About four hours later, I was finally interrupted. I heard the door knock three times and hoped if I ignored it, whoever it was would go away. But the knob was already turning. I buried myself behind my book, but when I heard the familiar sound of throat-clearing, I reluctantly looked up to see Kevin in front of me, looking a little down.
“What’s up?” I asked, putting my book down.
“Nothing, just a little confused that’s all.” He snapped out of it and remarked, “So, I see you’ve resumed your reading.”
“Trying to, anyway,” I said, hoping that wasn’t too subtle. “I had to put it off when Michael got back. So I’m keeping my fingers crossed that there won’t be any more distractions until I finish this book.” Silly me, worrying that I was being too obvious. It turned out I wasn’t being obvious enough.
“Speaking of which, where is Michael?” He didn’t sound the least bit interested; more likely he just wanted to keep the chit-chat rolling.
“He went off to Spain. I don’t know where or why he’s there, all I know is that he’s promised to bring me another gift I don’t want or need.” I shook my head and looked back into my book.
“Wait,” Kevin started. “You mean you don’t know what he’s getting you?”
I looked up yet again. “No, and I don’t care.”
“But everyone else knows what it is.” He studied me again. “You seriously don’t know, do you?”
Now I was getting annoyed. “No I don’t know what it is. But your sudden interest in my not knowing heightened my interest in the matter.” I started walking toward him. “So pray tell me: what is Michael getting me?”
Kevin sighed. “You won’t want to hear it, Anya.”
“Yeah, I didn’t want to know that Michael was cheating on me either, but you told me that. Now ‘fess up.”
Kevin put his hand up in protest. “Okay, hold on. First, you did want to know what the secret was, and second, you wore me down until I told you.”
“And I’ll wear you down again unless you tell me what he’s bringing me back from Spain. So why don’t you just save us both time and tell me?”
Kevin moaned as if he really, really didn’t want to tell me. Whether he realized it or not, he really, really did. Oh, I don’t mean he’d take sadistic pleasure in telling me; I think he just wanted to keep me from hearing it from someone else who might not break the news so gently.
“Come on, let’s hear it,” I sighed, bracing myself.
He looked up me with those big puppy-dog eyes, then whispered, “He’s getting you an engagement ring. He’s going to propose when he gets back.”
I stood silent for a moment or two. I backed up before I exploded on Kevin. “He’s going to what?! Propose? But he can’t … I mean, I thought that he wasn’t going to.”
Kevin shrugged. “Well, he is now.”
I just lost it at that point. “Are you kidding me? He can’t propose to me. I mean he just can’t! We aren’t meant for each other. Simple as that! That’s why he cheated on me. It has to be the reason. Oh, this is just great. And now because of LaGard and his ridiculous contract, there’s no way that I can get out of this--no way at all!”
When I finished blowing off steam, Kevin finally spoke up. “Well, I’ve thought about it,” he said slowly, “and there is one way.”
I glared at him. “Oh really, Kevin, and what would that be? Huh? What’s your smart idea?”
He smirked. “Quite simple, really. You could just do the same thing to Michael as he did to you.”
“What do you mean? Cheat on him?”
Kevin nodded.
I threw my hands up in the air. “Oh yeah, Kevin, like that’ll work! Brilliant! For starters, how would I ever be able to find someone willing to do that? Should I put on hot pants and stand on a street corner? Oh, but then I’d have to remember not to wear my crown, or else they might recognize the Empress of Russia!”
He took a step forward and looked at the ground. “Uh, you wouldn’t have to go that far,” he said softly. “I know someone.”
“Oh please! Who? Who do you know that would be willing to do that?”
Kevin looked up. “Me.”
I gasped as I heard the words escape his mouth. “What? You … you can’t be serious.”
I backed up against the bookshelf, but Kevin started making his way toward me. “I am completely serious.”
“But you can’t! It would be a criminal offense, for one thing.”
“It would be huh?” He took another step.
“It can get you thrown in prison. Siberia, Kevin.”
He was standing right in front of me now, our bodies almost touching. “I hear it’s lovely this time of year. The icicles are in bloom.”
“Michael would kick your ass,” I whispered as his hand brushed my cheek.
“I seriously doubt it. Anya, can you be quiet for a moment?”
“Why?”
My question was answered when Kevin took me in his arms and kissed me forcefully on the lips. Three months of avoiding this moment suddenly melted away as we became more entangled, our kiss became deeper. I felt his fingers run through my hair, my hands pulling him even closer. I was wrapped in his smell, his touch, as I felt his hands run down my back and around my waist.
Then a thought came crashing down over my head: If I went along with what Kevin had proposed, wouldn’t that make me just as guilty as Michael? Maybe even worse. For starters, I wasn’t like Michael in any way; I couldn’t deliberately hurt him, even if he had done the same to me. I suddenly panicked as my hands fought to break away from our embrace. “No,” I mumbled through the lip-lock Kevin had me in. I pushed him away until he backed up a few feet, both of us breathless as I whispered, “No.”
Kevin looked at me as though I had lost my mind. “No, what?”
I looked up at him and shook my head. “I can’t, Kevin. I just can’t.”
