by Cox, Carrie;
Perhaps if I wanted it badly enough and I worked hard things would work out. Maybe this whole situation was life teaching me a little humility. God knows I needed it.
I had always been the golden kid of racing. Everything had fallen into my lap. I’d taken my success for granted.
For years I’d had anything I wanted… money, women… and I had an older brother to bail me out when I pushed my luck too far.
I had screwed up too many times to count. Alexander had made all my problems go away. There was the time I got into a fight in Munich, outside a nightclub. Alexander had secured me a German lawyer, and the police released me half an hour after I’d called him. I couldn’t even count the number of times Alexander had paid off the paparazzi so they wouldn’t publish certain stories of me. In the early years of my racing career, I regretted my less than well-informed decision of which team to sign for, so Alexander had hired the right lawyers to get me out of my first contract when I wanted to race for a better team.
It wasn’t that I didn’t have the money. Hell, Formula One is one of the best paid sports in the world. I guessed it was because I didn’t have Alex’s way of looking at things, his analytical, calculating brain.
I’d always been a hot head and he’d always been the cool, calm and collected one. I’d relied on him being there as my safety net far too many times. If I wanted things to work out, I couldn’t rely on Alexander this time. I had to do it myself.
If I signed with Rita for next year, it would mean half a year of traveling around the world, going from country to country — something that never used to worry me. I liked to travel. It had always been something I enjoyed, but now… with Kristina… Well, that complicated things.
I had to figure out a way to get her to come with me. Following me around the world, she wouldn’t be able to hold down a steady job. Perhaps I could get her some role within the team.
She could work as my personal assistant. I couldn’t help grinning as I thought about the personal things I’d like her to assist me with.
When I reached the outside of Kate’s ward, I was surprised to see that Kristina wasn’t there. Instead, Benjamin was there, nursing a cup of coffee in one of the grey padded chairs right outside the ward.
“Have you seen Kristina?” I asked him.
He shook his head. “Maybe she went to get a drink. I think coffee is the only thing keeping us going at the moment,” Benjamin said with a wry smile. “I’ve just come out because they are running some tests, but the doctor said Kate is stabilizing. He told us it’s looking promising.”
I smiled at him. “That’s fantastic news!”
Benjamin nodded as if the news hadn’t quite sunk in yet. My heart went out to the guy. It was written all over his face just how much he was struggling with this situation.
I had no idea what I would do if I was in his position. “You know,” I said, reaching up and pushing my hand through my hair. “I thought I might go and visit your little girl.”
Benjamin’s whole body seemed to tense up.
But I pushed further. “Where is she?”
“Special care baby unit,” Benjamin muttered.
I nodded. “I’ll never find that on my own. Honestly, it took me ages to get back here from the entrance to the hospital. I think I was walking around in circles. I’ve got a terrible sense of direction.”
That was a lie, but I had a plan.
“It’s not difficult,” Benjamin said and pointed behind me. “You walk down that corridor, take a left at the first set of double doors. Then, the third left, followed by the second right.”
I gave him my best confused expression. “Uh, well, it took me ten minutes to get back here…”
The directions were spot on, and I had memorized the way when I’d walked there with Kristina, but Benjamin didn’t know that.
He sighed heavily. Probably wondering what Kristina saw in such a total fool.
“I don’t suppose you could take the time to show me where it is, could you?”
Benjamin hesitated, and I could see him struggling with the idea. The last thing he wanted to do was to face up to his daughter and his resentment. But at the same time, Benjamin was nothing if not polite, and that was what I was gambling on.
I pressed him further. “I’m sure it won’t take you a minute.”
Benjamin stood up, drank the last of his coffee and nodded. “This way.”
I followed along behind him, keeping quiet. I wasn’t sure whether my sneaky plan would pay off. We could get there, and Benjamin might just turn around and walk off, but being that close to his daughter, I was banking on the fact he would at least be tempted to see the baby.
When we reached the security door at the entrance of the special care baby unit, Benjamin turned as if to leave.
“Hey, how do I get in? It’s locked,” I said, ignoring the big laminated sign that told me to press the red button.
Benjamin stared at me and a flicker of annoyance passed over his face. He was probably wondering how someone so stupid actually managed to live.
He reached over and pressed the button for me.
“Oh, thanks. I didn’t even see the button. It must be the jet lag.”
Benjamin nodded slowly. “Yeah, right.”
The door was opened by a grey-haired woman wearing a starched white uniform. She looked at both of us with narrowed eyes.
Benjamin shuddered and actually seemed to shrink away from her.
“Can I help you?”
I introduced myself and Benjamin, and she turned, her eyes focused on Benjamin.
Her demeanor changed. “Come in,” she said in a soft voice, opening the door wide for us.
Inside there were a few other parents. One couple gathered around a tiny plastic crib. The man had his arm around the woman’s shoulders, and the woman was quietly sobbing into his chest. I felt my throat tighten and glanced at Benjamin.
He was sweating.
Despite the fact he was clearly struggling, he followed the grey-haired woman to the crib at the back of the room.
