It was my portrait I was looking at, and it was hanging in the place of honor apart from the other portraits. I was amazed by how good the little old man had made me look. My skin was flawless with a creamy complexion. On my best days, maybe, I had to admit. I had to chuckle at the fact that I looked so serious, even wise, when I remembered all too well what I’d been thinking the whole time I was being painted: “How much longer is this going to take? My butt is totally numb!”
My eyes were painted to transfix and that’s exactly what they did. Every other part of the painting was just as wonderful. The background was perfection, and not a hair on my head was out of place. Not even a strand. My dress had just the right amount of ruffles while my hands delicately lay on them. I went up and touched it lightly to make sure it was real. When I felt the hard paint under my fingers, tears welled in my eyes. It was real, and that’s what I really did look like. I looked royal, and I was beginning to feel it too. Had I really changed so much in the last seven months? It was almost surreal.
I backed up and turned to look at Kevin. I wiped away the tears in my eyes as I said, “This was the best surprise ever. It’s perfect. Thank you.” Then I attacked him with a hug. His arms wrapped around me and wouldn’t you know, the burning sensation wasn’t there this time.
“Want to see what the rest of the palace looks like?” he asked me.
* * *
The decorating team really outdid themselves. When Kevin opened the East Ballroom doors all I saw was a white and gold blur. The golden pillars were wrapped in a white satin fabric, and at the top of each one was a gigantic bouquet of flowers. The rosewood banister that surrounded the top floor had white ribbons connected together to form a U-like pattern. Tables were placed around the floor except for a large area reserved for dancing. The staircase looked phenomenal as well. The staircase itself was a two-tiered structure that flared out as it went toward the bottom. But they had added a red carpet down the center, where I would be making my grand entrance, and on each side of the carpet were so many flowers that I thought my nose would lose its sense of smell before I finished my entrance.
After the initial shock, Kevin decided to do one more final rehearsal before I made my “Grand Descent,” as we had jokingly referred to it. I was glad I chose to wear my high heels before leaving my bedroom. I walked up to the top of the stairs as Kevin got himself situated at the second platform. I slowly made my descent and met Kevin at the appropriate spot. Once we walked down the last set of stairs, Kevin and I performed our most perfect dance to date. It was absolutely unblemished; nothing went wrong. Our only hope was that we would be able to perform just as well at the ceremony. After that Kevin informed me that it was time to go back to my room to pick out my dresses. We walked back to my room discussing the night ahead of us.
“So are you getting nervous yet?” he asked in a teasing tone.
“Well, actually, yeah,” I admitted, staring at the floor. “It’s all hitting me now as I speak. I mean, this whole experience up to now has been so … illusory. You know, when LaGard told me that I was going to be empress, I just figured it wouldn’t really happen. Sure, I’d stay at the castle for a while, but eventually they’d realize I wasn’t really empress material and they’d send me back on a cheap flight.” I stopped in my tracks and turned to him. “But now it’s really happening. My God, Kevin, by noon today I’m going to be Empress of Russia. You bet I’m nervous … terrified is more like it. What if I’m not cut for it, what if I’m a failure? What if it turns out they got the wrong girl and I’m not even supposed to be here, and some other girl in another country is going to see me on TV, and it’ll turn out she’s the real descendant, and there’ll be a huge shake-up and they’ll whisk me out of the country and I’ll have to live in seclusion somewhere under a different name to avoid the press and--”
“Okay, enough of this,” Kevin said, and then pulled me in gently by my shoulders. “Now listen to me, and listen well. You are meant to be here. I know it because I was part of the whole investigation team. You are the right person, and there’s no one else. Now there’s nothing to be terrified about, Anya. You are not a failure and you are cut out for this job. You’ve accomplished so much already and you haven’t even been crowned empress! Besides, everyone is rooting for you.” He placed his hand on my check. “And that includes me. Just remember what the painter said: ‘Only doubt will be your downfall.’”
