by Megan Noelle
When he pulled away slightly he softly molded his lips against mine. It felt much too intimate for the situation but the feeling of our lips together didn’t make me want to pull away either. Time stood still as I felt safe wrapped up in him. Being, around Corey made me feel sexy, beautiful, daring and protected all in the same moment. I wasn’t even sure it was possible to feel those things simultaneously—never before had those emotions struck me all at once.
His soft lips pulled away but his eyes held mine in a way that made me wonder if he was ever going to let go or if I ever wanted him to. In a movie it would be one of those moments when the couple reveals their undying love for one another. But it was no movie and in my life I’d yet to experience a relationship with anything near a happy ending.
And I didn’t believe in that anymore.
“Your shirt’s still on the kitchen floor.” The words stumbled out in a single breath. Corey let out a laugh and finally let me go.
“I suppose I’ll need that back.” He gave my cheek a small pinch and headed towards the kitchen.
“So are you still going to kick me out tonight? Or have I finally proven myself worthy to stay the night?”
My heart leapt into my throat, I hated being put on the spot. If he hadn’t been so blunt about it I planned to slowly pretend to be exhausted and make up some excuse about not being able to sleep with someone next to me. Throw around the term “medical condition” a few times, since no one could really deny the words of a doctor. Actual, rejection was not part of the plan and there was no way to answer without looking like a bitch. So I went with the only thing I could think of. “I have to work in the morning.” Corey slowly nodded his head; he didn’t hear my words instead he heard a brush-off. I mean come on—what guy would be that bummed about banging a girl then going back home?
“I’ll be out of your hair in a few.” I nodded lamely as he gathered up a few other discarded items I hadn’t noticed before. The urge to apologize profusely was on the tip of my tongue but for some reason it never came out.
My throat tightened at the sudden urge to hold back the sob making its way out. I could see I was hurting him…but I couldn’t stop. “I’m just going to get my shower started. I’ll be back out in a second.” I needed to step away from him for a moment—then I would be fine.
I turned on the water to the highest temperature and let it run before pulling the switch to send the stream out the shower head. When I left the bathroom Corey was still in the kitchen, holding my pack of cigarettes discarded on the counter.
“So are you ever going to tell me what got under your skin so badly today that made you call me?” When he looked up at me the soft, gentle man that stared back at me earlier was gone. This man was downright pissed off as he took my pack and crushed it in his hand before throwing it into my trashcan.
“It doesn’t matter,” I mumbled; my eyes darting towards my feet.
“It does matter, Dani. When are you going to get that you mean something to me? I want to be here for you but you need to let me.” His words pleaded with me; I felt my insides clench at the thought. More than anything I wanted to open my mouth and tell Corey everything. Let him hold me close and assure me I’m wasn’t the emotional failure I felt like I was. But I didn’t know if I could do it.
Doubt was riddled in every thought I had. Sure he was here now. But what about tomorrow? Would he still be there when he realized just how screwed up I was? I was someone he wanted to be there for—now—it wasn’t the first time some guy thought I was special. And I doubted it’d be the last. But just like all the others before him my words would become insignificant and my actions would go unnoticed.
It was time for me to take control of my own destiny. I was in charge of who got a spot in my heart. While Corey was a genuinely great person—he was just another guy. Soon enough he’d see me as nothing more than a burden and I’d be left with a longing that wouldn’t go away for a man I’d done everything I could do, to push out the door.
“I don’t want to get into it, Corey.” My tone was a warning for him to drop the topic.
“Maybe you should get into it. You have had many changes in your life, what with moving back, running the Inn, your mom in prison. How could you not want to talk about any of it?!”
“What’s your problem?!” The thought slipped out before I could process it. Then again, he had no right bringing up the crap with my mom. Whether he knew her or not, that was my business. I didn’t want to discuss it and his persistence left me furious.
“I’m trying to understand you!” His hands flailed around in front of him in big gestures.
“Well don’t! You may know my family and more about my background than I’ve told you, but that doesn’t mean you know me! I didn’t call you over here to chat about my life. That shit is none of your business! Your only job was to fuck my brains out. Mission accomplished. Now we’re done for the night!” With his hands on his hips he paced around my kitchen.
“Don’t hold this crap in, Danielle. Since when have I received the title as just your booty call? I get it, we’re not a couple but I sure as fuck thought we were friends! Now, talk to me.” This time his voice pleaded with me but it was too late. My defenses were on high-alert and I wasn’t about to divulge any part of my life tonight. Not to mention my calm from the sexual release was gone and now thanks to Corey—so were my cigarettes.
“Just get out, Corey. If you don’t like our little arrangement I’ll find someone else that can get the job done. Now if you’ll excuse me I want to shower and go to bed.” I could be a real bitch when I was angry. I meant none of what I’d said but somehow it poured out of my mouth with such conviction, I really couldn’t blame his startled reaction.
“Whatever! Let that shit eat away at you! I don’t need this disrespect anyways!” I stood my ground as I watched him stomp out the way he came. Before he left I heard him mutter something about why did he care anyways—a question I myself wondered. Why would he care about my drama?
