The contraction let her go, and she settled into quiet sobs, trying to roll onto her side so she could hug the pillow and bury her face. She could only make it about halfway.
The nurse—it was a different one now, another stranger who’d no doubt have her whole hand up inside her any minute—was talking to somebody at the door.
Jenny didn’t care. About anything. She closed her eyes and tried to go away.
A cool hand brushed over her head. “Jenny? Can you open your eyes for me?”
More sobs happened, and tears leaked from her sealed lids. The room spun like she was drunk.
“Jenny, Jenny. Shhh. Can you take a deep breath for me?”
Jenny didn’t even try.
“Oh, honey. Let’s talk. I want to try to help you. Dr. Ingersoll wants to give you a sedative, but things are pretty far along here, and baby’s gonna get sleepy, too. That can make everything take longer and go harder. If you can’t get calm, we need to do that, but first I thought I’d see if I can help.”
The nurse’s voice was gentle and soothing, and Jenny calmed down enough to take a deeper breath. She opened her eyes. A young nurse with short blonde hair smiled down at her. “Hi. I’m Willa. Debbie asked me to try to help you. Can you tell me what’s got you so scared? What exactly is the scariest part?”
She heaved in a stuttering, painful breath. “It’s...it’s...not supposed to be...like this.”
“Like what, honey? Is it something I can help you fix?”
“No!” A fresh crying jag hit her at the same time that a new contraction took her over, and she screamed, “I can’t do it! I can’t do it! I can’t do it!” until the pain was too much and she could only grunt.
It one was the worst yet, and when it was over, she was too spent to cry.
The nurse—what was her name?—put down the side rail on the bed and got in next to her, sliding her arm under Jenny’s back. That was strange and unexpected, and Jenny tried to draw away, but the nurse simply held her.
“The next contraction, I’m going to help you curl up, and you’re going to grab me just as hard as you can, okay? Put all your tension from your whole body in your hands, and let everything else stay soft. Don’t worry about hurting me. I’m from West Texas. We’re tough stock.”
Jenny heard the nurse, but it was impossible to focus on anything but the turmoil inside her, in her head and in her body. “I’m not supposed to be alone.”
“Is there somebody we should be calling for you, honey? I know your dad’s upstairs. A friend, maybe? The father?”
Weeping with renewed vigor, Jenny shook her head and buried it against the nurse’s shoulder. “I’m alone. I’m not supposed to be alone. I can’t be a mom all by myself. I don’t know what to do!”
Another contraction hit, and without thinking, Jenny did what the nurse wanted. She grabbed on, digging her hands into this stranger’s body, and the nurse helped her curl up. The pain was exquisite—each one was worse than the one before—but the horrible pressure came off her back a little, and there was focus in her hands that pulled her mind up out of the some of the pain.
When it was over, she sighed. “What’s your name?”
“Willa. You did good, honey.” Willa reached over and hit the nurse call button.
A male voice came from the speaker. “Can I help you?”
“Otto, it’s Willa. I need an assist in here to do a check.”
“You got it. I’ll send Janet.”
“Thank you!”
Jenny knew what ‘check’ meant. “Already? It hurts!”
“I know, but these are good contractions. I think they’re getting you closer. So let’s see how close.”
“It’s not supposed to be this way.” This time the words came out as nothing but a whisper.
Willa brushed her wet hair back from her face. “I’m sorry this is so hard for you, honey. I wish I knew more so I could try to help.” She hesitated, then added, “If you want, I can have an adoption counselor come visit you after—”
“No! I want her! I need her!” The thought of losing the baby, too, made the tears and breathless fear come back. They hadn’t decided on names yet when everything went to hell, but Jenny was going to name her Kelsey. Kelsey Marie. “I need her! But I don’t know how!”
“Okay.” Willa gave her a reassuring squeeze. “We’re going to take things one at a time. You want your baby, and she’s about to be here with you. That’s a good thing, right?”
Jenny nodded.
