dressed in black. She was dreading this moment. As soon as she had gotten off the phone with her parents following the hospital visit, Brielle had turned off her phone. She wasn’t ready to hear from people paying their condolences, offering to help in any way they could, asking if she was okay. Officer Corey had been right. As much as she knew that people sincerely wanted to help, she couldn’t stand the thought of having to face them. Of course I’m not okay, she thought desperately. How would you feel if one day your love and future was here, and then the next day he wasn’t? That’s not something you can heal with a plate of cookies. There was no way to put off those encounters anymore. She was about to be surrounded by flocks of people, all looking pitifully at her, seeing her as the broken woman she now was.

  Clearing her throat to shake away the wave of emotion that swelled within her, Brielle unclipped her seat belt and stepped out of the passenger door. She didn’t want her mother to see how her knees shook with every step. They walked in the door to the large chapel, passing silently by rows of black satin. Brielle kept her eyes straight ahead, glued to the large organ pipes that covered the front wall, as she heard whispered condolences reach her ears from the people lining the walkway. On the front row, she saw Eric’s family already settled, looking lonely despite the crowds of people arriving for the service.

  And there it was. The reality she could not deny anymore. There in glinting black, adorned with pastel roses and lilies, laid the casket that had held the person Brielle would have traded everything for.

  As the whispers throughout the large chapel quieted, the pastor stood up and moved slowly toward the pulpit. “Thank you all for attending this service to honor Mr. Eric Artimer. A trusted friend, a cherished love, an irreplaceable son and brother,” he said in a deep, soothing voice. He nodded slightly to their row before continuing. “While words cannot express the sorrow that is being felt in this room right now for such an extraordinary young man, from my own interactions with this beloved son of our God, he showed himself to be a kind, optimistic, and inspiring individual. I therefore invite all to use this time to not mourn a death, but instead celebrate a life by which we have all been touched.” Brielle’s eyes filled with tears as they remained riveted on the long black box in front of her, her heart so heavy that she was slightly amazed that it hadn’t crashed down through her ribs into her gut.

  The pastor went on to outline some of Eric’s public accomplishments. “Rather than taking more of this precious time, I feel it more fit to invite his loved ones to speak to this dear boy’s credit.” He nodded again to Eric’s parents, who stood slowly to move toward the pulpit.

  One by one, each member of Eric’s family proceeded to relate old memories of their eldest son and brother. Scattered laughs sounded across the room as Jared told about Eric trying to pretend to be their dad calling them in sick when he was nine years old. More sniffles broke out as Mrs. Artimer recounted how Eric, at five years old, had told her that all he wanted to do when he was grown up was to be a mom because he wanted to “make everyone feel happy, and mommies make everyone feel happy”.

  Brielle smiled through her mess of tears as Randall described how being Eric’s next door neighbor had turned into an unbreakable brotherhood. “It was like being neighbors with Mr. Rogers. If he saw you, he had already decided that you were his best friend, and there was no backing out,” Randall joked, sending appreciative chuckles through the crowd.

  Finally, Brielle found herself standing. Her legs seemed to move mechanically as she stepped up to the microphone. Her eyes scanned the audience, catching glimpses of faces that she recognized. A study partner of Eric’s. An economics professor. A few of her own friends. So many sad faces. So much lost.

  She swallowed and then began, “I always knew that difficult things happen in this world, but you always think it will be someone else. For just one second, you have a grasp on heaven, and then suddenly your grip fails you, and it’s gone. I may be living, but I feel as though I lost my life when Eric crossed that street and didn’t make it to the other side. It’s easy to feel that my story ends here, with his.”