I nodded and felt the warmth on my cheek, but it was different, nicer warmth this time, like sinking into a nice warm bath. It burned a bit at first, but it felt good right afterwards. It felt right. I put my hand on top of Kevin’s and nodded. Then we walked back to my room, Kevin draping his arm around my shoulder as he pulled me close to him. There was no need for my mantra then.
* * *
When we reached my room, Kevin said one last goodbye to his friend Anya. The next time he would see me I would be Empress Anya. I smiled and waved and he ran down the hallway. Then I walked into the room, or what I thought was my room.
Everywhere you looked there were dresses. Red ones, blue ones, silver ones; short ones, long ones, shiny ones, dull ones. Dresses galore. I grabbed my head as I got my bearings, then walked past what looked like acres of dresses. I wanted to touch them but didn’t because some looked too delicate and I was afraid of ruining them. I was starting to get dizzy when Avery came around the corner and rushed over to me.
“There you are!” She grabbed me by the arm. “We thought you were going to be late. These over here,” she motioned to the left, “are all of your choices for the ceremony. And these,” she motioned to the right, “are the ball choices. Now, I can see that this is a bit overwhelming, so Mari and I picked out three of each so you wouldn’t have to worry about it. But if you see something else we haven’t picked, then please don’t feel you’ll hurt our feelings or anything silly like that. It’s your day, so it should be your choice.”
I nodded all the while, but what was really going through my mind was, what the hell happened to my room? I was brought to a spot where I believed my bed was supposed to be and sat down on a wooden crate of probably more dresses. Then I was shown my three ceremony choices. There was a short white dress with long sleeves, a blue short-sleeved tea dress, and finally a floor-length red dress with three-quarter-length sleeves. I kept thinking about which would be the most comfortable to walk and kneel in throughout the ceremony. After much thought I finally picked the red dress. It seemed regal enough, and besides, I would only be wearing it for an hour, hour-and-a-half tops.
Picking my ball gown was not so easy. The three dresses that Mari and Avery had selected were choices that I never would have picked. The first was a light blue dress that had no shape and just flowed down. There was a pattern of flowers in navy blue all around. The top of the dress was lined with white tassels and it just looked horrendous. The next dress was a light pink halter floor-length gown. The top of the gown was fitted to the waist and flowed from the waist down. However the skirt of the dress was completely made of a long feather material. It was almost as worse as the last one. The last one was a ball gown that would have been a sensation in the 1800s. The top was all scrunched up at the bottom of the three-quarter-length sleeves and slightly at the waist and made of a fabric the color of overcooked spinach. That would be placed over a white dress that would make it look as though I only had a white skirt on. What were Mari and Avery thinking?
Mari read my thoughts. “Don’t you like these?”
I stared at her, wondering if this was a joke or not. “Well, I just thought that they’d be more, um, elegant,” I admitted.
“We have one more,” Avery said, then whispered something to Mari, who ran off to fetch it. “This one is the one we actually chose for you,” Avery said while we awaited Mari’s return. “We wanted to save the best for last.” Then Mari finally came back, carrying the dress of my dreams in her arms.
It was a strapless ivory-colored floor-length silk gown. The top was a loose,
almost princess-fitting top, square looking, with a drop in the waistline. It was clear that the bottom of the dress was made to be a ball gown as it started tightly in at the top and flowed out slowly. Pleating also visible as Mari and Avery helped me into the gown. At the top and bottom of the bodice and the hem of the dress there was a pattern that looked almost floral, but there was something about it that made it look like a modern French design. As I looked closer I saw that each of the designs was individually stitched and that some included crystals.
Once Mari and Avery got the gown over my head, I loved the way it felt and looked on me. It fit almost perfectly and only a few simple fittings had to be made. After staring at myself for another five minutes I was finally convinced to take off the dress and put on my ceremony one. It was almost time for the coronation.
Once I was out of it and getting into the other, Avery looked at me suspiciously and said, “You know, it’s weird that you chose that dress.”
I popped my head through the head hole of the red dress. “Why do you think that?”