“So let’s get that to happen the right way, and we won’t worry about anything any further ahead until that job is done. Then, you and me, we’ll take on the next thing. And the next. You’re not alone, Jenny. I know I’m not who you want to be with, but I’m here, and I’m going to stay with you. Right here. Okay?”
The door opened, and another nurse came in. The only person she had right now in the whole world was Willa, whom she’d met only minutes before. But she held onto her for dear life.
~oOo~
“Would you like me to take her to the nursery so you can get some rest?”
Jenny lifted her eyes from her daughter’s perfect face. “I want her here, with me. Is that okay?”
Willa smiled. “Sure. I’ll bring in some extra supplies. You should sleep now, while she is. You just worked hard, and your body needs a breather.” She picked up the pink card Jenny had already filled out. “Kelsey Marie. That’s lovely. We have a Polaroid camera at the nurses’ desk. I’ll bring it in later so you can have a picture of this day.”
“Thank you.” She felt better now, more like herself. Still scared—she’d spent the past month scared out of her mind every single second—but holding her little girl, finally having her in her arms, was too big, too astounding to be anything but wonderful.
About to slide the pink card into the holder at the back of the nursery bassinette, Willa paused. “Are you finished filling this out?”
Jenny had left one line blank. Maverick wasn’t a father. A father wouldn’t have done something to risk leaving his family behind. Not even her own father had done that. She nodded, and Willa slid the card into its place without further comment.
“I’m getting evicted on the first of the month. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
Willa came up to her side and smiled down at Kelsey. Jenny did, too. She was so pretty, with wispy curls already. Both she and Maverick had dark hair, but Kelsey’s was fair, like Jenny’s mother’s had been.
“Okay, that sounds like the next thing. You get some rest, and I will make some calls and get somebody up here who can help you find a place to go.”
She had a place to go, she supposed. The thought horrified her; she’d only been free of it for less than two years. “I have a place. I can go to my dad’s house. I just...I don’t know how to get my stuff there.” Her stuff and Maverick’s. The remnants of the life he’d ruined. “I don’t have a job or a home or even a friend. I have my dad, who’s a vegetable now, and I have her. This isn’t how it was supposed to go. He promised me he’d take care of us and she’d have a good family, and now all she has is me, and I’m nothing.”
Willa put her hand on her shoulder. “Hey. You are not nothing. You’re a good role model for your girl. These hours we’ve been together, I’ve seen a woman who was terrified and fought anyway. That’s strength. You delivered a baby without drugs, Jenny. That’s something you can brag about for the rest of your life. If you want, you can be all sanctimonious when mommies are swapping their stories and say, ‘Me, I had a natural childbirth.’ They’ll all think you’re a superhero.”
“I only fought because you made me. I only had to do it without drugs because I was too scared to come to the hospital until it was too late for drugs.”
There was no other way to think about what had happened when the contractions had started: she’d had a breakdown. Alone in the apartment she’d shared with Maverick, she’d been trying to pack up the life he’d destroyed, panicking about the fac
t that she had nowhere to go but the house she’d grown up in, that she would have to bring her baby into that house, when she’d realized that the contractions were the real thing. She’d totally lost it and spent she didn’t know how long lying on the floor, screaming NO NO NO through them all, until a neighbor had burst into the apartment and gotten her to the hospital.
“I told you when I came in—you could have had drugs. Doctor was ready to sedate you. But you protected your baby, and you toughed it out. I think this is a lucky little girl.”
She wasn’t; neither of them was lucky. But Jenny offered Willa a smile anyway. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Now, get some rest. I’ll make some calls and see if I can find you some help to move.”
Willa had been with her through the last part of her labor, the long, terrible time of pushing and delivery, and the recovery. “Your shift has to be over soon.”
“My shift was over before we met, honey. I’ve been here with you because I want to be.”
CHAPTER NINE
After the station closed, the Bulls who’d been on shift always walked over to the clubhouse for at least a couple of drinks. Sometimes, usually when there was a decent sampling of girls around, those couple of drinks turned into a low-key party. Other nights, it was a couple of drinks and then everybody went their own ways.
