by Megan Noelle
Unconditional love could really be a bitch sometimes.
Recalling the whiplash in her personalities had given me a serious migraine. Pouring myself a glass of water, I threw back a few Ibuprofens in hopes of stopping the pain before it started.
My heart dropped into my stomach when the home phone broke the silence, and my hand hovered over the ringing receiver. The internal struggle raged for two more rings before I decided to suck it up and answer.
“Hello?” My voice came out just as timidly as I felt.
“Good Lord, woman! Do you have any idea how difficult you are to get a hold of?” Gabby’s voice filled my ear, and a wave of relief struck me.
“Forgive me, Gabbs. I know I’ve been horrible, but things have just been crazy here.”
“It’s okay, babe. I know you’re busy. I just really miss my best friend!” Hearing her voice twisted my heart. I missed her equally as much.
“I miss you too, Gabby!”
“So tell me what’s been keeping you so distracted lately?”
“Oh, you know…work mostly.”
“Mhmm,” she answered, clearly not buying my lame excuse. “What else?”
For a moment, I considered not telling her the truth. Then again, I didn’t know if I could really keep Corey all to myself anymore.
“I sort of met someone but not really.” “Well, I’m definitely intrigued! Spill, Dani! Who is he? What’s he like?”
I smiled at her inquisition. Moving to my comfy armchair, I settled in for a long talk.
“His name’s Corey, and we sort of work together. He runs a bar. The Inn works with him as the sole provider of liquor for its bigger events. We’ve been spending quite a bit of time together actually.”
“Oh my gosh! Has Dani Hamilton gone against her own promise to never fall in love again?” Teasing dripped from her voice, making me smile. Lord—I missed my girl!
“I’m absolutely not in love with Corey.”
“Then what is it? Why have you been spending so much time together? And don’t say work, because I know that would be a total load of crap.”
“It’s not work. He is just fun to be around. I love talking and laughing with him, and he makes me feel safe and desirable—two things I haven’t felt around a man in a long time.”
“So what? Are you two dating?”
“No, we have a purely physical thing going on.”
“You’re telling me you two are just friends with benefits?” she asked doubtfully.
Strangely, that thought hadn’t crossed my mind until then.
“I suppose so. Although, I have a pretty good feeling I mean more to him than just benefits.”
“Well of course you do! Dani, you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever known. This guy undoubtedly sees that. So why aren’t you allowing him to snatch you up?”
I shrugged my shoulders, even though she couldn’t see the action. “Maybe I’m tired of being let down.”
“Don’t base your past on your future.”
“Oh please—maybe if I hadn’t been a fool and paid more attention to the mistakes of the past, I could’ve had a more promising future than whatever the hell this is.”
Gabby sighed. This was a constant battle between the two of us—one she usually let me win. She knew I was stubborn and had no intention of backing down from the pains I’d learned.
“Can you just make me a promise, Dani?” “Sure—what?”
“Promise me you won’t close yourself off so no one can even try to climb over the wire fence you’ve put up. You’re too good of a person to go through life without someone by your side.”
Corey’s words to his sister echoed through my mind. You have so much of the world to see, and you found a man that wants to see it with you by his side.
Was that really the point of this world? Not to find a good job and gain personal success? Not to make your mark on history or be an independent, happy person? Did you need to have someone with you to enjoy the ride? Although the words had come out of Corey’s mouth, I still couldn’t see him meaning it for his own life. It’s true we were close. Maybe he did want me as someone else in his life. The real question was for how long? Was it the chase? Was I the one woman who hadn’t begged Corey for a commitment?
“Dee, do you promise?” Gabby asked again, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“I promise.”
I spent the next half hour listening to the latest news on the man in Gabby’s life. She provided me with a ton of great stories from the people I used to work with, along with her own promotion. She also not so subtly asked me a few times how long I saw this trip lasting.
I could’ve stayed on the phone with Gabby for hours on end if time would’ve allowed it. However, our real lives demanded attention, and she needed to go get ready for a date with her new beau. After promising to keep in touch, I reluctantly let her go.
The instant the phone reached the docking station there was a knock on my door. The timing seemed far too strange, so I waited a few seconds before answering. After the second knock, I knew I wasn’t imagining things and pulled open the door—only to stop breathing in utter shock at the sight in front of me.
Oliver.
His smile beamed as our eyes connected. I couldn’t form a single sentence, while my eyes traveled over his dark jeans, crisp white T-shirt and black leather jacket. This was real, right? If you’d told me at eighteen that Ollie was standing on my steps—I probably would have fainted.
“Ollie—what are you doing here?” My heart beat in my ears, and my neck grew hot under his gaze. “I was going to call, but I decided to just stop by.” The devilish grin plastered on his gorgeous face was one that said he knew exactly how he affected women.
“Oh. Well, I’m glad you did. Would you like to come in?”
He shook his head. “I don’t have time right now. I just came by to ask you to join me for dinner tonight.”
My heart stopped. “What?”
“Spending time with you the other night was one of the best times I’ve had in a while. I’ve really missed you, Danielle. I guess I just didn’t realize it. But now that I have, I don’t want to miss a chance to take you out.”