She turned to smile at Benjamin. “This is your little girl,” she said. “Would you like to hold her?”
Benjamin stared at the crib. He didn’t answer the woman for a long time, then finally he looked up.
“Yes,” he said. “I would like to hold her.”
As I watched Benjamin cradle the tiny pink bundle, I smiled, satisfied that I’d managed to do something good today.
27
Kristina
I stared at Jack with my jaw hanging open.
I couldn’t believe that Jack had actually gotten Benjamin to go and see the baby.
“And that’s where he is now? In the special care baby unit?” I asked, incredulous.
Jack gave me a satisfied grin and nodded. “Yep. I left him holding her.”
“That’s amazing. How did you manage to persuade him?”
“I didn’t really do anything,” Jack said. “I just played on Benjamin’s politeness. I asked him to show me where she was.”
“And he took you there?”
“Yes,” Jack shrugged. “And once he was there, it wasn’t so easy for him to turn away.”
I was sure there was something more to it than that. Something else Jack wasn’t telling me. I loved the fact that usually he was so easy to read. He was unable to hide his emotions or his feelings.
As if I’d read his mind, Jack said, “I got a phone call from Rita Volder while I was back at the hotel.”
I felt my stomach twist. I hated feeling this jealous. I wasn’t being fair to myself or Jack.
I knew this thing between us couldn’t last, and I didn’t want to stand in the way of a life that could make him really happy.
“I see,” I said, trying not to look as miserable as I felt.
“I think she wants me to race for the Volder team next year.”
I couldn’t hide the fact I was dubious. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, after everything that
happened with Dominic and the simulator?”
Jack sighed. “I don’t know, Kristina. It could be a terrible idea, but I do know that I’ll regret it if I never try.”
I nodded. I could understand that.
He looked at me for a moment and reached out to stroke my cheek, looking deep into my eyes in a way that made my blood heat up.
Then he broke eye contact, nodding down at the bag he had brought with him from the hotel.
“Did I bring everything you needed?”
I nodded. “Yes, thank you.”
I leaned over to pick up the bag and yawned. “I better take a shower. Hopefully, Kate will be awake in a little while.”
“I’ll wait here.” Jack sat down on one of the grey padded chairs, and I walked away towards the restrooms.
I looked back at him over my shoulder, and he smiled at me in a way that made my heart flip.
I was so annoyed at myself for feeling the way I did right now. I was the luckiest person in the world. My sister was getting better. Benjamin was bonding with his little girl, and Jack had flown all the way to the States to be with me, just to support me and be there when I needed him.
This life was far more than I deserved, so why did it feel like I was walking away from him - walking out of his life?
28
A week later, I stood staring around at everything in the nursery at the Easton mansion. Kate was coming home later that day, and I wanted to make sure everything was perfect.
Half an hour ago, Benjamin had left to go to the hospital and pick up Kate and his baby daughter. They had named the little girl Elizabeth, after my mother. I had shed a few tears when Kate told me. I think my mother would have adored her granddaughter.
Benjamin was frantic. I had never seen him in such a state. Who could have guessed that Benjamin Easton would have such a soft center? He was so controlled on the outside. I have to admit it reassured me to see this caring side of him.
Kate had already organized most of the things that needed to be done for the nursery before she’d become ill. My sister was the most organized person I knew. The walls had been decorated in a cream wallpaper with tiny printed images of nursery rhymes, and the carpet was a lush thick cream, too. I wasn’t sure how well a cream carpet would stand up to the onslaught of Elizabeth as she grew older. I guessed there would be stains on that pristine carpet before long.
As a last-minute check, I rifled through the linens and baby outfits I had purchased. I was so worried I might have forgotten something, but it seemed like everything was in place.
I smiled and reached for the little teddy bear I’d bought for Elizabeth. I purchased it online from a German company called Steiff. It was made from a soft, fluffy, white material and called “Baby’s First Bear.” I had triple checked that it was suitable for a newborn.
As I tucked the teddy bear into the crib, I heard a noise downstairs. I grinned. They were here!
I took the stairs two at a time. I was so glad they were home and safe. I flung my arms around Kate, kissing her on the cheek, and then I looked down at Elizabeth, cradled in her arms. She was sleeping, and her cheeks were pink.
“Where’s Benjamin?” I asked.
“He’s just getting the bags from the car,” Kate said. “Oh, God, Tina. I am so glad to be home.”
I followed Kate up to the nursery and watched as she tucked Elizabeth in the crib.
“Is Jack here?” Kate asked.
I shook my head. Jack had gone for a meeting to iron out some of the details in his new contract for Volder racing. I knew he was eager to get back to Europe. That was really the home of Formula One racing, and life would be much easier for him there. Every day I woke up thinking that would be the day Jack would tell me he was leaving.
“Jack should be back in an hour or so,” I said, just as Benjamin walked into the nursery.
He put his arm around Kate and gazed at his daughter in the crib. Kate tilted her head up to kiss him on the cheek.