She came over and helped zip the back of the gown. “Well, it’s just that, well, your mother picked this one.”
I looked over my shoulder at her. “What do you mean my mother picked it? That’s impossible.”
“Not according to Terrence. He brought this in today and told us to be sure to show it to you.” Avery came to stand in front of me to make sure the dress looked good. “Apparently, she chose it when you were about four. She was going to wear it at her coronation if she lived past your fifth birthday, but …” She broke off abruptly and her face flushed a deep crimson, no doubt realizing how casually she was speaking about my mother’s death. “Anyway, we thought you might want to wear it. It’s like you’re completing what she started.” Then she pulled me in with tears in her eyes. “And you’re going to do a wonderful job, Anya, I just know it!”
We stood there for a moment and then Mari came in and yelled the dreaded words: “The hairdressers are here!”
I looked up at her, “Can I first get a shot of morphine in my scalp?””
She laughed, “No time for that today.”
I was led to my seat and the ladies began their torture right away. Today, however, I noticed that they were being quite gentle with my hair. I wondered if that was because I was going to be empress soon and I could send the to the dungeon for ripping my hair out and making me prematurely bald. Assuming there was a dungeon….
It’s funny, the thoughts that run through your head when your life is about to change forever.
The ladies lightly curled my hair, making it a little wavy but not too wavy so that the crown would fit snugly on my head. Then they informed me that I’d have my hair re-done for the ball. Oh goody, I groaned inwardly. For that, they told me, I would have my hair in a simple half-up, half-down look so that the tiara could easily be placed on my head.
Once they were done with my hair, it was almost eleven-thirty. I was quickly rushed to the makeup room and then outside to a limousine where Terrence was waiting.
I looked at the palace once more as we drove off. It was a bittersweet moment. This would be the last time I would see this as a mere princess.
I sat silently in the car as we drove to the cathedral in St. Petersburg. When we were halfway there, Terrence started reviewing what I needed to do. “As you walk into the cathedral, nod to the two soldiers at the front entrance….”
I nodded impatiently. How many times had we gone over this?
“Then, and only then, will they allow you through the inner doors and the procession will begin.…”
The driver interrupted to inform us we were three blocks away from the cathedral. I quickly went over what I was supposed to say, in what order I was supposed to say them, and so on. Then Terrence took my hand and whispered, “You’ll be fine, darling. You have absolutely nothing to worry about.”
I looked over at him, tears welling in my eyes from nerves and a million other emotions all wrapped up into one tremendous ordeal. “Thank you, Terrence. For everything, especially for putting up with my temper. I wouldn’t be ready today if it wasn’t for you.”
He grinned, leaned in and embraced me. “I always knew this day would come. And I’m confident enough to say that you’re ready.” Then the limo came to a stop. I looked up and saw the Peter and Paul Cathedral in front of me. It looked like thousands of people were there awaiting my arrival, everyday people who wanted to be able to say they saw the Empress of Russia at her coronation. I felt my heartbeat race as I looked at their excited faces.
Terrence must have seen the anxious look on my face when he told the driver to let him out. “No, you stay,” he told me. “I’m getting out here at the side entrance. You’re going in by yourself. Oh, don’t worry, my dear, you can do this!”
Without Terrence at my side, I really did feel alone … and scared. The driver drove me to the front of the cathedral, a magnificent edifice built during the reign of Peter the Great. I was relieved to see police kept the crowds behind barriers, so at least I didn’t have to worry about being mobbed. I took a deep breath. Okay, I said to myself, this is it, kiddo.
Chapter 28
Ceremonies
When we’re dreaming, we hardly ever wonder if we’re having a dream or not. In real life, though, we always know we’re not dreaming. Except for the moment I walked past the screaming crowd into the Peter and Paul Cathedral. All I can remember about that moment is that I wasn’t at all convinced it wasn’t a dream. The air of unreality was that strong.