On this night, most of the guys had either gone home to their families or upstairs with a girl or two. Maverick and Gunner were alone in the party room, sitting side by side at the bar. Slick, one of the prospects, drew two fresh beers from the tap and set them on the bar. Maverick nodded and took his.
“Thanks, man,” Gunner said as he took his. “Now fuck off.”
Maverick watched the prospect walk away. He still showed some damage from the beat-down he’d taken more than a week ago, but he was back at full power. Wally, the other grunt, was still in a sling.
“What d’you think about Slick?” Gunner asked.
Maverick shrugged. “No opinion yet. Why?”
“He’s been prospecting two years. Si’s agitating to put him up for a vote.”
“Simon sponsored him?”
When Gunner nodded, Maverick turned again in the direction Slick had gone. He’d left the room, so Maverick turned back and contemplated his beer. “You tell me.”
It was shit like this that made him feel most out of sync—he didn’t know Slick at all. The kid had been out of commission for almost a week of the short time Maverick had been back, and Maverick’s attention had been elsewhere, anyway. He had no idea if Slick was patch material. But he’d be expected to vote on it.
Gunner finished his beer. “He’s a good guy. Loyal. He’s been hurt a few times in the line. With the gun business getting bigger, we need the bodies. He’s quiet, but I think that’s as much him being a grunt as anything. I think he’s ready, and I think we need him.”
“Then I’ll vote with you.” Again, Maverick considered how much Gunner had grown and settled while he’d been gone. “Maybe you should sponsor a new prospect.”
Gunner laughed. “Fuck no. I got enough trouble keeping myself in line.” After a quiet second, he added, “I don’t know who I’d call up, anyway. We could use the bodies, though.”
“Maybe I should put a name in. Last one I sponsored turned out okay.”
He was fairly sure Gunner was blushing under his thick beard.
The front door opened, and Delaney came in alone. He’d been off on some club business he hadn’t seen fit to share with the club, and he’d refused backup. There’s been some controversy about that when he’d left a couple of hours earlier.
“Mav. Glad you’re here. Come on back.” He walked past Maverick and Gunner, heading toward his office.
They exchanged a glance. Gunner shrugged, and Maverick hopped off his stool.
“I’ll hang out,” Gunner called after him. “Leah’s got school tonight, anyway.”
Maverick nodded and headed to the president’s office.
“Have a seat.” Delaney closed the door as Maverick sat in the chair beside his desk.
“What’s up? Problem?”
“Not at all. I need to take your temperature first. Seems like you’ve settled down since those first few days. How’re you doing?”
He had settled down. That fucking breakdown he’d had at Jenny’s had shaken him up more than a little. That wasn’t who he was—it hadn’t been him before prison, and he wasn’t going to get what he needed to have, be who he needed to be, if he lost his shit like that.
Getting the house had helped. Spending time in Mo’s no-nonsense, unflappable presence had helped. Making up a home for Kelsey had helped. Nothing had helped as much as hearing his daughter call him Daddy, though. That was who he wanted to be, who he needed to be: Kelsey’s daddy. And her mother’s man. Most of his energy and effort these past two weeks had been on Jenny and Kelsey and trying to get that life back.
The club barely made his notice. It didn’t matter; he’d been benched, so it wasn’t anything but a job and a place to drink, anyway. And it sounded like he was about to vote to patch in a guy whose last name he didn’t even know. Right now, the connection he most wanted, most needed, was not here.
He’d thought for a minute that he’d had Jenny. She loved the house. When she’d cried in Kelsey’s room and let him hold her, he’d thought she’d finally seen that they didn’t have to be over. But she’d backed off, and he hadn’t heard from her in a couple of days now. He was trying to do this her way, but if she didn’t call soon, he’d go over there. He’d have to.
“This just a status check?” he asked his president.
Delaney’s head swiveled left and right, but his eyes stayed on Maverick’s. “I got news. If you’re thinking straight.”