  Her voice became slightly stronger. “But I am one of the lucky few to have known and loved Eric deeply. To have known him completely. And I can tell you that if he were standing here hearing me say those things, he would cut me off and show me all of the beautiful things waiting ahead for me.” Brielle stopped, struggling to get a grip on the lump rising in her throat. “Because that was, that is, the kind of person that Eric is. He’s a believer. He’s a lover. He’s a dreamer. I won’t be able to live with him for my life, the way I had pictured it. But instead I will live for him, and try to capture every moment of this painful and wonderful thing we call life. For him. And maybe…” she stopped for a moment. “Maybe if I live for him, that will give me enough strength to live for me too,” she finished.

  Brielle lowered her eyes to the floor as she moved back to her seat, aware of the sniffles that had again erupted in the congregation. Her mother wrapped her arm tightly around Brielle’s shoulders as the pastor stood up to close the services. Brielle glanced up at the chandeliers that illuminated the vaulted ceilings of the building. Each crystal diamond scattered the rays of light that bounced off of it, showering the room in glints of rainbow. One could hardly pick out one crystal from the ornate branches and curtains that together made the large chandeliers. Together the crystals hung like a mesmerizing sheet of gems strung from above, sweeping and floating like guardian angels above the pews. And yet Brielle considered how truly fragile they all were. Should one link of the chain suspending it from the ceiling be removed, it would crash down, leaving only shattered glass in its place, never capable of being made new again.

  Is that what life is? Brielle wondered. Do we just live another day, building up bonds and exposing vulnerabilities, so that Fate can take pleasure in shattering us?

  Brielle was torn away from her thoughts as the organ began to sing its mournful tune, and she stood. She knew the moment couldn’t be put off any longer. Brielle turned to face the others, seeing already that people were shifting through the crowd toward them. In agony, Brielle supplied painful smiles and thanks as each person offered their condolences as they past by before moving to Eric’s parents.

  The same few phrases seemed to float in and out of her consciousness: “So sorry for you loss”…“I can’t imagine what you’re going through”…“We’re praying for you”…“He’s in a better place now”…“God bless you.” But no words could break through the icy wall that had encased her broken heart. Brielle felt a soft tap on the shoulder, and she turned. A tall, wiry boy with curly black hair and pale skin stood there, uncomfortably pulling at his rigid collar.

  “Hello, Mason,” Brielle said, offering a small smile. Mason was a nervous and slightly antisocial software engineering major in Brielle’s World History class. They had worked as project partners in the past, and although the word “eccentric” was well fit to him, Brielle had found him to be a generally kind and gentle person. “I appreciate your support in coming to honor Eric.”

  “Of course, Brielle,” Mason responded, slightly breathlessly. His wide gray eyes lingered on Brielle’s face, blinking rapidly. “You always made it clear how great he was, and of course he would have to be to have someone like y
ou!” he said emphatically, his cheeks turning slightly red. “If there’s anything I can ever do for you, I’m always here to help. And I’m sure wherever he is, he wants to see you happy. Not today, maybe, but someday.” Mason shifted again, clearly not used to being in a suit and tie.

  Brielle smiled kindly, this time more genuinely. “I hope someday to do that. Again, thank you for coming,” she said, meaning it. She knew Mason well enough to know that coming to be a part of larger crowds of strangers wouldn’t be a first on his list of things he wanted to do. Mason smiled nervously and nodded before turning and moving back down the aisle towards the exit. It wasn’t exactly hidden to Brielle that Mason had developed feelings for her, but he had always been respectful and kind in the moments when he had met Eric. His feelings reminded her of a childhood crush: innocent and harmless.

  As she watched his retreating figure, another person stepped forward to fill his vacated spot.

  “Hi, Bruce,” Brielle said, trying to give a smile. Bruce Artimer was Eric’s uncle. Wearing a wide, white smile that Brielle was quite certain was not natural, and always sporting a tan that seemed just a little bit too dark to match his complexion, Bruce had always come across as slightly egotistical. He reminded her of a pushy salesman who had not quite learned social cues. Still, he had always been kind to her, which was more than Brielle could say about other members of Eric’s family.