I came to when I stepped through the outer doors of the cathedral and the Navy Band struck up the Russian national anthem. That sound would have awakened the dead. I was soon reassured when I saw the two soldiers standing guard at the inner doors. I followed Terrence’s instructions and I nodded to them. For a split-second I was afraid that they wouldn’t know what that signal meant, or that there was a secret password I’d forgotten all about, but halleluia, it worked! They saluted me smartly and grabbed the handles of the doors. I took one last deep intake of breath as the two doors opened and I saw the altar ahead of me.
Walking down the aisle seemed to take forever. There was a deep red carpet runner that provided great traction, which was an unexpected bonus. At least I wasn’t going to fall flat on my face, and this wasn’t the day to do it. I kept my eyes focused straight ahead, only dimly aware of the guests that crowded the pews of the cathedral. Soon I was standing in front of the entire assemblage of dignitaries, nobility, politicians, celebrities, and the really amazing thing is that they looked just as thrilled to see me in person as I was to see them.
You’re doing fine, just keep cool, I kept telling myself. But then I nearly jumped out of my skin when the priest yelled something in Russian. The guests all sat down. The priest came up to me with a book in his hands and began muttering some more Russian. I placed my hand on the book just as I had been taught and waited for him to address me in Russian: “Anya Maria Nikolaevna Alexandrova. Will you honor your country in the finest of manners? Will you put the concern of your people as a first matter?”
I nodded and said clearly in Russian, “I will.”
“Do you solemnly swear that your intentions will benefit your country and the people in everyway possible? That your policies will reflect those of your countrymen?”
“I do,” I said again. This continued for another twenty minutes. Then I had to follow the priest to light all the candles in the cathedral. Eighty-three candles, to be precise, one for each province. I slowly walked over to each candle and lit it carefully, making sure I didn’t light my hair on fire. It seemed to take forever, and once that was done, it was time for the main event, my crowning. I knelt in front of the crowd and bowed my head. I had to keep it bowed to the floor the whole time. I wasn’t supposed to make eye contact with my subjects until I was dubbed tsarina, which was too bad because I had a perfect view of the most important people in the world right in front of me.
I listene
d to the priest mumble words together. It had an almost narcotic effect, that rhythmic mumbling, and it really threw me when I suddenly felt something heavy falling onto my shoulders--the royal red velvet robe, as I found out. After that I was handed the royal staff, a symbol of unity. Finally I heard the priest say, “In the name of the Father …” as the crown was slowly placed on my head. I stayed where I was and slowly brought my head up--not easy to do, no one had bothered to tell me! As romantic as it sounds to be crowned, it felt like a sack of potatoes on my head. I was terrified that I’d tip over before the priest finished his closing prayer. When he finally did, that was my cue. I slowly got up and faced the crowd before me. Then the priest finally shouted, “All hail, Anya Maria Nicolaievna Alexandrova, Tsarina of Russia.”
Everyone erupted with shouts, which was louder in that cavernous cathedral than I’d have thought possible. At the priest’s nod, I started my return trip down the aisle. I could even hear fireworks going off outside. Bells were ringing everywhere, and sirens of police cars were going off as the windows of the cathedral were opened. Some women even set doves flying up to the magnificent mosaic ceiling. Many men threw their hats in the air. Some women were crying. I was trying not to cry myself as I bowed to my subjects over and over again. It had happened. I was now Empress of Russia.
I stood there for a few more moments and then made my way back down the aisle, which now didn’t seem such a long trip. People I’d never met were reaching over, trying to touch me. I just smiled demurely until I reached the doors and the two soldiers opened the doors again and soon I was rushing out into the daylight to greet the crowds.
Now that it was over, it sure seemed it had happened too quickly.
But the real party was about to begin.
* * *
Everyone arrived at the palace at around six but I had been getting ready since four-thirty. And what a horrible experience it was. Not only did I have to go through my makeup and hair torture all over again, but my nerves got the best of me when I kept going over my dance moves in my head. I thought about the million and one ways that I could screw up and make a fool of myself.
God Save the Queen Page 18