“You want to take me on a date? Tonight?” Dreaming. That’s what was going on, and I was going to wake up any moment with a sinking feeling in my stomach because of it too.
“If you’re available, of course.”
I nodded, afraid of making a sound and disturbing the moment.
“Could I come pick you up at seven?”
“Yeah, seven’s great.”
My heart was seconds away from beating out of my chest. I watched the way his eyes lit as his heart-stopping smile spread across his perfect lips. He reached out and let his fingers trail down the side of my face. My skin ignited, sending a tingling sensation through my veins. Apparently, my body still craved even the slightest touch from him.
Never had Ollie asked me on a date before, however that’s all I’d wished for when I was growing up. Oliver Garrison had been my first love. The way my foolish heart was still beating for him, I now wondered if I’d ever really let him go.
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Oliver.
Growing up, girls usually developed crushes on teen pop stars and Hollywood celebrities. I’d never had a celebrity crush growing up. For me, Ollie was it. From the first time I saw him, I knew he was going to be something special. Of course, at the time, I’d been nothing more than a child and hadn’t really understood what love was. His boyish charm, freckles and kind heart were what had made him a boy I wanted to be around.
Ollie had been different than the other boys his age. During flag football in gym class, he’d given every kid a chance to score a touchdown—even though he’d been a far superior athlete than most anyone else. He hadn’t gotten stuck with braces like over half our grade. While other boys had a smell to them that said they’d yet t
o discover deodorant, Ollie had never stunk of sweat. And when he smiled, I discovered what it meant to have butterflies in my stomach. No one else had ever made my belly react that way. I figured it had to be for a greater reason.
At our 6th grade school dance, I’d stood alone in the corner, while the kids lucky enough to have a partner danced. A slow song had echoed throughout the gym, and just when I’d been about to run off to the bathroom for a good cry because I didn’t have a partner, Ollie had asked me to dance with him.
Unlike the other boys, he hadn’t held me at a safe distance. The girls had watched with envy as Ollie effortlessly twirled me around the dance floor. After that night, many thought he had to be in love with me. I let them think it too. As much as it had been a moment that could’ve only been topped in my dreams, I was still pretty sure he’d mainly danced with me to appease our grandparents.
The two of us had been pushed to hang out together over the years, yet after the start of 7th grade, all that had stopped. And while they hadn’t been at the dance, our grandparents still found out about everything. If they’d known I was alone and Ollie had done nothing about it, he would’ve been in big trouble.
We’d never hung out before, and that didn’t change afterward. Our dance became nothing but a sacred memory for a foolish girl. I watched and waited patiently as he flipped from girl to girl, knowing someday my chance would come to be with him. I wasn’t about to mess it up the way others before me had. Oliver was going to see me in a different light…eventually.
When we started High School, Ollie became more serious about sports. During the fall, he’d played football and during the spring, it was baseball. Being a loyal student, I’d represented my school by never missing a single game. While attending the sporting events, I’d met my best friend, Jayme. We were in the same grade, and she’d also had a crush on one of the team players. Unfortunately, her crush hadn’t known about her secret infatuation any more than Ollie had known about mine. Jayme and I had quickly become inseparable. She’d known everything about me and vice versa.
During our senior year, Ollie had one last chance to make an impression on scouts and lock in a scholarship from the school of his dreams—the University of Southern California. Jayme’s dream man had finally noticed her, and like most girls our age, Jayme had made the mistake of giving it up after a drunken party. She’d suffered over her decision for days after, hoping for a phone call. That same night Ollie had started dating the head cheerleader. Together we’d mourned the loss of our “true loves”.
As the semester had worn on, Jayme and I recovered, but I continued to watch Oliver. I never missed a game and never wasted a chance to return his polite smile when we’d crossed paths in the hallway. I hadn’t failed to notice Jayme’s attitude change. Although we’d remained best friends, there’d been something off about her that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
Ollie’s final baseball game as a senior turned out to be the night everything changed—the night our team won the state championship. The game had been held at our school, and I, along with half the school, had waited outside the locker room for the team to exit. All the players had pranced from the room into the waiting arms of cheering fans and girls ready to throw themselves at them. One-by-one they’d left, but Ollie remained inside. A few other girls had been waiting for him to leave as well, but they hadn’t stayed and waited him out the way I had.
Truthfully, I’d been worried for him. It wasn’t normal for him to have taken so long—not to mention, there’d been at least one party filled with booze awaiting him. Twenty minutes after the last fan left, I’d decided to brave it and enter the locker room. A single light had illuminated the back of the room. Everything else had been silent. Cautiously I’d approached on the off chance Oliver had still been getting dressed.
What I saw though had made my stomach sink.
Ollie had been sitting on a bench between a set of lockers, his back to me and hunched over, looking completely defeated. With uniform pants still on his legs, his jersey had been discarded. Instantly, I noticed the way his muscles stretched and tensed beneath his skin. I’d wanted so badly to reach out and touch him but had refrained. Ollie had needed a friend right then, not some love-struck teenager ogling his toned, perfect body.