  “C’mon, lady, it’s Uncle Bruce!” Bruce boomed cheerfully. “Just ‘cause Eric isn’t here doesn’t mean you’re not family. You’re one of us now!”

  “That’s really sweet of you,” Brielle replied, trying not to cringe. Without Eric, Brielle and the Artimer family mixed like oil and water.

  “This whole business with Eric is so sad. He was a good kid,” Bruce said, his face sobering. “All too unfair that he was taken from us.”

  Brielle nodded, averting her eyes to the floor sadly.

  Bruce patted her on the shoulder gently. “I’m going to go give Rebecca and John my condolences. Keep your chin up,” he said kindly. As quickly as it had gone, Bruce’s cheerful face returned. “And you might just find that life turns out even better than before!”

  Brielle stared at his back as Bruce approached Eric’s parents, dumbfounded at what he had just said. He meant well, she knew that. Nevertheless, she couldn’t completely stifle the anger that flared through her at someone suggesting that she would be better off without Eric.

  Before she had time to fully process it, however, yet another tall figure stepped forward to take Bruce’s place.

  “Randall!” Brielle said in relief, reaching up to give her neighbor a hug. “I loved what you shared about Eric, it did him justice,” she said warmly.

  Randall gave a pained smile. Randall was a six-foot, attractive man with sandy-blonde hair. At twenty-seven years old, he was enrolled in the entrepreneurship MBA program at UNC. Randall and Eric had been best friends over the past couple years of being neighbors, and he and Brielle had become good friends as well since she moved in. “Nothing would do him justice, but I’m glad that what I did say offered some semblance of praise to his memory,” he countered humbly. The edges of Randall’s lips drooped back to a slight frown as he said sadly, “I won’t do disrespect to you by asking how you’re doing with all of this. It’s a nightmare.”

  Brielle reached her hand out to pat Randall’s arm. “If anyone knows exactly what I’m feeling, it’s you,” she whispered fervently. With all of the love and support she had gotten from her mother, father, friends, she knew most could not do more than sympathize with her. Even Eric’s relationship with his family felt less intimate and personal. But Randall had been there in the small things, the day-to-day experiences, the ups and downs that you only experience with close-knit friends. He could empathize.

  Randall glanced at Brielle before looking away, blinking his eyes rapidly. “It’s hard to imagine how every day will go without Eric being around. You don’t realize how much your life includes someone else until—until they’re gone,” he said hoarsely, then let out a sad chuckle. “Who’s gonna back me up in Halo, right?” he joked, but he quickly bit his quivering lip and blinked back tears welling up in his eyes.

  Brielle laughed. “Or in your life-changing million dollar business?” she joked. Randall constantly asserted that he would go on to become CEO of a multimillion-dollar company, and that he would hire Eric as his lab rat. She leaned forward. “Listen, I’ll probably get you killed a lot quicker that I’ll help you, but if you need a teammate to play Halo sometime, I’m in,” she said, and Randall chuckled and nodded.

  “You going to keep living next door? Not sure how it’ll feel to be there without Eric, but… I’ll be sad to see you go,” Randall admitted.

  Brielle looked away and hesitated before finally shrugging. “I just don’t know, really. I don’t want to give it up, because I still want to hold on to what we shared. But I don’t know if I…. ” She trailed off, then turned back to look at Randall. “Right now, I’m going to stay and at least help clear out all of Eric’s stuff for his family. Then… I guess we’ll see.”

  6

  As he watched figured adorned in black filing out of the church building, Jared breathed in the cool winter air that rushed in through the doors. He had never really liked winters. While he conceded that the wintry white sloping hills had a quaint, nostalgic look, Jared had always appreciated the bustling warmth of Los Angeles. When he and Eric had been kids, they had sworn to each other that when they grew up, they would work together there in LA to develop the greatest crime show that had ever been filmed. At night, the two would turn on flashlights under their covers and fantasize about the amazing Artimer Brothers, the two cleverest detectives in the universe, solving robberies and kidnappings for the President of the United States. Jared scowled and shook his head. If only the childhood innocence could last forever.