He stood there in silence for a while and then yelled out. “You can’t? What am I to understand from that?”
I tried to stay calm but my voice began to shake as I said, “I’m not Michael, Kevin. I can’t go around cheating on him. He’s my fiancé.”
“Are you serious?” he bellowed in disbelief. “He cheated on you, Anya. He did it first, he started it, remember?”
I nodded. “I know, Kevin. But I can’t do that. I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” he sputtered. “Sorry? Anya, I found a loophole.…”
“No, you didn’t. That’s just your way out of this. There aren’t any loopholes Kevin! The contract is ironclad. You know that!”
We both stood in silence as we both glared at each other, neither of us giving an inch. Finally Kevin asked, “So you’re really going to stay with him then?”
I nodded, although I wished I didn’t have to.
“Fine, then,” he murmured. “Then I have no other choice than to quit my job.”
I glared at him, “Oh, that’s really mature. You’re going to quit? All because I wouldn’t kiss you?”
“That’s not it, Anya. I just can’t stay here. It just makes me sick every time I see you around him. You know, I came in here today because I really thought that what we had was more real than what you have with Michael. Apparently not. Well, I gave it my best shot, I can live with that.”
I grabbed his arm as he turned to leave. “You can’t leave Kevin, you can’t leave now. I need you, now more than ever!”
He pulled his arm away. “No you don’t. You have Michael. You can’t have us both.” He started to walk away.
“Kevin, please,” I called, but he didn’t stop; he kept on walking out the door and slammed it shut so hard that the room shook. Or so I had thought. The room wasn’t shaking; I was. I picked up my book and threw it in an angry rage against the slammed door. After that, the only sounds to be heard were my muffled sobs as I fell back in my chair.
* * *
I slept in until one the next morning. Michael was back already and we were to meet in
the dining hall at three before going to the opera, but I knew now that he was going to ask me to marry him. He had the whole thing planned, even the dress I was to wear. It was ridiculous and too extravagant for my taste.
I rolled out of bed and slumped my way over to the couch. I sat down as Mari walked in with my breakfast-slash-lunch and an envelope in her hand.
“So are you ready for the big day?” she asked quietly. The castle walls had ears, so I assumed she knew about the fight Kevin and I had.
“No, not really,” I sighed as she placed the food in front of me. I pushed it away as I had no appetite at the moment. Then I stared at the envelope in her hand. “What’s that?”
She looked at it wearily as she handed it to me. “It’s for you. I found it taped on your door.”
As soon as I opened it, I recognized the handwriting. My hands started shaking even before I read it.
Dear Anya,
I am so sorry for how I said things yesterday, but I meant every word, even though you may not understand why. And that is why I am writing you this letter.
Ever since the day I first met you in the principal’s office, something strange happened to me. When you refused outright to come with us, I treated you so badly, and I didn’t understand why. It wasn’t until later when I could admit to myself that I was in love in you, and your rejection hurt more deeply than I realized. That’s why I was so obnoxious. I was afraid of losing you, and only felt confident when being a hard-ass. Afterwards, when you wouldn’t talk to me, I sank into depression. That night at the Halloween dance was no accident. I knew it was you, but pretended to be upset when I unmasked you just to hide my true feelings. Sound ridiculous, I know, but LaGard sensed how I felt about you and forbade me to talk to you. The night of the palace bombing changed everything, of course. Do you remember? That was the night we became friends and I would never go back and change that.
But now I am leaving, and you are going to marry Michael. Though it pains me to say it, I think my leaving will be the best thing for both of us. You can marry Michael without any second thoughts, and though I will hurt inside, I will be at peace knowing that you will be happy. I would like to see you in the library after your proposal as a good friend would, so that I can congratulate you on your new life. Then we may part as friends.
Yes, friends, for though I’ve always loved you and will continue to love you, no matter where I go, I will always treasure those “friend times” we had together: The Glass Room, catching fireflies, and watching Titanic and knowing exactly when to pass the tissues. I will treasure those memories always.
All my love,
Kevin.
I looked at the note over again, my hands still shaking as I read and reread his words. I put my hand over my mouth to keep myself from screaming. What had I done?
I handed the note to Mari. She sat down on the edge of my bed to read it. When she was finished she folded it and handed it back to me. “Do you want me to go get Titanic?” she asked, trying to be helpful as always.
“Oh, what’s the point?” I groaned, slouching back into the couch. “The boat sank, just like my relationship with Michael.” I buried my face in my hands, trying to calm down.
“Well,” I heard Mari say, “It depends on whether or not you watch the movie.”
I peaked through my fingers. “What do you mean?”
Mari sat down next to me and began to explain. “Well, if you watch the movie, then the boat will sink, just like it is expected to. But if you don’t watch the movie, well, then it could make it to the port and everyone is happy.”
I stared at her blankly. It was an astounding idea, coming from Mari. It sounded wise beyond her years, almost Zen-like. “How is everyone happy?”
“Are we talking about real life now?”
“Yes, we are.”