“I am.”
“Good. Just got back from a face-to-face with Melvin Dyson.”
“On your own.” Rad would bust a vein when he found out. His number-one job was protecting the club president.
An irritated line creased Delaney’s forehead. “Melvin and I’ve been doing this shit a long time. Most of that time, we’ve been good with each other. We don’t need backup to have a conversation.”
Maverick said nothing. If Delaney had news, and it had to do with Dyson, then he didn’t want to delay hearing what it was.
“Most of what I’ve got to say belongs at the table. I’ve got Dane callin’ everybody into church tonight. But I want to hear from you first.”
Maverick waited.
“Melvin says that the ambush on the prospects wasn’t sanctioned. He says none of the bullshit we’ve been catching from Northside is sanctioned. He’s got an insurrection building, and he’s looking to quash it hard.”
“Was what happened inside sanctioned? What happened to me?”
Delaney’s answer was a silent stare.
“Then I want him dead.”
“You’re saying you want the head of a king, Mav. It’s not that easy.”
Fucking hell, was he tired of hearing people tell him that what he wanted ‘wasn’t that easy.’ Like anything in his entire goddamn life had been easy. “I don’t give a fuck.”
“It’s bigger than you. You say you’re thinking straight, so I’m gonna trust you to understand that. The truth doesn’t change reality. We can’t blow Tulsa up over a turf war, and that’s what’ll happen if I give you what you want. The Volkovs’ll get involved on our side, and the Street Hounds’ll get in with Dyson, and we’ll all leave scorched earth in our wake. Melvin doesn’t want that any more than I do.”
“You’re saying you want the man who okayed the hit on me to keep breathing. More than that—you’re having private chats with the bastard.”
“I know you got payback for what happened in your cell. I know what you did. There had to have been some satisfaction in that.”
“And I told you I want Dyson off the map.”
“Even if that could happen, it makes a vacuum, and the Street Hounds come in from outside and
fill it up. Right now, Dyson’s holding them off with a partnership. But if Dyson folds, they’ll be here before the bodies are cold. The Hounds turn every neighborhood they put a stake down in into a wasteland. We don’t want that. The Dyson crew’s been working Northside longer than the Bulls have been a charter. We have balance. We need to keep it.” Delaney took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair. “You’re a thinker, Maverick. Always have been. I need you to think now. There is more at stake than revenge, and you know it. We’re strong because we think before we act, and we don’t go chasing short-term satisfaction at the cost of the future. But I’m not selling what happened to you short. If you’ll hear me out, just hang on and fuckin’ listen, I’ve got something for you.”
Maverick was also getting mighty sick of people telling him he wasn’t listening enough. He crossed his arms and glared at Delaney.
“Melvin needs to step on trouble inside his crew. We need satisfaction for the hurt his rogues have been putting on us. You need satisfaction for the hurt you took. He’s offering it to us. He ID’d three ringleaders, and he’s offering them to us as scapegoats.”
“He’s handing over his outcasts for us to take care of. That us cleaning his house. How’s this a win for us?”
“All three’ve been hitting us. And one of ‘em is Ellison Carver. Clement Carver’s baby brother. Raised up by his big brother after their mama OD’d. You left Clem alive. You want more hurt on him, you take it out on the boy he raised.”
That caught Maverick’s interest. He didn’t know Ellison Carver, and he hadn’t been around for the trouble with Dyson on the outside. He didn’t bear him a particular grudge, other than his association. All he knew was that Clement Carver was the man he hated most in the world. If Delaney was right, and the Carver brothers were that close, then killing Ellison would cause Clement more pain than flattening his dick had. Lasting, eternal, unbearable pain.
“I’m in. When?”
“Let’s bring it to the whole table. But soon. Tonight. Tomorrow latest. And Mav—we do this, it squares us with Dyson. That grudge is ended. Anything from today back is settled. You understand?”
Slam (The Brazen Bulls MC #3) Page 14