I felt I was imposing on such an intimate moment. This was the first day they had their daughter at home together as a family after everything that had happened. I knew they’d want some time alone.
I left them to it. I collected a book from my room and took it down to the drawing room. I flicked through a couple of pages, but I couldn’t concentrate. I was still so worried about Jack. I tried to tell myself I was only worried because I didn’t think he was ready yet. But deep down I knew I was being selfish. I wanted to keep Jack to myself.
I think I must have read the same paragraph in my book five times when Benjamin suddenly burst into the room.
“You need to talk to your sister!”
I slipped the bookmark between the pages to save my place and set the book beside me on the sofa.
Benjamin paced the room before coming to a stop by the huge fireplace. He leaned against the mantelpiece, looking furiously into the empty fireplace.
“What’s the matter?” I asked. I couldn’t understand the dramatic change. I’d only left them half an hour ago, and they’d been all loved up.
“She won’t set a date.”
I frowned. “For the wedding?”
“Yes. She keeps pushing it back, and I don’t understand why.”
“Maybe you should just give her a little time. She’s been through a lot and she only got out of hospital today.”
“Exactly,” Benjamin said, banging his fist against the mantelpiece. “I want her to be my wife. I don’t want to delay it. I’ve nearly lost her twice. I don’t want to waste another minute.”
There wasn’t much I could say to that. So I just waited for him to work off steam.
“I don’t understand why she would want to delay it. I knew she wouldn’t be up to organizing anything, so I hired a wedding planner. All she had to do was check through the guest list, but she doesn’t even want to do that.” Benjamin shook his head in exasperation. “Why doesn’t she want to get married?” He directed the question in a demanding tone as if he expected me to have all the answers.
I shrugged. I knew my sister absolutely adored Benjamin, so I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t want to marry him either.
But then a thought struck me. “How many people are you planning to invite?”
Benjamin frowned as if he couldn’t understand why I was asking such a trivial question. “About two hundred or so. Why?”
I blinked. Two hundred!
“I think I understand now. Don’t worry,” I said and smiled at him. “I’ll talk to her.”
29
I found Kate in the huge master suite she shared with Benjamin. I could hear her muttering under her breath as I knocked softly on the door.
“Who is it?”
Her voice sounded frantic.
“It’s only me,” I said and poked my head around the door.
Kate was shrugging on her robe. She gestured toward the discarded items of clothing on the bed.
“Nothing fits!”
I grinned at her. “What did you expect? You’ve just had a baby!”
Kate slumped down to sit on the bed. “I know. I just hoped that something in my wardrobe might fit me in a flattering way. But everything is too tight, especially around here.” She gestured at her chest.
“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” I winked at her. “I bet Benjamin isn’t complaining.”
“Are you kidding? Look at me. I’m frumpy and fat. He might not be complaining, but that doesn’t mean he likes it.”
“Kate, you look amazing. You’ve just had a baby. You’ve got to give it a bit of time. Women’s bodies don’t just snap back into shape after childbirth. Everyone knows that. You look fantastic anyway. I don’t know what you’re worried about.”
“Uh-huh,” Kate said, gathering up all the discarded clothes into a pile. “You haven’t seen me naked! My stomach is not a pretty sight. Trust me.”
I helped her fold the clothes. “Benjamin loves you. He won’t care about a few stretch marks.”
“Hmmm,” Kate said sounding unconvinced as she put a red dress on a hanger and walked towards the walk-in closet.
“Is this why you’re having cold feet about the wedding?”
“Oh, God,” Kate said and covered her face with her hands for a moment. “He wants a huge event. Like a social wedding of the year thing,” she groaned.
“And you don’t?”
She shook her head. “I can’t think of anything worse. Can you imagine it? All those snooty people looking down their noses at me.”
“I’m sure it wouldn’t be like that. Anyway, you’re just as good as they are. It’s nothing to do with anyone else. It’s just a day for you and Benjamin.”
“I don’t want to be a disappointment,” Kate said. “If that’s really what he wants, I will go along with it. I just feel so overwhelmed with the whole thing.”
I reached out and pulled Kate into a hug. “You need to talk to Benjamin about this. He will be your husband. You can’t have these silly misunderstandings messing things up.”
Kate ruffled my hair, something she always used to do when we were younger. “You’re right. When did you get so wise?”
I pulled a face. “Yeah, right.”
Kate picked up the last item of clothing from the bed and folded it in half. “I’ve been meaning to say…” She gave me a devilish grin. “There’s no need to keep up this pretense.”
“What pretense?” I asked, confused.
“You and Jack. There’s no need for you to have separate rooms, you know.”
I turned away and chewed on my bottom lip. I felt my shoulders sag. I knew Kate didn’t mean it, but she just reminded me of everything that was wrong with my relationship with Jack. It wasn’t anything about propriety or trying to hide the relationship. The fact of the matter was Jack didn’t want to share a room with me.
He said it was due to his insomnia and he didn’t want to keep me awake too. But I knew it was more than that. It was a way of keeping his distance emotionally: a reminder that this thing between us wasn’t permanent.