  “How will we ever fill Eric’s hole?” Jared heard his mother whisper to his father. “A son like him only comes once in a lifetime.”

  Jared felt his cheeks turn pink as the blood boiled under his skin. His childhood innocence and naivety certainly had not lasted long. At eleven years old, Jared had gotten in trouble in school for repeatedly talking during class. After talking with his teacher, his mother and father whispered quietly in their bedroom, unaware that Jared was waiting outside their door.

  “I don’t know what we’re going to do about that boy. He just doesn’t have the discipline and brains of his brother.” Jared heard his mother sigh. “Eric never got into this kind of trouble. Is it too late to do a trade in for another Eric instead?” she muttered jokingly.

  Jared still felt the words sting. Those simple words murmured in jest had sent Jared to his room crying for the rest of the night. They also had reshaped him. From that day on, he never spoke out of turn in class again. He worked twice as hard as the other kids to excel in school. He participated in sports, played musical instruments, and joined academic clubs. It was never enough. His light was always too dim compared to Eric’s. By his teens, he was so used to being in Eric’s shadow that it had cast a permanent shade on Jared’s bond with his elder brother. Eric had always been generally kind to Jared, but their young brotherhood had died. Jared saw his brother more as competition than companion.

  Even just months ago, Jared had joined his mother on a trip to Target where they ran into Denise, an old friend of Mrs. Artimer’s.

  “Oh, you must be Eric!” Denise gushed upon being introduced to Mrs. Artimer’s son. “Your mother has told me all about you. You’re about to graduate with an MBA from UNC, right?”

  Jared cleared his throat, feeling irritated, but he smiled genially. “I’m actually Jared, Rebecca’s younger son. Eric is my older brother. I’m pursuing a degree in Neuroscience from UCLA.”

  Denise’s eyes widened in surprise. “Well isn’t that nice! I didn’t know Rebecca had another son!”

  Jared’s eyes scanned the North Carolina horizon as he bristled at the memo
ry. Nothing about his mother had changed. No matter how hard he had tried to win her affections and prove his place as her son, she never had as much love for him as Eric.

  No, she had not changed. But I have, Jared thought grimly. He was no longer the boy who cried to himself over the rejection of his parents. Growing up in that house had been terrible for him, but that pressure had molded him into an ambitious man. Even if his mother didn’t recognize it, he was going places. He was on his way to starting medical school and becoming an accomplished neurosurgeon. He had set himself apart in his classes as one of the most hardworking and driven students the professors had ever seen.

  And while he would never have said this aloud, he had a deep desire to shout at his mother: I am a brilliant, talented, honored scholar, well on my way to becoming a man of success, Mother. And what is your precious Eric? He’s dead!

  Jared could not completely bite back the small smile that was twitching on the edge of his lips.

  7

  As the sky turned to hazy shades of pink and orange outside her window, Brielle sat staring transfixed at the full-length mirror across the room. Her hair hung dully around her shoulders, having let it down as soon as she had returned from the funeral. Her skin looked so pale, almost translucent. She studied her face, tracing the hollows of her cheeks with her finger. In just the past few days, Brielle had lost weight. She looked starved, completely empty. Or was she just imagining that because of how empty she felt?

  Brielle had asked her mother to give her some time to be alone after the funeral. Instead of returning to the hotel, she wanted to have time to think in her apartment, in the place she had shared so many memories with Eric. Her mother, looking hopeless and knowing there was nothing she could do, just nodded and drove in heavy silence until, finally arriving outside the apartment door, she gave her a kiss on the cheek. Brielle felt a rush of gratitude to her mother for understanding. She didn’t want to be convinced that everything was going to be okay. She didn’t want to be watched and coddled and suffocated. As much as she loved her mother, she was desperate to have a few moments to breathe, away from anyone else.