“Ollie?” My voice had come out a hair above a whisper, but in the silence, he’d heard. When he turned to see me, my throat had tightened, taking in the sight in front of me. The whites around his eyes were beat red, and a few tear streaks had stained his cheeks, while those full, beautiful lips had been pulled down into a permanent frown.
My arms had reached for him.
“What’s wrong?”
“Oh Dee, I’m so glad you’re here.”
He’d pulled me onto the bench, his arms wrapping tightly around me and held on for dear life. It wasn’t the first time we’d hugged over the years, but it was the first time he’d embraced me that way.
“What’s wrong, Ollie?”
He’d let out a deep, devastated sigh. “I didn’t get the full ride to USC—Trey did.” Trey had been the team’s hot shot, and the whole school had known he was going to be able to play anywhere his heart desired. “I’m sorry. That is terrible, but I’m sure someone else will want you.”
“But USC was my dream, Dee.” He didn’t have to tell me what it meant to him for me to understand his devastation.
“I know it was.”
“It gets worse.” The pain behind Ollie’s eyes was something I hadn’t normally witnessed. He was always carefree and happy, a smile always etched across his lips.
“Kylie broke up with me today.” A sob broke free. “Before the game.”
“Oh Ollie, I’m sorry.” My arms had flown around his neck and squeezed tightly, hoping more than anything to take his pain away.
I can’t remember how long we sat like that before Ollie had pulled away to ask me to go somewhere with him. There wasn’t a single thing that could’ve kept me from being with him, especially when he’d asked in that heartbreaking way.
The somewhere we went was Ollie’s grandparent’s house. Away for the weekend on some sort of Caribbean cruise, we’d had their house all to ourselves. We hadn’t turned on the TV or searched the kitchen for liquor. No— we’d gone up to the room reserved for Oliver when he stayed the night and lay together. We’d spent an hour not talking or moving. Instead, he’d held me into his chest and worked through the demons in his mind.
It came out of nowhere.
One minute we’d been lying together in silence, and the next Ollie’s lips pressed to mine. The soft kiss had quickly changed into the desire we both felt. For me, it was something I’d always wanted, while for him, it’d been what he needed. I hadn’t hesitated at giving Oliver my sacred V-card, because in that moment, it’d felt like magic.
Afterward though, Ollie had rolled over and immediately passed out. I hadn’t felt comfortable staying, and for some unknown reason had felt completely uncomfortable in my own skin. It’d been everything I ever wanted but nothing I’d expected. Leaving a note on Ollie’s bedside table, I’d gone home. My mom and me had lived only about five miles from his Grandparent’s house, so I hadn’t bothered to call anyone for a ride—not that my mother would’ve been able to come get me. Once the sun went down, there was basically no chance of reaching her. The walk had given me time to think, and I realized how much I hated what I’d done.
Ollie hadn’t been in love with me the way I was with him. He’d merely needed someone to dull the pain, and I’d been conveniently there. If any of those other girls had gone into that locker room, he would’ve gone home with them too. All I’d wanted was to be more to him. Unfortunately, my actions hadn’t proven I was worth more than a single night.
Once home—as expected—my mother had been gone, so I’d called Jayme and poured out my heart, draining my eyes of all the tears I’d squirreled away. Jayme had offered to come over and be by my side, but the only person I’d wanted next to me in my bed w
as the one person I wasn’t meant to have.
Over the final month of school, I’d waited for him. My phone never rang with Ollie on the other end, and we hardly passed each other in the halls. Every night I’d go home and cry my eyes out about how much of a fool I’d been to screw things up. While things with us hadn’t been perfect before, at least he’d been a part of my life. After our night together, I became nothing but a faint memory in his story.
The day of our high school graduation will forever be imbedded into my mind, but not for the expected reasons. To this day, it remains the worst day of my life. The entire week before the ceremony, I’d felt the need to talk to Ollie—to tell him I was sorry and try to put things back the way they’d been. I remember having walked across the stage and smiling toward my Grandparents in the audience, while people clapped. Oliver had been one of the first names called, so I’d searched the crowded auditorium for him.
By the time I found him, many more students had filed into the room. Excitement had filled the air, but all I’d felt was sick. What I needed to do weighed heavily on me, and the time had come to make things right.
Calling out his name, he’d turned to face me, but out of the blue, someone had run past me and jumped into Oliver’s arms. Their lips had locked and his hands had held her tight. My stomach had churned at my stupidity of thinking we could have an actual discussion right then.
My jaw dropped when Ollie finally set the girl down, and my heart burned and sizzled into nothing more than dust.
Jayme.
The girl in his arms, lips locked tightly with his had been my best friend, Jayme. She’d looked at me with a smug expression, but before I could say anything, we’d all been ushered back into the auditorium where students whooped and cheered as the principal announced our graduated class.
After the ceremony, I’d found Jayme walking through the hall to her locker. My hands had connected with her shoulders, as I shoved her hard to the ground. Some random guy had grabbed me; while Jayme had screamed out words I’d never be able to silence in my head.