The water in my shower was already getting cold turning my mood even more sour. If only I had decided on a cold shower before calling Corey to come over. Maybe that would have saved us from the destructive fight that just occurred. Instead I was left shedding the tears I’d held back; feeling emotionally worse off than before his visit.
What The…?
Monday sucked.
I suppose that was every Monday, but this one in particular was terrible. My mind was everywhere else but on the job. My scatterbrain ended up dropping a stack of dishes, sending guests to the wrong room and many other things that if it had been anyone else—they’d have been fired. The fight with Corey still rattled my bones along with the argument with my Grandmother. Then add the pressure of my mother waiting to talk to me and it was no surprise that I hadn’t sleep worth a shit Sunday night. That next morning I made it into work at 7:00 for lack of anything better to do.
So when I got home after a fourteen hour work day, at least I was able to go right to sleep, without thinking of my screwed up life. Before crashing, I had to switch my phone off. It wasn’t as if it had been ringing off the hook all day—the opposite actually. There wasn’t a single crazed call from Gram, a sound from the prison, or a single call or text from Corey. NOT that I expected one—I didn’t, but I hoped.
We were nothing and that was exactly what I had pounded into his brain before kicking him out. We would occasionally engage in a sexual relationship but that was the most we would be—ever! From the looks of things now though, he didn’t want that anymore. Maybe Corey finally realized that I was more trouble than I was worth.
The next morning when I turned my phone back on my frustration level rose when I saw there were no missed texts or voicemails while I slept. This called for a cigarette on my way back to work. Meaning I had to buy a pack because Corey had taken his anger at me out on my last pack.
By noon I had accomplished quite a bit, but mostly because I hadn’t stopped moving since I started my shif
t. The workers’ looked at me with terror in their eyes every time I buzzed past them. All morning long I had been giving them borderline insane tasks that made no sense. It wasn’t until one asked me why they needed to put the folded towels in the sink to dry that I realized what I was saying. Not that it stopped me from making demands.
A couple of the staff visibly flinched as I opened my mouth to give direction. Making me wonder what exactly I had told them to do—hopefully they’d all forgive me once I came out of this funk. If I said it, clearly there was a reason for it!
At noon I was laying out freshly wrapped silverware at the tables in the large banquet hall. When I’d ly arrived, there were about a dozen other workers cleaning and preparing the place. Somehow, I ended up left alone to finish the tasks. Oh well, probably safest for all of us anyway. I was mindlessly putting out the place settings when I heard the banquet doors open.
“So why is it that when I asked the receptionist where you were, she seemed afraid to answer my question?” I recognized the voice immediately, but I shot my head up to verify it. My foolish heart skipped a beat as Corey slowly moved towards me. He was still too far away for me to reach out and touch him—not like the thought crossed my mind—but I was so relieved to see him there.
“I’m a little out of it today.” Corey cracked a smile, lighting up the beautiful blue eyes I’d been dreaming about.
“I kinda guessed that.” Very slowly he approached the large round table I was working at. With every step he made to close the distance separating us, my pulse raced faster and my mouth dried up. “So can I ask, Sweets, when exactly did you start taking away the sharp utensils?” Corey’s gaze flickered to the table I was busy setting.
“Huh?” My eyes followed and instantly my face flushed. Somehow in the mess of my mind I had been completely oblivious to the fact that every place setting had spoons. Not just a spoon. A soup spoon, a smaller spoon and the kicker—nothing else. There wasn’t a fork or knife to be found on the table, although each place setting had either multiple napkins or glasses.
“Shit.” I hissed under my breath. Corey’s soft chuckle brought my attention away from the disaster before me.
“Looks like you’re going to need a little help in here, Sweets.”
“This was completely intentional.” He leisurely continued his approach making me forget everything else. “What… uh…what are you doing here?” I stumbled out.
With a shrug of his shoulders he answered, “Just in the neighborhood and I was thinking about you.”
My mind raced with questions and unfortunately all the questions came out in a jumbled mess. “Because you were in the neighborhood? By the Inn? Because I work here?” Corey’s soft chuckle lightened my heart and I wished I could stop babbling like an idiot. There was only about a foot of space between us now. Corey’s hands emerged from the middle pocket of his sweatshirt as he grabbed my shirt to pull me closer to him.
“Just because.” My eyes focused on every inch of this stunning face. Outrageously, gorgeous blue eyes, soft tantalizing lips and the dimple that could bring me to my knees. The scent of soap and a hint of some intoxicating cologne swirled around my senses. It was easy to forget the crazy state of mind I’d been in when I had him so close.
“Oh.” At this point I was sure he could both see and hear my crazily-beating heart. This was ridiculous, why was I staring at him like some love-struck teenager meeting my celeb crush—it was just Corey!
“I have a question for you.” The words rolled off his tongue, hypnotizing my thoughts.
“For me?” He smiled and gave a single nod. “For you.”
“Well, shoot,” I mustered out.
“I’ve been wanting to get out lately—go see a movie or something—but I don’t want to go alone. And every time I bring Sanders he won’t stop yapping his jaw.”
“Oh.” Come on Danielle, throw in another syllable or something!