She sighed. “Well, if you marry Michael, he’ll never be happy. And Kevin is upset too, by the looks of this letter. And come on, we all know that you won’t be happy, and if you’re not happy then the rest of us aren’t either.” She took a deep breath and then continued. “However, if you choose not to, as we’re putting it, ‘watch the movie,’ then everyone ends up happy at the end. That’s because Michael could go back to his bimbo and you know that would make him happy. Then you and Kevin can be together and let’s face it, the whole palace has been waiting for that to happen.”
I looked up at her. “So it’s my choice, then.”
She nodded. “It’s your choice.”
I sat there and thought about it. It was my choice. It had always been my choice. Not even that stupid contract could have stopped me in the end. I had just used it as a convenient excuse to avoid facing something I didn’t want to deal with. I realized with a shock that the only reason I didn’t break up with Michael was that I had always had a back-up, Kevin, who I believed would always be there for me. I had been using him shamelessly without realizing it, but he realized it when I refused to challenge the contract. My God, he was ready to go to prison for me! And all that high-minded talk I gave him about cheating on Michael being against my oh-so-moral principles. How shallow was that?
I looked up at Mari “What time is it?” She told me and I jumped out of bed. “Come on, help me get dressed.” I didn’t want to be late. It’s one thing to turn down a marriage proposal; it’s another thing to be late for it.
* * *
I arrived outside the dining hall at three on the dot. Michael had me in a sleeveless long dress, light pink with a black sash under the bust line. Everything from my shoulders down to the sash was a mass of ruffles. I looked only semi-ridiculous. I decided to wear my hair down and loose in its naturally wavy way. I also decided to wear flats, because I just hated my heels. I was going to be a rebel today.
The doors opened to reveal Michael and LaGard standing in the center of the room, LaGard prepping him for his proposal, no doubt. I hushed the guard just before he was about to announce my arrival, and walked over to where they were standing. Michael looked a little disheveled as I walked up to him but he regained himself fast enough.
“Michael …” I began but he quieted me down and held my hands.
“Anya, I need to tell you something. I don’t really know how to say it.”
“That’s fine,” I said calmly, “and there’s something I need to tell you too, but I think we need to have this conversation in private?”
It irked me to actually have to ask LaGard to allow us some privacy for Michael’s proposal. Even after I said it, he still showed no intention of leaving. I had to nudge Michael to speak up.
“Uncle, do you mind…?”
LaGard grunted his disapproval. “Just remember what I said, Michael,” he said with a warning finger as he backed out of the room.
Finally alone, I turned to Michael. He looked antsy, as if he’d rather have been anywhere else in the world than in this room with me. And his proposal wasn’t exactly inspired. It began with “Anya, although we have only been together for a couple of months I felt as though I have known you my whole life,” and somewhere in the middle was “You have changed my life in so many ways and they were all for the better,” and closed with “I know that my life needs to be spent with you and that is why I want to ask you, to marry me.” Then he grabbed my hands and got down on one knee.
I’m no expert in these matters, but shouldn’t he have gotten down on his knee before, and not after, the proposal? It made what I was about to say so much easier.
“Michael, thank you, that was a very sweet,” I said softly as I pulled him back up to his feet. “But no, I can’t marry you.”
He looked at me as though I had slapped him in the face. “What? What do you mean? Why?”
I paused only briefly before answering. “Look Michael, I don’t know how to break this gently, so I’ll just say it: I know all about the other girl.” As I said this I looked directly into his eyes, which suddenly got very panicky. “You know, the redhead.”
His face went absolutely wh
ite. “You know about Emily?”
“ I do. I saw you kiss her in the driveway that day you went to Spain. And I know that you went with her to Japan on my coronation day. Now, that hurt.”
Michael’s reaction was surprising. I’d prepared myself for angry denials, but he actually looked devastated. He bit his lip and held my hands tight. “Anya, I am so sorry. I can’t imagine the pain I put you through.”
I shrugged. “You did hurt me. But it’s okay now, I got over it. No biggie.”
“Anya, I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted you to find out.”
“Well, obviously,” I said.
“No, you don’t understand. it’s just … Look, I was dating Emily before I met you. I told her I was going to Russia for business, but I didn’t tell her then that I was to marry an empress. It would have been a awkward way to break up, and you and I hadn’t yet met, so I wasn’t absolutely sure you and I would get married. But once we did meet, I thought it would be a good match and I had to break it off with Emily. That’s why I left the first time, to England--to break the news to her. I did, and what happened next I can’t really defend. She understood the marriage contract, but she said there was no reason we couldn’t keep seeing each other until the wedding.”
“No reason?” I asked him with a lift of my eyebrows.
“I know, it sounds so tawdry, and I can’t excuse it, but at the time … well, it was a compromise; she pressed the point quite hard, didn’t want to end it right then and there, even hinted rather darkly that if I didn’t do as she asked, she had friends who worked for the British tabloids.”
“Blackmail,” I murmured. “My, such a lovely girl.”
“I know, I was an idiot to fall for it. But at the time it seemed an easy way out. We decided to take a few secret trips together, and then I’d come here and settle down to live with you. Anya, for what it’s worth, when I said I loved you, I meant it. You’re beautiful, you’re kind and intelligent, but I loved you more in a friend kind of way.”
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