The amusement twinkled in eyes that held me captive. “Would you want to go see a movie with me tonight?”
“Sometimes I talk a lot during movies too.” Smooth Dani.
Corey chuckled. “It’s alright, you’re much cuter to look at.”
“Oh.” DANI! “I’m glad to hear that,” I added so I didn’t seem completely incapable of rational thought, let alone the ability to create a complete sentence.
“So what do you say—will you join me tonight?”
“Yeah, sure.” Absolutely! Without a doubt!
“Alright,” He nodded, as another smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “I’ll call you later then.”
“Sounds good.”
My eyes followed his lips as he leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss against my forehead. Then just as soon as the moment started; it stopped. Corey walked to the exit but halted and turned before leaving.
“Oh and Dani?”
“Hmm?”
“Stop scaring your staff, babe, you need them.”
“I do.”
He flashed me a wink, and was gone.
What the hell just happened?
While I was getting ready to go out after work, I tossed around the previous conversation in my mind trying to decide what kind of movie outing this would be. Should I dress up or dress down? Then again I suppose it didn’t matter since Corey had already seen me as naked as the day I was born. After much debate, two hours of cryptic texts to Gabby about what to wear under different possible circumstances, I was ready.
The outfit I selected looked cute but casual—even if it did take me about two-hours to pick out. I chose to wear my favorite light and very tight jeans with long layered white and black tank tops. On top of that I threw on my grey hooded sweatshirt with the New York skyline across it and my purple and black Puma shoes. I straightened my hair then pulled the top half into a small bun letting the rest hang down my back. The finishing touch; silver hoop earrings. After an added swipe of mascara—the extent of my make-up choice for the night—I was ready!
Corey had impeccable timing, showing up only 3 minutes later. I tried to hide my sigh of relief when I opened the door revealing him in jeans, hooded sweatshirt and backwards blue baseball hat, that perfectly matched the depths of his eyes. A grin spread across his face, highlighting that dimple I loved so much, as he stood taking me in.
“See, I was right—much cuter than Sanders.” I smiled; and turned to lock the door. We walked to his Jeep Wrangler and after helping me up into my seat he took his place next to me. The drive was comfortably quiet as my eyes focused on him as he mindlessly shifted gears and kept his attention on the road ahead of us. The only time Corey took his eyes off the road was when he turned to see me watching him. Each time a devastatingly beautiful smile spread over his face. He’d run a finger down my nose, pinch my cheek and even once at a stop sign his fingertips brushed delicately down the length of my face. For the first time, I didn’t allow myself to over think the gestures. Being near him again was truly the only thing I wanted.
At the theater we arrived in time to catch one of two movies: a chick-flick or some action packed bloody film. Without asking me, Corey picked the chick-flick and I didn’t bother hiding my sigh of relief. Watching blood and guts spilling all night was the last thing I needed. While we walked to the concessions stand I found myself unable to control my need to be closer. Lacing our fingers would have felt much too intimate and throwing my arm over his shoulder, would have been awkward with the height difference. So, I settled on linking my arm through his. Corey looked down at me with surprise but smiled and gave my arm a tight squeeze of acceptance.
The movie was great and the whole time Corey’s arm rested along the back of my seat. We laughed together at all the same parts and it made me smile to see he was enjoying himself. The movie came to an end much too soon; I had half a mind to ask if he wanted to stay for another but didn’t. I wasn’t ready to go home yet but I had a good feeling I wouldn’t be going in alone tonight. Honestly, I would go anywhere as long as I was near this man.<
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The jeep pulled into the driveway behind my car and we both hopped out. Corey waited for me to get to the front of the jeep then proceeded to wrap his arm around my shoulders, to walk me to the house. Once at the door he patiently waited for me to get it unlocked and flick on the entryway light. After stepping in I realized he hadn’t moved to follow.
“Want to come in?” I asked, in case he suddenly felt an invitation was necessary.
“No thank you; I should be getting home.” He flashed a grin. “But thank you for tonight; I had a lot of fun.”
“I did too.” My answer was genuine but that didn’t hide my curiosity at the excuse to leave. Corey walked up the steps to close the space between us and placed a kiss on my forehead before backing away again.
“Have a good night, Danielle.”
“Night.” I watched him walk back to his jeep and wave goodbye as he drove off. It was hard to say how much longer I stood in the doorway staring after him but for the second time that day, I was prompted to use the phrase:
What the hell just happened?
* * * *
The house phone was clutched in my hand. It lit up and rang louder than usual. I knew I needed to answer her call. You could only put something like that off for so long before the time was up and you couldn’t possibly run from it anymore. If I didn’t have my Grandmother breathing down my neck about it, I’d probably continue ignoring the problem indefinitely. A part of me wished Corey was there to hold my hand. Maybe he’d even tell me I was being stupid for getting so worked up about it but he wouldn’t judge me. Corey has never once made me feel like shit for the family issues I was oh so blessed to be a part of; he understood it like no one had before.
Stop Danielle! Those feelings were there clearly because I was weak when it came to my mother—that was all. I exhaled to silence those needy thoughts and answered the call.